Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass or its character. I do however own this inane concept.

Whenever there is a mission that is too difficult, too out of way, or just plain crazy for the Britannian military, they call in the experts. A group so precise. A group so particular. A group that is crazy enough to do just about anything for money. They call in The Black Knights.


Group roll call.

Lelouch vi Britannia: smart as hell. This prince of Britannia is the group mastermind. He plans all the missions. He also selects the team members for each particular mission. He is also very smooth with the ladies or so he says.

Nunnally vi Britannia: cute as hell. This Britannian princess, apart form being the cutest thing in the world, is deadly in close arms combat. Just remember to never interfere with her oniisama time.

Kallen Kouzuki Stadtfeld: crazy as hell. This red haired nobleman's daughter is the team's weapons expert. She is hot but don't tell her that or she'll kick your ass. Also never, mention the fact that she is not so secretly in love with Lelouch. I mean it is not like she'll follow him to hell and back if he asked her to.

Shirley Fennette: clumsy as hell. This orange haired beauty is the team's sniper. She also has a runaway imagination. So be careful. Remember she does not have a big crush on Lelouch. It isn't like she has shrine in his honor in her bedroom. It isn't like she's kept everything he has ever given her since kindergarten including that tissue he sneezed into.

Milly Ashford: perverted as hell. This blonde bombshell is the team's party planner. She is the world's biggest gossip. You have been warned. She also doesn't secretly love Lelouch. It's not like she tortures him with crazy events in an effort to show that love.

Euphemia li Britannia: sexy as hell. This former princess is the team's undercover agent. She plays everything from casino bunny girl to archeologist. Remember to never touch her teddy bear, Mr. Cuddles.

Suzaku Kururugi: naïve as hell. This Japanese boy does cool spin kicks. And I guess he pretty much does everything else too. He also believes the world can be changed by talking things out or shooting someone in the face. It works either way. Never badmouth his true love, Japanese anime. He'll cut your throat or send you a box set of Death Note or Ouran High School Host Club.

Rivalz Cardemonde: gullible as hell. This blue haired boy is the team's male undercover agent. He plays everything from boy toy to gigolo. He also drives a motorcycle with a weapon-loaded sidecar. Just don't make fun of his hair. He worked for hours on it.

Gino Weinsberg: goofy as hell. This sexy blonde is team's comic relief. Well he is also good with machinery. If you every need a hug, he is your man. Never refuse one of his hugs. A wise man once said refusing a Gino hug is like being stabbed in the chest.

Anya Alstreim: quiet as hell. This little pink haired loli is the team's photographer. Nobody on the team has put more people behind bars than this underage silent assassin. Never ever, ever touch her phone or camera. Or ruin her shot, camera or gun.

Rolo Halliburton: psycho as hell. This young man is the one of the team's assassins. Did I mention he is crazy? No really, he is clinically insane and should see a doctor. I mean like some Vienna university level learned from Freud kind of guy or girl.

The auxiliary members, aka the B squad, include former Britannian military members Jeremiah Gottwald and Villetta Nu, martial arts expert Sayoko Shinozaki, and Alice Liddell. Yeah they do a lot of the grunt work. They also hire Luciano Bradley and his Valkyrie Squad whenever stuff is going to get bloody.

Nina Einstein, Lloyd Asplund, Cecile Croomy, and Rakshata Chawla are the team's scientific and technological experts. They provide the team with all the cool gadgets. Just don't eat or even touch any of Cecile's homemade food. They are to die for. No really people have died.

CC is their government contact. She is a green haired immortal witch that gives people special powers. Schniezel el Britannia and Cornelia li Britannia are their usual employers.


Now the opening credits. Cue the cheesy action music.

There is a big explosion. Lelouch appears in the center. He is going over the team's next mission. Then it cuts to him kissing several hot girls including Milly and Shirley. Then Kallen slaps. Lastly, he is in bed with Kallen. He sits up and grins only to be hit with a pillow.

Nunnally in a cute pink dress is standing holding a teddy bear. Out of said teddy bear she pulls out a knife. Several spliced scenes of her pulling out several weapons from the stuffed animal. Finally, she and said teddy bear are walking away. Behind her, there are several men on the ground.

