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Must all good things come to an end?
If he left me, I would have to leave again. He held me together all of this time we have been together. For weeks I have felt complete, whole. If he leaves me, I won't be able to stand the sight of my family. They would have good intentions, bothersome nonetheless. Their unfaltering love and devotion to each other would be both physical and mental, a pain I couldn't handle. Esme's nurturing ways, checking on me every five minute, trying to nurture me back to sanity and health. My hard long runs would not be enough of a solace any more. Nothing would be able to help me cope or truly heal me.
Carlisle will be heart broken if I left again, but he would understand. Esme will be there to help him, she can nurture him to death, any one but me. Carlisle will be her back bone and lift her up as well. Only I would be broken. I can't return to that after being so high on love; so high on his love.
I was angry and he was going to know about it. Jasper was in my room reading. My favorite person, doing his favorite thing, in our favorite room. The sight of him was beautiful. His blond waves hung over his eyes as he stretched out over the black leather lounge. As I slowed at the door way, I almost halted the attack. I could have watched him until our time together ended but I needed to say something. I needed to try and stop him.
"Love are you mad at me or in awe of me? You are all over the place right now," Jasper said never looking up from his book. I refused to let his cuteness deter me. Jasper put down his book and sat up on the lounger turning to face me. He threw me his half smile that I felt I never deserved.
I quickly looked away refusing to let him discourage me. I took my love by his hand and zoomed down the three flights of stairs, through the living room, passed our confused family, and out of the glass patio door. I wasn't sure if Jasper was running with me or if I was half dragging him, half caring him. I knew where I was going and soon he would know as well.
I let the hurt and anger flow from me letting it affect him. His thoughts were scared and concerned with me. He questioned everything he had done, never quite able to pinpoint what had gone wrong between us. His thoughts never got close to the topic of him leaving me. The fact that his departure from me never crossed his mind worried me. Did he not think of it because he did not care? Did the last six week mean nothing to him? Or did he not think of it because he had never planned to leave, or he wanted me to go with him? I didn't want to hope. My already overwhelmed heart was not able to handle the crash if he let me down. That, very well would have been the end of me.
We reached our spot. The spot we first expressed our love for each other. This was the first place we took each other physically. I needed him here; I needed him to remember. I was still filled with anger, but also passion. I pushed Jasper into the large pine tree harder than was necessary. It almost gave away to the force of his body. Jasper wore his gorgeous smile, topaz eyes wide with the need he felt from me, but I could see he still had not placed the anger. I refused to speak. He needed to feel me. Emotionally and physically.
I pressed my lips to Jasper forcing them open with my tongue. I pulled him closer to me, pulling at the back of his neck. I pressed my growing need into his, loving the sensation. But this was not about my undying love for him or my need to feed off his lust. This was about him knowing I needed him more than he realized. I pulled away our clothes, tearing away some of the buttons of my shirt (Alice was going to be pissed) and tearing the inside seem of Jasper's jeans. Jasper didn't try and stop me, despite his racing mind. I was never rough with Jasper before this. Usually I savored every once of him, slowly and seductively; spending hours trying to sate both of our overwhelming appetites for each other. I could read in his thoughts, how he didn't want to stop me and he felt this was going to be our most glorious of times.
Completely exposed to each other, I pushed Jasper harder onto the tree, growling at him from deep in my chest. I showed my anger behind my black filled eyes. I needed him to feel afraid; he needed to feel a fear of his own; a fear similar to what I felt about him leaving. My fear was out of being incomplete again. I could never make him feel that but fear was fear, and I took what I could get. I slowly sled down his body, sliding my hands over him. His cock was at full attention, his body needed me just as my body needed him. I took his length in my mouth and I started slowly pulling on his throbbing manhood. His back arched off the tree and I pushed him back never releasing him from my mouth. I sped up the attack on his piece more forceful than ever before, refusing to let his body move from its post.
