Chapter One: A Broken Mess
Pairing(s): Rachel Berry/Santana Lopez, Minor Rachel/Quinn, Quinn/Puck
Disclaimer: I Don't Own Glee
Spoilers: Season 1
Summary: Based on a prompt from the PezBerry community. Basically, Quinn refuses to believe that she's gay and sleeps with Puck, getting pregnant in the process. Rachel's heart is broken to pieces and retreats within herself, quitting Glee; Santana comes along, however, and picks up the broken pieces to make her whole again, falling in love with each other along the way. Things quickly become complicated when Quinn begins to pursue Rachel again & Puck chases after Santana. (Paraphrased Summary)
Author's Note: This fic is based on the song Pieces by Red(absolutely beautiful song). This prompt wouldn't leave my head and being a secret!angst whore, I decided to take this as an experiment. My summer wasn't great so I took a break with all the fluffy stories I've been writing. Also, my sincerest apologies go to the Faberry shippers. D:
Author's Note 2: Certain events from the Back 9 will have already occurred before Sectionals. I'm just trying to make this a little interesting. Quinn's pregnancy will be revealed in the next part, Santana and Rachel's relationship will progress from there but not without angst getting in the way first. :O I'm not trying to insult religion here, either, so please don't be offended. I was influenced to write this by own experience when it came to my religious family members trying to convince me that homosexuality is wrong.
Quinn Fabray knows that deep down inside, she's truly in love with Rachel Berry. She's accepted that fact long ago but the problem is that she refuses to admit it outwardly to the aforementioned girl. Rachel understands why she can't say it to her yet, given their rocky history, but it still stings nonetheless when her own girlfriend can't verbally express how she feels about her. Physically, Quinn surely has no trouble showing the diva how much she wants her, how much she cares, and how badly she needs Rachel just as much as the other girl needs her. It's just that…saying "I Love You" to someone of the same gender felt so wrong and disgusting. Maybe it was the way Quinn was brought up, her religious upbringing constantly warring with the feelings that she tried suppressing for so long exhausting the hell out of her.
She didn't want to hurt the brunette more than she already had in the years prior before they got together. Quinn just didn't feel comfortable loving another woman, and she had already committed more than enough sins with the other girl in bed that she no longer has the right to take it all back. The head Cheerio could never confide to Rachel how she truly felt about their relationship, it would break her heart completely and it would kill Quinn to see the girl she wrongfully harbored feelings for break down. The youngest Fabray girl knew that she had a lot to lose should she ever succumb to the temptation of coming out to her ignorant family. She couldn't be a dyke. The confused girl abhorred the label because it made her uncomfortable thinking that she was one when it didn't seem to fit at all. After all, she was the captain of the Cheerio's, undoubtedly the most popular girl in school, and the hypocritical president of the Celibacy club for God's sake!
Quinn didn't want to be misunderstood. She just craved positive attention and thought her image as McKinley's HBIC(second to one Sue Sylvester) would be tainted should her unwholesome relationship with Rachel Berry be revealed. Insecurity. It was a monster that thrived underneath Quinn's stoic façade. She knew in the back of her mind that she shouldn't allow her reputation to get in the way of being in love with a girl as wonderful as Rachel. The blond cheerleader, however, couldn't help that she was being noticed by one Noah Puckerman. He was the perfect predator and she was the willing victim. Puck was on the football team, and although he may not have been the star quarterback, he still appealed to her more than she wanted to admit. He was extremely popular with the ladies and she couldn't blame them for being so smitten. The combination of that Mohawk and that confident smirk of his made her want to drop her panties and jump on top of him. The funny thing was that he couldn't elicit desire out of her and that bothered her very much for some reason.
With Rachel, it was a different story. One touch from the diva, and the cheerleader was soaking through her spankies. The brunette could make her experience an intense orgasm through foreplay alone and just thinking about her made Quinn's core throb with absolute want. No. That's disgusting. She shouldn't be fantasizing about another woman. 'Homosexuals are abominable creatures in the Lord's eyes' Quinn heard her father's booming voice in the back of her mind and it made her shudder with fear. She personally believed in a hell and perhaps this was it. She can't love Rachel Berry. It wasn't allowed. It wasn't right. Not only would she be disowned by her parents, but she'd be disappointing God for engaging in sexual relations with another girl. As she thought once more of Noah Puckerman out of the blue, an idea struck her like lightning. Perhaps, she could convince herself and God that she was still untainted, that she wouldn't feel as filthy as she does now by making it all up with Puck. Even if sleeping with Puck meant sacrificing her loving relationship with Rachel, Quinn would go through with it.
