Disclaimer: I own nothing. BY THE WAY, at first, I accidentally made Clare tell Alli about her pregnancy again but bubblycrystal pointed out my mistake so I changed it!
I arrived in the tiny apartment with Eli behind me hauling my luggage through the doorway. He insisted I had his bedroom, since I was carrying his baby. I tried refusing, but he eventually wore me down. I took a seat on his bed, it was firm, but not to a point where it was painful.
"We could get a softer mattress, if it's good for the baby or whatever," Eli said.
I chuckled, he was trying to sound cool, but still act like he cared, "It's alright, Eli. This is perfect," I smiled.
"Well, good," There was an awkward silence, "Look, there's something I've been wanting to ask you…" He trailed off.
I mentally kicked myself and groaned. I'd been dreading this conversation for a while. Was he going to tell me how I risked the life of our baby? Was he going to tell me off about how selfish I was being? Because, I knew deep inside that I deserved everything that was coming to me. I deserved to get yelled at, and I deserved to be fat and ugly.
"Um…" I started before staking a seat on his bed.
"Why did you do those things to yourself, and not trust me enough to tell me what was wrong? I really thought our relationship was deeper than that," I tried speaking but was cut off by Eli, "I don't think I'll ever be able to look at you the same. You should have leaned on me when you were feeling that way. I want to be your rock; that is what I'm here for, right?"
By then a few tears crawled out of my eyes and fell to the floor.
"Eli. I'm so sorry," I managed to choke out.
"I know you are. I'm going to go take a walk. I need to think a little," Eli sounded so cold, so distant. I wanted to reach out and give him a hug, but knew he wouldn't return it.
So instead, I nodded and he left without another word. Eli's birthday was in exactly one week and two days. I needed to fix everything, and make things good again. I'd ruined them, and they'd stay ruined until I did something, or the baby was born. Speaking of, at the hospital, they informed us that our baby girl was healthy and unharmed by my deeds.
Eli was ecstatic, because he'd been secretly hoping for a girl all along. But me, I didn't care, I just wanted the kid out of my body. I was about three months into the pregnancy, and I was about to start showing a bit. If I had started showing, people must have mistaken it for weight gain though.
Only once before had Eli and I discussed baby names. But in the beginning we eagerly decided that if it was a boy, we'd name him Blake, and if the baby was a girl, we'd name her Charlotte, Charlie for short, after Eli's grandmother.
We'd only told Adam about the whole pregnancy ordeal, I hadn't told Alli yet because she'd probably tell Jenna, who was also pregnant. If I told Alli I knew the whole school would find out in a day. Jenna wasn't exactly my favorite subject, but we had something in common. We both got knocked up at fifteen. One thing that separated us were the fathers, Eli was involved and in love, and KC was ignorant and heartless. I felt some remorse for the girl since she had to deal with everything herself.
I felt the time was right for the whole school to find out. They knew about my little trip to the hospital and I'm sure someone told someone who told someone who wrote it on the anti-grapevine.
I sighed before finally calling Alli.
When I left the house I was to disappointed for words. Relationships are nothing without trust, and if she had to lie to me, our relationship must be crap. I hated that Clare thought that her body wasn't beautiful, she didn't give herself enough credit, obviously. And it just broke my heart that she thought like that. The fullness of her body was part of why I thought she looked so good.
I pondered our blossoming baby girl. I knew for a fact she'd be gorgeous, maybe she'd get my hair and Clare's eyes. I promised myself, the day I found out Clare was pregnant, that I'd never treat my child like my father. I would never be my father. I'd never intentionally hurt my baby, or even dream of it, because I'd love her more than anyone else in the world.
For a long time I'd hated him, I'd wanted to murder him for what he'd done to me. But over the past few weeks, after everything that happened to Clare I realized I couldn't hate him, I could never hate him (not that I'd ever admit it). I realized, after reading Animal Farm for the fiftieth time, that you often become what you hate. You need to accept things, and understand the opposing sides in life. I understood my father, and that was enough to lessen my negative feelings towards him.
