I know I said I'd post a story featuring Yoruichi and Urahara, but I realized I'd given no love to my second favorite character. Well, that is about to be rectified! I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: Not mine, not ever.

Summary: Kenpachi has the perfect plan to make Byakuya or Kyouraku fight him, and poor Ukitake is stuck in the middle. FemUkitake Oneshot

Pairings: Slight Kenpachi/femUkitake (I promise to stop experimenting with Ukitake pairings after this.)

Rating: T

Warnings: FemUkitake

The Perfect Plan

Kenpachi Zaraki couldn't help but smirk as he walked down the street. His lieutenant, Yachiru, sat smiling on his shoulders. She was the only one Kenpachi had told his plan to, and she had approved with gusto. After all, it would make Ken-chan happy.

"Captain Zaraki, what a pleasant surprise," Ukitake said as Kenpachi marched into the garden behind the Thirteenth Division Headquarters, where she was having tea with Shunsui Kyouraku. Kenpachi couldn't help but grin wider at seeing Byakuya Kuchiki standing next to them. The look he gave Kenpachi clearly said he didn't share the white haired woman's sentiments. "And you brought Yachiru with you!" she said cheerfully. "Would you like some sweets?"

"Candy! Thank you, Ukki!" she said as she shoved some sweets into her mouth.

"So," Kyouraku drawled out slowly, "what brings you here?"

The spiked haired captain chuckled as he strolled over to stand beside Ukitake, shoving Byakuya out of the way to do so. "Zaraki, wha-?" Ukitake gasped out as the large man wrapped an arm around her waist, picking her up so that she was held against his chest, her feet dangling off the ground by a few inches. He cut off Ukitake's question with a passionate kiss, her gasp allowing him to explore her mouth with his tongue.

"Yay! Ken-chan and Ukki!" Yachiru shouted, Kyouraku and Byakuya staring on in shock.

"Well," Kenpachi said, still grinning, as he broke the kiss, "that was better than I thought it would be."

"Kenpachi Zaraki," Kyouraku said as he stood, practically growling at the other man. Next to him Byakuya unsheathed his Zanpakutō. "What exactly do you think you're doing?"

Kenpachi chuckled, still holding Ukitake to him. "Just wanted ta see what it was like."

"You dare to insult the honor of one of the most respected captains in all Soul Society?" Byakuya said dangerously.

"Ya think so?" Kenpachi asked, grinning as he set down the white haired captain. "Plannin' on doing something 'bout it?"

"Draw your Zanpakutō."

Kenpachi threw his head back, laughing. "Gladly." Seconds later there was the sound of clashing metal and explosions.

"Go, Ken-chan!"

"Not my garden!" Ukitake groaned. "Shun! Why are they fighting?"

"Because he kissed you," Kyouraku said, his voice unusually serious. "He insulted you."

"And? You think I'm unable to defend my own honor? Besides, when did kissing become an insult?"

Kyouraku blinked, his serious attitude disappearing. "Ah, no," he said. "That's not it at all."

Ukitake just shook her head. "I expect a new garden from this," she told him as she shunpoed after Kenpachi and Byakuya.

"Shun-shun, is Ukki mad?" Yachiru asked, gazing out after the three captains.

"She just might be," Kyouraku said.

Before he could stop her Yachiru was gone as well.


"Come on! Ya can do better than that!" Kenpachi shouted.

Byakuya glared. "Scatt-"

"Enough!" The fact that it was Ukitake yelling at them, something neither had experienced before, actually caused them to stop. "Byakuya, I am more than capable of defending my own honor."

"I will not allow such an insult to pass."

"Then you will allow me to take care of it."

Kenpachi raised an eyebrow. "Oh, so does that mean you'll fight me instead?" The whole idea had been to fight Byakuya or Kyouraku, but fighting Ukitake would be interesting as well.

"Ukki!" The white haired woman was suddenly tackled by a pink blurr. "Don't be mad at Ken-chan!"

Ukitake blinked, tilting her head up so she could see the usually cheerful girl who sat on her shoulder. "What are you talking about, Yachiru?"

"Shun-shun said you were mad at Ken-chan! Don't be mad!"

"I'm not mad," Ukitake said, smiling softly to reassure the lieutenant, before turning her gaze on Byakuya. "I am, however, disappointed in my former student and best friend."

"Hey!" Kenpachi snapped. "I'm still waitin' for an answer!"

Ukitake sighed, stepping toward the spiked haired captain. Kenpachi let out a confused 'eh?' when she placed her hands on his shoulders, standing on tiptoe. Byakuya's jaw dropped when her lips met Kenpachi's, Yachiru letting out a happy squeal. "Hmm, better than I thought."

While Kenpachi stood there dumbfounded Ukitake placed Yachiru on the ground next to bloodthirsty captain. "Byakuya, you owe me a new garden," she said before vanishing. The usually serious captain picking up his jaw from the floor before following her.

"Yachiru," Kenpachi said slowly as the pink haired girl settled herself on his shoulders. "Maybe this plan wasn't perfect after all." He touched his lips lightly. "Or maybe it was."

"What ya mean, Ken-chan?"

Kenpachi grunted. "Ack! Forget 'bout it."


"Gramps! Gramps! Lookie!"

Yamamoto 'hmm'ed as he looked down at the smiling pink haired lieutenant. When he saw what she was holding, both his eyes opened fully. "Kenpachi," the Captain-Commander growled out before disappearing.

Chōjirō raised an eyebrow at the pictures Yachiru held. "This cannot end well."

"Huh?" Yachiru said, looking at the pictures. "What's wrong with them? It's just Ken-chan and Ukki kissing."


Well, Ukitake certainly knows how to defuse a fight, doesn't she? Let me know what you guys think!