Author's Note: This is my second story for the Rayne Summer fic challenge at Copper For A Kiss. Prompt: Boredom. This was betaed by the most excellent Brandywine, so a big major thanks to you lass!

Though this is betaed any mistakes are down to me.

Tis rated for a reason, but do enjoy. :)

Waiting For Monty

Jayne Cobb sprawled over the back seat, pulled the wide brim of his Outback hat over his eyes and chuckled. It was going to take a little while before she would figure it out and that made Jayne feel a little better for once.

Genius his ruttin' ass! She wasn't even close!

He lightly tipped a part of his hat's brim up with a single finger, to take a look at the Moonbrain girl sitting on the front of the mule. River still had that confused frown on her face as she scanned the dreary surroundings, her tiny little nose was scrunched up as the answer was evading her and that was something she didn't like. Satisfied that she was having trouble, Jayne released a pleasured and happy sigh and sheltered his eyes.

River turned round, hitched the ruffles of her dress up over her crossed knees and then she pulled some of her hair, which had been accidentally caught in her mouth, with her hand. As her fingers clearly didn't get all the annoying strands from her lips, River resorted to spitting them out with small puffs of breath. Her tongue stuck out and the last remaining hair, that couldn't be spat out, was pulled with her fingers from its tip. That confused frown on her young face quickly turned to frustration and annoyance.

"You cannot be correct." she said getting up, walking along the arm of the mule and kicking Jayne's leg with her heavy booted foot in the hopes to get Jayne to show his face. "There is nothing here that corresponds with-"

"Moony. It's there. Ya just gotta think." Jayne grinned to himself, let out an amused snort and then shuffled in the back seat of the mule to get a little more comfy. It wasn't easy as he was a lot longer than the back seats could accommodate. Yeah he wasn't as comfortable as he could have been if he was in his own bunk, but the entertainment was fun enough. The youngest Tam sibling was absolutely gob smacked and it felt great for him to tell her to think, instead of the other way round.

"Ya just ain't tryin' hard enough."

"You are clearly mistaken." River looked round again and then poked at Jayne's legs. "I do not comprehend how you can be right. It makes no sense and is not feasible! If you let me…"

"Ah!" Jayne still didn't look at her. Instead a single finger was held up as if to tell River off. "No readin' minds. That was the only reason why I'd even contemplate this with ya, so keep out! "

River sighed, very much in the manner of a whining teenager and not the young twenty three year old she was supposed to be. The resident telepath and ship's pilot began to prod again and again with a very bony finger against Jayne's leg and his foot kicked out at her, trying to stop her actions as if she was an annoying insect.

"Quit poking me! Look, are ya goin' to give up?"

"No!" River poked his leg again but still Jayne wouldn't look at her. "There is no relenting to you because you are blind! You cannot possibly see!"

"Girl! I'm right! It ain't that ruttin' hard, 'specially for a genius like you."

"Jayne, you are not playing by the rules."

"Ya damned lucky I'm playin' at all!" His foot tried to swat her again but the side of his boot missed.

"There is nothing else in our immediate vicinity that begins with the letter N! You are being deceitful! You've ruined the fun!"

"Yer givin' up. Right, so I win then."

"Not giving up. If I cannot look into your mind, why are you allowed to cheat?"

"I ain't cheatin'. Now, either take a guess at what I see or just trap ya cake hole and keep an eye out for Monty."

Jayne had expected River to carry on protesting but when there was just silence, he allowed himself to finally relax and make the most of this situation.

The meet was supposed to have happened hours ago, but Mal had been assured by Bob, Mont's first mate, that Monty would show up and collect the merchandise. He was just going to be held up with some other issues.

Mal's old war buddy was a decent enough guy, Jayne liked him as much as he did like some people but his orders were to wait. River was making sure that he was.

It wasn't exactly eventful out in the middle of nowhere, in fact it got downright boring waiting for the pick-up with nothing to do. The only town for miles had a tiny ship port that could barely accommodate three ships at a time and there was no real law on this moon either. Just one man, called Rufus and he was currently fast asleep behind his desk. There was no risk of being discovered, there was no risk of anything happening at all.

So wait was all that they could do.

