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A/N: Thank you as ever, to my beautiful beta (Jeanne)SparklingWand and my loving proofreaders (Jackie) TwiMoments and (Melissa)melarimo. I couldn't do this with out you.
Thank you for all of your fantastic reviews on my last chapter, I was really thrilled at your response to my first EPov attempt! So with that we are back to Alice! And coming up in chapter seven you will get a big piece of JPov.
Leave me some love or hate one way or the other, I appreciate you all!
"Something is coming, I can't see it but know it's there.
Ominous and lurking in the air, it's almost too much to bear.
Something is coming, it's so clear, I have so much to fear.
Could I run? Could I hide by his side?
No, there will be no comfort from him, not in reality not for me, but in my dreams
Something is coming, and in his arms is where I'll be."
Chapter Six (Something's Coming)
The sun was setting when my plane finally touched back down in Forks. I was exhausted. It had been a long, draining day, but it didn't matter. I was happy, happier than I'd been in a long, long time!
I was truly amazed at how easy this day had gone. I really thought that when I told Bella that Edward and I were married, she would kick me out of her house immediately. Somehow, I was lucky enough to make her understand my reasons for marrying Edward. It killed me to see the pain in her eyes and the tears on her face as I relayed the information. However, at the same time I was elated by her tear-stained face because that meant he still meant more to her than anything in the world.
In true Bella fashion, she accepted it, and me, back into her life. She could have shunned me, and I would have deserved it. After all, I had given her every reason in the world to eschew me.
I must admit I'm struggling with why she accepted me so willingly after having broken the most cardinal of girl code, but she couldn't forgive Edward. I pray that she finds the peace she needs to forgive him.
Tears started to pool in my eyes as the plane came to a halt on the runway. I remembered our sweet goodbye from earlier today, when she hugged me before I left her home. My friend had welcomed me back into her life, and for that I was eternally grateful. I knew I missed my friend, but I didn't know how much until I had seen her again.
Even if things didn't happen the way I wanted between her and Edward, which there wasn't a single doubt in my mind that they wouldn't, it was good for me to see her one last time.
Watching out the airplane window, as we were taxied down the tarmac, the realization hit me. I knew in that moment that everything would be different now. I don't know how I knew, I just knew. I knew everything I hoped for would come true. Well, maybe not everything, but nearly everything.
While I may never know the passion of true love, Edward and Bella finally would. Edward would get his beautiful angel, as he so tenderly called her on many occasions, back in his life one way or another, and I could die knowing the universe was finally back in alignment.
It was clear to me how much Bella still loved Edward. It hurt me to know that she was so unhappy with her husband, Jacob, and that she desperately needed happiness as much as Edward did. After seeing her reaction to the mere mention of Edward's name, I knew I had done the right thing in asking her to be here for me during my operation.
Now, while my motives for visiting Bella were entirely selfless, a small selfish part of me was ecstatic to have my best friend back. Although Edward had done everything he could to be there for me through this shitty illness, I needed Bella back in my life. I don't think I even realized how much until she opened that door this morning, and I looked into her eyes.
Oh, how I had missed her, just to call when I was sad, or had a problem that only she would understand. I just missed her, period, and I needed her right now more than ever before.
So in a lot of ways, I guess this was a learning experience for me above all else. It wasn't just a mission anymore for Edward and his happiness, although that meant so much to me. I wasn't just doing this for him anymore. No, I needed Bella there with me, in the end.
I heard the doors to the plane open, pulling me from my thoughts, and I stood to exit the plane. Apparently, I was more tired than I had realized, because I lost my footing in the aisle and fell. A man standing behind me asked if I was alright, and he gently assisted me back to my feet.
"I'm fine," I said, "Thank you. I'm just a little tired."
"Are you sure?" he asked looking concerned.
"You don't look well. Should I ask the flight attendant to call the medics?"
"No, No!" I pleaded, sounding more annoyed than I had intended. "Really, I'm fine. I just need to get home and rest, but thank you again," I said, gaining my balance and walking in front of him.
"No problem," I heard him whisper as we departed the plane.
I needed to get home, to eat, and to rest for awhile. It was really frightening to me how weak I was becoming with each passing day.
Somehow I just felt it in my heart that I didn't have much time left, and frankly, that scared the shit out of me. I won't pretend to be one of those people who act as if they have accepted death when they know its coming. I knew it was inevitably coming, but that didn't mean I had to accept it. It broke my heart, in fact, more than I could ever show anyone.
A grief counselor had told me that I too would go through the stages of grief over my condition, and I found it to be true. I was angry at this fucking situation. What had I, of all people, done to deserve this?
'Nothing!' was what came to mind.
Yes, I had married my best friend's ex-boyfriend and love of her life, but did that constitute a death sentence? I don't think so.