"Edward . . . fuck . . . what are you doing to me? Why . . .," was all that he could get out before he exploded in my mouth but I continued my attack, prolonging his climax more.
Jasper pulled at my hair but I didn't acknowledge him. I sat down on the ground and pulled Jasper on top of me. He was without words as I continued the attack on his body. I kissed up and down his neck leaving no part of him untouched.
"Baby please don't stop. I'm sorry for whatever I did but please don't stop." Jasper's words were hardly audible.
His apology angered me more, as he still didn't know what he had done; what he was doing to me. Why hadn't he figured it out? He didn't know me at all. My anger fumed. I griped Jasper by his waist, lifting him up and crashing him back down on my hard cock. I made no attempt to ready him as I normally did. This was supposed to hurt him, he needed to remember this.
"Agh!" Jasper screamed out as he fisted my hair.
I refused to soften the attack on his body as I continually slammed him on to me. I knew I was being overly aggressive but his body on mine was exhilarating. Taking control of him in a way I never had before, he tasted even better. Taking Jasper so hard and fast sped up my need for release. As Jasper unprepared tightness pulled at my length, I didn't try to extend our connection. I released all of myself in him. At the height of my orgasm Jasper arched his back, pushing his exposed chest towards my face. Without though I pressed my razor sharp teeth into the skin just above his long still heart, the only place of his body not marked by the Vampire Wars, and filled it with my venom. Looking back, the act of scaring Jasper with my venom was poetic. I belong there and he would never forget.
Vampire bites with venom burned like hell and it was the only thing that scared our bodies. Jasper screamed out again, his breath picking up unnecessarily. I leaned my head onto his shoulder, I had no words. I was still hurt and he was still unsure what brought this about. I didn't want to hurt him anymore and I felt so ashamed of my actions. I pulled myself out of him and slid away from him. Of all the things I did to him, my moving seemed to hurt him more than anything. Jasper, with is hand placed over his new healing scare, closed he gap between us.
"Edward please talk to me. You're angry and ashamed. I belong to you. You can do anything you want to my body, it is yours to have." Jasper slid between my raised knees, facing me, unwrapping my arms and placing them around his own back.
"Jasper I didn't . . . I shouldn't have done that to you. God, I'm so sorry I hurt you and I should have never been so rough. You didn't deserve that." I was at tearless sobs.
"Darlin' tell your cowboy what's bothering you," Jasper said raising my chin so that I would look into his eyes.
I laughed at the nickname I had given him. "I wanted you to hurt like I am hurting. You're leaving me and you weren't going to tell me. I heard Peter and Carlisle talking today. You're leaving me in two days!" I couldn't stop rambling. "I can't be without you. I will die. I will leave again. I won't be able to take life without you anymore."
Jasper tried to soothe me, stroking my hair. His thoughts were apologizing as I rambled on. He didn't have words and I didn't know how I felt about that. I guess I was relieved that he didn't dismiss my pain, but I was also sad that he didn't immediately dispel my fears of him leaving me. Finally he spoke.
"Edward I didn't say anything to you because I was sad . . . about leaving. I don't want to leave you but I don't want you to feel pushed or forced into something." Jasper came out of our embrace. He didn't trust my feelings for him. That was the last thing I was expecting.
"Jasper of all people you should know how I feel about you." I didn't try to close the gap between us. This was a conversation that was needed to be had without physical distractions. The fact that we sat there exposed was not helping.
"Edward it's easy to feel that way when you are happy to no longer be the unmated person of a group as large as yours. I just wanted . . ."
I cut him off before he could finish, "Wait a minute. You thought I was just using you? Biding my time until I found my true mate?" I was crushed. It was a good thing I didn't have to breath cause at that point I couldn't remember how. Is that what Jasper was doing with me all of this time. Filling in his time?
"No Edward! I love you more than my own existence," Jasper filled my arms with his body again. "I'm sorry I questioned you. I'm sorry I didn't just come and talk to you."
I was lost in his liquid eyes. The day had ended around us and the light of the full moon made his pale skin glow.