Yet when he thought of the alternative, Jayne brightened a little. Being here meant he didn't have to stay on Serenity and listen to Mal bitch and moan because he had gotten shot (again) on acquiring these goods.

As Jayne tried to get some shut eye, he felt River shifting uncomfortably next to him. She had started huffing and puffing and she was even doing that crazy muttering under her breath that pissed him right off. Zoe was supposed to be along for this meet, but the first mate had to help Simon settle the Captain down, so whilst Serenity was elsewhere, Jayne was told take the mule and finish off the job.

Before departure, River had been waiting in the mule for him. After her adamant refusal to stay behind, he figured it would be a quick job and didn't bother arguing about it further.

Nothing bad was going to happen.

Except now, Monty was late. Zoe had said it couldn't be helped and they had to stay until their friend came along.

Boredom was the result. Jayne dealt with boredom in the only way he knew how and that was to try and catch up with a little sleep.

River was her usual self. She was annoying in her attempts to make up stories and play games, she just couldn't sit still and be quiet, she couldn't let him have his peace. River spoke in riddles constantly and she did so with them long strange complicated words she liked to use.

Now she had started poking at his arm.

"Bored now!" River whispered quite closely to his ear. Jayne snorted in displeasure.

"Well find somethin' else t'do instead of pesterin' me! I dunno go an' talk to the gorram tree or that rock over there. They'll show more interest than I will." He took hold of his hat and placed it fully over his face. Again, for a good few minutes River never said anything and the welcoming drowse of sleep began to take over him, that was until a hand grabbed hold of the lanyard and pulled the hat right off his face.

The bright sun blinded him (how he wished he had remembered to bring his shades!) and the exposure to the light was so sudden that he lurched up from his slouching position and caught his shoulder hard on metal.

"Made! Dammit River! Can't ya be all quiet moody instead of annoyin' moody? I'm tryin' to relax here! Don't need ya pokin' holes in me! " Jayne rubbed at his shoulder and snatched back his hat.

River shook her head.

"Monty's tardiness has brought the onset of boredom." River rested her arms on the back of the seat and nestled her chin on top of them. She tilted her head to the side and smiled softly. "Out here there is nothing. Quiet. The other's thoughts can't reach me and Serenity…I can't hear her sing. You sing. Alone in your bunk. If you were there you would have been making music. Strumming. Plucking."

"Hey! I don't masturbate all the time y'know!"

Her lips widened into a huge grin and it was followed by her very childlike laugh. River sat up and adopted a pose with her left arm out stretched to her side whilst her fingers on her right hand wiggled at her belly.

"I meant your guitar! Jayne should have brought the guitar! You've been playing it a lot these past few weeks! You think up the words and you sing! I hear! You have a lovely voice."

"Gorrammit Monty!" Jayne yelled up to the sky as if the man could hear him from wherever he was, and he then rammed his hat back on his head. He tightened the lanyard below his chin and kicked an angry foot at the metal of the vehicle. "Why didcha have to be late this one damned time? She's drivin' me nuts!"

River stuck her tongue out and gave him a quick slap on the arm before moodily turning away and sulking in the front seat. She was silent for a while, giving Jayne the opportunity to try and get back off to sleep again, but River didn't like that. They were supposed to be working.

"Tell me. What is it that begins with N? What did you spy? I cannot fathom."

"Moonbrain, I ain't tellin'. I'm not even playin' no more. It was a stupid game! It was a kid's gorram game and we ain't them!"

River draped herself over the back of the seat and flicked her fingers against the brim of his hat. He swatted her hand away, but she only did it again. There was a deep rumble inside his chest.

"I decided not to play because you were not abiding by the rules."

"No." Jayne seethed between clenched teeth. "Ya couldn't figure it out and so ya got into a strop. Look, if ya that damned intent on knowing, why don't ya look inside my head and find out? Then mebbe ya'll leave me be!"

"You could tell me."

"Would ya leave me alone if I did?"

"We are not here to sleep. We have to do the exchange with Monty!"

"Jus' look in my damned head, woman! I ain't sayin' nothin' more!"

River leaned further forward and flicked his hat again.

"You won't be angry if I look for the answer and see the N?"

Jayne clenched one of his fists around the gun in his holster. She was starting to try his patience. River flicked his hat again. He yelled.

