My muscles were relaxing and I had finally stopped shaking from the cold that had seeped into my bones. I could hardly keep my eyes open and didn't even try to fight the urge to close them as I rested my weary body against Jacob. My legs and arms felt rubbery as the tension drained from the muscles that had clenched them earlier.
"That's right honey, just go to sleep," Jacob whispered. I was too tired and comfortable to answer him, so I just sighed in contentment. I could hear the wind shrieking in the trees just outside and the tent bending and swaying insanely.
It was okay now. I was safe and finally blissfully warm and with the two people who were most important in the world to me. Edward, whom I loved deeply and wanted to give up my humanity for and spend the rest of eternity with, and Jacob, whom I also loved, but desperately tried to put in a category that wouldn't threaten my commitment to Edward. I didn't know what to do with Jacob. I loved him; I wanted him in my life forever too. I also found him attractive, sort of beautiful as I had put it to him months ago, embarrassing myself in the process. But I couldn't be attracted to him and Edward. Wouldn't that be cheapening my love for Edward? I felt guilty and I felt selfish and it frustrated me. But it was true.
And it frustrated Jacob. He had professed his love for me on two separate occasions already. Like I hadn't already known the way he felt; he wore his heart on his sleeve. I shook my head, trying to shake this baffling dilemma from my mind just as Jake pressed me closer against his burning, brawny chest.
"Please!" I heard Edward hiss from the other side of the tent where he sat huddled and feeling useless in the corner, trying to stay as far away from me as possible so as not to inflict his frigid body temperature onto my own which was finally thawed. "Do you mind?"
"What?" Jacob whispered back, his tone surprised.
"Do you think you could attempt to control your thoughts?"
"No one said you had to listen," Jacob muttered. "Get out of my head."
"I wish I could. You have no idea how loud your little fantasies are. It's like you're shouting them at me."
"I'll try to keep it down," Jacob whispered back sarcastically.
I sighed loudly. I could only imagine what was going through Jacob's hormonal teenage mind.
Poor Edward. I knew he was jealous of Jacob. Not only for the feelings he knew I had for him, but also because he knew Jacob was capable of doing things with me that Edward was unable to do. And so far was unwilling to take a chance and even try to do. I had to admit that his constant pushing me away every time I got excited and overheated was wearing thin. I so desperately wanted him to at least touch me, something beyond the kissing that drove me wild. But he refused every time, with the excuse that if he lost control even in the slightest, he could possibly kill me.
I heard Edward growl a desperate, low growl in his throat from the corner of the tent, and I knew it had to be in reaction to more of Jacob's thoughts.
"Don't even think about it dog," Edward muttered as I heard him crawling closer to us in the sleeping bag. He came up behind me and lied beside me from a distance. "Are you warm now love?" he whispered and I felt his cool breath tickle the back of my neck.
"Mmm-hmmm." I pulled my arm out of the sleeping bag and reached back to rest my hand on his arm.
Jacob clutched my waist and pressed me even closer. Edward snarled and I felt the back side of the sleeping bag ripping open under his grip. The bag was torn open and I was now exposed down to the back of my knees. I gasped in shock as I felt the cold air hit the back of my legs, where Jacob's arms were not securely wrapped around me.
I was even more shocked as I felt Edward turning me toward him, away from Jake, and his hard lips found mine in the dark. He kissed me urgently as if trying to prove a point, but I was too surprised and delighted to wonder why or even care. I wrapped my arms around his neck and shivered as my now warm body crushed up against his cold, stone one. I could hear a growl escaping from Jacob behind me, but Edward's kisses were always so potent to me, they swept me away and like an expensive sports car, I went from 0 to 120 in no time flat.
I didn't even try to stop Jake as I felt him sweep my hair up and press his own lips to my neck. My body tensed and I felt a shock go through me between Edward's icy lips pressed to mine and the heat of Jacob's on my neck, the warmth from his lips spreading over my shoulders and tingling down my spine.
Edward reached for the front of my jacket and unzipped it quickly, nudging it off my shoulders while Jacob tugged it off over my arms and tossed it toward the other side of the tent. I wasn't sure what the hell was going on, but I knew it was some kind of jealous bent that was spurring Edward on and I was not going to say a word and spoil it. I was going to ride this out and see just how far he would go.