So why was God doing this to me?
Why was he taking me away from everything I knew and loved?
Why not some murderer or rapist even?
There were just no answers for my questions, none that made any sense anyway.
I collected my bag, and with the help of a very nice boy, was able to make it to a cab out front. The cabbie grabbed my bag and threw it in the trunk, and asked where I needed to go.
I gave him my address as I plopped down in the backseat of the cab.
"You okay?" he asked, "You look sick."
"I'm fine!" I answered, now intentionally sounding annoyed.
I was tired of people asking me that today. I wanted to shout, "No shit, Sherlock! I look sick, because I am sick, asshole. I'm dying", but then I probably would have been thrown out on the curb, and frankly, I just really wanted to get home as soon as possible.
I wanted to shower and get some rest before Jasper showed up tonight. He said he'd be stopping by around ten, and I needed to get myself together if I didn't want to give away where I had really been today.
Although I felt I could probably confide in him the truth about my day, I couldn't take that chance for fear he would tell Edward. I could never really tell with him, whether or not he would understand what I was doing, and why I was doing it. He just wasn't that emotional kind of guy and would probably think I was crazy for even considering bringing Bella back into Edward's life.
In fact, he might even be angry with me considering the fact that his little brother almost ended his damn life over Bella leaving Forks in the first place.
So again, I can't take that chance, not with Jazz. He means the world to me, and he doesn't even know it. He would hate me for sure if I ever told him, considering I'm married to the one person who means more to him than anyone in his life.
The cab came to a stop in front of our home, the home where my best friend and I have shared our life together. I couldn't help but glance at it and feel a sense of sadness. I don't know what's wrong with me today? Maybe it's just the emotional drain of the day, but there seemed to be something lurking in the back of my mind, something heartbreaking, and I just couldn't put my finger on it.
The cabbie carried my bag in the house for me. As I paid him his fare, he turned to leave with a very ominous expression on his face said, "Hope you get some rest, Miss."
"Thank you," I replied as I closed the door.
I decided I needed a shower and walked towards the bedroom to undress, when the sound of my cell ringing from my purse startled me. I grabbed it and quickly answered, "Hi, Edward."
"How was your day?" he asked, sounding troubled.
"Good and yours?"
He didn't answer, but I could hear him breathing. Something was wrong. I knew him well enough to know when he searched for his words he was holding something back from me.
"Edward, what's wrong? Is everything ok?"
I heard him exhale harshly. I could imagine him in my head, pinching the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes, trying to grasp reality. When he finally spoke, I could hear the agony in his voice.
"Yes, I'm fine," he whispered. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry. It's been a long tedious day of lectures."
"You sound miserable," I informed him.
"I'm fine. Really. Are you feeling okay?"
There it was again, Damn it, I wish people would stop asking me that!
"I'm okay, just tired, really."
I desperately tried to hide the aggravation in my voice. I was so sick of hearing everyone's concern for me, or seeing the sad expressions on their faces as they glanced at me. I appreciated the fact that they loved me or cared about me, but I didn't need the constant reminder that I was dying. They would live on, and I would cease to exist. They had no understanding as to how that felt.
The idea of me leaving those I love behind nearly crushed me on a daily basis. Would they remember me? Would they miss me?
It made me feel furious, that this shit was happening to me. I was just really fucking tired of people reminding me constantly that I was ill.
"Alice, are you sure every thing's okay? You don't sound like yourself."
"Please, just please stop asking me if I'm okay. I have heard that enough today to last a lifetime, and quite frankly, I would be happy to never hear it again."
"Okay," he replied, sounding dejected. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
I immediately felt horrible for having snapped at him. "Don't be sorry. I know you didn't mean anything by it." I inhaled deeply, calming myself. Edward had done nothing wrong. This was all me. Something wasn't quite right with me, and I knew it. I just didn't know how to relay that to Edward without worrying him and forcing him to cut his trip short.
I'm just tired," I said again, this time sounding much more convincing. "Listen, babe, don't worry about me. I'm going to go get a shower and get some rest. I'll be fine."
I just wanted to be off the phone. I needed to be left alone with my thoughts. Something was really off with me, and I didn't want to take it out on him anymore than I already had.
"Ok, sweetheart, you do that. I am going to sleep as well, and I'll see you in the morning. Don't worry, I already arranged for a cab to pick me up from the airport."
"Okay... goodnight, Edward, love you."
"Love you, too, Goodnight."
Sitting here on the bed, I hung up with Edward and laid my head back on the pillow, and silently started to cry.
It felt as though the weight of the world had just fallen upon my shoulders. With everything that had happened over the last couple of months, the heartache, and ramifications of it all were finally settling in. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs at God for allowing me to get sick. I wanted to hate him for all of it.
