Requested by TsukikoIchihara. This fic's for you, dear! :)
Sorry 'bout the length. This fic is kinda based off/inspired by a Hyoutei doujinshi entitled "The Water Gun Boys". You don't have to read it before reading this, though.
It was a scorching hot day in Kanagawa—way too warm to be normal. It was the kind of day where even just talking could make you sweat. The kind of day where sitting on park benches burned your rear end. The kind of day where teenagers would sit and hide out in the basements of their houses all day and refuse to go outside.
Which was just what the Rikkai regulars were doing.
"I know it's a hot day and all," started Marui slowly in annoyance. "But just why must everyone hide out in my house?"
Niou yawned. "Why not?" he asked lazily, twirling his rattail with a finger. He smirked. "It's not like there's something wrong with that, right?"
Marui's eye twitched. "I don't really appreciate being stuck in the same room with 7 other bodies in this heat," he said, looking pointedly at the other regulars. He turned his head back to Niou. "Seriously, do you know just how much heat you're giving off?"
"Maybe," was all Niou said, before he leaned in closer to Marui and slung an arm over the other boy's shoulder.
"Get off!" yelled Marui in disgust, shrugging off Niou's arm in a not-so-graceful fashion. "Nobody likes fat and sweaty guys touching them!"
Niou snorted. "Fat? Have you seen yourself? You're the one who eats like 20 cakes a day!"
Akaya nodded. "He's right, senpai. Doesn't your name mean 'ball of fat' or something?"
"In any case," cut in Yukimura. "Your house was the best suited for this heat, out of all of us—at least, that's what I heard from Renji." He looked at Yanagi for confirmation.
Yanagi nodded. "This heat has definitely far surpassed my data—but with the large ceiling fans in every one of the rooms, it was only logical that we would come over here," he stated. He proceeded to push up his glasses in a datamanly way, but quickly realized that he didn't have any. Oh, Sadaharu...
"Wait, even the bathrooms?" asked Sanada. He was ignored.
"Besides, you have the best video games EVER!" said Akaya in delight. He huggled a couple of Wii game cases nearby.
"Akaya-kun, you haven't even gotten to play them yet," stated Yagyuu, pushing up his glasses because he COULD—but mainly because he wanted to annoy Yanagi. Of course, he would never say that out loud. A gentleman only had so much freedom.
"And you never will," said Marui, snatching away the video game cases from Akaya. "Now please excuse me for a moment. I'm going to find some ice that will keep me cool and sane." With that, he made his way to the stairs and started off on his glorious journey to the refrigerator.
"Marui-senpai was never sane," stated Akaya seriously.
"Same goes for you, brat," said Niou. He randomly started to rummage through a nearby cardboard box.
"Niou-kun, I don't think you should go through Marui-kun's belongings," said Yagyuu. "Honestly, you do that every time you see a cardboard box. You stick your hand in it with no idea of what will come out. Remember that time you stuck your hand inside a cardboard box almost as tall as you by the dumpster at the back of that knife shop? Fuji Syuusuke wasn't very happy when you accidentally pulled off some of his hair. Rumour has it that since that day, he has been searching for you while carrying a pair of scissors, Niou-kun—although, I'm quite surprised as to how he still hasn't found you."
"OH YES I HAVE FOUND YOU!" exclaimed Akaya to Niou, going into devil mode.
"Akaya, you're not Fuji Syuusuke," said Yanagi.
"Oh yeah." Akaya deactivated devil mode.
"...anyway, why was Fuji Syuusuke even in a cardboard box at the back of a knife shop?" asked Jackal hesitantly.
"I don't remember exactly, but I believe he mentioned something about 'a certain hair-twirling, girly, St. Rudolph freak', but I can't be too sure."
"Why were you two at the back of a knife shop in the first place?" inquired Sanada. Yagyuu merely coughed and turned away (POLITELY, of course). Sanada felt dejected.
Even after Yagyuu talked for much longer than he should have, Niou had ignored him and continued rummaging through the cardboard box. A light bulb appeared on top as he pulled out an dark blue item.
Exclamation marks instantly appeared on the top of everyone's heads.
"Niou! Put that away or else you'll be running 30 laps at practice tomorrow!" barked Sanada. Once again, he was ignored.
Akaya eyed the item in Niou's hands. "That's AWESOME!" he exclaimed. He went to the box and pulled out an item identical to the one Niou had found, the only difference being that it was pink. He fiddled with it a bit. "Hey! Mine's loaded!"
