Hi! Here's the first of plenty of songfics I'm working on. Each chapter is dedicated to a different country song.
SPOILER ALERT! The first chapter takes place on page 160 in "New Moon", where Bella goes to the Cullens' abandoned home
Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Twilight Saga. The characters and story are the property of Stephanie Meyer. Nor do I own the quotes in this story borrowed from the second installment, "New Moon". I also do not own the lyrics to the song, "Hurt Me", by Leanne Rimes.
The thick, almost jungle-like growth crawled slowly past my windows. The drive wound on and on. I started to go faster, getting edgy. How long had I been driving? Shouldn't I have reached the house yet? The lane was so overgrown that it did not look familiar.
What if I couldn't find it yet? I shivered. What if there was no tangible proof at all?
Then there was the break in the trees that I was looking for, only it was not so pronounced as before. The flora here did not wait long to reclaim any land that was left unguarded. The tall ferns had infiltrated the meadow around the house, crowding against the trunks of the cedars, even the wide porch. It was like the lawn had been flooded-waist-high-with green, feathery waves.
And the house was there, but it was not the same. Though nothing had changed on the outside, the emptiness screamed from the blank windows. It was creepy. For the first time since I'd seen the beautiful house, it looked like a fitting haunt for vampires.
I hit the brakes, looking away. I was afraid to go farther.
But nothing happened. No voice in my head.
So I left the engine running and jumped out into the fern sea. Maybe, like Friday night, if I walked forward...
I approached the barren, vacant face slowly, my truck rumbling out a comforting roar behind me. I stopped when I got to the porch stairs, because there was nothing here. No lingering sense of their presence...of his presence. The house was solidly here, but it meant little. Its concrete reality would not counteract the nothingness of the nightmares.
I didn't go any closer. I didn't want to look in the windows. I wasn't sure which would be harder to see. If the rooms were bare, echoing empty from floor to ceiling, that would certainly hurt. Like my grandmother's funeral, when my mother had insisted that I stay outside during the viewing. She had said that I didn't need to see Gran that way, to remember her that way, rather than alive.
But wouldn't it be worse if there were no change? If the couches sat just as I'd last seen them, the paintings on the walls-worse still, the piano on its low platform? It would be second only to the house disappearing all together, to see that there was no physical possession that tied them in anyway. That everything remained, untouched and forgotten, behind them.
Just like me.
I had to find out; I needed closure. Maybe, just maybe, there was some kind of hint, or a clue as to why they'd left. Why he'd left. He'd never done anything without reason. There had to be some sort of explanation as to why he'd gone. He'd said that he didn't want me anymore. Why? Had I done something wrong? If so, then perhaps there was a way to correct my mistake. Then he'd come back.
But I needed answers first.
And the key to those answers could be in that house.
The front door, by some miracle, was unlocked. It creaked a bit -obviously due to the lack of use- as I walked inside and looked around.
The room was still light and open as I remembered it to be. The furniture was still in the same arrangement it was before they'd left, but they were all covered in pale white sheets. White as ghosts…or Vampires.
I slowly made my way towards the staircase. As I looked closer, I noticed a small layer of dust covering the banister and held back a sob; it was just more proof that they were gone. Once I reached the third floor, I trudged down the corridor and his door was open. My heart rate sped up with every step I took towards the room. I peered in and a tear escaped from my eye and slid down my cheek. It was exactly the same; no sheets, no dust, no proof that he'd ever left. I didn't bother to wonder how or why.
The glass wall to the south was just as polished and streak free as I remembered it; the dark tawny drapes were open, letting whatever little light there was in the dreary Forks sky filter into the room. The plush, golden carpet was still immaculate. Off in the corner was the oversized, black leather couch- it was up against the wall, still in the same position as it was the day he held me in his arms before the baseball game. A golden fleece blanket was draped over the back of the sofa.
The wall of CDs was filled, along with the stereo system. As my fingers brushed along his wall of music, one single CD caught my eye. It stuck out a bit further than the others, so I pulled it out and turned it around in my hands. Perhaps there was a song on it to help lighten my mood…
I gently placed the disc into the stereo system and pressed the play button. I walked over to sit down on the black leather sofa and wrapped the golden fleece blanket around me as the music began to play.
Why in the world did you hurt me?
Just when I thought I'd found someone to trust
You took away your love
I felt a tear slide down my cheek as my mind wandered back to that horrid night when he left me alone in the woods. Most of the memories were foggy. There was rain. It was cold. I was lost in the woods for…was it hours? Days? I couldn't remember. It was dark. Pitch black. There was no moon - a lunar eclipse - a new moon.
A new moon.
I still can't believe you hurt me
Just when I thought it was safe to commit
You let me want you, and need you, and then
You left me
Like a child in the rain
Now I'm mending myself in the pain
It was strange, like I couldn't feel anything, like I wasn't even there. It was as if my mind had shut down and I just lay there in the mud not moving, not thinking; I don't even know if I was breathing at that point.
As the lyrics swept over my weakening body, I laid down on the sofa and the traitor tears began cascading over my flushed cheeks. My vision blurred and I heard sobs ripping from my body, making my throat sore and my chest constrict painfully.
At some point I thought that there was a slight draft in the room, but it could have been my imagination. After wiping my eyes, I glanced towards the window off to the side and saw it slightly ajar. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, but when I looked again, it was locked up with no signs of ever being opened.