I took a deep breath and continued walking, I hadn't been on a walk in a long time. I mean I've walked, but I haven't been on one where I could just clear my head, well not recently anyways. I guess I was too consumed in my thoughts and suddenly I heard a noise.
I'd bumped into Jenna Middleton.
"Sorry!" I yelped before trying to help her up.
She reluctantly took my hand and stood up. She looked wobbly and she was holding her baby. To be honest, she looked like a mess. Her eyeliner was smudged and her hair was sitting in a tangled heap at the top of her round head.
I felt bad knocking down a pregnant girl, I mean she was just like Clare, except alone. I pitied her, KC, being a douche bag, left her in her time of need. That moment, thinking about what KC did made me realize that I wouldn't dream of leaving Clare. Sure, we all have our problems, but I love her no matter what, and our baby needs a father. I need to take care of her, and get a job and provide.
"Where's Clare Bear? Why aren't you with her?" Blondie asked.
"No reason, I'm just clearing my mind," I replied.
"What's wrong?" She asked seeing through my mask.
I began to continue walking and she followed.
"Clare and I are just having a few relationship problems, nothing major," I said not sure why I was telling her.
"I'm sure you guys will make it through everything. I mean look at me, a year ago I was a boyfriend stealer, and on the cheerleading squad. Now I'm pregnant, but I'm dealing. You can too."
I chuckled, she made me think of Quinn from Glee for a moment. Clare forced me to watch with her a few weeks ago.
"I'm sure we will. You know, I love Clare more than anything. And our baby means the world to me," I said. Since she said she was a boyfriend stealer, I wanted to make it clear she wouldn't be stealing anything from Clare, even if she wasn't thinking about it.
"That's good. Clare's one lucky girl. I really wish KC could be more like you," She said with a gloomy look on her face.
I felt uncomfortable and unsure of what to do. If she was one of my friends I would have pulled her into a gentle hug, but she wasn't. She stole Clare's ex-boyfriend and hurt her, but if she didn't Clare and I probably wouldn't be together. Then again, fate has funny way's of working. I decided that even if she hurt Clare, she needed a hug and maybe that's all she needed.
We stopped walking and I gave her a hug. I felt the sleeves of my left shoulder dampen the tiniest and I knew she was crying. I was never good with crying girls so I just stayed silent and rubbed her back.
She pulled away and her makeup was a mess, "Tell me exactly what happened with Clare. I need something to get my mind off of the baby."
"Well, I'm not sure if I should be telling you this," I said unsure. All the stuff that happened was private, and I don't think Clare wants the world to know she was a bulimic and a cutter.
"Oh I won't tell anyone! Please," She said with her big eyes drooping and I complied.
"Well, it all started when her parents started fighting. She needed some sort of escape and I wasn't around to help her all the time. She started cutting. And I guess somewhere along her story, she started feeling uncomfortable in her own skin, maybe because our stupid society makes people think being anorexic and skinny was beauty. So she started being bulimic. I'm trying not to be angry and disappointed with her, but it's sort of hard," I took a deep breath and looked up at her before continuing, "So instead of yelling at her I'm taking a walk. I just wish she could see what I see. She's a beautiful girl and I love her body the way it is," I concluded.
"Oh my gosh! I didn't know anything that serious was happening with Clare! You guys are so good together," Jenna exclaimed.
"I guess, but we're getting through it."
"Oh Eli! If only all the guys in the world were a little more like you."
She closed her eyes and then pushed her lips against mine.
Woah! Was that pregnant Jenna kissing pregnant Clare's boyfriend? I smell a scandal coming! Stuff like this was what I lived for. I could almost visualize the title of my new blog! Did guys really think they could get away with this stuff? I had never imagined him cheating and especially not with Jenna, he treats her like crap in school, but it could all just be an act. Woah, what if he got Jenna pregnant too! I mean, he could be like a man whore. Oh, this blog is going to be great.
I hadn't left my spot on the bed since Eli had left, which was what? One and a half hours ago? I finally got up and dragged myself to the bathroom, which had a leak by the way. We put a big red bucket under it and it was around halfway full. After I took a shower, I called Alli and asked her to meet me at Eli's apartment. She agreed and I began getting ready.
