A/N: I have no idea what this is. I really literally never write stuff like this so sorry if you hate it.

Her eyes narrowed accusingly at you. She stepped closer like she was trying to intimidate you, even though you had at least a good few inches on her. "Why did you invite me here again?"

You smiled sultrily, falling onto a log. "Why'd you come?"

She stepped closer, but not too close. "I always come here. Aren't you a little old for the Ravine?"

You started to laugh. "Sweetie," you stand up and move toward her. It's making her uneasy and you love it. "I was here when this place got its reputation. You Degrassi kids have no idea what we used to do here."

Bianca rolled her eyes and you remembered she wasn't stupid and she knew you were no Amy, not that she had any idea who Amy was. No matter how hard you tried to get away from it, you always seemed too good for what you were doing, and you hated it. And Bianca knew you hated it and it was part of how she made herself your equal.

"What, suck dick for bracelets?" Bianca didn't sound impressed. "Wow, real bad ass." Some of her wavy hair was tangled in her hoop earring. You stepped closer to try to fix it and she pushed you away. "Stop touching me."

She looked behind her and you saw there were guys there. Probably jerks from Degrassi who knew her personally and would talk about this on Monday if they saw.

You landed back on the log, and you imagined she could tell how not un-intoxicated you were by the fact that you laughed when it started to hurt. "Sorry, Bi."

"Whatever." After a few moments of silence, she realized you weren't going to pounce on her and sat down next to you. "So, Mrs. Mason. Don't get any ideas here. I'm not here to see you this time."

You giggled at the way she pronounced your married name like it was the name of some serial toddler killer or someone equally monstrous. "Who are you here to see then? That hottie?"

You nod toward Bruce the Moose who started hanging out with the ugly football kid, Owen maybe, ever since Johnny left for college. Bianca wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Please. I can do better," she said. Your smile disgusted her. "And don't flatter yourself. I don't mean you."

You might have felt rejected, but this was common banter between you and Bianca. She always acted tough, acted like she didn't want anything to do with you, but eventually you both ended up doing something you weren't supposed to, but for different reasons. It always started with you handing her a joint, except when she wasthe one with the joint and you werethe one buying.

"Can't your husband smell this shit on you?" she asked, leaning forward so you could light the paper between her lips.

You shrugged. "What do you think Spinner has against weed?"

You slowly made your way to her log and when you both looked behind you, the boys were gone enough for her hand to brush your thigh.

"I don't know," she said. "But he probably has something against you being here."

You look down at her hands and smile, seeing her nails bare, without those nasty acrylic things that drive fear into the hearts of girls who do girls. You wondered if it was too much to hope that she did it for you. "You don't think he'd find this hot?" you asked.

As usual, neither of you were sure who leaned in and who kissed who first, but it happened. It was hot and fast and steady. Bianca was good with her tongue, at least at this stage of things. You intuited each other's rhythm and felt good together. You thought back to all your kisses with Peter, Jay, even Sean, and tried to imagine someone as confident and powerful as Bianca. No one came to mind.

"Spin doesn't seem like that type," Bianca said. "He seems like the type who meets a girl, decides she's perfect, and treats her like a fucking angel."

You laughed. "He should have learned his lesson after Jane."

It was harsh, and you wouldn't say it sober, but right now you don't really care.

"You are one cold girl," Bianca said. Chills ran through your body as you remembered Jay saying those exact words to you a few years ago.

"Is this the part where we wait for no one to be looking and duck somewhere empty?" you asked.

Her awkward smile was the only answer you needed. The two of you watched and waited until Owen and Bruce left, probably to throw rocks at public property, and the two teenagers making out left to find a van. It was torturous, sitting next to Bianca and waiting to touch her, but such was your life.

"There," she motioned toward an empty van and you tried to look casual speed walking toward it, hoping no one else would come along and usurp your privacy.

She climbed in first and you closed the door behind you. "Nice nails," you said casually.

Knowing exactly what you meant, she drew her hands into her lap. "I already told you. I'm no lesbian."

"Neither am I," you said, putting your hands on her shoulder. You started to kiss until she pushed you away.

"That's what that girl said. Adam," she said dryly.

"That's not a girl's name," you said.

She sighed. "I know. Her real name's Gracie but she dresses like a boy and hits on chicks."

