I sat in Edward's Volvo analyzing the perfection of his face as he drove me home from school. It was another rainy day in Forks and I shivered, my pants wet up to my knees due to my inability to avoid tripping when trying to dodge a puddle. "Are you cold?" Edward asked, removing his jacket before I could tell him I was fine. As he removed the navy blue raincoat, my eyes moved to his snug-fitting gray t-shirt, displaying his chiseled chest and arms. His face was so beautiful I'd always had a hard time looking at anything else, but when my attention did get diverted to his body I was always filled with a shocked delight. As my eyes roamed his muscles, I tried to keep my thoughts pure; my mind chanting the word sexy over and over.
"I love it when your heart speeds up like that," Edward said, bringing me out of my reverie. I blushed deeply as I realized I was looking directly at the bulge in his pants and snapped my head up quickly to look at his face."Sometimes I worry, though. It seems to take off at the most random times," he continued.
"It's not random," I quickly interrupted without thinking.
He turned his head to look me in the eyes. "What?" he asked clearly confused.
"Nothing," I muttered blushing again as I realized that his body was the reason for my heart rate's quick spike. There was no way I was telling him that.
"Bella you can't just do that to me. It's torturous." He protested, his face crumbling into a countenance of mock pain. My resolve began to waiver as I saw a twinge of real pain touch his eyes.
"It's just embarrassing."
"Bella, you know you can tell me anything." His eyes began to smolder as he looked at me through his lashes, knowing I would give in.
"I just can't help the response my heart has when I think about your…" I spit out not able to finish.
"My what?" Edward urged, obviously having no idea where I was going with this.
"your body," I replied so low that only a vampire could make it out. Unfortunately he was one of those.
"Oh," he breathed and looked back towards the road even though he didn't have to. He could drive this road with his eyes closed. I became frustrated as I thought about how in normal relationships this would be the perfect time for the boyfriend to reciprocate. Tell the girl his feelings, maybe give her a compliment. Edward gives me compliments all the time but they always have to do with how delicious I smell or how the blood rushes to my cheeks when I get nervous or in this case, how my heart rate speeds up. I felt a wave of despair hit me, which I tried unsuccessfully to hide, as I began to question if Edward ever thought of me as anything but cute. Did he never find me hot, or sexy? Why would he? I'm klutzy and painfully plain.
"Bella, what's wrong?" He turned back to me, cautious now, but clearly concerned.
"Don't you ever think of me," I couldn't force myself to say the word sexually, so I settled for," that way?"
His expression turned to disbelief, and then I thought I saw a flash of disgust before he collected his features. "Bella, you are utterly absurd."
I couldn't control the tears that came to my eyes as the rejection filled me.
"Bella, Bella, why are you crying? What's wrong?" Edward was gently shaking me now. He'd pulled over and stopped the car on the side of the road.
I shook my head. "I always knew that you didn't, but for some reason, a part of me thought that maybe you did, find me attractive, in a feminine way, but clearly," I said in between sobs before Edward interrupted me.
"Bella, you think that I don't find you pretty?"
"You, said I was absurd."
"I meant absurd for even questioning the way I feel. I'm so sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but Bella, sweetie, I find you more than pretty. I think you're beautiful and… sexy," my heart sped up as he purred the word I had been thinking about to describe him only a minute earlier. He smiled as heard my heart beat increase and continued," You think I don't see the way your hair shines with red tints in the sun? You think I don't notice the way your hips sway when you walk or even now, how your seatbelt separates your perfect breasts?" I blushed as he brought attention to my breasts, his fingers accidently grazing my left breast as he moved his hands away from my arms and into his lap. And then my heart sped impossibly faster as I remembered that Edward never did anything on accident…
"You don't know what you do to me Bella," Edward concluded looking down at his hands in his lap.
"I think I have an idea," I grinned at him.
"Well I better get you home before Charlie gets home in time to learn about me being your new chauffeur," Edward changed the subject starting the car again," That is unless you want to tell him about us."
"No I think that's one conversation I can live without."
"I really wish you would tell him, especially since I want to take you camping for real this weekend. I'm starting to feel guilty for having Alice keep lying to Charlie." Edward turned his head towards me and I made sure not to look at his eyes which I knew would dazzle me.
"What Charlie doesn't know won't hurt him."
"Edward?" I called out in a whisper as I walked into my room. Ever since the first night Edward stayed with me it's gotten harder and harder to tone down my excitement in front of Charlie. Today I made myself stay downstairs with him later than usual. All I could think about while I watched the pictures fly across the TV screen was that Edward was in my room, right now, possibly sitting on my bed, and then I couldn't take it any longer. I said good night to Charlie and headed straight for the bathroom, hoping the steam from the shower would calm me down. After I dried off I put on the new pajamas I bought. Since that first night I had decided to get myself something more flattering. I was especially glad I had followed through after the conversation Edward and I had had in the car today. I slipped into the dark blue silk shorts and camisole and then dried my hair before going into my room.
My whisper was unnecessary because as soon as I peeked past the door as saw him on my bed looking like a Greek god lying on top of the covers with his hands under his head looking at the ceiling.
"Hello," he responded in the silky voice I'd been waiting to hear.
I smiled as I walked into the room and shut the door behind me. "Hey," I said turning around to look into the topaz eyes that had become imprinted into my sub-conscious. But his eyes weren't searching for mine; instead his expression was unreadable as his eyes roamed my body slowly making his way from my neck down. I began to redden as a minute slowly went by. I held my breath in the silence of his stare. What was he thinking? At this moment I truly wished I could read his mind. When my blush got deeper his eyes darted to my face, then down to my chest, and quickly back to my face both of us clearly embarrassed.
"Forgive me Bella, but could you please explain to me what you are wearing?" he asked looking at his feet now.
"My new pajamas," I mumbled shyly.
"The word pajamas hardly fits."
"You don't like it. Do you want me to change?" I asked unable to look in his eyes, humiliation making my cheeks impossibly redder.
"No, no Bella, of course I like it. You just caught me off guard," Edward answered quickly. I went to sit beside him on the bed. He wrapped his arms around me and began to trace patterns on my collar bone," It was interesting to find out that you blush travels further down than your cheeks, though."
I looked down to see that the patterns he'd been tracing were in fact the coloring of my blush going down my neck, chest, and still farther underneath my shirt. "erg" was all I could say. I was sure I sounded like an idiot but I couldn't believe he had just said that. I couldn't believe that he was drawing attention to my chest for the second time today.
"I'm sorry. That was inappropriate."
"No its… its just that I was the one caught off guard this time."
"I just have such a hard time being a gentleman around you."
"Okay then, what do you want to do tonight?" I asked changing the subject.