Jackal's eyes widened as he saw what Akaya was going to do. "Akaya! Don't pull the trigg—"
Everyone turned around to find Marui, whose face was now wet with water.
"What the hell was that for!" demanded Marui. "That water's warm, too!"
"Aww, it's not a real gun?" asked Akaya in pure disappointment. "That's too bad."
"Brat, did you really think that a pink gun would be real?" drawled Niou. "And by the way, mine's loaded too." He proceeded to squirt water in Akaya's face.
"You idiots!" scolded Marui, snatching the water guns away from the two. "You could have hit the Wii!"
"Hey, there's more in here!" said Niou, as he threw out 6 more water guns from the box to each of the other regulars. They all caught them, except for Marui, who was just hit in the face.
"You idiot! Didn't you hear what I just said?"
"Yes, but I ignored it."
"I feel your pain, Marui," mumbled Sanada sadly. No one heard him.
"I JUST HAD THE GREATEST IDEA!" yelled Akaya, standing up dramatically.
"That we should shove all of these water guns down Marui's throat?" asked Niou. He smirked. "That wouldn't work, he'd just eat them all."
"SHUT UP!" yelled Marui.
"DON'T WANNA!" Niou yelled back.
"TARUNDORU!" yelled Sanada, hoping that everyone would listen to him.
"GUYS, CALM DOWN!" yelled Jackal.
"WHALE BLUBBER!" yelled Akaya.
"What? Everyone was yelling, so I wanted to join in, too..."
"Brat, you were the one that started yelling first," said Niou.
"Too bad," replied Akaya. "Anyways, we should totally have a WATER GUN FIGHT! W00TZ!"
"Did you really just say 'W00TZ'?"
"Ha! You said it too!"
"Why Akaya, that's a lovely idea," said Yukimura before the others got carried away again, but it was mostly because he hasn't really said much recently so he needed to talk.
"I refuse to go outside," stated Marui shortly. "It's freaking warm out there."
"Marui, this would be great training for tennis. You should do it," requested Yukimura sweetly. (Although we know that it was really an order.)
"O-Of course, buchou," replied Marui hastily. "There's a park near here, we could have the fight there."
"AWESOME!" exclaimed Akaya. "THEN LET'S GO!"
Sanada sighed. It really wasn't his day.
"Having a water gun fight would be a bit chaotic if everyone was on their own," mused Yukimura.
"This whole thing was chaotic to begin with," muttered Marui in irritation.
"Maybe we should split up in groups of two?" suggested Yagyuu to Yukimura. He pushed his glasses up (knowing full well that Yanagi was still feeling sad that he didn't have glasses).
"I call Yagyuu," said Niou immediately. He slung an arm around his partner. "Excited, Hiro-chan?"
"Niou-kun, please don't call me that in public," replied Yagyuu in slight exasperation.
"Or in private," mumbled Sanada, not really knowing why he cared.
Marui sighed. "I fear what will be happening since those two have teamed up," he said half to himself. "Jackal, wanna pair up? I need somebody to keep me sane."
Jackal nodded in agreement. He couldn't pass up the opportunity, since in normal circumstances, he would have just been forgotten.
"Marui-senpai, you're not sane," said Akaya, his expression grim. "It just wouldn't make sense."
Before Marui could retort, Yukimura stepped in between the two and turned to Akaya. "Would you like me to pair up with you, Akaya?" he asked, smiling sweetly (and for once, there wasn't any mischievous/sadistic intent behind the smile).
Akaya's eyes practically filled with stars. "Of course, buchou!" he replied happily.
"I guess it's you and me, Renji," said Sanada, stepping right beside Yanagi. Inside, he was happy that he had one of the more sane people on his team.
Yanagi looked around for a few moments. "I don't seem to have a partner," he muttered, completely oblivious to the Emperor standing next to him.
Sanada felt sad.
Yanagi looked around some more before saying, "Oh, Genichirou, I didn't notice you there."
A few steps away, Jackal was looking evilly at Sanada. "Feel my pain, Sanada, FEEL MY PAIN."
"Hey, Jackal, you okay?" asked Marui, feeling concerned about his momentarily out-of-character friend. Jackal waved it off.
"So Yukimura-buchou, what are the rules for this fight?" asked Akaya, catching everyone's attention.
"Weren't you the one who suggested it?" asked Yukimura. "I'll let you decide on the rules." Akaya grinned at this.
"Seiichi, I believe that it would be 82.894% better if you allowed me to come up with the rules," said Yanagi, half fearing what Akaya would come up with if given the chance.