Kallen slaps Lelouch only to move his head out of the way. She pulls out a gun and shoots down several men. Then she kisses him and slaps him again.

We see a target through a sniper rifle's sight. Then everything begins to move around. Shirley falls on her butt and accidentally shoots the rifle. The bullet ricochets and hits the target between the eyes. Shirley gets up and smiles.

Milly is seen at a large banquet. She begins to laugh like a maniac as people begin to keel over. Then Cecile comes out of the kitchen dressed as a chef.

Euphemia is wearing her favorite pink dress. She spins around revealing several costumes. Finally, she is standing in her pink dress with a submachine gun going off on some bad guys.

There are scenes of Suzaku training with Sensei Tohdoh as a young man. Lelouch is in the background taking a nap. Then Suzaku is doing some of his world-renowned spin kicks only on the dance floor.

Rivalz is riding in his bike guns blazing. Then a scene of Gino hugging him. This cuts to Gino hugging several people including some in shackles.

Rolo and Anya are dressed in matching sailor costumes pointing at the pervert who touched them in an inappropriate manner. They are grinning the whole time.

Then a small scene of Jeremiah, Villetta, Sayoko, and Alice doing all the work. Finally, the science team is cooking up something in the lab literally and figuratively. There is another explosion. This time the entire team is walking in front of it.


May 27, 2020 ATB

Lelouch and Suzaku are sitting around enjoying a nice breakfast. They are currently on a Caribbean Island ruled by a ruthless dictator. They are currently on a recon mission. They hear a noise over in the distance. Lelouch raises his hands to his head.

"Oh no she's at it again."

Suzaku looks around. "Who."

Lelouch points out into the town. "Anya."

Sure enough, the small pink haired girl is going around with a camera crew. She likes to prepare certain fight scenes for the team's promotional video. Lelouch likes to point out that they really do not need it since they always can get work from Britannia. Lelouch and Suzaku go over to where Anya is.

Anya is directing her crew. "Okay guys put camera C here. Now put camera B up there. We can have Suzaku do some of his spinny kicks here. I think there is enough room. Maybe we can do a rehearsal later."

As Lelouch and Suzaku near Anya, a jeep of soldiers comes riding in.

They go over to Anya. "Hola senorita. Are you ah doing a movies here?"

Anya nods.

"Okay, well you need to have permisos to do that. If you don't have the papel, then we need to go to the office and talky to Julio."

Lelouch walks over and in perfect Spanish he answers, "Oh no need to do that. I have the necessary permits right here."

Lelouch is always prepared for everything. The soldier looks over the paper. More importantly, he pockets the bills on top of said papers.

"Okays everything looking good senor."

He hands the paper back to Lelouch. "Hey senor if you need anybodys to be in your movies. My guys they work real cheap. You know. If you need someone to just stand in the back and get killed or somethings."

Lelouch nods and continues still in Spanish. "Of course, when we get to that part we know who to call."

There are a series of explosions coming from the palace complex. Lelouch shakes his head. All that prep work for nothing. Anya is a bit miffed when she realizes what is going on. The soldiers just piss their pants because they realize that they are just extras. And we all what happens to them.

"Suzaku-spin kick."

Suzaku kick the crap out of the soldiers. While Anya lulls them in with her cute look before she decimates them. Lelouch just stands there and directs Anya and Suzaku. He didn't think today was going to be so much work. He is going to need a second breakfast to make up for the calories he is losing as he orders his subordinates around. Coming out of the palace complex are some very scared looking soldiers.

"Yo no lo toque." (I didn't touch it.)

They all repeat this over an over. Behind them comes Euphie covered in blood wearing her favorite pink dress.

Lelouch isn't happy with this. "Damn it Euphie. You have to be shitting me. I was hoping to spend a few more days here with the senoritas."

Another group of soldiers comes out from the town. Lelouch smiles as he takes the contact out of his left eye. Time to get to work.

"Lelouch vi Britannia commands you."

