A/N I am so sorry that this was so late, but my life is kind of a wreck right now and I'm grounded and I've been in a horribly pissy mood lately so I didn't get much time to write.

Disclaimer: I don't fucking own Harry Potter, obviously.

2015 update: last one to edit! and again, I apologize for not updating this story for 2 years after this chapter lol


Chapter 19: Breaking Point

I swear to Merlin I was going to tell him. Just spit it all out and finally admit to everything.

All that came out of my mouth was "I have to pee."

What was worse was the fact that the conversation had been so, forgive me, serious. I was being serious about everything. So was Sirius.

'I have to pee.'

Good one, Elsa.

I decided to write to Devon instead of moping any longer because not only have I forgotten about the Quidditch match we have this morning, I also promised Remus I'd go to hogsmeade with him.

Dear Devon,

I dunno if you've heard, but Raffie fell off his broomstick. It was my fault, I was yelling at him but I didn't mean it, honest. And dad was horrible about it. He said some… things. Raffie won't even see me.

His back's broken, but Pomfrey says he'll be fine.

I'll just spit it out then.

Dad kind of slapped me. And called me an 'immature bitch'. Which I am, lord knows. But he can't say it, can he? He's my father!

I don't get it, Dev, what's the point of being furious with me? Why is everyone?

I'm more miserable than ever. I'm sure you understand that. I hope nothing's been too horrible for you lately.

I've got to go, but please write dad for me.

Love Elsa.

After I'd finished the pathetically short letter and sent it off with Christopher, who was thrilled to finally have a job, I realized I really did have to pee and practically ran down the steps to the bathroom on the sixth floor.

And while I was washing my hands, I heard the strangest thing.

Marlene. Crying.

I thought this was a little weird because Marlene doesn't cry. I don't just mean she's tough or anything, I mean I don't think she ever cries. Not without a Sirius problem. And if it's a Sirius problem, she would be angrily crying. This sounded really horrible.

I feel bad for her.

You should ask what's wrong.

Don't do it.

Don't be an ass, Elsa.

Don't do it.

Maybe you can help.

Don't do it.

Just knock on the door and say something.

Don't do it.

"Marlene? Are you alright?" I nearly chewed my lip off waiting for an answer.

And then she opened the door.

"I…"

Merlin, she looked like shit. I don't think I'd ever seen Marlene without makeup and perfect hair and tidy clothes. She was a wreck.

"I l-lost…"

"Yes?"

"I-I…lost the baby," she whispered.

I couldn't hold in a gasp.

"Oh my god, Marlene, I…"

I'm not sure why I hugged her, honestly. I hate her guts. I really do. The first day of first year, she knocked the books out of my hands while we were walking to our first class. And then she stood over me and called me 'hippo' while I tried to pick them up. Things got even worse when I became friends with Alice.

I guess they were friends before I was in the picture.

Not to mention she's known I've liked Sirius for a long time. And he is her boyfriend. Honestly, if I were Marlene, I would have punched me in the face a while ago.

But here I am, hugging the girl I swore I would push off a bridge at the first available chance. And I have never felt this horrible for anyone.

"You c-can't tell S-Sirius," Marlene said, pulling away. She wiped the tears from under her eyes. "I don't know if I can."

"I wouldn't. I won't. As long as you don't tell anyone about this," I added.

Marlene smiled slightly. "Okay. I'm sorry, Elsa." She hugged me.

I gave her an awkward pat on the back and turned to leave. "You need anything?"

She shook her head. "If anyone asks, I'm sick."

I left the bathroom with one last glance back at Marlene, who was still crying. I felt horrible. Maybe even more so than yesterday. And even more horrible as I thought about it. I mean really thought about it.

This was probably for the best.

It made me feel sick thinking about it, but I knew deep down it was probably true.


"COLLINS! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE BLOODY DOING TEN MINUTES BEFORE A BLOODY MATCH IN THE BLOODY COMMON ROOM! GET YOUR ARSE DOWN TO THE BLOODY PITCH BEFORE I BLOODY KILL YOU!"

I'm pretty sure anyone in the castle heard James in full-out Quidditch captain mode.

"I'M BLOODY WELL COMING DOWN RIGHT BLOODY NOW! IS THAT BLOODY GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?" Alice mimicked.

James looked like he was going to blow up.

"NOW!"

Alice and I watched him stomp down the stairs as we followed at a leisurely pace. "I swear he'll be the death of me," Alice mumbled.

I tired to manage a laugh, but I couldn't stop thinking about Marlene.

"Elsa? Are you alright? I mean, you're being awfully quiet. I hope your still not thinking about your dad, I mean, that'll be sorted out eventually, right?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry. That's it," I replied half-heartedly. I'm not sure how the hell I'm going to comment on this game.