"I just dun told ya to do it! Hells, look and then shut the ruttin' hell up!"

She laughed and before Jayne could threaten anything further, she crawled over the front seats and nestled herself down on top of him. His head jerked up at the feel of her weight, he pushed his hat up and watched her with twitching angry eyes as she curled up like a kitten on his body. Her boots shimmied over his legs and her palms lay flat on him just where his heart was beating furiously. Her waist length hair billowed over his arm and he couldn't help but touch the strands with his fingers. He stroked at the soft yet tangled threads and then gripped hold of them tightly, pulling.

"What-are-you-doin'?" he murmured barely keeping control over the boiling anger. She purred and patted his chest.

"Close contact makes it clearer." she breathed softly. "Also soothes the savage beast. It has worked before."

"Moon girl…you don't need to be on me to read my head."

"It's comfortable. You like it."

Yeah it was. Yeah he did.

Even though the mule was cramped for him and the metal was digging a little into his back, to have the small pretty thing snuggling over him was mighty comfy and she was doing wonders for his temper. He loosened the grip of his fingers in her hair and began the soft gentle strokes whilst his other arm draped over her waist. This had only happened on a handful of occasions in this last year. How it happened, he wasn't quite sure or aware of until it did actually occur. Thinking on it, it had been during times of great stress (River mostly being the cause of said stress) when she started getting close to him.

When had he allowed her to? How?

It was a strange exchange between the merc and the little crazy woman, they fought and bickered yet at the end it was each other that helped calm them down as well.

It was too gorram weird.

Right now, Jayne was thankful enough that she was at last calming down, relaxing instead of being all hyper and well "moony" about everything. River was finally seeing this situation as he was, boring…sure…but an opportunity to relax and get some needed kip.

Jayne was not the mind reader out of the two of them. The calm did not last at all.

"It's spelt with a K." her voice muffled into his green t-shirt.


"It is spelt with a K not an N. " River squirmed on top of him and then rolled on her front propping her chin on his chest so she could look up at him. She smirked at his frowning confusion glaring back at her. "Knife! It is spelt with a K! It is no wonder I did not get your riddle! You spelt incorrectly!"

"I did not miss spell anythin'! That's how I spell knife, girly! I write as is pronounced." Jayne took his hands and grabbed hold of her arms to push her up off his chest. He then sat up and crossed his arms in defiant defence.

"But it is not the correct spelling. The K is silent."

"Then if I don't say it, why should I gorram write it?" Jayne huffed angrily. "What wise-ass thought that was a good gorram idea? Sounds stupid to put a letter in a word ya ain't even gonna use when ya speak it!"

River nodded in understanding of his logic. It did make "Jayne" sense. She wriggled on his lap a little and poked a gentle finger at his temple. She closed her eyes and she nestled her head in the crook of his neck, coaxing Jayne to put his arms around her again. He did so, wondering what she was going to do next.

He hoped that she was going to be quiet, but when she began to toy with a single curl of his hair (it needs cuttin') he had a feeling that she was about to start one of her long winded and eerie mind readin' speeches as she lost herself in his brain.

He had known her for seven years now. Not all of it was good, mind;

"She tried to slice me open, I sold her out to the feds an' nearly got her handed over to them blue hands, she cracked my nuts, pissed me off and annoyed me, I tried to get her off the gorram ship….list goes on."

The girl-woman-hummed into his t-shirt again, leaving a round wet mouth impression on the material before she started talking.

"Ma Cobb taught what she knew," said River, quietly and softly into his chest. "School wasn't the right place for her children. The two boys never attended anyway for they got into trouble. They had fights and caused great mischief. They made a lot of trouble. They influenced their little sister as well. That was until Ma found out. She was furious."

River angled her face to his neck and then skimmed her nose up over his stubbled cheek. She sniffed lightly as if his memories were smells wafting off of him. Jayne would have yelled at her for this before, but as he remembered what she was seeing, he couldn't help but fondly close his eyes and get lost in the moment. He and his younger brother got into plenty of trouble, often dragging Mattie into it. But the trouble they got at school (the odd few times when they did attend) and from the local law men that weren't nothing compared to what they had to suffer when Ma Cobb knew what they'd been up to.

