(SMS) Shirley Bennett - Britta Perry

05/20/10

Aren't you glad I pulled the antennae out of Slater's car?

(SMS) Britta Perry - Shirley Bennett

05/20/10

Yes

(SMS) Shirley Bennett - Britta Perry

05/20/10

I don't think we can key Annie's car though

(SMS) Britta Perry - Shirley Bennett

05/20/10

I think that would be mean

(SMS) Shirley Bennett - Britta Perry

05/20/10

Jeff on the other hand...

(SMS) Britta Perry - Shirley Bennett

05/20/10

That makes me feel like a bitch Shirley

(SMS) Shirley Bennett - Britta Perry

05/20/10

Do you still want to a little bit? Inside?

(SMS) Britta Perry - Shirley Bennett

05/20/10

Yes. A little. Kinda.

(SMS) Shirley Bennett - Britta Perry

05/20/10

Meet you in the parking lot of his motel at midnight! 3

From: Jeff Winger .com

To: Abed Nadir

Date: 5/21/10

Subject: pick up your phone

Abed, pick up your phone.

Please.

-Jeff

From: Abed Nadir

To: Jeff Winger .com

Date: 5/21/10

Subject: Re: pick up your phone

It's out of battery. But isn't email so quaint? I'm online. Facebook chat?

From: Jeff Winger .com

To: Abed Nadir

Date: 5/21/10

Subject: Re: pick up your phone

Facebook chat makes me feel lame

From: Abed Nadir

To: Jeff Winger .com

Date: 5/21/10

Subject: Re: pick up your phone

Email is fine since you are still trying to resist the unmistakable lure of Facebook. Did Britta and Shirley really key your car?

From: Jeff Winger .com

To: Abed Nadir

Date: 5/21/10

Subject: Re: pick up your phone

..how do you know that?

From: Abed Nadir

To: Jeff Winger .com

Date: 5/21/10

Subject: Re: pick up your phone

Well, based on Shirley's previous patterns of behavior, it makes sense that she would consider doing it. She is Team Britta after all, which is probably why she would invite Britta to come. And I don't think she would simply settle for just ripping out your car antennae, since kissing Annie is a more serious transgression than, say, liking your Statistics teacher.

Also, the thing with Annie is a little creepy. Troy and I have decided that we are Team Britta as well.

From: Jeff Winger .com

To: Abed Nadir

Date: 5/21/10

Subject: Re: pick up your phone

Troy and you are what? Seriously?

Does this mean I have to make some sort of peace offering or something to Britta?

From: Abed Nadir

To: Jeff Winger .com

Date: 5/21/10

Subject: Re: pick up your phone

Probably. You're at a real risk of turning from the Jerk With a Heart of Gold to the Jerkass.

From: Jeff Winger .com

To: Abed Nadir

Date: 5/21/10

Subject: Re: pick up your phone

Abed, what in god's name are you talking about?

From: Abed Nadir

To: Jeff Winger .com

Date: 5/21/10

Subject: Re: pick up your phone

Don't you ever read TV Tropes?

From: Jeff Winger .com

To: Abed Nadir

Date: 5/21/10

Subject: Re: pick up your phone

No

From: Abed Nadir

To: Jeff Winger .com

Date: 5/21/10

Subject: Re: pick up your phone

Your loss. It might give you a lot of badly-needed insights about people.

From: Jeff Winger .com

To: Abed Nadir

Date: 5/21/10

Subject: Re: pick up your phone

I'm going to ignore whatever you're implying

From: Abed Nadir

To: Jeff Winger .com

Date: 5/21/10

Subject: Re: pick up your phone

By the by, it's entirely possible that Britta isn't in love with you.

From: Jeff Winger .com

To: Abed Nadir

Date: 5/21/10

Subject: Re: pick up your phone

WHAT?

From: Abed Nadir

To: Jeff Winger .com

Date: 5/21/10

Subject: Re: pick up your phone

Well that elicited a reaction Jeff. Do you care if Britta's in love with you or no?

From: Jeff Winger .com

To: Abed Nadir

Date: 5/21/10

Subject: Re: pick up your phone

No! I don't!

From: Abed Nadir

To: Jeff Winger .com

Date: 5/21/10

Subject: Re: pick up your phone

Hmmmm...

[Facebook Chat, 5/22/10 ]

Abed Nadir: Hey Britta

Britta Perry: hi Abed

Abed Nadir: I was having an interesting conversation with Jeff yesterday

Britta Perry: were you?

Abed Nadir: Yep. I posited that you might not be in love with him and it got a bigger reaction that I might have expected.

Britta Perry: really?

Abed Nadir: Especially because we were communicating through email. If we had been Skyping I might have seen his eyebrows raise up and his eyes bug out.

Britta Perry: that's totally possible. that's like Jeff's freaked out face.

Abed Nadir: Yep. Anyways, I thought I should let you know that I'm Team Britta.

Britta Perry: that's nice to know Abed, but I'm not actually mad at anyone. besides Jeff. but not Annie.