"Really lucky that Marlene's knocked up, eh? I mean, I didn't think I'd ever get a chance to play seeker! Not with that bitch in the way."

"Alice, knock it off. Don't call her that," I said.

She stopped walking. "Why? You've been calling her 'bitchface' since third year! God, you're so gloomy lately."

"Gee, I wonder why?" I muttered.

By the time we got to the pitch, I couldn't hear myself think over the screeching McGonagall and James gave us.

"GET READY RIGHT NOW!"

"I TRUSTED YOU TO BE MORE RESPONSIBLE!"

We both said our apologizes and I climbed the stands to my booth, which didn't look as friendly as usual.

"And welcome to today's match! Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff! Ironically enough, folks, both of our seekers are out today. On the Gryffindor we have Collins, Black, Prewett, Prewett, Vance, and filling in for Collins filling in for McKinnon, Longbottom. And Gryffindor team's captain, James Potter! On Hufflepuff we have Kilpatrick, Smith, Robinson, Bones, Mitchells and filling in for DeLestrade, Thomas! And Hufflepuff's captain, Avery Anderson!

Looks like a good match so far. The quaffle has been tossed! And Potter takes off with the quaffle, he's zooming past Kilpatrick there, and he passes to Prewett, Prewett passes to Longbottom and dear lord he's dropped the quaffle. Kilpatrick picks it up and passes to Robinson and he's headed for the goal, looks like this time he's got it- ten points to Hufflepuff! Better luck next time, Emmeline!"

This was one of the longest fucking Quditch matches ever. The game went on for about two and half hours, and by the time it was finished, my voice was practically gone.

Gryffindor won, as per usual and I wasn't interested in listening to a play-by-play recap from James who I'd already reminded that that was actually my job during the match and I didn't need to hear it from him again.

So I decided to skip whatever celebrations were going on afterwards and go up to my dorm to get ready for Hogsmeade even though the better half of me wanted to crawl into bed and never come out. Apparently Sirius had the same idea.

I tried to move faster, because with my blabber mouth I didn't want to let spill what Marlene had told me this morning. It'd go great. 'Oh, hey Sirius, did you know your girlfriend miscarried? Yeah, phew, that was a close one, right? Did you enjoy the match?'

"Elsa! Wait!"

I sighed and turned around. "Yes?"

"You never told me anything."

No shit, Sherlock.

"I decided not to."

"Why? I thought we were friends."

"Oh, alright, if we're such good friends then, why don't you tell me something about yourself. Do you care or are you just trying to screw me over? Because I don't have to deal with this," I said icily.

Be angry for no reason. He'll go away.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Okay not working.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm going to be honest with you Sirius. Brutally honest. You're kind of giving me mixed signals here."

"Elsa, I still don't get it," Sirius said.

It's now or never. May as well blow up while given the chance. I took a deep breath and started pouring my heart out.

"I mean, first you want to talk with me, say it's all alright, and then you don't look me in the eye for weeks at a time. It's bloody confusing! You send me flowers but never come to visit. All we ever talk about is Remus! Remus! He's not here, is he? No, I didn't think so. You know why? Because he doesn't want to get involved with this. Let's face it, I'm a pain in the ass, alright? I get it. You know you kissed me, while you were drunk on New Year's?" I couldn't believe I was actually saying all of this. Judging by the look on his face, neither could Sirius. I continued anyway, "and I ran off to Remus because I felt bad about him. I was worried because we were together. I realize that was a huge mistake after you told me that he really liked me and don't you understand? You broke my heart with every word! 'Remus really likes you' and 'he's lucky' what does that mean? I don't care anymore. I just don't. Remus and I were never even together! It was all a lie! I don't care!"

Sirius stared. "I don't-!"

"I'm BLOODY IN LOVE WITH YOU, you arse!" I raced up the stairs without another word, but not before I saw Remus staring up from a flight down.

Shit.


Reviews!

- pretty much. lol. And life is never going to get off my back at this rate, but thanks! :)

LileDupre- I did. And it's no longer paused! Yay! Thanks for reviewing!

Hi- Yeah, I'd like to apologize for the cussing. Elsa has a potty mouth. Unfortunately I do too. :P

Kj- Here you go!

So feel free to kick me for that uber long wait. And until next time, goodbye!

-Val

PS- thank you to everyone for the well-wishes! It's hard, but I'm being a baby about most of my problems right now. Hopefully I can man up sooner or later. :P

PPS- I'm posting a new story tonight called 'into the night' which is REMUS/OC so y'all should check that out. If you want. *cough* Thank you.