AN: Disclaimer: Doctor who is not mine, but this little spark of an idea certainly is, and now it's yours, seen as you are reading it! Ain't you lucky?Not for animal lovers, especially chickens…
It had been 5 weeks since the Weeping Angels had chucked the Doctor and Martha back into the past to the year 1969, but Martha was the one that had to get a job, because for some reason she would be better than he would, even though the Doctor was the Time Lord.
He'd spent the last 4 and a half weeks trying to make some sort of detector. Martha wasn't quite sure what it was for, and was confident he wasn't entirely sure himself.
" This." He would tell her defiantly whenever the question was asked, " Is a…Timey-Wimey Detector."
" What does it do?" Martha laughed at the answer every time.
" It…goes Ding when there's Stuff. Also, it boils an egg at 30 paces."
" What use is either of those?"
" As many boiled eggs as you want?" He'd suggested pitifully. As much as she hated him, Martha loved him too.
That was as far as his ideas for the Timey-Wimey detector went. Until the day Martha got home from work on an average thursday. Well, it wasn't really home. The Doctor had pick-locked his way into the house – not for the first time, he claimed – once they had worked out it was empty, and made it homely.
" I have an idea." The Doctor grinned.
" I'll log that, quite a rarity." She muttered playfully. " What is it?"
" You know how we can boil an egg with this thing?"
" Do you reckon it still does it whilst there's a chicken on the outside of it?"
" What?" Martha put down the shopping. The Doctor hadn't really left the house recently, and had obviously not slept, meaning he spent the time just thinking. Time and time against she'd left him sat on the sofa, one elbow leaning on the arm of it, and his fist resting against his cheek, only to find him in exactly the same place when she woke up. Looked like it was finally making the impact on his mind. " You can't do that Doctor."
" Just one chicken. Come on." And that was it, the Doctor had made up his mind. He picked up the Timey-Wimey detector, and slipped on his jacket before running out of the house, not even looking to see if Martha was following. He already knew she was.
" What do you have against Chickens anyway?"
" Nothing really. They just freak me out a bit. Those eyes…" He shivered.
" You can't just use that as an excuse to run into a farm and blow up their chickens." Martha reasoned as they stepped towards the local farm.
" I never said we were running in and blowing up their chickens." The Doctor grinned, slightly manically.
" Then why are we here?"
" We aren't running, we're walking in calmly and using the psychic paper to get in, and we aren't blowing up chickens. Just the one. Probably. Hopefully."
He walked up to who he guessed was the owner.
" Hello. We're the…chicken inspectors. Come to look at your chickens. Obviously." The Doctor gave the farmer his best smile.
" Go on through." The farmer waved his hand and the Doctor led Martha through.
" Didn't even need the psychic paper." He muttered.
" You're not doing this." Martha tried to pull him back.
" It'll be fine." He insisted, walking into the coop and putting the detector at the gate before walking forward. There was a glint in his eyes that seemed dark and sinister combined with the almost predatory look on his face as he advanced.
Martha stayed outside whilst the Doctor skilfully herded a chicken away from the others. He ran over to the Timey-Wimey detector and turned the handles until it emitted a low hum. The Doctor grinned menacingly and ran over, steering the chicken forward.
" You might want to stand back." He warned Martha, who nodded and retreated 10 meters or so.
The Doctor pushed the poor chicken forward, still looking mildly curious.
The bird got 35 paces away.
The Doctor kept his eyes shut as the feathers and innards exploded over his shirt…and his face.
" Ugh." He moaned. " Why did you let me do that?"
" I didn't!" Martha called over, picking up the detector and turning it off before it blew something else up. She couldn't help but laugh at the expression on the Doctor's face.
The Doctor glared at Martha through the blood and stuff on his face, looking like a toddler that had been stubborn enough to do something they knew they shouldn't have.
That was why, a few weeks later the Doctor sat next to DI Billy Shipton and looked at him gravely whilst uttering the words 'It's not pretty when they blow' with a hint of malice.
AN: Howdy. I was watching Blink with my friend a few nights back and when The Doctor said those words to Billy Shipton, I suddenly had to gasp and write this down. I was practically dying from laughter as I though about this while my mate was asleep. She gets angry when you wake her up and this would have had me banned. Please review, I know how slightly sick and dark it is, but go for it!