Abed Nadir: Just trying to be supportive.

Britta Perry: thanks :) Shirley's actually here, so I'm going to go...

Abed Nadir: Are you going to commit more acts of vandalism?

Britta Perry: noooo... we're going to go get brunch.

Abed Nadir: Oh. Well, have fun!

Britta Perry: thanks Abed :D bye!

Britta Perry is not online

(SMS) Jeff Winger - Abed Nadir

5/24/10

Do you think I should send Britta flowers?

(SMS) Abed Nadir - Jeff Winger

5/24/10

That might be taken badly. And Annie might get mad at you too.

(SMS) Jeff Winger - Abed Nadir

5/24/10

Do you think I should send Britta flowers?

Oh shit I haven't talked to Annie!

(SMS) Abed Nadir - Jeff Winger

5/24/10

That might be taken badly. And Annie might get mad at you too.

You're definitely turning more towards a Jerkass. There's no more Rule of Funny in play.

(SMS) Jeff Winger - Abed Nadir

5/24/10

Shit.

Annie Edison (Cell) - Britta Perry (Cell)

5/25/10

Britta? Hi, it's, um, it's Annie... [sniffling noises] so I don't know if I should be calling you and if you want to you can delete this message... but I don't know who else to talk to. Shirley tries to be helpful but I- I think she likes the idea of you and Jeff together and she's not really impartial and I feel really bad [sobs; the sound of a deep breath] and you're like my best girl friend so I hope I can talk to you. I feel so bad for kissing Jeff! I didn't mean to and- beep.

Annie Edison (Cell) - Britta Perry (Cell)

5/25/10

The phone cut me off... anyways I didn't mean to kiss him! I don't even know why I'm attracted to him. I think he's more attracted to you anyways because he always wanted to date you or at least have sex with you and if you like him I think you should date him. And my mom is really mad at me because I'm 18 and Jeff's 36, and that's twice my age! It was such a bad decision, and she's talking about having me go to therapy again, and I'm really, really sorry. I can't believe I did it. And I'm so, so sorry for hurting your feelings like that... beep. End of final message. To listen to your messages, press one.

Britta Perry (Cell) - Annie Edison (Cell)

5/25/10

Hi, it's Britta. Your phone went straight to voicemail... anyways, Annie, it's okay. If I'm mad at anyone, I'm mad at Jeff. So's Shirley... it's kind of funny, actually. But don't worry. That's all I wanted to say.

From: Jeff Winger .com

To: Britta Perry

Date: 5/27/10

Subject: can you please pick up your phone?

Please, Britta?

-Jeff

From: Britta Perry

To: Jeff Winger (.com

Date: 5/27/10

Subject: Re: can you please pick up your phone?

No.

-Britta

From: Jeff Winger .com

To: Britta Perry

Date: 5/27/10

Subject: Re: can you please pick up your phone?

You're still mad at me?

From: Britta Perry

To: Jeff Winger (.com

Date: 5/27/10

Subject: Re: can you please pick up your phone?

A little bit.

Also, Annie says that you still haven't really talked to her. Jerk.

From: Jeff Winger .com

To: Britta Perry

Date: 5/27/10

Subject: Re: can you please pick up your phone?

Look, I'm sorry. And if you check your phone messages, you'll see that there's a lot of messages saying that I'm sorry as well.

From: Britta Perry

To: Jeff Winger (.com

Date: 5/27/10

Subject: Re: can you please pick up your phone?

That doesn't fix anything, Jeff! I don't care if you don't like me back, or even if you just want to bang me again but not like me, or whatever! You can be upfront about how we had sex during paintball and that just stopped your attraction, fine. That's fine! But you totally dicked over Annie, who I might mention is 18! There's just nothing right with that.

From: Jeff Winger .com

To: Britta Perry

Date: 5/27/10

Subject: Re: can you please pick up your phone?

I don't know what to say to Annie, okay? I barely even know what to say to you! And that's not true, by the way. Just because we had sex doesn't mean that I don't care about you.

From: Britta Perry

To: Jeff Winger (.com

Date: 5/27/10

Subject: Re: can you please pick up your phone?

I'm not going to help with Annie, Jeff. You can figure that out on your own.

From: Jeff Winger .com

To: Britta Perry

Date: 5/27/10

Subject: Re: can you please pick up your phone?

Fine, I will. Just, Britta, come on. It's like, let me try to explain. It's like we had sex and then I caught feelings or something. I like you, okay? And I didn't know what to do, because it was more than just an attraction and you were more than just a conquest to me, but I still was attracted to Annie. And then you said you liked me and I kind of got overwhelmed, and I kissed her, and then I just- I just knew, which is such a cliche, okay, but I knew. And I still don't know what to do (and I feel so stupid typing this, by the way).

I suppose that doesn't excuse anything though.

From: Britta Perry

To: Jeff Winger (.com

Date: 5/27/10

Subject: Re: can you please pick up your phone?

Not really.

But I'll pick up my phone now.

[Call log of Britta Perry's phone]

Received - 5/27/10, Jeff Winger