The soldiers fall down before he can finish. Behind them is a light brown haired girl wearing a pink dress with a big bow. She also has several bow and ribbons in her hair. She is also holding a teddy bear. At the sight of this all the soldiers, that are not dead or unconscious, freak out and head for the ocean.

Lelouch puts his contact back in. "Nunnally, what the hell. You ruined my favorite part. The part where I go Lelouch vi Britannia commands you to die. And all the bad guys fall over."

Nunnally giggles, "Oh oniisama, you're just mad because this is our twenty-fifth mission of the year. And we all now what that means."

This makes everybody else giggle and grin as well. Lelouch shakes his head.

"Euphie, what happened?"

"They touched Mr. Cuddles."

Lelouch shakes his head even more. He is joined by the rest of the team.

Inside the palace thirty minutes ago

Euphie is alone with several men including the leader. This is the part she enjoys the most. No, she isn't going to have sex with these men. She would never do that with anyone but her Suzubear. Okay maybe with Lulu if Suzaku happened to die or was invalid. But only if she was drunk or something. Well back to the action.

Rather then sleep with the men, she uses her geass to make them believe that they experienced the best night of their lives. In most cases, it was usually the last night of their lives because Lelouch kills them for looking at his sister. If it is one man, he usually humps a pillow or stuffed animal. If it is a group of men, Euphie has them hump each other. Because of Euphie's geass, they usually ignored the fact that they are sore in some very unusual places. She is about to begin when the leader picks up her teddy bear, Mr. Cuddles.

"Why don't we begins, eh? Let us just move this little bear out of the way. Or maybes we can use him."

Euphie stand up and glares. She begins to speak in the most demonic voice anyone has ever heard.

"Put Mr. Cuddles down!"

The soldiers look around for the source of the voice. The leader looks like he wants to crap his pants.

"Suegra, estas ahi. Yo no hice nada."

Euphie stands up and goes over to the men. "I said put Mr. Cuddles down!"

The soldiers look over to Euphie now. They toss her the bear, but it is much too late for that. She and Mr. Cuddles spend the next twenty minutes killing soldiers. The freaky part is of course that she put most of the blame on the stuffed animal. It's distressing enough when a hot girl in a pink dress is charging at you with a submachine gun. You don't know whether to hit on her or take cover. Then she begins to talk to the bear as if it were a person. Lelouch is lucky that he is Euphie's favorite brother. Because if anyone else tried to deny Mr. Cuddles his share of the earnings, they would probably get hurt.

Back to the present

Lelouch calls their contact on the island to tell them the job is done. This job was worth thirty million pounds so they were really cleaning up. Since other than Kallen he is the only one who has any math skills, he keeps most of the money. Before leaving the island, he checks to make sure the money is deposited in the right accounts. He does not want to have the send in the B Squad. They act first and ask questions later.

As Suzaku flies them out, Lelouch begins to think of what is coming up next. Of course, he has to keep his promise. He has to let Suzaku and Euphie go out on a date, and he has to go out on one with Kallen. Damn his parents for wanting him to continue with his duties as a prince. Well the rules don't say anything about it being a double date or a triple date. Lelouch receives a message. He grins. He has a plan.


A few days later, everybody is getting ready for the big date. Lelouch is sitting on his bed staring at his suit. Well actually, the bed also belongs to Kallen. They are sort of betrothed. As a prince of Britannia, it is Lelouch's duty to give the empire plenty of heirs. Like many of his older brothers, he is putting all that off until later. He knows the moment he marries Kallen; he will be declared the heir to the throne.

In addition, once he married five girls, he would be emperor. His parents were working overtime on that. Apart from Kallen, there was obviously Milly, Shirley, and Anya. Of course, they kept sending the Black Knights good-looking secretaries. There was even talk about him marrying Suzaku's cousin Kaguya. Well none of that was going to matter tonight because Lelouch had decided to have some fun.

He noticed that Kallen has been talking to him for a while. "What was that, bunny?"

This is the one thing that Kallen hates about Lelouch, the fact that he is always lost in thought.

"I said I can't believe you are letting Milly and Shirley go out with Clovis and Schneizel."

"I don't see any problems with it."