I knew rather than lay here and lose control, that I would probably feel better if I got up and took my shower like I had planned.
I grabbed my comfy pink pj's from my dresser drawer. I chuckled at the white clouds against the pink cotton material. Even if Jazz did stop by like he said, they wouldn't be too revealing.
Part of me wanted to don a sexy negligee for Jasper's visit. I needed to feel sexy again. Edward had always been an attentive lover, but honestly, while this will make me sound sick, intimacy with Edward was almost like being intimate with my brother. It just never felt right to me.
I longed for passion, fire, heat, while being made love to. I longed for Jasper, but that was a pipe dream. He was never going to feel for me the way I felt for him. There were often times I wondered, a simple glance, and brush of his hand as he passed me, but never any confirmation. No, this was simply all on me. I loved a man who was incapable of loving me.
I fingered the pink cotton pajamas, pushing my thoughts aside. I honestly just needed to feel comfortable right now anyway. I threw the pjs over my shoulder and headed for the bathroom.
As I was undressing, I glanced in the full length mirror. For some reason, Edward insisted we have it installed during the construction of the house. At the time that didn't bother me, but now it was really pissing me off because I wanted to smash the reflection away that was staring back at me from it.
I looked horrid. I had lost so much weight over the last few weeks that you could nearly see every bone in my body. I was pale as a ghost and my hair, God, I don't even want to go there.
When Bella had opened her door to me this morning, her eyes went directly to my head as did everyone's who looked at me lately, and it broke my heart every time it happened.
Yeah, it was coming back in, and I could pretend it didn't bother me, but in reality it killed me every time I looked in the mirror.
Standing there looking at myself, once again the tears started to fall. Why did Edward even stay with me? I wasn't attractive at all anymore. I already knew he wasn't really in love with me, so what was keeping him here? Was it guilt? Loyalty? What?
I knew it wasn't sex, because it had been months since we had been intimate. I tried to initiate it a few times, but he always turned me down. Never rejecting me but turning me down all the same. I wasn't an idiot. He was afraid to hurt me, and if I were being honest, I really didn't want it either. I just felt like he needed it.
I willed myself away from the mirror and stepped into the hot stream of the shower. Something really was wrong with me tonight. I normally didn't allow myself to get this down. Maybe the trip to see Bella was a mistake after all.
NO...it couldn't have possibly been a mistake, you fool, I thought to myself. You have Bella, your best friend back in your life now, and soon Edward will have her back as well.
He'll have his happy ending that he so deserves.
But what about me?
I became more and more upset over that thought, and immediately my thoughts switched to Jasper. God, how I love him.
It felt so good to say that here in the confines of my own mind. I wished that I could share that with him one day, and that he would reciprocate those feelings.
I knew that was just a dream for me now and would be until the day I'm gone from this world we live in. I knew Jazz didn't feel that way about anyone, let alone the sick wife of his little brother, but a girl can dream, and boy, did I ever dream of him.
Thoughts of his beautiful, tall, lanky body intertwined with mine, touching me with those long sexy fingers, looking at me with those gorgeous blue eyes of his, our mouths glued to each other, never letting go, even to breathe, flooded through my mind.
I could almost feel our tongues fighting for dominance one over the other. I closed my eyes imagining his mouth would leave mine briefly just long enough to whisper how much he loves me, and then once again crush against mine.
Alice, get a hold of yourself, I thought, as I realized my hand was moving down my body towards that oh so needy hot wet spot between my legs. It had been so long since Edward had touched me this way. He was so afraid of hurting me, and who could blame him?
I so desperately needed to be touched in this way. I wanted nothing more than for it to be Jazz who touched me, and at that thought, the tears came again.
I was never going to have my happy ending,
That was my reality. My fate, so to speak.
I let my hands rest on my pelvis, fighting the urge to let Jasper have his way with me in my mind. I wanted to feel his mouth drift down my stomach, and his soft tongue enter my body, bringing me the climax I longed for. If only.
I opened my eyes, and pushed the thoughts away. Jasper wasn't mine to have and never would be. I washed myself thoroughly and turned the water off.
Climbing out of the shower, I grabbed the towel from the counter and dried myself. My body was pulsing and throbbing, aching to be touched. The towel brushed over my sensitive center, and I nearly cried out at the feel.
I quickly dressed in my pjs and was heading to the kitchen when I heard the doorbell ring. My heart jumped in my chest at the realization that Jasper was here.
I couldn't help but run to the door knowing that I would see his sweet face on the other side of it. Part of me felt guilty for this. I was his brother's wife, but the other part of me couldn't help but think he was my secret angel, just as Bella was Edward's.
I inhaled and opened the door, to see my angel's face looking down at me with a gentle smile.