She needed this more than anything else. Besides, this is what God would want, right? She can't be gay. It didn't feel right. Quinn didn't need Rachel in her life at all. She could be happy with a man. Society told her so and she believed it.
Brittany had thrown a pool party for New Directions to celebrate the success of Invitationals and almost every single member of the Glee club had shown up. The only exceptions were Puck and Quinn; this fact did not go unnoticed by Rachel. She had sent a few text messages to Quinn asking where she was and if she was going to make it to the party tonight. When Quinn had ignored them, Rachel called a few times and left three voicemails. Brittany was a little concerned with Rachel. She was supposed to be having fun and letting loose but her hellion of a girlfriend was making it difficult for the diva to enjoy the party. Santana was annoyed with the fact that Rachel was attempting to soothe herself with a barrage of fruity alcoholic beverages. The girl was a lightweight and after two wine coolers, Berry was already half-way gone and when she was drunk, the brunette managed to surpass a new level of annoyance that the Latina cheerleader kind of found endearing.
While it was indeed a little strange for Quinn to not have shown up at a party with her girlfriend, Santana was a little grateful for her and Puck's absence. Quinn had the tendency to piss Santana off because of her improper treatment of Rachel in public. While they did come out to both Brittany and Santana first, Quinn made it a big show to keep their relationship under wraps. Santana loathed the way Quinn had control over Rachel in such a way because while it broke her heart that they couldn't make it public, she agreed. That was totally bougie. When Brittany and Santana experimented with one another, they couldn't have cared less who knew about their little trysts. She was Santana fucking Lopez and she had nothing to be ashamed of. What Quinn was doing to Rachel was unfair and Brittany agreed. The diva deserved better than that. Santana could understand why Quinn would be so fearful about coming out but she can't keep hurting Rachel the way she is either. It was unhealthy. Not that Santana noticed or anything.
Puck's absence was much appreciated though a little worrisome. It was unlikely that he could have done anything to keep Quinn from attending the party. Sure, they were good friends but Puck is about as trustworthy as a politician. Santana knows that Puck has had his eye on Quinn for awhile now but for some reason, he's kept his distance. Even when she was with Brittany, Puck hounded on her for sloppy sex and unfortunately, she'd give in to his requests. That boy had a certain charm to him that she herself couldn't ignore but what happened between them was over now. He had a thing going on with almost every girl in the school so he definitely wasn't boyfriend material. Plus, his credit score sucked so he offered no security. Back to the topic at hand. Maybe Puck had finally mustered up the courage to chase after Quinn tonight, especially since she's been distancing herself away from Rachel recently. Again, not like she paid attention or anything. Really. Santana felt uneasy at the thought of Quinn cheating on Rachel Berry. It was certainly plausible. Oh God, would she really do that to her? Stop. Right. There. Q would never do that. She's president of the Celibacy club and her image and reputation mean more to her than anything else. The Latina reached over for a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade and twisted the cap off. She needed to relax.
Santana wanted to trust Quinn, she was her best friend. If the Hispanic cheerleader were to be honest, Santana was shocked that the dysfunctional relationship had lasted this long. They didn't really go well together considering their history and vastly opposing personalities. Besides, Quinn was still struggling to accept her sexuality while Rachel embraced her own proudly. She didn't understand what Rachel saw in Quinn in the first place anyway. She was an absolute bitch to her and constantly tormented her through middle school up until freshman year in high school. Rachel's feelings for the girl never faltered and they only heightened when Quinn admitted(shamefully) that she liked the Glee diva as well. Santana was bothered by the memories consuming her. Why was she thinking like this at all? Whatever issues Rachel and Quinn had should remain between the both of them. She shouldn't care so much, but she silently did anyway. Why would Quinn betray Rachel in the first place? She was loyal, talented, intelligent and beautiful. Sure, she had the tendency to annoy the hell out of you from time to time but that wasn't a flaw. That was who she was and Santana liked that about Berry. 'If Quinn ever so thinks about hurting her, I swear to God I'll…' Santana couldn't finish her train of thought.