Akaya pouted. "But Yanagi-senpai—"
"Akaya-kun, you do owe him after he saved you from, what was it, 'getting your soul sucked out of you'?" interrupted Yagyuu.
"Nah, the brat just saw Fuji Syuusuke at the grocery store," said Niou simply.
Sanada sighed. "Now Fuji Syuusuke sucks peoples' souls out?"
"Same thing!" insisted Akaya to Niou. "I was planning to get some wasabi to stick in Jackal-senpai's food—" ("So that's why my sushi so spicy on Monday..." muttered Jackal, shuddering at the memory.) "—so I took the last tube and Fuji-san was there! AND HIS EYES WERE OPEN! But then Yanagi-senpai opened his eyes at Fuji-san and everything was okay."
"He sure pops up a lot, that Fuji," mumbled Sanada to himself. "Why he always seems to be in Kanagawa, I have no idea..."
"Anyways," said Yanagi, clearing his throat. "I believe it would be in our best intentions if I made up the rules."
"Fine," mumbled Akaya grudgingly.
"To start off, if you get water on your shirt, you're out," explained Yanagi. "However, it would be quite hard to see if your shirt is really wet..."
"Remove our shirts?" suggested Marui, blowing a bubble.
"We will have to," replied Yanagi. "So when you're out, remove your shirt. Getting your pants or shorts wet won't count; and no spraying each other with anything other than water guns. As long as at least one member on your team is still in at the end, you win."
"What's the prize?" asked Jackal.
"I GOT IT!" yelled Akaya. "The prize for the winners is the chance for both of them to be the fukubuchous for a day at practice!"
"Wonderful idea, Akaya," praised Yukimura tenderly. The junior ace grinned widely.
"Why not buchou and fukubuchou for a day, instead of two fukubuchous?" asked Marui. Immediately, he received a look/glance/death glare from Yukimura telling him otherwise. "Forget I said anything," he squeaked, popping a bubble.
Yanagi cleared his throat. "So the prize for the winning team will be a chance to become the fukubuchous for a day."
"Any boundaries?" questioned Yagyuu.
"The park, naturally, but stay away from the children's playground," replied Yanagi. "We want to ensure their sanity."
"We do?" asked Niou. No one could tell whether he was joking or being serious.
"Please be quiet, Niou-kun," said Yagyuu, lightly hitting Niou on the head in a gentlemanly fashion.
"So are the rules clear?" asked Yanagi. Everyone nodded. "Good. We start in 3 minutes."
With that, everyone scattered.
"This place is awesome for this," insisted Marui from in a large tree. "Seriously! If someone passes by here then we can just squirt them from all the way up here!"
"They could also just squirt us too, if they see us," argued Jackal, reluctantly climbing up. "And if us two and another team were having a squirt battle here, we're less likely to escape dry."
"But they won't see us! Just look at how big these leaves are!"
"Marui," started Jackal cautiously. "You have pink hair."
Meanwhile, from behind a large bush...
"Yukimura-buchou, I just thought of something!" said Akaya rather loudly.
"Hush, Akaya," whispered Yukimura, placing a finger on top of his lips. "We don't them to find out where we are. Now what were you saying?"
Akaya grinned. "We should totally have a team name!" he whispered loudly. "I was thinking it could be something like, 'Unbeatable Killer Elves pair', or something!"
Yukimura raised an eyebrow. "Elves?"
"Yeah! Elves are awesome! I mean, who doesn't want pointed ears?"
Yukimura chuckled quietly. "You do have a point," he said. "I approve of the name. It's a bit long, though."
"Maybe we could make it an acronym?"
And thus, the U.K.E. pair was born.
"Hey, Yagyuu, you got some candy on you?" whispered Niou from behind a hedge.
Yagyuu nodded. "They're quite useful for getting my way with Akaya-kun when he's being rebellious," he said. He paused. "Which is quite often."
Niou smirked. "That's good."
"Three minutes is about up," noted Yanagi to himself, curled up in a ball behind a large rock. "I must think up a plan..."
"Renji, I remember seeing Marui and Jackal climb up a tree near where we started," said Sanada. "Should we head over there and get them?"
Yanagi mumbled to himself some more. "I remember seeing Marui and Jackal climb up a tree near where we started," he said. "Should I take the chance and head over there to get them?"
Sanada sweat-dropped. "I just said that..."
"Hmm?" Yanagi looked around wearing an expression that ALMOST looked like confusion—but he was the DATA MASTER, so looking confused was a big no-no. "Oh, Genichirou!" he exclaimed in (ALMOST) surprise. "Did you say something? I must have forgotten about you."