Jayne couldn't help but smile. The numerous clips round the ear holes, slaps round the back of their heads, the whip of the carpet beaters at their heels as she chased them round the house, cussin. Good times.

River carried on, adopting a Rim accent like Jayne's. He shuddered. It was eerie when she did that.

"Ma took it 'pon herself to teach when it were clear the school dint want 'em back. She taught her two boys what she could with the readin' and the writin' whether they liked it or not. Little Mattie loved it though. She loved the learnin' 'bout cookin' an' other things womenfolk were s'posed to know. Little Mattie was the one in control, just like Ma. The women kept the ranch all good an' ordered."

"Yeah. You don't mess with Cobb women. You just don't. Though the lil' woman lying on top of me, it's all kindsa of fun to mess with her."

River clicked her tongue at Jayne's thought and then squished her nose against his. Jayne growled and pushed her face away from him with two of his fingers on her forehead.

River beamed a happy smile at him, letting him know that she liked the messing too. River then tilted her head right back as if she was going to look at the sky, yet her eyes remained closed.

"Jared was the maker, he tinkered," River carried on, trapped in the memories of the man beneath her. He wasn't objecting to her talking about it, mainly because no one else was around to hear.

It helped him reminisce. He did miss his family. His ma, Jared, Mattie. He even missed his Pa. The man he followed to the black. The man who he barely knew except in the letters he sent home.

"Jared fixed and made things with his hands. He kept the machinery runnin', he could fix the visitin' ships at the port! He's like a male Kaylee, except he cusses a lot more than she does!"

Yeah he did. If Mal and the others thought Jayne swore, it was nothing compared to his little brother. Perhaps Jayne shouldn't have taught him so many swear words…

River shuffled again and hitched a finger beneath the neckline of Jayne's shirt. She lowered her voice and grinned.

"Jayne was the artist. He could play music, the guitar that his ma taught him to play. He could make such beautiful sounds, but he was also the trouble maker. The instigator! Always was and always will be. All ma's kids were taught 'bout life. What it meant to be in the 'verse, the true skills for stayin' alive. She did what she could…the only way she knew how to. Pa was away, sent back money and letters to 'em. Knife spelt with an N. Knot spelt with an N. Spell it like you say it."

"Yeah." Jayne agreed as he lowered himself back into a lying position. He remembered the lessons and his Ma's voice saying those words. He also remembered how bored he was and that he got a slap round his head for not paying attention. He obviously had paid attention in some way.

"Now, are ya finished ramblin' on 'bout my life story?"

"Yes." River stroked at his shoulder with a hand. "I'm finished. Thank you for sharing, I am most grateful."

"Well, just don't go spreadin' it around. Don't need everyone knowin' my private business. Dong ma?"

River nodded and gently slipped Jayne's hat back over his face as his hands curled round his head to support the back of it. She remained sitting on his lap watching him with an intense stare for a few minutes, she noted the rhythm of his breathing and the way his body stretched the fabric of his t-shirt to bursting point. River wondered why his shirts were too small, was it because he kept shrinking them in the laundry or was it purposely done, to show off his buff physique to the females? To her?

River took another quick peek inside his head and was pleased to know that it was a little of both. Though them whores…the showing off wasn't for them anymore. She felt her cheeks redden.

"Are ya gonna lie down or what, moony? Can't relax proper with ya wriggling on top of my tackle like ya are."

"We are not supposed to be sleeping." she said firmly, trying to ignore what she had just read from him and that the sudden realization of what she was actually sitting on was making her excited. "We are working! We have to stay alert and be ready for when Monty arrives for the merchandise. Asleep we are vulnerable, prone to attack."

"Monty ain't gonna 'tack us nut job. He's Mal and Zoe's kin from the war. We've all known him for years. Got some of our trust, he's never let us down before, so we're not gonna git shot by the old hound."

River raised an eyebrow as she recalled an incident on Persephone.

"The captain was."

"Misunderstandin'," Jayne snorted. "Mont was aimin' for Badger and Mal got in the way."

"You were shot as well." River remembered the last Unification day.