Rachel had begun grinding against her suggestively and drunkenly to the rhythm of the music as Brittany had taken her spot behind Santana and forced the Latina to sway against them. She shouldn't be thinking negatively about a relationship she had no say in. Rachel was here tonight to have fun and let loose before Sectionals. Maybe Quinn and Puck weren't even hanging out together. They could have been off doing their own separate things. Ugh. She refused to think about it longer than she necessarily had to. When Rachel slipped her thigh between Santana's legs underneath her sinfully short skirt, Santana stopped thinking altogether and allowed their bodies to melt against one another.
Across the other side of town, Noah Puckerman was lying on his back with his hands hidden beneath his head as Quinn Fabray panted heavily against his bare chest.
The blond girl was angry with herself and thankfully, Puck was too into himself to notice her disappointed facial expression. The sex was alright at best. Uncomfortable, mostly, since she wasted no time mounting him before he had the chance to slip on a condom. She had been penetrated before, of course, given the sexual activities she participated in with Berry(of all people) but Puck was…big. It hurt a lot when she sheathed herself onto him without any protection but she was determined to restore her attraction to the opposite sex. She can't disappoint her father. She refuses to be disowned by her mother. This may have not been the best method to go about reviving her old self but something had to work somehow. It was Puck who broke the uncomfortable silence first when he noticed that Quinn was in deep thought. "Was I all that you expected, baby? Come on, you can tell the Puckerman anything. These whore lips won't tell a soul about what transpired between us tonight." He lightly joked, receiving a half-hearted chuckle from his lover.
Quinn peered up at Puck and he was ogling her bare breasts but only for a second as she playfully swatted him across the chest. She sighed and decided to vent a little. It couldn't hurt. "You were fantastic, " she lied, "but I have to be honest with you. I just needed a distraction tonight. Don't get me wrong, Puck, you're a totally nice guy and everything but I'm confused about something." She was nervous. The head cheerleader knew she shouldn't have started out saying something like that but that didn't seem to upset Puck at all. Instead, he raised a curious eyebrow and shot her a small smile. Quinn wishes she could have swooned at the sight. "What's on your mind, babe?" He asked, pressing his lips against her sweaty forehead before pulling away. God, that reminded her so much of what Rachel used to do to her every time they cuddled closely together after mind blowing sex.
She swallowed hard and continued. "Um…I know you're Jewish and everything but you believe in a God and I think you can help me out with something." She was breathing a little too heavily now, anxiety getting the best of her and she hated feeling vulnerable like this but she needed answers to her questions. Puck clearly had a look of confusion written on his face but he remained quiet and allowed the beautiful girl to finish. "Have you ever succumbed to a moment of weakness at one point in your life and allowed yourself to revel in it without regret? Because I want to know what that's like. Perhaps it's because the decisions I've been making haven't been the right ones and God is punishing me because I'm tainted. How do I wash away these sins of mine, Puck? How can I appeal to myself again?" She asked, genuinely curious as to how Puck viewed religion. The boy shifted uncomfortably, trying really hard to appreciate the sensitivity of the topic but why would he give a shit? They just literally fucked five minutes ago and Quinn was killing the mood.
"Don't you think you should be bringing this up with Berry or something? I know you guys hang out a lot and shit and she's Jewish too! She could probably, um, enlighten you or something. Aren't you guys like fr-" Puck never finished the sentence. At that moment, Quinn snarled and clawed at Puck's chest, her nails digging into his skin quite painfully.
"Why the fuck would I have anything going on with Man-Hands? You must be deluded into thinking I'd want to have anything to do with that Yeti!" Quinn harshly replied with venom suddenly lacing her tone as her hand tentatively ran down Puck's abdomen before she reached her destination. The football player was startled at her sudden outburst and wanted to protest but he was silenced effectively. Puck gasped when she gripped his cock almost too tightly, but he slightly moaned when she began stroking him, unable to keep himself from becoming hard again. How dare he mention Rachel at a time like this, she's worse than the bubonic plague! She's ruined my life enough, hasn't she? Quinn desperately wanted to forget what it felt like to be with Rachel, she couldn't do what she was doing with her anymore. Every woman needs a man just as much as a man needed a woman. She couldn't deny her heterosexuality any longer. She was tired of ignoring it due to her blindly pursuing an unhealthy, greatly unsatisfying relationship with another woman. Quinn observed Puck's reactions and while she didn't exactly feel aroused giving the boy a hand job, this was the way God had intended it to be. Only a woman could lay with a man. Only one could seek true happiness this way.