Sanada's eyebrow twitched. Just when I thought we could be proudly named 'the Sane People', he thought in distaste. "No, continue," he grumbled.
Yanagi nodded in acknowledgment. "I was debating with myself on whether or not we should take the chance of shooting down Marui and Jackal—I saw them climbing up a tree near where we started," he said.
"I heard," muttered Sanada in annoyance.
"It's a long way there, though," said Yanagi. "We could be seen and possibly be ambushed. If we do get there safely, we would have to have extremely good aim to shoot them, or else we would miss and possibly hit a branch, thus making noise and drawing attention to ourselves, leading to our downfall. I'm still going through the variables and calculations in my mind, as I am obviously unsure as to whether we should go or not."
In other words, it may be a while before the two actually get to do any squirting.
"Well, I'm glad we finally see things the same way," said Marui in conclusion. "You can see almost the entire park from here!"
Jackal rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He looked around at the park. His eyes widened when he saw tufts of blue and black from behind a bush not too far away. "Marui, are they who I think they are?"
Marui curled his hands around his eyes like binoculars. "Who? Where?"
"Look over there, by that bush."
Marui looked around a bit, then spotted them. He smirked. "I think they are."
"Hey, Yukimura-buchou," said Akaya.
"Yes, Akaya?" asked Yukimura.
"Is that tree over there moving?" Akaya pointed to a large tree far off to their side.
Yukimura glanced over to where Akaya was pointing and chuckled. "No, I think that just might be Marui and Jackal," he said.
Akaya pouted as he was trying to properly see the scene. From where he was crouching, Akaya watched as a boy with red/pink hair jostled over behind a bald boy. It appeared that they were arguing. After a little while, the bright-haired boy pushed the bald boy off of the tree, with the bald boy yelping as he landed behind a nearby bush. The bright-haired boy jumped down right after, landing much more gracefully compared to the bald boy. The duo seemed to start making their way to Akaya and Yukimura's direction.
Yukimura chuckled once more, startling Akaya. "I think they saw us and are on their way to try and get us out."
"Oi, Marui! You didn't have to push me like that!" Jackal hissed, rubbing his arm as he walked.
Marui blew a bubble. "Yeah I did. Or else you would have climbed down really slowly, slow enough for people to take notice of you," he replied.
"I think people took notice of me when you pushed me down," said Jackal through gritted teeth.
"Only because you just had to scream—"
Marui froze. "Oh crap, I know that voice."
"AWESOME~! I KNEW YOU'D BE HERE SOMEWHERE, MARUI-KUN~!"
"H-Hey, Akutagawa," greeted Marui uneasily, turning around to face Jirou, who had been walking nearby. "Could you keep it down, please?"
"MARUI-KUN~!" squealed Jirou, not even trying to quiet down. "I BROUGHT YOU CANDY!" He fished through his pocket a little before revealing the various lollipops, peppermints and sticks of bubblegum in his hand.
"Erm, thanks," said Marui, taking the candy. Jirou was still squeeing. "A-Akutagawa?"
"Could you just quiet dow—" Marui was cut off as he suddenly felt a surge of coldness—wetness—on his back.
In shock, Jackal turned around to seek out the opponent. However, the moment he turned around, he felt the same cold, wet sensation Marui did.
Marui's eyes were wide. "Akutagawa? W-Why do you have a water gun?" he asked, still shocked by what had happened.
'Jirou' smirked, "Sorry, Marui-kun," he said. He reached for his hair...
...and pulled it off, revealing bleached hair underneath, along with a rattail.
"Crap, NIOU?" asked Marui.
Niou smirked. "Puri."
"Marui-kun," started another voice from behind. "I advise you not to eat the candy Niou-kun gave you. Each of them is around a year old, so I don't think it would be very healthy or wise if you did choose to eat them."
"Yagyuu..." said Jackal with a pained expression.
Niou did a double-take on Yagyuu. "Wait, so you give the bratling year-old candy?"
Yagyuu didn't bother responding to him. "I believe you and Jackal-kun are out," he told Marui.
Marui sighed in defeat and removed his shirt, with Jackal doing the same. "I am so getting my revenge later," said Marui, glaring at the opposing pair.
Niou rolled his eyes. "Have fun with that."
Yagyuu's ears perked up suddenly. "Niou-kun, did you hear that?" he asked quickly.
Niou nodded, his expression fast becoming serious. "Let's go."