"I don't know what will be left of me if you leave," I whispered as I pulled him into my body.
"You will never find out. As soon as we return home I will talk to Peter and Carlisle about staying. If it is okay with everyone I will stay. I will stay with you forever." I loved how he slid his fingers through my hair as he pressed his forehead onto mine.
"I couldn't ask you to do that. As long as you love me I can just as easily come with you, maybe get our own place. Esme and Carlisle will understand that," they would be hurt at my leaving again but they loved Jasper and their thoughts always reflected how Jasper was good for me and could take care of me and my over reactions.
"I will be wherever you are. This is your home and hopefully it would be mine as well."
We melted into each others body, slow and sensual, as our usual selves normally did. I was pretty sure Carlisle wouldn't turn Jasper away. He was already a vegetarian and we all loved him. Carlisle would definitely say yes. I was already making plans for our future. Places I wanted to show him, we had forever together.
"I'm sorry I bit you. I know how you are about your scares." I carefully rubbed my hand over the fresh wound over his heart. Jasper flinched away slightly, making me feel worst.
"It's okay darlin'. I will treasure that one. Besides this cowboy has had a lot worst."
I smiled at the glorious god, my glorious god, who stole my heart away. We continued to love each other's physical well into the early morning. I savored his every ounce devouring him slowly as he was meant to be done.
"I want to thank you for your company and welcoming hearts. I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for you," Jasper said addressing Peter and Charlotte as they sat on the couch along the wall of the stairs. I stood with Jasper as he nervously address the four matriarchs of our families. "More than anything y'all lead me to Edward and for that I am forever grateful," Jasper said as he squeezed my hand.
"Carlisle and Esme I request to stay here with Edward, with all of you. Peter and Charlotte I am sorry to leave you but I must follow my heart," I pulled Jasper into an embrace from behind, we were each other's rock.
"Of course you can stay here Jasper," Esme address him and stood to pull him into her own embrace.
"I honestly assumed you would be staying anyway. There is always room for one more amongst us." Carlisle firmly shuck Jasper's hand.
I was thankful for my family and their understanding but I felt guilty for taking him away from Peter and Charlotte.
I address the quiet but smiling couple, "I am sorry for this Peter, Charlotte. I don't know what to say." This time Jasper was my support.
"Edward dear there is nothing to be sorry about," Charlotte addressed me. "We would have made him stay really. I would not be caring around a hopeless and grieving vampire for the next millennium." Charlotte joked as she took us both into her arms.
We were joined by Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Bella as they were returning form hunting.
"What's going on here?" Alice's soprano voice rang out.
"As if you don't know," I nudge my favorite sister. "Why didn't I see this vision?" I seriously asked Alice.
"Because I have been blocking most of her visions from you for weeks now," Bella chimed in. "You have been so busy in love you hadn't even noticed. You needed to see this on your own."
Bella was right. I needed the fear of losing Jasper to cause me to move, force myself to be vulnerable to what we could become. I needed this scare to realize how much I really did stand to lose. Jasper was my reason for everything now.
"Great! So the Emo stays. A new sparing partner," Emmett as always lighting the mood.
"Emmett please don't call my love, Emo."
"Yeah Emmett, his name is 'cowboy'," Rosalie threw in.
Great, he was only in the family for five minutes and they were embarrassing the hell out of both of us. But Jasper proved to be able to handle himself.
"Yeah get it right 'Monkey Man'," Jasper shot in Rosalie and Emmett's direction sending everyone in a roar of laughter and successfully ending that conversation.
"Now darlin' we need to discuss our room. I'm going to need some book shelves," Jasper smiled at me. My eyes widen with lust at the mention of our room.
"That's how it happens Eddie. Soon as they are in they start changing shit," Emmett was startled by Rosalie's hand making contact with the back of his head.
I didn't mind Jasper changing my – our – room. It would finally be complete with him there with me. I pulled him tighter against my side ensuring my heart was secure, no longer missing a piece.
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