"Again, misunderstandin'. 'Sides, I shot him back. We were drunk, there was a fight with these hun duns who looked at me funny, he had blurry vision and I had stumbled inta his path of fire. Dumb stupid mistake, but hey I was drunk! Yer brother patched us up, Mont an' I bought each other more beers and had no hard feelin's bout it. Monty is okay by me, liked how he used that gorram idjit as a foot rest." Jayne chuckled. "I like the ole fella as much as I can, s'pose . So girl, quit yer jabberin' and relax! It's not as if I get much opportunity t' do this, be with ya here sprawled all over me, like. Heck…Mal'd kill me I swear."

"Simon would not be best pleased." River cooed, puffing a warm breath down the neck of his shirt. Jayne quivered and gazing under the brim of the Outback, River saw him bite his lip at the pleasure he felt. "Simon would die of shock if he knew what we had become."

"Like I care what yer brother thinks."

The slap to his chest did have a bit of force behind it, but the smart on his skin was again highly pleasurable. He flapped a slap of mock annoyance on the back of her head.

After a few moments of her fidgeting on top of him, her knee jarring a few times against his 'nads, Jayne finally felt the young Tam woman curl up upon him and automatically one arm snaked round her waist and his fingers stroked softly at her thigh.

"Eye spy was not a good game," she said, interrupting-again-the peace and contentment Jayne was beginning to feel. He sighed heavily with frustration.

"River!" His threatening tone seethed from his lips and the use of her real name wasn't lost on her. He called her many names, she was used to it. It's how he showed affection, but when he used her real name…it meant he was being serious. Jayne calling her River was like a warning light, an alarm and a big flashing danger sign at the same time.

"You said it was a kid's game."

"It was a dumb kids game! Dunno why I 'greed to take part anyhows. Now will ya jus' stop with the words and thinkin' and-!"

"We could play a different game, if you so wish."

"Not playin' games, little bit. I want to get some shut eye."

"You'll like this game."

"Again, I'll mention the me not bein' interested, moony. Now go to sleep already!"

"It's not what I have in mind."

"Di yu! I don't give a rat's ass what ya-!"

Jayne cut his sentence short and his eyes shot open beneath his hat when small nimble fingers snaked under his t-shirt and nails began to tease over his stomach. His whole body tensed but then her nails raked up over and through the hairs on his chest and his breaths heaved out rapid gasps of elation.

"Thought we were supposed to be on look out?" he stammered.

"We can still play."

A delighted and eager grin spread across his face, making River's even wider. Was she really planning on doing what he thought, this little woman was actually serious about taking their relationship further? Part of him was saying no, there were a lot of reasons why he shouldn't. But there were now plenty of parts of him that wanted to say yes.

"It will be fun. We have both been thinking about it." River sighed and rubbed her face against his chest.

"Ya bin lookin in my head too much!"

"I like it." River tapped at his temple. "Can we play?"

"Hell yeah we can play if ya want!"


Jayne responded by running his own hands across her back and resting them on her bottom. As he squeezed her dainty roundness, she pinched and stroked over his nipples whilst her mouth kissed his chest under the t-shirt. Jayne felt himself stirring, becoming extremely aroused. River chuckled at his reaction and continued the motions of her lithe hands running through the coarse hair that accented his body. She slowly and achingly brought them down, past his navel and over his pelvis which his pants didn't quite cover. Then River nipped at his skin with her teeth.

"Ah!" His legs jolted up in reflex nearly upsetting the girl's balance, but those teeth gnawing into him were followed by a lovely lavish lick of a tongue. "You sure you wanna be startin' this game? 'Cause yer not gonna win."

She moaned in the affirmative to his question and it was that muffled acknowledgement that made him tear off his shirt and sneak his hands over her toned legs and up beneath the hem of her dress. The hat fell off when he reacted in surprise to what he felt. Perfectly smooth and bare skin.

"Yer not wearin' panties?" he asked with a smile.

"Uncomfortable in this hot weather. Air flow is necessary." she spoke into his shirt. "Easier access for you as well."

"Aw hells girl-!"

He grabbed with one fist at her hair, pulling her head up away from his chest and positioning her face, her mouth perfectly positioned for him to kiss. Hungrily.

River responded with equal vigour to his devouring mouth and ground herself harder into him. The kiss was furied desperate, invigorating. Fuelled by months of not tasting one another, the sweet, hot union of their mouths urged them toward the next level of exploration.