Kallen grins, "You don't see any problem with allowing members of your harem to go out on a date with your brothers."

Lelouch knew what she was doing. It was a game to her. "Well not really. Although putting Clovis and Milly scares the shit out of me. Milly just isn't Clovis's type."

Kallen disagrees, "Milly's a hot blonde. She's everybody's type. What about Shirley."

Lelouch laughs, "What me worry about Schniezel. Isn't he going out with that Kannon chick?"

Now Kallen laughs, "Lelouch, Kannon is a guy."

"What no way really."

Now that Lelouch thinks about it. He shrugs. He looks over to Kallen. "You look beautiful."

Kallen blushed, "I just threw something on."

Lelouch grins, "Liar. Let's go."

They all live at Black Knight headquarters in downtown Pendragon so the restaurant isn't very far. Well to everyone but Lelouch. He hates doing any exercise that he isn't being paid for. Well there are a few exceptions to that. The entire team was going to dinner. Apart from the aforementioned couples, there was also Nunnally/Gino, Rivalz/Nina, Rolo/Anya, and Lloyd/Rakshata.

At first, he wondered if Kallen would be mad at his attempt to weasel out of their date by making it a group thing. Dinner was well dinner. Of course, Schneizel was taking care of the bill. Only he didn't know it yet. However, Lelouch looks a little distracted. He was ignoring the fact that Suzaku and Euphie were practically swallowing each other's tongues. It was beginning to bother everybody else. Especially Kallen, Shirley, Milly, and Anya who wanted to do that with Lelouch.

He excuses himself from the table. When he is gone for a few minutes, Kallen goes after him. He promised her a date. This certainly wasn't it. As Kallen rounds the corner, she hears Lelouch talking to someone on the phone.

"Yes, he's here."

….

"Just take him out the back."

"No problem. I better get back before Kallen gets angry,"

"Too late."

Lelouch turns around and sees Kallen standing there. "Oh hey bunny, what are you doing? Is it time for dessert yet?"

Kallen crosses her arms in front of her chest and glares. "Are you working on the night of our big date Lelouch vi Britannia?"

Lelouch looks down. "Well you see. I had to." He reaches into his pocket and fiddles with something.

Suddenly four individuals come bursting in to the restaurant. They go over and take two men sitting in the back.

Kallen looks over at what is going on. "Why is the B Squad here?"

"Well you see Jeremiah's sister needed braces. Villetta's brother wants to start a rock band only he doesn't know how to play an instrument. Of course, Sayoko needs new outfits. Then there is all this stuff that Lloyd needs for the lab. Not to mention the hospital bill for Cecile's latest attempt at food creation."

Kallen frowned a little. Of course, Lelouch didn't mention her defacing Gino's car after he made a pass at her. Or Euphie destroying the art museum after the security guards wanted to check Mr. Cuddles for contraband. There were so many expenses attached to the Black Knights.

Lelouch makes the phone call to inform their employer that the job was done. That done he turned around to face Kallen who was standing there hands on hips.

"You know that you owe me another date now."

Lelouch nods. At least she didn't tell him that he had to sleep on the couch. She learned her lesson from the last time she did that. Of course, now that he thinks about it. That is another expense that he has to account for. She drags him back to the table. Great she's going to make him finish this date and go out on another one. Well he had better be getting some tonight and it had better be a group thing.


Author's note: So I saw the Expendables on Friday and decided to write about Lelouch leading a team of mercenaries. It was 1 am when I came home and started writing this, okay.

So this is obviously AU. One in which Charles and Marianne reject the whole killing the gods thing. That comes into play later. Also one in which Britannia doesn't go off trying to conquer the world for the most part. Britannia encompasses the Americas. There are still wars with the EU and Chinese Federation.

There isn't any real plot. It will just be a series of adventures of sorts. So if anyone has any ideas let me know. Also any pairings will work. Seriously if you have an idea to pair any two people from Code Geass or another anime. I will at least try to have them go out on a date. The main pairings will be Lelouch/Kallen, Suzaku/Euphie, and Gino/Nunally. Obviously Lelouch will have a harem so there are openings for that if anyone is interested. So keep that in mind if you have an idea.