If that was the case, then why did this all feel so wrong? Why did she feel incredibly uncomfortable watching Puck come under her ministrations? Most importantly, why wasn't the guilt of cheating on Rachel disappearing? This would clearly take some time. It wasn't always easy to wash your sins away. She was determined to fix her sexuality. By tomorrow afternoon, when Rachel sobered up a bit, it would be over between the two of them. Quinn refused to be gay with Treasure-Trail of all people. This just had to work. Nothing was going to convince her otherwise.
Two words and Rachel was absolutely devastated. After the party on Saturday night, in which a Quinn Fabray did not attend, she knew something was terribly wrong. Her girlfriend had been behaving a little differently a few weeks prior to this unholy event and the brunette desperately tried to get Quinn to open up but to no avail whatsoever. The diva knew this was coming her way, she had foreseen it when they first got together, but she didn't think that it would hurt this much. Maybe it was because she assumed she could get Quinn Fabray to become emotionally invested in the relationship as well but it seemed like she failed miserably. As she always did with whatever relationships she built with anyone else. But the heartbreak wasn't the worst part. No, not at all. It was the public humiliation that came with it.
Quinn was in uniform with a grape slushy in hand and they were in the middle of breaking up in the not-so-private hallway of McKinley High School. Karofsky and Azimio were standing idly by with Big Quench drinks of their own and undeserving smirks plastered on their faces. A few Cheerios surrounded Quinn(thankfully not either Santana or Brittany) and were anticipating the ultimate humiliation of Rachel Berry. The brunette could feel her heart breaking into pieces because this was not how it was supposed to be. She had expected better of Quinn Fabray because over the course of the year they had been together, the blond cheerleader had grown into a much more improved version of herself. Or so Rachel thought. The fact that Quinn wanted to hurt the diva even more during this troubling process made the said girl's heart clench painfully within her chest. It seemed like she wasn't destined for happiness.
"Q-Quinn, can you please call off your friends? This is an issue that must be discussed privately and I'm not entirely sure I can handle the inevitable embarrassment coming my way!" Rachel pleaded with her girlfriend, her chocolate brown eyes glazing with tears threatening to spill. Quinn almost relented - almost - because Rachel looked positively beautiful when she cried and Quinn wasn't sure she could go through with this if she broke down right in front of her. She shook away those sympathetic feelings towards Rachel and raised an eyebrow mockingly. It was just so much easier being mean to someone she loved if it meant cleansing herself of the sins she shared with this particular person. "Shut it, Treasure-Trail!" Quinn said as loudly as she could, the light laughter in the background encouraging Quinn to continue with her verbal assault.
Rachel visibly flinched at the insult. It had been so long since Quinn had called her that and it hurt more now than it ever did in the past. She attempted to gather her dwindling self-confidence and tried to defend herself. "You're a coward, Quinn Fabray. If you feel the need to hurt me in front of an audience then what kind of person are you? I'm warning you, do not allow yourself to be peer pressured into doing this. You will regret it eventually." She said as haughtily as she could, raising her head up so she could appear a little intimidating. It didn't work. It only managed to light the fire burning within Quinn's soul. Quinn's hazel eyes darkened with misplaced hatred and growled at the younger girl quivering before her. No one was ever allowed to talk to her in such a way.
She narrowed her eyes dangerously as she squared her shoulders tightly and stood up straight, rousting the vicious beast from within to attack her victim without mercy(she inherited this from her father). The deadly sin known as wrath intertwined with Quinn almost beautifully and because she had become possessed by this monster, she would have no idea how much pain she would personally inflict on somebody she loved. "You think you know me so well, Berry. I find it unacceptable that you would think I'm doing this under any kind of pressure! I thought you were smart enough to realize that you deserve this. Your pathetic excuse of a life is laughable, but you're too fucking ignorant to understand why. Don't worry, I'll remind you." Quinn spat out hatefully. The source of her anger came from various things but no matter what, it will always originate to her repression and desperate need to be accepted by her peers. It still wasn't an excuse to act so cruelly towards someone she was supposed to care about.
"Your two faggot fathers are never home because they don't give one flying fuck about their loser of a daughter. Your birth mother disowned you twice because even she could see what a disappointment you really are. You have no friends because you're so goddamn annoying and pathetic, it's almost hilarious. Nobody likes you, Rachel, you're at the opposite end of the social spectrum because you belong there, you worthless dog!" The words felt so natural as they spewed from her lips, the weight of anger being lifted off her shoulders as she put Rachel 'Man-Hands' Berry in her fucking place. It felt good to channel the HBIC inside of her because people had been doubting Quinn recently. They had been talking behind her back ever since she stopped harassing Rachel at the end of their freshman year. She needed her audience back. She wanted to be feared again. What better way to end a sinful relationship with someone and regain her popularity back by degrading this person publicly? It was supposed to feel good since she was restoring her image to appeal to everyone else & God again. Again, why did this feel so wrong instead?
