A/N- Sorry for the long wait, if you've been one of my loyal readers you know how I am with updates! And for that I apologize sincerely.
Now read! Hope its good! :)
"What's the matter?" I asked nervously. She tried to answer, but she couldn't get the words out. "Bella, calm down, tell me what's wrong." She got up from her sitting position and started pacing. She must have tried to tell me about ten times before she stopped pacing. At first, she just stood there. She looked me dead in the eye, swallowed hard, and the words finally came out.
"I saw you, Edward." That was all it took for her to break down and my heart to plummet.
My wife, my love, my life just saw me doing the ultimate wrong. The one who I'm supposed to remain faithful to 'til death due us part saw me doing, what I vowed in a church of god, that I would never do. "Bella I'm sorr-" she cut me off telling me to stop.
"Stop, Edward. Not now. I can't take it." Her crying had ceased and she seemed to be alright, but I knew Bella; I knew she was just trying to be strong. "Why Edward. Just why. No apologies. No excuses." She asked after a long pause.
There were so many things I could answer with, but she deserved the truth. "I'm so sorry, Baby. I just don't know. From the first time I saw her, I knew I wanted her. Even though I knew it was wrong I found myself doing it anyways." Once I finished talking we just stood there. Tears streaming out of our eyes. This was goodbye. I knew it. Looking at her face and seeing the tears dancing down her face, I knew she didn't deserve any of this pain. I didn't deserve anyone as beautiful as her. We were "'til death due us part", but right here right now, this was our death. I ruined us, drove us right into the ground.
Lust consumed me and made me destroy my marriage. The best part of me was about to be gone. And it was completely my fault. I couldn't place the blame on anyone else but me. Hell, I couldn't even blame Tanya. She never made me do any of the things I did. I did them on my own. They were my own decisions. Now it was time for me to man up to my mistakes.
"I can't do this. I can't pretend this is okay." Her voice broke before she continued. "I'm leaving."
"Bella, please, can't we talk?" I was hanging on to the hope that she would move on from this. Even though I knew she wouldn't.
"No, Edward, we can't. I'm sorry. I can't do this. It isn't okay. You cheated on me." She said and walked away.
When did this all stop making sense? Why did she have to come into the picture and destroy everything? Anger was overtaking me. All too sudden all I felt was rage at this situation. I felt anger towards Tanya. I also felt resentment towards Bella. Most of all though, I hated my self.
I hated that I was in this situation in the first place. I hated that I let this infatuation get out of hand. It wasn't me. The me everyone knew would never do anything like this. The Edward everyone knew before was a man based on values of god. He would never do this.
The resentment I was feeling towards Bella was completely irrational, but I couldn't help myself.
I wonder what this would have been like if the situation was reversed. If Bella cheated on me would I be feeling the way she is? Or would have I let it slide.
I knew I had to try and talk to her about this. I found my self barreling up the steps and into our room only to find Bella packing her things. She wasn't joking. She really was leaving me. No. No. No. I couldn't let this happen. I love her. She can't leave me.
I ran towards her throwing the suitcases off of the bed. "NOOOO!" I yelled with as much force as I could muster. "You. Are. Not. Leaving." I enunciated each word trying to get the point across.
"Edward. Stop it." She said as she picked up the suitcases and gently set them on the bed and continued her packing.
"No! I will not let you give up on this marriage! Please, don't leave me, Bella! I'm begging you." I pleaded with her.
"Edward. Please calm down. I promise we will talk this out. But for now I'm leaving." She said closing her eyes. "Now, let me finish packing."
I walked dejectedly back down the steps and sat on the couch listening to the clock tick. Eventually I heard her coming down the steps. I heard her pick up the keys from the bowl next to the door. This was it. She was leaving. Right before she left I heard her murmur something. Something I don't think I was supposed to hear. Something that gave me hope.
"I'll always love you, Edward."
Weeks went by. I lived my life. If you can consider what I did living. I went to work. Came home. Ate. Slept. Wash, rinse, and repeat. I haven't heard from Bella since that night.
I had heard from Tanya though. I kept my distance from her, but she'd turned into my shadow. The more I told her to leave me alone the more she haunted my presence. She brought me dinner, which always ended up in the trash. She always found me in the hospital, making sure her schedule matched mine exactly.
