Author's Note: Basically, I wanted to see what happens if Naruto's stupidity was replaced by another quirk.

I'm really just playing around, assigning a new quirk for Naruto for each chapter. Since I'm going to repeat basically the same few pre-shippuden scenes for each chapter, it might get old fast, but we'll see. I just wanna have some fun with Naruto without having to commit to writing a WHOLE epic-long story on it.

Chapter 1: Ramen Obsessive Much?

Up on the rooftop of the Ninja Academy, a silver-haired man eyed the three children seated in front of him. "So, let's introduce ourselves, shall we?" he said.

"Can you begin?" The sole girl of the group, Sakura, asked. "You look really suspicious after all." Beside her, the two boys in her team nodded at her words.

Well, if they insisted...

"Let's see then," Kakashi said, a hand rubbing his chin as he formed his introduction in his mind, "My name is Kakashi Hatake. I have no desire to tell you my likes or dislikes… Dreams for the future ...hmm … well, I have a lot of hobbies," he finished with an innocent smile through his masked face.

"All you told us was your name," Sakura muttered, a little put out.

Kakashi only grinned harder. "Your turn! Go ahead."

Despite their annoyance at Kakashi withholding his personal information from them, the kids did as they were told. Sakura Hanuro expressed her absolute love for Sasuke, and presented herself as a rabid fan-girl to Kakashi. Her hate for Naruto was noteworthy as well.

Sasuke Uchiha, as Kakashi suspected, became an avenger due to his brother, Itachi's, doings. He looked as though he would have rather preferred a one-man cell.

"And you?" the jounin asked, turning to the last member of Team Seven.

Naruto grinned as he adjusted his headband. "My name is Naruto Uzumaki," he cried, jumping up from his seat, "I like ramen, especially miso ramen, pork ramen, beef ramen, pickle and egg ramen, seafood surprise ramen, instant ramen, naruto ramen, salt ramen, chicken ramen, tomato rame-!"

"Move on," Kakashi interjected, when it was clear the blond was determined to list every single ramen flavour available, and then some. In fact, he had a feeling as long as it had ramen in it, the boy would eat it, no matter the broth or side dish.

Naruto pouted, muttering a few more flavours under his breath before continuing on. "I also like it when Iruka-sensei pays for my ramen, 'cause I have like fifteen bowls of ramen for lunch per day," Naruto rambled, "and I hate the three-minute wait for ramen to cook and when the soup burns my tongue, 'cause then I can eat my ramen properly. And ramen -"

"Any hobbies or ambitions?" Kakashi inserted. He was hearing too much about noodles. Did that boy honestly think nothing but ramen?

Naruto nodded, oblivious, "Okay! So my hobby is to try different types of ramen. My dream is to try ALL types of ramen around the world and find some way to cook it faster!"

Kakashi let out an inaudible groan.

The blond paused for a second. "And be Hokage," Naruto added, almost as an afterthought.

Still, Kakashi grasped on to the idea - the only thing that sounded normal after being subjected to ramen too many times to count in. "Hokage is an ambitious goal," he declared hastily.

Naruto nodded."Yeah," he said, serious. Then his next sentence ruin it all. "but when I'm Hokage, I can open ramen stands on every street. Ichiraku's good, but the only decent one around. Plus then I can eat all I want!"

Kakashi groaned into his hands again. He'd thought too soon.

At least the boy didn't say he wanted to be ramen when he grew up. He'd really have to doubt the kid's sanity if he did, not that he didn't already. But still, he was thankful for the small mercy that Naruto was still half-way sane.

"That's it for introductions," Kakashi concluded, slipping onto his feet. He'd best close up introductions before he thought too much about the horrors of ramen-obsession induced insaity. "Tomorrow, you have survival training with me. The passing rate is sixty-six percent. Of the twenty-seven graduates only seven will become genin. Everyone else will be sent back to the academy."

"WHAT!" his team cried out. Or rather Sakura and Naruto did. Sasuke never made much sound in the first place.

"Oh, and skip breakfast," the silver-haired jounin added ominously, laughing internally at their scared faces, "You don't want to throw up."

Another "WHAT?" echoed across the village.

"Yes, Naruto? What part of that did you not understand?" Kakashi said patiently, looking down onto the only student who shouted out this time.

"No breakfast?" the blond cried out, "That's worse than a sixty-six percent passing rate! How will I survive without ramen to start off the day?"

"Ah, yes," Kakashi thought to himself, "Of course it had to do with ramen. Why did I think otherwise?"

"Teamwork," Kakashi said. "This test was about teamwork, and yet you all left each other and did your own thing." He glowered at them. Sakura and Sasuke stared guiltily back from their spot on the floor. Naruto hung his head, as he couldn't move, tied up on the tree stump. "I'll give you guys one last chance after lunch, but it'll be harder to get a bell." Kakashi wandered over and gave Sakura and Sasuke a lunch box each. "Eat. And don't give Naruto anything. It's his punishment. Got it?"

He shunshin'd away at the kid's dejected nods.

Barely a few minutes later, Sakura glanced up at the tied up Naruto, worry clearly written on her face. "I'm fine!" Naruto yelled, "I don't need food." His growling stomach betrayed him.

Sasuke raised his eyebrow, gave a long sigh, before he shoved his lunch at Naruto. "Here," he gruffed out after what seemed like hours of deliberation.

The pink-haired girl leaped up in shock. "But Sasuke, sensei said not to feed him!" she cried in panic.