After I ate breakfast, I brushed my teeth and fixed my hair. I slapped on a bit of makeup and by the time I was done, the doorbell rang.
"Alli! Hi, come in."
"Hey Clare, what's going on? When you called you sounded nervous."
"I really need to talk to you," I bit my bottom lip hard.
"What? You know you can tell me anything. We used to be best friends right?"
"I know, and we kind of still are," I said quietly.
I hadn't noticed how far apart Alli and I had grown since I'd met Eli and Adam. I started feeling bad, as if I had kicked her out of our "group" of friends or something. To be honest, she didn't exactly fit, she was popular and fun, while the rest of us were, well… Misfits.
"Alright, so tell me! Just spill, Clare!"
"You know about my pregnancy, well I just really want to talk about that, I mean I've been bottling everything up inside and stuff," I mumbled.
"Are you keeping it?" Alli asked.
I answered the question, "Eli wants to keep it but I'm definitely considering adoption. I mean, we can't raise a kid, we're only sophomores and not all of us teen moms can be amazing models like Mia Jones."
"Alright Clare, I'm sure no matter what happens he'll support your decision."
"I know, but I sort of ruined everything," I said shyly.
"How?" Alli asked.
"My eating disorder and cutting. He's so angry about it and I lied to him over and over again. He had to restrain himself by going on a walk."
"I know, Sav told me. Geez, what's happened to you? You used to be so… Saintly. Clare, you've changed so much. I barely recognize you anymore," She whispered.
"I'm sorry, it's true though. You're so different and I love you but you just aren't the same girl anymore. Forgive me. Ever since you started staying at my house I've noticed, you don't fold your clothes perfectly anymore, you don't take ten minute showers, or take an hour to put on makeup."
"Now you know why," I muttered before a tear slipped out of my eye.
She handed me a tissue, "You're not the only one. Remember how Drew cheated on me with that skank, Bianca?"
"Yes, how could I forget?" I answered.
She took deep breath, "Well, I know this is stupid, and you're going to kill me, but I got back together with him."
"What! Why?" I exclaimed.
I knew perfectly well why, though. Sometimes, when you love someone enough, you force yourself to look past their bad qualities and love them. I could only hope that Eli loved me that much.
"Because I think I love him," She whispered with her voice cracking.
Alli sniffled and started crying. We held each other for a few minutes just crying into our shirts.
Please don't hate me! I know, it's been ages since I've updated and I've realized that I can only write when I have a lot of free time, like during long vacations and the summer. I'll still update once in a while though, and hopefully finish this story eventually. I'm not putting it on hiatus or anything, just updating a lot slower. But, I have vacation now, so hopefully I can update more. Thanks for all the reviews, favorites, and alerts! Please give me more of them! I think I lost a lot of readers. This chapter wasn't that great, not much Eclare in it, sorry to disappoint. You know, I've been extremely obsessed with horror stories lately, I've read And Then There Were None, by Agatha Christie and it's ingenious. Lombard and Vera, they kind of belong together. Too bad they're dead.
Hey, I'm also writing a new story. It's Eclare of course, I don't know when it'll be up, but it will be by the end of this week, you could author alert me if you want :). It's unlike all my other stories, I hope you read it! I have a good feeling about that story, but I haven't finished writing the first chapter quite yet. Stay tuned! By the way, I write this poem for Clare. Don't forget to tell me how horrible my poetry is.
I grabbed the closest object to me
Which happened to be a hairbrush
In my frustration I flung it
At the mirror across the room
Broken pieces shattered around my world
Both you and I know that a broken mirror is worth
Seven years of bad luck
Seven is a deadly number
It's the number of sins there are
I stood up and grasped one of the pieces
I used it to pierce my skin and blood came flowing out
To my surprise it felt amazing
But honey, where have all the smiles gone?
They left when you walked that door
And where did all the happiness run off to?
It followed you into your car
Now baby come back to me
So we can find a brand new mirror