Edward's fingers fumbled with the buttons on my blouse as he slowly undid them; first 1, then 2, 3, 4. One by one until finally the 7th and last button was undone. He gently parted either side open as if opening a highly anticipated Christmas present.
"Is this alright love? Are you okay?" he asked me, looking up and gazing into my eyes.
I nodded breathlessly. Jacob was quiet behind me. I pulled the blouse completely off and tossed that to land near my jacket somewhere in the darkened corner. Edward reached behind me and fumbled with the clasp on my bra. He grunted and pulled to no avail and I felt his hand get shoved away as hot fingers expertly unhooked the back of my bra, which I immediately let slide down my arms onto the floor, exposing myself. Edward reached out and engulfed me with one cold, marble hand. My nipples immediately hardened almost painfully, stiffly bursting under his touch. He pushed me down flat onto the soft down of the sleeping bag and I felt Jacob scoot back to allow me some room. I felt a little weird with Jacob there watching, but oddly turned on too. I knew he wanted me and to have him watch Edward kissing me and touching me was profoundly erotic.
Edward placed his face gently against my chest, inhaling deeply, dangerously intoxicating himself with my scent before placing my nipples between his hard lips, being very careful with his teeth. He was wicked strong and one wrong move could be….well, I could be made immortal with one misplaced overzealous nip. I could feel Jacob's eyes on us.
"If you hurt her leech, I will kill you right here, right now," I heard Jacob's strained voice mutter behind me.
Edward ignored him as he continued to kiss my chest, making his way down my ribs and stomach. I could hear Edward's breath getting labored in a way that was unfamiliar to me. Edward was always so restrained and in control. I was a little exhilarated and a little frightened at the same time. As he made his way lower and lower down my torso, half of me screamed to stop this, what the hell I was doing? While the other half writhed in excitement, my hands tangled in his hair, pushing him gently lower, a low moan escaping from my chest. As I felt him ease my pants down over my hips and legs, I felt myself cross a line; dear god, this was it, I was going to let him do whatever he wanted to me. I felt myself surrender and knew there was no going back now.
I was completely naked now, totally exposed, yet I felt no embarrassment. Instead I felt an odd sense of power. Edward was trying to maintain himself and I could hear Jacob breathing heavily behind me, mesmerized by the scene unfolding right in front of him, at Edward doing all the wonderful, nasty things he had been dreaming of doing to me for so long. If this was a feast, I was the achingly anticipated main course.
Edward was working on my inner thighs now, licking and tickling them as he edged his way closer to my core, which was no easy task as my thighs were still locked pretty tightly, only allowing enough room for his head to barely make his way there. But they parted mindlessly when his icy tongue made contact with my warm folds. I moaned loudly and arched my back, fisting my hands at the exquisiteness of it. He was being so gentle with me and I couldn't help but love him more, knowing how hard it must be for him to maintain control of himself. When I thought nothing in the world could feel better than this, before I knew it, there was a hot mouth on my chest, suckling first one breast and then the other. I shivered involuntarily at the contrast of the cool lapping between my legs and the warmth and softness of Jacob's mouth up above. I was moaning softly and I reached up above my head, grasping onto a tent pole with both hands, when Edward began fluttering his tongue over me softly at speeds that only a vampire could manage. I almost screamed when I felt him slip one frigid finger inside me, slowly easing it in and out while his tongue continued its fast frenzy. Jacob's teeth gently gripped me while his tongue swirled over the swollen tip of my nipple. The contrast of the cold between my legs and the heat at my breasts, biting, licking, swirling, sucking, my legs were shaking and the pole beneath my hands was shivering from the wind outside. I finally cried out as the tension in my body broke and waves of pleasure swept through my whole being and my insides contracted and shivered over and over and over again. I could hear panting and realized it was me.
Edward pulled away from my thighs and eased his way up to lie by my side. I was shivering from the chills that were still going through me and the chill temperatures still raging right outside the thin tent walls. He reached up to push the hair that had fallen over my eyes away when Jacob rolled me toward him and engulfed me with his massive arms, pressing my naked body against his own nude chest. "Come here honey, I'll warm you up." I sighed like I always did at the marvelous heat that exuded from Jacob and enveloped me. Edward didn't say a word and I knew he was biting his tongue only to allow for my comfort. I was getting sleepy again, the warmth surrounding me now and my body so relaxed and still tingling. I heard Edward heave a heavy sigh behind me.
