I do not know what I expected. That does it hurt? I scream? It confuses me. I can not think clearly.
He shot my brother. Before my eyes. Just like that. I wanted to scream, wanted to run away, stop him. But I did nothing of the sort. I just stood there after it was over. His accomplice held me back. I could not move.
But I felt it yet. The blood, the only thing I have left of him. But he was still a child. Why did he have to die? Because it was part of their game. They enjoy.
The blood ran down my cheek. I kept staring at his body. Dead and bloodied, he lay there. Tot.
His killer looked at me. His ice-blue eyes flashed. Cold and unpredictable. The gun still in hand, he came up to me. The blood of my brother stuck to his shirt and on parts of his face.
"You should wash you."
He looked at me the whole time here. His partner, who resigned after he pressed the gun in his hand.
"I will accompany."
I knew I just could not resist. He would do what he wanted.
I slowly sat down on the move and felt about him all the time behind me. After we had climbed the wooden stairs, I wanted to stop, but his hand on my shoulder pushing me forward.
We reached the bathroom and I froze as he locked the door and found himself close behind me. His breath grazed my neck and I instantly stiffened.
I heard him rummaging around in the cupboards. I did not dare turn around me. He turned on the water and a short time later I felt something wet on my hand. He had taken towel and started my body to get rid of the blood.
While he touched me with the towel, but prepared himself as if by a tingling sensation in my mind's made. Only one The only time he drove casually with his fingers on mine. I felt heat and cold. Which body was cold? What was burning with heat? I did not know. There was far too soon.
eliminated when the blood on my arms, he turned me over. I avoided looking at him. The tingling would not stop and I did not wanted to foment further.
He began to clean my face. Still, I managed not to look up.
When he arrived at my lips, he stopped. I did not know what he was doing, but I wanted to find out, so I looked him in the eye.
Something inside was different. I could not explain it, but it left me no peace.
He dropped the towel and stared at me. And then slowly he bent down and touched his lips with mine. I was not frightened. It seemed like I had seen his intention in his eyes. I could not at first only interpret.
His lips were soft. He moved so easily and slowly against my own, I felt that I was not sure if this was ever real. His hands hung at his sides, and still he tried not once to touch me with anything except his mouth.
I did not know whether I should return the kiss. He had shot my brother before my eyes and now he kissed me. I should hate him, push him from me. But I could not. It was a complete mystery to me why, the only thing that mattered was that I could not.
As if by moving my lips in a consistent rhythm with his.
As he slowly let go of me, my eyes remained closed. My lips felt funny, as would be missing something. I carefully opened it and looked into his icy blue eyes. I did not know what was going on in this moment with me, but I took the towel from his hand and started to clean up his arms. At first I wondered if I should look at him the whole time, but I knew I would just melt under his gaze and my clumsiness would be unstoppable.
When it was time to clean his face, I hesitated a moment, then leaned forward and kissed the blood stains from his skin. I did not know what drove me to do this. But in his sole presence I felt safe in a strange way that I could even explain nor understand.
After some time I was finished, staring at his lips, which still were covered with blood. My mind did not react as it should, but my body knew it only too well. I bridged the final gap between us and kissed him.
It was different than the kiss we had shared even a few minutes together. My arms wrapped around his neck by itself. I was afraid that I went too far, but then he touched me with his icy fingers, and I shuddered. His hands wandered in my T-shirt, but did not come close to my bra. They painted little circles on my skin.
Meanwhile, I opened my lips a little and granted him entry after he had gone short with his tongue on my lip. I pressed myself closer to him, forgetting everything around me. Whoever he was, what he had done and what he would do. Everything dissolved into air.
After hours, he felt separated from my now slightly swollen lips and looked at me. We were engulfed still tight and I felt as if he would see right through me.
He let go of me and I knew it was over. That one moment he had spent with me and that was more than he could expect me and justify it to themselves.
When we were down again, everything would be forgotten.
I knew I would not be allowed to do, but I melted under his gaze and I was too weak to release myself from it.
So it came to an end. Painlessly and without much blood.
When he came, he said that he would kill me.
I was not afraid.