You remembered hearing about people who did that. "That's what transguys do," you said.

"I know," she said. "But it was too weird for me."

"So what did you do?" you asked.

Her hands gripped your shoulders and she pushed your weak frame down. It was easy to forget how strong the high school girl was. "Stomped on his heart," Bianca said. "Called him a lesbian. Told some guys who beat him up."

"Why are you such a bitch?" you asked her.

"Why are you cheating on your husband?" she challenged back.

You thought about all the possible reasons while her lips crashed into yours. You were in love with Sean when you were little and that made sense. He left you, then saved you from getting shot and that didn't make sense. You got into drugs and one-sided sex that only felt good to the guy. You got tired of that and tried girls because girls didn't mind returning the favor now and then. Manny told you plenty of guys liked to please girls, just not the losers at the Ravine. So you tried Peter. Then Sean. Then Kelly. Then Sexy Becksy. Then weed again. Then Kelly again. Then you got drunk and woke up in Spinner's bed and clung to him desperately, with your life. None of that was Bianca's business.

"You're not going to answer me?" she asked.

You frowned, missing the hormone rush she took away from you more abruptly than you liked. "Why are you kissing girls in a van?"

"My," her hand ran down your chest and you started to die. "Aren't you deflective?"

You frowned as her fingers trailed past your belly button. "You go first."

"You're not winning here," she smiled. "You go first."

"Fine," you said. "You know the guy I told you I hooked up with when I first came to the Ravine?"

"The one who gave you gonorrhea?" she asked. "Yeah."

"Well...he's marrying my best friend," you said. "And she used to be the slut between us but now...hell...I make both of them look like the virgin Mary."

"So stop," she said. "Go back to Spinner, tell him you're sorry, and be a good girl."

Her voice was too patronizing for you to take her seriously. "Why don't you tell that poor Adam you're sorry? Why don't you kiss and make up."

You could be a bitch when you wanted to. "Because I don't go that way," she said.

"Not in daylight," you said.

"I'm not into girls," Bianca said defensively. "You're just good in bed," she looked around her, "or in the van. Better than most high school boys."

"Exactly," you said.

Now she was on the ground, lying beside you, the effects of the weed fully kicking in. She was more of a lightweight than you were. Sex like this was always a bit like cuddling, you just held each other for a while, not wanting to get up. Then it got hot and your clothes came off. Then you laughed at how awkward it was, being naked together, telling yourselves you were just going to close your eyes and picture a boy but couldn't stop looking at each other long enough to think about it. Bianca was slim and muscular like a dancer and it made you wish you had signed up for something like that dance crew she was in now when you were in high school. Then she was above you again, and her fingers were inside you for the first time since the first time with those damn plastic nails. Your brain starts to get blurry and you almost fall asleep before feeling woke you up and she kissed you again and you touched her some more and your eyes were definitely open and you definitely were not thinking about Spinner. Your hips raised and you were half-moaning, half-laughing into Bianca's lips and you wondered why anyone did this without weed. When Bianca started to laugh too, you felt less dirty and you could feel what she was doing to you in your skin, in your arms, even on your face and you were shaking but you weren't cumming because you had never done that with Bianca and you were scared that if you ever did that would be the end. There would be no more mystery and no more interest and you'd never see her again. So you held your breath which only made it worse and worse until you couldn't do anything but feel and it was all over and you laughed your way through your climax, at the sheer stupidity of what you were doing and how messed up you were and how messed up this could make your life if you actually stopped to think about it like you never actually did.

"So why do you do this?" you asked weakly. "I already spilled. Now it's your turn."

She turned away from you and said, "no way."

"Really?" you traced her skin with your fingers and she pushed you away.

"I'm not a lesbian," she said.

"Then why did you..." you tried to finish your sentence, but you were tired and she was already dressed, already getting far away from you. You wanted to ask her if it was you, if she would try this seriously if you did something different but you remembered you were twenty and married and she could easily report you to the police if you did a single thing to piss her off. In that sense, she did have all the power.

You frowned and wondered how you could have thought this time would be different. How you thought more than one of you would get something, or that you'd get her to talk about herself and why things had to be so messy between you two this time. It took a while for you to dress yourself and curl up on the floor, accepting that some things had to stay inside your day dreams.

Where they belonged.