This once beautiful creature was suddenly a hideous monster to me. Why did I ruin my marriage for that? She wasn't attractive. Her lips were too full. Not the thin lips of Bella that I was so accustomed to. Her eyes were alien blue, while I yearned for chocolate brown. Her hair was spaghetti blond, when all I wanted was a beautiful, muddy brown. Bella was, bar none, the more attractive of the two.
I hated Tanya. I hated what she turned me into. She turned me into a deviant. The only good that came out of this was getting rid of Tanya, but everything has a price.
This cost me my Bella. My beautiful. God I missed her.
I called her everyday. Just to hear her voice on her answering machine. I was desperate. I needed her like I needed water. For once, I just wanted her to pick up the phone, so I could talk to her. I miss my best friend. The one who I could tell my deepest secrets to without worrying about them getting out. I miss being able to look at her beautiful face every morning. I miss how she would always have a warm meal cooked for me when I came from work. I missed her cute antics, and how she would always rant about the damnedest things. I miss the way her eyes scrunch up when she smiles, or how when she laughs, you can't help but to laugh too.
I miss her. I miss her so much. I would give anything to take away those few minutes I spent in Tanya's presence. I ruined everything. I just wish that I could take it back.
Weeks turned into months, and I had only talked to Bella once. But that once time gave me more hope. Til today. When I walked into my doors and saw the papers. I knew what they were. I didn't want to believe it though.
I walked forward to the end table next to the couch saw the manilla envelope, along with her key, and another letter.
I opted for the white envelope first, not wanting to believe what the other was. I slowly opened it to see Bella's messy scrawl. I started to read.
First off, I want to say I wish things weren't this way. I wish that she would not have come to town, and I really wish that you wouldn't have fallen into temptation. I wish that you would have thought of me, and what this has done to me...I wish I could change the past, build a time machine, to tell you that we were all we'd ever need...we were perfect. I loved you and you loved me. I wish we could go back to that, but Edward, we can't. I'll always love you, never forget that...
I met someone though. Someone I know I could love; someone who I am falling in love with. I'm not telling you this to hurt you. I'm telling you because I need you to know that its alright to move on. I need you to move on.
Just remember Edward, you always loved me best.
This was torture. Reading this letter, knowing there was zero hope left for us, that she met someone else.
The next envelope was next.
Our marriage was over. No hope left. It was over. We were over.
My life had no purpose any longer. I was holding off on signing the divorce papers. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Maybe this guy was not right for Bella. I can't just sign her away. She's my life. I can't just hand her over to another man.
"Edward, I know you're in there. Open up."
It was her voice. She was back. I quickly rolled of the couch and straightened things out as I made my way to the door.
"Bella." I greeted as I opened the door. She didn't look happy though.
"Edward." She said curtly. She was looking around the house noticing how different it looks when it isn't cleaned.
"Bella. I need to talk to you."
"Edward. I'm sorry. I don't have the time. I came here to ask you to sign the papers. I need it done as soon as possible."
I started to wonder why she needed it done so quickly. I gave her a once over, trying to notice any changes.
I stopped in my tracks when I looked at her left hand. She was sporting an expensive looking ring on her ring finger. One I did not buy her.
"Are you getting married?" I choked out. It couldn't be. We've only been apart what, five months.
All she could do was nod.
"Why?" I asked, more to myself.
"Edward, please if you love me, you'd sign the paper. Please. For me."
I needed to give her some happiness. If the only happiness she had anymore was from another man, how could I deny her? I was the one who ruined us. She deserved some happiness. Happiness I could no longer give her.
As much as I would miss her, I could never cause her pain again. I would sign the papers. Even if it would cause the worst pain in my heart. I had to do it.
"Let me go get them."
"Thank you, Edward."
I went upstairs to my bedroom and got the papers out.
I did it in privacy. Bella, my Isabella, didn't need to see my tears. I didn't even deserve to be crying at what I was losing.
As I walked back downstairs I noticed Bella was smiling at me. A one hundred watt smile.
"Thank you so much, Edward!" She exclaimed.
"Just please, take it and leave." She did as told, but before she left she hugged me and told me I would find "the one" someday soon.
But I already found the one I thought to myself as she left.
Its you Bella. You're the one.
I know many of you think she's moving on to quickly, but trust me everything happens for a reason ;)
Hopefully the next update won't take as long. I just get really bad blocks. Like super bad.
Oh! And I changed my penname. If you haven't noticed.
Review, and I will try my hardest to update faster.