Notice: I do not own anything in the Whedon-verse. If I did Tara would be alive and with Willow, living in a small cottage in the middle of a mystical forest. While Faith & Buffy would have gotten over themselves and stopped denying their feelings for each other.
This is my first Faith/Buffy piece, please be gentle.
It was extremely late but brown eyes could not convince her body to listen to her brains demand for sleep. Rolling over onto her side, she nearly fell off of the small army cot that served as her only private space in the house. Catching herself just in time, she let out a frustrated groan as she tried once again to answer the call of sleep, only to pick up on the sound of one of the Potentials talking in her sleep in the room above hers. Once again shifting positions she rolled over onto her back and glared up at the ceiling as a growl of irritation vibrated in her throat.
"Why can't I sleep?"
A brief look of surprise flashed over her face as she realized she had spoken these words out loud. Sitting up on the cot, she darted her dark gaze over towards the only other occupant that dared to share a room with her. Dark blonde hair and soft snoring was the only thing that answered her gaze as she scanned the room. A look of guilt crossed her features as she gazed at the sleeping blonde, a look that soon turned soft and melted into one of pride as the seconds past.
Shifting slowly and as quietly as she could, she swung her legs over the edge of the cot and stood up, all while carefully watching the blonde to see if she had woken her up. Even when she stood up and moved a step away from the sad excuse for a bed, dark brown eyes never left the blond. Looking as if she were in a trace, brown eyes stepped closer to the blonde as a smile spread over her lips.
"Look at us B, all grown up and willing to die tomorrow." Her voice tightened near the end of the remark as she quietly backtracked away from the blonde and closer to the wooden stairs that lead to the kitchen. Letting out a soft sigh, brown eyes turned and casually leaned against the banister as a flood of emotions echoed out from her. Her posture while loose and casual looking on the outside, masked the scared and screaming girl on the inside, the girl that reflected in her sad brown eyes.
"I don't even understand why you keep risking your life for people that will probably never care." A soft snort soon followed the remark before brown eyes continued to speak softly. "I guess thats why you're the leader and I'm not." Closing her eyes, she leaned her head against the banister and took a sharp inhale before letting out a shaky exhale. "You care so much that you keep throwing yourself into these battles just to make sure the people you care about don't have to fight." Brown eyes flashed open as her head jerked slightly at the sound of the cracks in her voice as a look of pure agony expressed itself over her face and in her stance. "You want to protect everyone, but who gets to protect you?"
Reaching up, brown eyes quickly brushed away the tears that began to fall from her eyes. "You are so fucking annoying with your god damn hero complex. There are two of us and I'm willing to admit that I did nothing to make things right between us because I wasn't ready to admit I was wrong." Hearing the sound of her voice rising in volume must have caught her attention as a look of fear crossed her face and she became silent. Hanging her head, she muttered softly to herself about missed chances and dashed hopes of redemption.
"You're stupid, annoying and such a god damn goodie-two shoes." A soft chuckle echoed softly in the small cement basement before a soft sigh followed. "And I love you, I always have. You were everything I wanted to be and I was confused over how I felt about you back before the whole Mayor thing and hurt you because I hated being confused. A part of me howled in rage after each thrown punch or hurtful insult I threw your way, I never understood why or what it meant until I got thrown in jail. It gave me time to sort out all of the crap and among it I found something I wasn't expecting or even looking for." Turning her head sharply to the side away from the blonde, her dark hair covered her face as she closed her eyes. "I found the part of me that knew I loved you and began to really think over my past actions."
Moving quietly, she sat down on the cold cement floor and pulled her knees up and under her chin. "I learned that in a way I was trying to impress you, while trying to block you off at the same time. I wanted you to see me as Xander did when I first met the gang, the look in his eyes when I spoke of wrestling alligators naked; the fascination, admiration and the lust. I wanted so badly to see that in your eyes, that I began acting like I didn't need your help, that I didn't want it." Making a fist with her hand, she pressed it against her heart and let out a soft choking sob. "I needed you though, I could tell that you understood that I needed you but you didn't know how to help me because I wouldn't let you." Leaning her head back a small sliver of a smile crossed her lips. "It was all in your eyes, you can make your body and face look like stone but your eyes always gave you away."
Rolling her head to the side facing the blonde, she went silent and stared at the sleeping girl. The silence was comfortable and it didn't seem as though brown eyes was willing to break it. She stayed there, sitting on the could cement floor staring at the blonde with her feelings as plain as day painted over her face. "I wrote you a poem on one of my darker days in prison, I believe it was the day before you came back via the Wicca Express. I woke up in a panic after a dream I had of you and felt as though the air was suffocating me, one of the passing guards was feeling gracious and took me out of my cell and to the Library where I spotted a notebook and a pencil."
Pausing for a moment, she rubbed her eyes before closing them and placing her forehead against her knees. "It took me a while to write what I needed to, but soon enough I had it done and asked one of the guards if it was possible to laminate it. Soon enough my request was granted, but until it was I had to keep it hidden from angry hands. Although by then I knew the thing by heart and could recite it on the fly." Running her fingers though her dark hair, a smile blosemed over her lips as she spoke softly. "Here goes nothing."
"I Want to Hate You,
I Want to Shove You Away.
I Want to Look Away When You Start to Speak,
I Want to Walk Away When You Come Near.
But Your Love is Like a Train Wreck.
I Can't Push You Away,
Because it Cuts Me to the Bone.
I Can't Pretend to Not Hear You,
Because Your Voice Demands My Attention.
I Can't Walk Away,
Because Your Absence Makes Me Cold.
I Want to Hate You With All the Fire of My Being,
Yet I Can't.
The Fiery Passion that Flickers in Your Eyes When You Look My Way,
Makes My Knees Go Weak and My Resolve Crumble.
The Smooth Amusment in Your Voice When You Speak to Me,
Taunts Me and Makes Me Lose My Nerves.
The White Hot Trail Left Behind by Your Touch,
Makes Me Feel the Fire Growing with Each Stroke of Your Fingertips.
Beacuse Your Love is Like a Train Wreck.
The Fire that Burns Me With Each Touch,
With Each Word,
With Each Look.
It Burns So Deeply that at Times I Feel Nothing but Your Heat,
Yet I Can't Seem to Smother the Flames That Erupt Within Me.
The Fire so Hot,
I Both Dread and Pray For.
Its Foolish to Burn so Much,
Yet I Want it Every Time.
But then again,
Your Love is like a Train Wreck."
A soft creaking sound soon followed as brown eyes finished speaking. Her head shot towards the sound as her dark hair whipped to the side with a slight whoosh sound. Looking towards the sound, shocked brown eyes met watery hazel eyes. The blonde was no longer sleeping with her back turned towards her, but instead was laying on her side looking at suprised brown eyes that snapped to the floor an apology on her lips. "Don't." The soft voice of the blonde cut her off just as she opened her mouth. "Don't take them back." The soft yet serious tone in the blondes voice was enough for brown to met hazel again. "Don't take them back, because it means everything you've confessed to was a lie." While hazel's voice started out strong by the end she was nearly whispering with tears threatening to fall. "And I don't think I could take that being true." As the last word fell from her lips, so did the first of her tears fall from her eyes.
Brown eyes winced at the desperation in Hazel's voice as her own tears began to make their way down her cheeks. Standing swiftly, she made her way over towards hazel and paused before being pulled into a strong hug as Hazel whispered next to her ear. "Don't take back telling me you love me, because I love you too."
And there you have it!
Yes, the poem is actually one of mine.
Thanks for reading!