As his roaming fingers kneaded at her trembling buttocks, hers pushed past his belt and his pants. Then he felt her snigger against his mouth, stopping the kiss.

"Wha-?" he mumbled over her lips.

"You're not wearing panties either!" she laughed back.

"I don't wear women's undies…HOLY! Ta ma de!"

River laughed again, and her squeezing hold on the rock solidness in his pants made that beautiful groan rumble in his chest.

"That is the rule of the game." she teased.

"I think you might win this one then, moony." he gasped. He tugged on her hair and then pulled her mouth down to his. He had lost control of the kiss now. River held him, provoking quivering jolts of ecstasy, not only in his mouth but from her-good god gorrammit!- hand moving over the stiffened bulge in his pants. Her other hand was clawing at his hair, tugging on the now slightly greying curls and shooting sharp pains across his scalp, but he damned well liked it. His excited deeply aroused grunting changed into longing purrs and moans into her mouth when he felt her body quivering beneath his hand. At that little feminine scent of craving need, River must have ripped out several clumps of his hair. He pulled away from the kiss, catching her bottom lip with his teeth.

"You tryin' to make me bald as well as grey?"

"Sssh!" River's trembling voice whispered and she placed a single finger on his mouth. "Your incessant verbalizing and incoherent nonsense is spoiling the game. Please refrain from…"

"Shut-up woman!" he sneered, forcing his mouth over hers again. River let out a startled cry as the battling kiss raged on and Jayne's hold in her tangled hair pulled ferociously. Feverishly they fought against each other, heedless of the mule's cramped space as they became lost in their entanglement. They tried to compete, prove who could arouse the other more. River was certainly winning, relentless in her ministrations of Jayne's throbbing erection, but then she felt his hand do something other than just squeeze at her bottom.

His palm that had been fondling the flesh of her left cheek found the base of her spine and began to ease down the centre. Two fingers pushed through the crevice, down and forward, finding her molten core. A light tip rubbed over her entrance and River let out a whine, but when Jayne slipped that same finger gently up inside her, he couldn't help but smile triumphantly. She jumped, her hand came loose from his J.T and there was a delectable moaning whine before she bit his neck. Her body lost all of its strength and now that she was limp and groaning from his gentle thrusting motions within her, Jayne hitched her further up his body with that same hand so her mewing mouth was gasping in his ear. Her hands were now gripping the railing of the mule behind Jayne and her raised position gained him much easier access whilst he nuzzled her neck.

She felt so wonderful, the taste and smell of her was overwhelming him. River Tam was doing something that seven or so years ago, Jayne Cobb would never had wanted to do in the first place. Now, he wished that he never had to stop and that it wasn't merely his finger that was inside of her.

She laughed again.

"What now?" he uttered, nipping at her neck. River took her hands off the rail and entwined her fingers in his mass of hair. She didn't want to reply, her body urged for him to continue moving within her, she jiggled urgently on top of him and pleaded with another whining mew. Jayne did so, but he stopped when she let out another laugh.

His finger slipped out of her and her disappointment was clear when she pulled again and again on his hair.

"What's so funny?" he snapped. "I can't be doin' this with you giggling in my ear hole!"

"You're making her gush!"

"Yeah well that's what happens when yer nethers get all excited! Don't rightly know what's making you laugh though."

River nibbled at his ear and brought her hands back down to his belt. When her hands slipped past it and the material of his pants, when they slipped over his length, Jayne's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he felt the metal bash against his skull.

"I hear…with my little ear, something beginning with M!"

"Okay, fine. Are we gonna stop?"

"I do not want to."

"Me neither, so…?"

"I'm shutting up."

River chuckled, a fiendish laugh that excited Jayne even more. He pulled her back down for another kiss and let his hands ease over her ass. She didn't place hers on him, she didn't need to. The grinding motions of her body against his erection were driving him wild and he wanted so bad to get something other than his fingers in her. He wanted to show her what he could do, but he wasn't going to do anything like he did with them whores. River weren't a gorram whore, she was-

River Tam. Secret Government weapon and crazy…beautiful River Tam.

Oh go se. She musta read that.