"I have a confession to make," he whispered close to my ear.
"What?" I strained to look over my shoulder at him. "What's the matter?"
He shook his head, his eyes closed, a pained look on his face.
"Edward? What is it?"
"I didn't want to tell you this with the dog here," he paused and clenched his teeth as he stared at Jacob with his naked girlfriend wrapped in his arms. "But the truth is….I may need his help."
That caught Jake's attention and he lifted his head curiously to look at Edward. Jacob and I both waited for Edward to spell it out.
Edward avoided Jacob's eyes as he leaned close to me and said, "I've been avoiding this conversation because I know it's a sore spot for us and I don't know what to do about it….and much as it pains me it has to be dealt with."
Now I wriggled in Jacob's grasp turning slightly, worry gripping my belly, to turn toward Edward.
"You're determined to go through with giving up your life and being one of us against my wishes and better judgement and I do want to be with you forever, so…..certain things must happen before we can go through with it."
Now I was confused. "Edward, what are you talking about?"
He glanced at Jake and took my hand before he continued. "You know how my family and I spontaneously heal when we're injured? Well, the same will be true for you when you become one of us." He hesitated. "So if we….begin the process of making you one of us and you're still…."
I was confused and about to nudge him to go on when Jacob burst out laughing behind me. Edward glared at him.
"What? What's so funny?" I demanded. Edward stared at the ground, quiet.
"What he's trying to tell you honey is that you don't want to be a virgin when the bloodsucker kills you, or you'll be a virgin for eternity!"
"What?" Now I was annoyed and still not getting it. How could I be a virgin for all eternity?
Jacob tilted my chin up to look at him.
"Honey, if you're a virgin when you become a vampire, every time you have sex and your…" he blushed and stuttered before forcing himself to go on, "hymen is broken, it'll grow back spontaneously."
"What?" I gasped, horrified.
I looked at Edward and he nodded glumly.
Why didn't Edward tell me this a long time ago? He always had such difficulty being honest with me when he thought things would upset me. Jacob was so different. He understood that I would want to know something like this and not have it sprung on me at such an inopportune time. And Jacob had no trouble telling me the truth. Even when he knew it was something I wouldn't want to hear.
"So what….?" I shook my head. "Why are you telling me this now?"
I could feel Jacob chuckle. Then he grew embarrassed. He ducked his head and I swear he blushed. "He's afraid he'll need my help."
I looked at Edward and he nodded his head. His expression was pained. "I don't think I can do it Bella. Much as I want to, much as I'd love to….I don't think I can. I really don't even want to take the chance. If anything happened to you….."
I saw Jacob flinch and I heard a low growl rumble in his chest. "Don't even try it bloodsucker."
"It's up to you love. It needs to be done before the transformation, and if I lose control….well, unfortunately Jacob is the only person I figured you'd trust to….take care of it."
"You want me to make love with Jacob?" I was embarrassed and surprised to admit that saying the words out loud caused a hot coiled tingle deep in my belly.
"No! I don't want you to, but I don't see any other alternative. I'll start it if you want. I'll try to see how far I can get. Maybe we won't even need him. But I think we will." The last sentence was muttered forlornly.
Now my head was whirling again. So much had already happened tonight that I would have to wrap my head around in the morning. My heart started racing, which both of them picked up on immediately.
"What about Jacob?" I quietly asked Edward. "Shouldn't we be asking him if this is alright with him? Should we just be assuming that he'd go along with this?"
Edward smirked and it looked more like a grimace. "Oh, I think Jacob is okay with this. If his little fantasies earlier are any indication, I think Jacob is just fine with all this."
I looked at Jacob anyway, a question on my face. Maybe Edward wanted to treat this like a joke, but this was a big deal. Jacob's eyes darkened and grew serious as he gazed into mine in the dark. He nodded solemnly.
I took a deep breath. Oh crap, I didn't see this coming.
"Well….what? How?" I turned to Jacob. "Are you going to watch?" I asked him incredulously.
"No! Not if you don't want me to. But…I have to stay close. Don't I?" He asked Edward this last question. But before Edward could open his mouth, Jacob answered his own question. "Bella, wait. I have to stay right here. If he hurts you," his teeth clenched, "I'll be right here to stop him from killing you." He lifted my chin to meet his eyes and they softened immediately when I met his gaze. "As much as I want it to be me, as much as I've dreamed of it being me, I'll be here to protect you and I'll…I'll shut my eyes if you want me to." He looked at me earnestly, but I swear the corner of his mouth quirked slightly.