Rachel felt her stomach plummet to the ground as she was being verbally abused by her girlfriend in front of the same audience that made her life a living hell on a daily basis. She swore she heard her own heart practically shatter like a mirror being broken into millions of pieces. She felt each piece of her drop to the floor as the essence of Rachel Berry vanished into the shards that fell. Rachel swallowed a choked sob as Quinn tossed the slushy she was holding in her face, laughing enthusiastically as she did so. Karofsky and Azimio followed suit and the combination of strawberry, grape, and blueberry corn syrup seemed like this wasn't the end of her torment just yet. She forced herself to keep calm as she took a few steadying breaths before she could run off into the nearest girl's restroom. When she looked up from the floor, Quinn was already gone and the sea of students parted due to Santana's and Brittany's presence. They had witnessed almost the entire thing and they couldn't believe what just happened.
Santana's lips were set into a straight line until her eyes widened in shock as she took in the sight before her from the opposite end of the hallway. Brittany couldn't take her teary icy blue eyes off of Rachel and immediately ran over to her. Rachel was occupied with whatever startled the fierce Hispanic cheerleader and turned her attention to the sight even though she would regret it instantly. Quinn had tossed the empty Big Quench cup into the nearest trash can and had enveloped Noah Puckerman in a hug, who had been waiting for her, before kissing him soundly. The remnants of Rachel Berry's broken heart had disintegrated completely as she broke down in the middle of the hallway, with Brittany trying to help her up when she fell limply to the ground. Santana was pissed off. She desperately wanted to run over there and strangle Quinn to death before the sound of Rachel's uncontrolled sobbing broke her out of her reverie. She didn't hesitate to run over to the girl as she helped Brittany lift a broken Rachel off the ground. She almost felt weightless and that worried Santana.
When Brittany made sure that Santana had a good grip on Rachel's almost lifeless form, she let go and began storming off in the direction that Quinn, Puck, Karofsky, and Azimio went. "Wait, B, where the hell are you going? Berry needs our help!" The Latina called out with a cracked voice, Rachel's muffled cries of desperation seeping into her soul and breaking her own heart in the process. Brittany turned around and Santana saw a dark look pass over her normally happy-go-lucky friend and she understood. Nobody messed with Brittany or the people she cared about apparently. "Rachel needs you, S, you can take of her now. Don't worry about me, I'll be right back." She told her with a menacing tone in her voice. Brittany could be scary when you pissed her off and it usually takes a lot to get her to that point. The Latina cheerleader nodded and carefully walked Rachel to her locker first, pulling out the bag that carried her emergency outfit, and guided her to the nearest restroom.
It was difficult listening to Rachel cry this much, it affected Santana in a way she couldn't understand so she tried to prevent her own tears from falling at the sight of Rachel sobbing against her chest. She didn't care if the corn syrup stained her Cheerio uniform, Coach Sylvester can go to hell for all she cared. Right now, this was about Rachel who seemed to be losing herself in this moment. Santana held her tightly and threaded her fingers in dark brown curly locks in order to soothe the depressed girl in her arms. "Shh, don't cry anymore, Rachel, please. I'm right here with you, you'll be okay…," she whispered cautiously into the other girl's ear as the smaller brunette shuddered against her. She honestly didn't know how to comfort Rachel when she was this broken so it scared her knowing that she could never appease the shorter girl. Her fears were confirmed when Rachel hiccupped and looked up at Santana with lifeless, brown eyes.
"Why do you care so much? I'm absolutely worthless." One sentence and it killed Santana. The Hispanic girl bit her lip as a dam broke from within and the tears fell freely before she embraced the other girl once more. They both clung to one another as they cried in unison, Rachel because she was hopelessly heartbroken and Santana…well, it's because this hurt her more than she was ever willing to admit. Santana kissed the top of Rachel's head and tucked her head underneath her chin. She wasn't sure how she was going to fix this. All she knew now was that Quinn fucking Fabray was going to pay, no matter at what cost. She should have known something was up but she can't blame herself just yet for what happened. Rachel was a broken mess and Santana was determined to make her whole again.