Author's Note: As you all should know, 'Bloom' is currently on hiatus. I plan on getting back to it as soon as possible, but I'm not very sure when that will be. Anyway, this is a one-shot dedicated to Adam Torres of Degrassi, if you didn't already know that. As much as I love Eclare, I decided to take a break from them for a while. Well, probably two one-shots, but it's still a break. By the way, there is a smidgen of BiancXAdam, but only mentioned. Even if you don't like this pairing, I recommend you read it, especially if you love Adam as much as I do!

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi: The Next Generation, or any of it's characters. If I did... Oh, my.


Body

She wants to be with him. He knows she does.

Just not while he's in this prison, this tower, this cage.

This body.

Notminenotminemotmine.

He isn't Gracie, and he never really has been.

He's always been Adam, and when he met her, that's all he ever was.

He's just… stuck in Gracie's body until he turns eighteen, but then he can be Adam for real.

All of Adam.

He wonders how hard it would be to let go of Gracie for good.

GracieGracieGracie?

He knows he shouldn't think about it like that, but he can't help it.

The body may not be his, but it's the one he's been living in for almost sixteen years.

If he were born Adam, would he want to be Gracie?

Wouldhewouldhewouldhe?

If he were actually born Adam, she would've been with him.

He would have met her somehow and they would have been together.

No problems, no drama, nothing.

They would've been happy.

Extremely, positively happy.

The word is almost foreign to him.

Happyhappyhappy.

Sure, he's been happy before, but in Gracie's skin he can't really, truly be.

In Gracie's skin, it hurts.

'I don't want to be with you in that body. I can't.'

He knows she could.

If she tried, she really could.

But even if she loved him, she wouldn't.

This body wouldn't have been enough.

Nevereverenough.

She hates his body too.

Hates it as much as he does, and probably even more.

She never says it, but she wishes he was born Adam.

She wants him, she wants his personality, but it's his body she can't deal with.

She can't be pressed against him without feeling gross, dirty, wrong.

'I'm not a lesbian, okay?'

Even though he nodded his head, it wouldn't be okay.

Not even for her.

Herherher.

Once, he made the mistake of wishing she was like Clare.

Kind, gentle, understanding.

That still wouldn't have been enough.

She would've been more like a sister to him, and less like whatever she was to him now.

He doesn't exactly know what it is, but it's something.

Isitisitisit?

Gracie would've made it easier for everyone but him.

Easier for his family and easier for his friends.

But what about Adam?

Would he have just been forgotten?

Would he just have disappeared?

No, he wouldn't.

He's not Gracie. Never has been.

He's Adam. Always will be.

AdamAdamAdam.

Gracie's body will keep on betraying him.

Adam's heart will keep on fighting back.

But one day…

One day, it would be Adam's body.


Author's Note: I really like how this one ended. I really wanted to do an angsty Adam fic, and I did!

Tell me how good it was in a review, okay?

Tokki Trigger, OVER AND OUT!