I frowned and nodded my head. What else could I do? How did I get myself in this position? I sighed heavily. Things would have been much easier if I'd just dated Mike Newton.
I reached up, embarrassed, and gently turned Jake's face away, at the same time lowering myself down to lay flat before Edward. His white skin glowed in the moonlight and he stared at me, his gaze reverently encompassing my whole body as if it were a holy relic laid out for him to worship. It put me just slightly at ease. Especially as I remembered once Jacob rolled away from me that I was completely naked. Naked and vulnerable in a tent in the middle of nowhere with a vampire and a werewolf. If Charlie only knew.
Edward smiled reassuringly at me and gently ran his hand across my milky torso while I watched him undo the snap and unzip his pants. He pulled away and removed them and I could see he was shaking. I couldn't ever remember seeing Edward this nervous. He peeled his underwear down next and for the first time in all the time we'd been together, I could see his erection. I didn't even know if vampires could get erections, and the logic there was too much to ponder right now. I was just happy to see that obviously I did excite him. He'd been pushing me away for so long, I was beginning to think the thought of being with me didn't arouse him at all. But here was the proof. I thought I heard Jacob snicker in back of me, but maybe it was just the tent rustling in the wind.
I wanted to touch him, do something, I'd been denied any kind of foreplay for so long, but he lowered himself on top of me before I could even reach out for him.
I gasped at the chill of his body covering me completely. He gripped my upper arms and I could feel him poking at me, trying to find his way in. I arched my hips, trying to help him find his target. His lips were at my neck, and I could feel my own pulse in my carotid artery under his lips.
I heard Jacob take a deep breath and snuck a glance back at him, sitting cross-legged just behind me, his head turned slightly away and his eyes closed, just as he'd promised. How unfair was this to him I thought? How much more could I put him through? Without thinking I reached back and rested my hand against the huge bulge that was straining through his shorts. Oh my god. I hoped Edward could do this because all I could think was that was not going to fit! My position was a little awkward but I gripped him through his pants before rubbing my hand up and down the length of him.
As Edward was still fumbling to push through my folds, Jacob unzipped his shorts and removed his massive hard-on from its restraints and placed my hand back on him, to stroke his smooth naked skin.
I took a deep breath and held it as I felt Edward make it part-way in. Just the tip, then he hesitated and though he didn't breathe air, his lungs inhaled and exhaled rapidly a few times and his grip on my upper arms tightened; just enough to hurt a little. I clenched my teeth and ignored the pain.
But I forgot I was not dealing with two ordinary teenage boys here. No, these boys' senses were amazingly adept and I felt Jacob tighten and turn toward us as I tried to keep my body's reactions under wraps. He knew one false move from Edward, one second would be all it would take for him to break, choke, maim or kill me. He wasn't taking any chances.
I forced myself to relax and felt Jacob's muscles loosen under my touch.
Edward on the other hand was having trouble. His thrusts were getting stronger and disjointed and my arms were surely bruising under his tight grasp. He had hit the barrier which foretold my virginity and all those stories I'd heard all my life were true: it hurt like hell. I sighed in relief as one of his hands finally released its grip on my arm, but then traveled its way up past my shoulder and squeezed. I whimpered just before he raised it a little higher to my throat and his grip tightened slightly and my eyes bulged wide in frightened anticipation of being choked. I took a huge inhale just as I felt an intense pain between my legs, and then Edward was being hauled off me and I choked at the slight squeeze of my windpipe before it too was released.
I could hear a scuffle and there was growling and the tent fabric was shuddering violently around me.
"You're going to kill her, you disgusting leech!"
"I'm sorry! You're right! I'm so sorry love," I heard Edward panting and sobbing.
The sound of the zipper and I could feel the force of Jacob tossing Edward out of the tent. Then there was warmth again all around me; kisses on my cheeks, across my forehead and a soft, gentle kiss on my lips.
"Are you hurt honey? Did he bite you? Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," I breathed. "Kiss me again."