River had indeed and she grabbed hold of his belt and began to undo it. Still locked in the kiss, Jayne felt dazed and confused as to why she would still continue this, but then he figured that she wanted it just as much as he did. She weren't saying no…in fact….it was her idea! Jayne wasn't going to argue with that!

He helped River up a little so their positioning could be right. Their mouths were still locked together, crashing with need, but before any other connecting could happen, Jayne felt River stop.

She laughed again.

He didn't need to ask.

There was a sound from outside the mule and instinctively, the hand that had been about to guide himself into her pulled away and grabbed hold of Cerys, who was nearby. In a blink of an eye, Cerys was pointed up, armed and ready to fire.

"Holy dogs!" Monty jumped back away from the mule and held up his hands. "Wo de ma he ta de feng kuang de wai sheng dou! Jeez Cobb! What ya doin'-?"

"Hi Monty!" River sat up right, breaking the kiss and she angled her torso round so she could see Mal's friend. She even waved at him and that made Jayne mutter a few cussing words under his breath. "You are five hours, forty minutes and twenty seconds late. We have been waiting. We got bored."

"River? That you?" Monty gasped and turned away, shielding his eyes with his arm. "Good gods little lady! What you doin'?"

"We were about to engage in sexual copulation! You will need to go away for us to continue."

"Ya got bored so the first thing that entered yer mind was to bump uglies?"

River frowned and looked at Jayne and then at herself. She jiggled from side to side, making her full firm breasts wiggle and Jayne groan beneath her.

"We are not ugly, Uncle Monty."

"He knows that, River!" Jayne hissed, lowering Cerys down to his side. He hoped that River wasn't going to move and get up to give "Uncle Monty" a hug. "Look, Mont…can ya do us a favour? The merchandise is in the compartment, leave the money and we'll see ya later when Serenity comes back?"

"I, er…sure Cobb." The large grey haired man shuffled nervously on his feet and then edged, with his back to the couple, to the rear of the mule. He then opened the hatch and sighed with relief when he saw the large brown burlap sack.

"I gotta say…" Monty stammered, hearing some more fumbling and whispering between the strange couple, "I'm a mite bit surprised you and the little one here are…actually no it makes sense. If you hadn't killed each other after all these years, this had to be the next reasonable step. Does Mal know?"

"Nope." Jayne replied, the irritation clearly evident in his voice.

"Does yer brother know?" asked Monty. River adjusted the straps of her dress and shook her head.

"No. Simon is unaware."

"Why girly? Why go after this old decrepit…"

"Hey! I ain't decrepit!" moaned Jayne. River patted his chest in comfort.

"He certainly is not. The age gap is considerable but it does not make him undesirable. He is treating me well, Uncle Monty. Do not worry, because this is entirely consensual. You may go now." She waved her hand in a frantic "shooing" motion.

Monty didn't move.

"We wish to continue!" River said irritated. "We cannot do so if you are still here. Kaylee will be cooking a meal for crews of Serenity and The Banshee's Wail! We shall meet up then."

"Ya sure little lady?" Monty sighed, clearly still shocked at seeing the two of them in such a position. "I don't knows if I feel right about all of this."

River nodded and gave him one of her adoring smiles. Jayne knew that Monty could never argue with her. He had tried, but the big guy was a softie at heart, and women could always sway him, "Bridget" had proved to be one of them. The wrong one.

"Please, do not tell the others," River said jumping up suddenly and causing Jayne to yell. She giggled when he pulled on the hem of her dress to cover himself up. "We shall do so when the opportune moment arises. I promise. We promise."

"We do?" asked Jayne. She shot him one of her questioning, one eyebrow-raised glances. He caught on immediately. "Uh! Yeah! Sure. We promise."

"So go." River turned back to Monty and smiled sweetly again for him. She waved her hand at him. "Do not be concerned, we shall be careful. I am not at my peak ovulation stage in my cycle and Jayne will ensure that he does not ejac-!"

"Okay I'm goin'!"

"Yeah! He's goin'!"

Both men's faces went bright red. Monty snatched up the sack and headed to where he had left his horse and Jayne began to wriggle uncomfortably. When the Captain was a fair distance away, River turned back to the merc beneath her and smiled. Her laughter quickly made him settle, but it didn't rid him of the uneasiness he felt knowing that Monty had discovered them.


