Title: A Contradiction in Terms (Chapter 9: )

Fandom: Twilight Saga

Author: Nietzsche's Itch

Character/Pairing: Jasper/Leah

Genre: Romance, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T (for profanity)

Status: Oneshot, Complete

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Summary: He knows how she feels, but not why. And he's determined to find out.


"...Leah" someone called, making her growl irritably and burrow deeper into the cocoon of blankets.

"Leah!" it came again.

"Leave me alone Jasper, m'tired" she groaned. Loud laughter made her stuff the pillow over her head.

"I remember when it used to be 'Five more minutes, Mom', I've been replaced, oh what will I do?" Sue said drolly. Leah stuck her tongue out without opening her eyes, earning her a reproving cluck.

"None of that, its time to get up. Your soon to be sisters and mother in law will be coming over any minute" Sue told her, almost managing to suppress the grimace that accompanied the words. She might have accepted Jasper as best she was able, but doing the same the rest of the coven would take some time. She was used to Bella popping over either with Edward and Nessie or without, so she was at least mildly accustomed to her.

"I'm up" she said unconvincingly. Sue rolled her eyes and yanked the bedclothes off her. Leah squeaked.

"Now you're up" Sue said decisively, walking out of the room. Leah scowling sourly in her wake. She had no choice but to get up now. Chancing a peek at the digital clock on the dresser, she only had twenty or so minutes to shower and make herself look reasonably presentable before they arrived and dragged her off to the spa. She shrugged, smiling. It could be worse, Bella and Rosalie liked her, and Esme was a chronic mother, always collecting strays.

And today they had unanimously (without Leah's input) that she was to have a hen night. She hadn't taken to the idea very well, being nervous enough about the whole thing as it was, and wanting to be top condition for the following day. The four had wheedled her into it however, saying that the boys had coaxed Jasper into having a stag night, and if he had to go along with it then she did to. Leah had rolled her eyes at that, inwardly hoping there not would be no strippers on the agenda for Jasper's evening.

So today Leah and the others were heading out to Port Angles to be pampered at a spa that had met Rosalie's discerning standards. Facials, manicures, pedicures, mud baths, the full enchilada, even though the it wouldn't have any real effect on the vampires. And although she griped and grumbled, she was secretly looking forward to it.

Ten minutes later Leah was out of the shower, dressed and making her way to the kitchen to salvage whatever had survived Seth's assault on the breakfast table. There was a heaped plate of pancakes at her place, Sue must have told Seth to save some for her. Leah smirked, he was probably too terrified at the prospect of facing her on an empty stomach to do otherwise.

She was nearly finished when the telltale screech of tyres sounded outside, and no more than a second later the knocking started. Leah rolled her eyes and stood.

"I'm coming!" she called, hurrying to let them in before they broke the door down in their excitement. The door swung open and Leah blinked, taken aback at the four identically grinning females.

"Hi Leah" Renesmee piped up. Leah smirked and reached down to ruffle her bronze locks.

"Hi to you too kiddo" she said amusedly "I didn't know you were coming"

"I figured that she could get her nails done, she's too young for anything else really" Bella explained, pulling Nessie into her side. The girl looked up at her in exasperation, and opened her mouth to speak. Bella cut her off before she got a word out however.

"It was hard enough to convince your Dad to agree to that and you know it" Bella chided "He's scared she's growing up too fast" she laughed. Renesmee pouted.

"But I am growing up fast Mom, I've grown an inch this month" she whined.

"I didn't mean that literally Ness" Bella sighed "Anyway, read to go Leah?" she asked.

"Yeah, just let me finish my breakfast" she said.

"You'd better hurry, we have to be there by 9:45" Rosalie warned. Leah snorted.

"With the way you guys drive we'll be too early anyway" she laughed. Rosalie smiled sheepishly.

"I guess. Alright then" she acquiesced. She waved them inside and flopped back into the chair, stuffing half the pancake into her mouth. Renesmee busied herself with peeling an orange while the others chatted amongst themselves.

"Done" Leah declared after a minute, and Renesmee stuffed the remainder of the orange into her mouth. Sue walked into the kitchen then.

"Are you going now?" she asked Leah, who nodded. She then turned to the others.

"How is everyone?" she asked, and they could all tell her cheer was forced. Not that they could really blame her, it would be impossible for her to disregard the habits of a lifetime in a few months, and she was doing admirably well in the circumstances. They would have invited her to come along today but knew she didn't feel comfortable enough to spend a day in their presence just yet.

"We are" Esme answered softly. Sue relaxed some and nodded. Leah. Eager to get away from the awkward atmosphere, she grabbed her handbag and stuffed her keys and cellphone into it. The women stood.

"Tell Charlie I said hello" Bella said.

"And me!" Renesmee trilled. Sue smiled at her.

"I will" she promised.

"Well then, what are we waiting for, lets go girls" Rosalie grinned, leading the way out. Leah shrugged and followed. It was going to be an interesting day, that was for sure.

"No" Jasper said flatly.


"Just for an hour...or six?" Emmett pleaded.

"No" he reiterated. His brother groaned.

"Killjoy" he accused. Jasper smiled smugly.

"I try" he said saccharinely. Edward snickered beside him.

"And Leah would kill you" he smirked.

"Why should I feel the need to look at other women when I have the most beautiful woman in the world willing to become my wife?" he asked simply. Edward rolled his eyes and Emmett mimicked throwing up.

"I would protest and say that Bella has stolen that title, but there would be no winner to that argument" he chuckled.

"I suppose not" Jasper agreed, laughing.

"No, there wouldn't" Emmett said. They turned to him.

"What makes you so sure?" Jasper asked. Now Edward was the one gagging. Who knew what Emmett was thinking. He wasn't even sure he wanted to know.

"Because my Rosie knocks the socks off both of them" he declared. Edward's annoyance spiked, undoubtedly from the colourful visuals Emmett was replaying for him, and by the lustful edge to his emotions, Jasper didn't need Edward's talent to guess their content.

"Emmett, quit it" Jasper ordered. Emmett sighed.

"Fine, no talking about which one of our respective wives is the hottest and no strippers" he said dejectedly "so what now?"

"When Carlisle get's back we'll start up north for the hunt" Edward said. Emmett whooped.

"Grizzlies here I come!" he cheered. The other two sighed in unison at their brother.

"You're easy to please...and I don't mean that as a compliment" Jasper said drily. Emmett sniggered.

"Carlisle's coming" Edward said suddenly. A few seconds later they heard the crunch of gravel as the car pulled into the drive.

"We're going to have to get you one actual stag you know" Edward chuckled.

"Stag for a stag night" Emmett cackled. Jasper looked skywards in exasperation. Why couldn't he have had sane siblings?


Leah woke up the next morning feeling like she had run a marathon. She had gotten a manicure, pedicure, a facial, a seaweed bath, a hot stone massage and much to her embarrassment, a little creative waxing down under. She felt better than she ever had, but had never felt more tired. The wedding would almost seem restful after the chaos of yesterday.

Meanwhile at the Cullen household, Jasper and Edward were verbally abusing Emmett as Carlisle tried to ward off the rather persistent girl that Emmett had seen fit to call behind their backs. Bella and Esme desperately tried to stop Rosalie from killing the unfortunate girl, or her husband, and Renesmee ignored it all and starting checking out the morning cartoons.

Leah, unaware of any of this, contentedly began to hum the wedding march.