Oh you hurt me
I laid back down and completely encased myself in the warmth of the fleece, effectively muffling the music, but not tuning it out completely.
Yes you left me
Like a child in the rain
Now I'm lost in an ocean of pain
Slowly but surely, the hole in my chest began to rip open, inch by inch, each one more painful than the last. As the seconds ticked by, I curled further into myself as my breathing became more and more ragged. It finally reached the point where it would have usually stayed constant; the pain wouldn't get worse, but it would just…remain there, right at the edge of my sanity, if you could call it that.
But then it kept going.
I had learned to control myself when it came to my voice; I could contain it to the point of slight whimpers every once in a while. However, the moment the hole began growing past its normal capacity, I let out a moan, which then became shrieks, and finally screams of pain.
Oh you hurt me
I fell in love and it hurt me
Can't you imagine how I'm feeling now
Oh will you ever know how
I felt my body suddenly shift and I was soon sitting upright on the couch, the blanket pulled tighter around me. I could barely make out a voice in my ear, whispering soothing words. And for the first time in months, my body followed the guidance of this voice and began slowly calming down.
I knew that voice, but I refused to open my eyes; if I did, the voice would disappear, and I wasn't ready to let go yet. I just sat and listened to his voice for what could have been minutes or hours, I wasn't sure. As the pain in my chest lessened, the voice grew louder. It started out as a low hum, then it began to crescendo to where I could make out the words.
"Hush, it's alright, my Bella, I'm right here. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere. I'm so sorry, please forgive me, Bella. My Bella."
I was shocked; this voice sounded closer than my other delusions, it seemed more stable. And the tone was different, too. It wasn't angry or cautious, but sad and remorseful. I decided not to dwell on it, and just enjoy the moment for as long as it lasted.
"Bella, open your eyes," I shook my head, "please?" I squeezed my eyes shut tighter.
The voice sighed, "Why won't you look at me?"
"Because you'll disappear again."
My voice cracked, "Of course. You disappear every time. If I open my eyes you'll be gone. I-I don't think I can let go again."
I felt a pair of icy lips press lightly against my forehead. "Oh, Bella."
That simple gesture made my resolve waiver slightly for a moment, but I kept my eyes closed. It felt so real when a cold finger tilted my chin up, I was beginning to doubt that it was my imagination.
"Bella, sweetheart, please open your eyes and look at me."
I couldn't refuse anymore, so I decided to just get it over with. Perhaps I would be able to get a glimpse of him before he disappeared.
What I saw made me want to close my eyes again.
The look on Fantasy Edward's face made my heart ache. His obsidian eyes reminded me of the first time he stared, or glared rather, at me in that first biology class. The only change was that, instead of hate and loathing, they were filled with pain and regret.
His voice sounded so anguished; I raised my hand to rest it upon his cheek, but stopped a few inches away. What was I doing? This wasn't Edward. Edward wasn't coming back. This was just a figment of my imagination. My hand fell back into my lap and I pulled my eyes away from his perfect face, settling them on a piece of lint on my shirt.
Fantasy Edward sighed and pulled me closer, resting his chin on my head, "I never should have left. I had hoped that you could move on with your life; that you could live a normal, carefree life without all of the dangers of my world. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.
"But now I see what a blasphemous mistake that was. I'm so sorry. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but if there is-"
My head shook back and forth so fiercely that I was surprised my neck didn't snap. I lifted my gaze to his perfect lips, unable to look into those coal-black orbs.
"This doesn't make any sense," I murmured to myself, "My hallucination wasn't like this before. I don't understand, why-"
"Isabella Marie Swan, I am not a hallucination. I am really here with you in my arms and I'm never letting go again. I'm too selfish a creature to leave. I may be a masochistic lion, but I'm not an idiot. I love you more than anything, and I'm not going anywhere."
He hooked his finger under my chin and lifted my head up to meet his gaze. The solemn look in his eyes told me all I needed to know.
He was really there.
He wasn't leaving.
He loved me.
I let out the shaky breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. My hand raised itself up by it's own accord and began tracing his perfect features; the stony smoothness of his pallid cheek, the sharp, defined lines of his nose, the purple bruising under his eyes was darker than I'd ever seen them, as if he hadn't hunted in months. His brow was creased in concentration, most likely due to my silent mind.
"What are you thinking?" Bull's-eye
"I'm trying to wrap my mind around the idea that you're actually here," There was no way I was going to tell him what I was really thinking; how I didn't understand why he loved me in the first place. The moment was too perfect to ruin. "How did you know I was here?"
"I followed you," he replied honestly, "I have been watching you all week, and I was planning on talking to you in your bedroom tonight. But when I saw that you were coming here, I knew I couldn't wait until then. Had I known how my leaving would affect you, I never would have gone.
"But please, answer me this.
"How could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?"
"I didn't understand how you could love me in the first place, so I guess I always had the suspicion that you would leave somewhere in the back of my mind," I couldn't lie to him when he looked at me the way he was. Although his eyes were not the smoldering gold that I knew, they still seemed to consume me; they pulled me in completely and it all spilled from my lips.
"Bella, you can be so absurd sometimes," he let out an exasperated sigh and pulled me closer to his body for a moment. He then took my face between his stone-like hands and pressed his lips firmly to mine.
You hurt me
Hope you enjoyed it. I wasn't sure how to end it, so it kinda trailed off...hehehe, sorry.
Bye for now.