He lowered his lips to mine again and they were sooo soft and so warm. They lingered gently on mine, once, twice, three times, each time deepening just slightly. Then he parted my lips and I moaned when I felt his tongue brush mine. Oh dear god. Edward who? Why had I resisted this for so long? I craved his warmth, I craved his strength, I craved his smile that was like my own personal sun. I loved Edward, but I was fooling myself at the depth of my feelings for Jacob.
I could feel his length against my belly and instinctively I raised my hips and wrapped my legs around him.
"Finish it Jacob," I whispered.
I felt his mouth hesitate against my neck. "I don't want to hurt you Bella. I'd kill myself before I'd hurt you."
I couldn't help but grin sarcastically. "It's gonna hurt Jake. But I think the worst part is over. I think he…." I suddenly felt embarrassed. Really? Now? I asked myself ironically. I shook it off and forced myself to continue. "I think he…broke it." As I said the words it dawned on me that if he had broken through, there was really no reason for Jacob to continue.
"But we'd better be sure, just to be on the safe side," I quickly improvised.
He nodded, preoccupied with my breasts, one in his mouth, making me gasp as he teased the nipple with his teeth, and the other in his hand, gently squeezing.
"Whatever you want honey."
I felt him slip a finger inside my folds and he groaned as it slid right through to my opening. "Fuck," he swore. "You're so slippery and warm." Two fingers were now moving in and out inside me and I was ready to come out of my skin.
I reached down and stroked him firmly while he slid his fingers in and out of me. Oh god.
He removed his hand and took his erection from me before gliding it up and down against my wetness. "I desperately want to make love to you Bella. I've wanted to make love to you for so long."
I nodded, unable to speak and writhed my sweaty, slippery body against him. I moaned when I felt the tip penetrate, slowly prodding its way deeper inside of me. He was much bigger than Edward, but luckily I was dripping with wet anticipation and I pushed back against him, thrust for thrust. There was one point when he was halfway in, that I felt a slight bit of pain, more like squeezing pressure really, and it passed, allowing the full length of him to glide in freely.
His girth was so thick and the friction was maddening, not to mention his length was so long and as his thrusts grew more confident and stronger, I made little shrieks of pleasure every time he slammed against my cervix. I was swirling in a haze of heat, our slick bodies slamming against each other for all we were worth, his mouth hungrily kissing mine. He sucked my lower lip into his mouth and I could feel his heavy breath as he moaned against my mouth. This was incredible. Maybe I was being hasty at my insistence on being made into a vampire after graduation? This thought flitted through my mind just before the most wonderful, intense spasm spread through my lower body and every one of Jacob's rhythmic thrusts sent waves of sensation washing over me. I couldn't form a coherent thought if my life depended on it. "Jacob," I moaned. I could feel my insides pulsating, contracting around him.
"Fuck," he groaned before dropping his dead weight on top of me, panting. He really had a dirty mouth. But we could discuss that when I could think straight again.
I was so comfortable and content; I was starting to drift to sleep.
"You okay Bells?" Jacob whispered groggily to me, falling asleep himself.
Then a thought occurred to me. Edward. Shoot, he must still be outside the tent. I shook Jacob."Jake, we need to get Edward. We can't leave him outside all night. Go let him back in."
Jake grumbled and my personal space heater pulled himself off me and unzipped the tent. He leaned out, then stood up and walked outside stark naked. He was gone for a full 2 minutes before he came back in and laid down next to me.
"Where is he?" I pushed myself up on one arm.
"He's going back. He said he'll come back in the morning before I leave and he'll stay with you during the fight." He stared at me intently as he lowered himself back down and spread the ripped sleeping bag over the two of us. We rolled onto our sides and faced each other. He reached his hand out and brushed a lock of my hair from my face. "Does this change anything Bells?" His expression was so vulnerable, he looked so hopeful.
I thought for a long moment before answering him. "I don't know," I told him truthfully. It did change things, but I wasn't sure if it was a permanent change or just a delay of the inevitable. Graduation was too soon, that much I was sure of. But there was more I had to think about now. I still loved Edward. But my feelings for Jacob were not what I kept telling myself they were. I couldn't give him up either. This was so unfair; all the way around. There was no resolution that would leave any one of us unhurt. But it was late and I was exhausted and Jacob had a battle to fight tomorrow. For now, for this brief window of time, no important decisions had to be made. I would spend the night here with Jacob and tomorrow would begin the process of choices that had to be made. I curled into Jacob's heat and relaxed in his arms, till sleep took me.