The two ran off, leaving Marui and Jackal to stare.
"Genichirou, I think they heard us," said Yanagi, who was now running behind a line of bushes at top speed, trying to keep low.
Sanada nodded, running beside the data master. "Their speed has improved," he noted, looking back and seeing their D1 pair running not too far behind.
"There's a 68% chance that we should turn back now and start running in the opposite direction."
"Today our team is 87% more random..."
Sanada sighed. "We might as well take the chance."
The two stopped and turned so they were running in the opposite direction. "Genichirou, I think it—"
Yanagi's eyes opened in shock as Sanada was no where near him. He stopped running and turned around, only to see Sanada lying flat on the ground metres behind him.
Sanada mentally cursed as he continued kissing the ground. He was about to get up until he felt the back of his shirt dampen. He heard some voices.
"Hey, Yagyuu, we got lucky here." Niou?
"It seems that Sanada-kun tripped on his own shoelaces." Yagyuu, too?
"He looks kinda pathetic right now." Sanada could practically hear the smirk playing from Niou's lips. He grimaced as he heard Niou's voice lower. "He let his guard down."
"But is it really okay leaving Yanagi-kun on his own? We could have gotten him."
"It's fine, we're not the only ones that are out get him, after all."
Yanagi turned back around and ran from Sanada. "I'm sorry, Genichirou," he muttered. "I forgot to warn you." He continued running for a while, making calculations in his head. At least he could finally have some peace and quiet. Then again, it wasn't much different, seeing as Sanada was pretty much the equivalent of a rock. Poor guy.
Yanagi froze as his mind went fuzzy due to the random scream of potato.
Another voice chuckled. "You shouldn't have stopped running, Renji."
Yanagi sighed as he had anticipated the cold wetness he felt on his shirt. "Akaya... Seiichi..."
"Akaya, we better get moving," said Yukimura from behind a bush (and yes, there were a lot of bushes in the park).
"Aww, I wanted to make Yanagi-senpai bask in my glory," replied Akaya from a nearby tree in disappointment.
"You can do that later," said Yukimura, smiling.
Akaya pouted. "Fine, but I'm calling Yanagi-senpai Potato Man from now on."
"Did you hear that, Niou-kun?" asked Yagyuu.
Niou snorted. "Potato? Yes, I definitely heard it," he replied, trying to stifle his laughter. He failed miserably.
"Hush, Niou-kun, they might hear us."
"Yeah, like we haven't heard them," said Niou, rolling his eyes.
Yagyuu shivered as he felt the dreaded liquid known as water on his back.
Niou gaped at him. "What the hell?" He looked around, only to find a certain bloodshot devil and Child of God. "Now that's one conflicting image..." he muttered, just barely managing to dodge the next shot of water aimed at him.
Yagyuu coughed. "I know that Akaya-kun's speed improves drastically when he goes into devil mode," he started. "But this is just..." He trailed off.
"We've trained him well, Yagyuu," said Yukimura, smiling proudly.
"There's an 89% chance that Akaya's water gun will run out of water within the next 6.32 seconds," stated Yanagi, making his way next to Yagyuu. He was followed by the rest of the people who got out.
Six point three two seconds passed and sure enough, Akaya ran out of water. He proceeded to wail as he hid behind Yukimura, with his devil side fading away.
Yukimura flashed a pleasant smile at Niou. Then he shot out water at full speed at the trickster.
The spectators/rest of Rikkai blinked. "D-Did the fight just end?" asked Jackal.
"I dunno, I blinked," said Marui.
Yagyuu adjusted his glasses. "Yukimura-kun is impressive..."
The rest of Rikkai agreed.
The next day...
"NIOU-SENPAI! 60 LAPS BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE YOU!"
"What the hell?"
"Heh, you have it bad, Niou."
"MARUI-SENPAI! 50 LAPS FOR HAVING PINK HAIR!"
"AND JACKAL-SENPAI! 50 LAPS FOR STANDING NEXT TO MARUI-SENPAI!"
"But he's my doubles partner..."
"POTATO MAN! 40 LAPS FOR WALKING AROUND WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED!"
"Th-This whole situation is illogical..."
"YAGYUU-SENPAI! 40 LAPS FOR BEING NIOU-SENPAI HALF THE TIME!"
"You're being unreasonable, Akaya-kun..."
"SANADA-FUKUBU—I MEAN, SANADA-SENPAI! 100 LAPS FOR BEING A ROCK!"
It was going to be a long day.
I rushed the ending. Someone shoot me.