She settled back down on him, stroking at his face, wiping away the sweat from his skin and kissed lightly at his bearded chin.

"So modest," she breathed. "Afraid that Monty will tell? He won't if he does not consume copious amounts of alcohol tonight. He has what he really came for, we can continuing playing. You…"

Her voice which had been confident and strong now faltered to a worried whisper.

"You do want to continue, do you?"

What he had originally wanted was a bit of kip. Jayne shifted and then found his hat with a groping hand. He placed it on top of River's head and slapped her bottom playfully.

"Question y'need to ask is do you?" he said. "You really want this of me after everythin' we've been through…the threats and fights we've had? This will make it better?"

River sat up and adjusted the hat on her head, angling it to one side.

"Pretty cunnin'…don'tcha think?" she said. Jayne scowled.


She tightened the lanyard under her chin and leant back down to kiss his forehead.

"There is no question. We know it will."

Jayne sighed a heavy breath of relief that he didn't realize he had been holding.

The mess hall had been fitted out to accommodate seven more people. The two crews were seated around three tables meshed together and although there was barely enough elbow room to eat, it didn't deter them at all.

The food Kaylee had made was most appreciated, the wine and ales brought from Monty's last job made the evening even more enjoyable. Everyone talked about what had gone on since they last seen each other, they laughed and bantered…the extended family were so happy and grateful to be together.

"So, did the medicine help, Mont?" asked Zoe as she filled her friend's cup.

"You have no idea!" roared Annabelle, Monty's pilot. "No more complaining and cussin' every time he sits down! Do you know how he was and how much grief he gave us every time he wanted to take a seat?"

"Hey! When you get to my age, woman…these things happen!" Monty jabbed a fork in her direction. "The kind of medicines that ease a man's discomfort ain't available to all in this neck of 'verse!"

"Glad we could help." said Mal, who was trying hard not to laugh. "Glad that you're back to normal, old man."

"Is normal the right word to describe him?" cackled Bob almost near choking on his food as he chewed. Simon patted him on the back. "Thanks doc."

"Least I never got shot over this stuff!" Monty joked, looking at Mal with his arm still bandaged. "How many times have you been shot this year?"

"We lost count." Kaylee sniggered in to her hands.

The jokes and eating continued. More alcoholic drinks were consumed, though none commented on the usual drinker being completely sober. Everyone was surprised however, when Inara began to slowly slide off the edge of her seat.

"I'm fine!" she said, as Sung-Qu, Monty's "medic", tried to keep her steady. "It's this dress, it slips on the seat is all!"

There were a few sniggers at the sound of Inara speaking improperly, but everyone was silenced when a very loud, hefty and purposeful sigh came from the smallest woman at the end of the table.

River was pushing a small amount of potato around the edge of her plate and looking very disinterested.

"Mei-mei?" Simon leaned forward to catch his sister's eye. "Are you all right?"

"Bored now," she sang.

There was silence. No one quite knew how to respond to that. It took several long seconds before River took her attention away from the mash and focused on Jayne. It was a brief signal but he was too busy still finishing off his bread roll.

"I'm bored now!"

Her chair scrapped on the floor as she rose up and she began to wonder towards the door that lead to the passenger dorms. When she had gone, the talking resumed.

It wasn't that much longer that Jayne suddenly clicked on to what had just happened.

"Ah! I'm bore-I've gotta take a piss."

Jayne grabbed several more rolls off the main serving plate, refilled his cup and hurried out of mess hall, catching his foot on a step on the way. The very prolific cussing that echoed back to the others was intriguing, but that wasn't even the start of it.

"I must admit!" Monty chuckled, nudging Mal on his bad arm. He paused as the large amount of alcohol he had imbibed was making him sway on his chair like Inara. "Cobb does still have the way with the ladies! Never figured he and the little one would ever get it together like that! If they do that kinda thing I saw when they're bored…I'd hate to think what happens when they're not! Prob'lie they'll get all kinds of nekkid I'd wager!"

A large spray of ale splattered into Monty's and Kaylee's face, when Mal and Simon both spewed out their mouthfuls.

"Oh go se!"

Monty slapped a palm against his head.

He'd dropped them right in it.

The end. :)