"Without food, he'll only get in the way, and that'll hurt us as well. Besides, I can't sense sensei nearby."

The girl contemplated his words, staring at her own food. Coming to a decision, she pushed her box towards Naruto as well. "Here," she said, equally as convinced as Sasuke that Naruto should eat.

Behind a tree, the silver-haired Copy Nin nodded to himself, proud of their resolution. If they were willing to break the rules for the sake of their fellow teammate, then they would pass. Maybe these little genins had what it took.

"I don't want it!" Naruto yelled from meters away.

Ahh? Then again, maybe not.

"Naruto, if you don't eat, then you're only going to drag us down!" Sakura shouted, just as loudly.

"I know," Naruto whined, "but I can't eat it! I can't; it's not RAMEN!" The blond demon container wailed, "I refuse to eat it! I can't betray my love like that! I won't be able to face it when I go home! Don't make me! The first thing that enters my stomach has to be ramen, or else it'll hate me forever!"

Kakashi-sensei sighed behind the tree. "Of course this would happen," he thought exasperatingly, "I should have guessed. Now, should this count as a pass or fail?"

"So, who wants to die first?" Zabuza Momochi snarled at the genins. Behind the eyebrow-less nuke-nin, Kakashi was trapped in the enemy's Water Prison no Jutsu, unable to move. It was up to the kids to save the day.

"Sasuke, I have a plan." Naruto whispered over to the other boy where they were huddled together.

Before he could explain it, the Zabuza water clone rushed over to attack the two boys. Sasuke was first, slammed to the ground hard enough for him to cough up blood.

In a snarl, Naruto ran over, a shout of "Shadow Clone Jutsu!" flying off his lips. His flurry of attacks were useless, but he managed to draw back the nuke-nin. Naruto grabbed his bag, throwing over a large windmill shuriken to Sasuke while Zabuza was distrated. The Uchiha caught the giant shuriken with a knowing smirk, realising Naruto's plan. Immediately, Sasuke fanned open the shuriken, throwing it at Zabuza in haste.

The windmill shuriken flew with ease. It easily sailed over the head of the water clone of Zabuza, quickly making its way toward the real body. "Aiming at the real me, huh?" Zabuza muttered, mildly impressed. His real body was held in place, unable to move while supporting the water prison trapping Kakashi, but still, Sasuke's attempt was no use. With a single hand, Zabuza caught the excessively large throwing star without missing a beat.

That was when another star, just under the shadow on the one he caught, flew at him.

Zabuza quickly leaped into the air, still refusing to release his hand from the Water Prison Jutsu. Then, behind him, there was a sudden puff as the shuriken disappeared, leaving Naruto in it's place. Zabuza turned in surprise, but not quick enough.


Naruto's hands moved fast. Pulling objects out of his pouch, he hastily chucked it in the direction of the eyebrowless man. In his utter disbelief, Zabuza didn't move. Instead, he merely stood and stared as the objects flew not at him, but towards the Water Prison.

He gave a short pause, trying to digest the scene. "What is that suppose to do?" he asked, almost amused.

To his right, stuck in the prison, Kakashi sighed, now accompanied by five cups of instant ramen. Why did he somehow knew this would happen?

In front of them, Naruto grinned obliviously. "Well, these are instant ramen cups," he said matter-of-factly, as though it was obvious, "They need water to cook, so if I chuck them into your Water Prison, they'll soak up all the water and then Sensei will be free."

The cups of noodles floated in the water, not doing much but obstruct Kakashi's view.

"It clearly didn't work," Zabuza told the boy.

"Clearly. Didn't. Work," the silver-haired jounin repeated pointedly, staring impassively at his student.

"Yeah," Naruto said, a little disappointed at the result. He perked up a second later, "But maybe if you wait a while for the dried ramen to soak it up…"

The missing-nin amused the brat by looking over at his captive. "It's not."

"Just wait!" Naruto pleaded. The hopeful sparkle in his clear blue eyes made Zabuza give the Prison another look. It still didn't look any smaller. He stared at the jounin teacher blankly. Kakashi tried to shrug. It didn't work, so he just let out a long, dejected sigh.

Totally knew this would happen. Why didn't my students run when I told them to?

"This sucks," he murmured from the prison.

"Fine!" Naruto yelled. Before either ninja in front of him could look over, the boy threw a kunai at the Mist ninja. "Plan B!" he yelled, as the kunai whizzed toward the enemy's face. Zabuza had to let go of the Prision to dodge it.

"I see," Zabuza snarled, a slither of blood running down his cheek. "So the noodles were just a diversion of my attention. Smart."

"No," Kakashi murmured to him, "You think too much for my students. Especially the stupid blond one. He's just stupid." He leaped in the air, Zabuza following closely behind, posed to retaliate. They landed on the river, trading hand seals.

"Why couldn't you have thrown the kunai in the first place?" Sakura hissed at Naruto as he ran back over to his teammates.

He gave a confused shrug. "Why? That was just my backup plan. If you waited, my first plan would've gone somewhere."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "No it wouldn't, Dobe."

"What do you know about me?" Inari yelled at the dinner table, tears in his eyes. "I'm different from you. You're always clowning around, acting so cheerful. You don't know how hard life can be!"

Naruto snapped. "So you think it's okay to just cry all day? You're nothing but a sissy!"

The younger boy looked up in shock at Naruto's sharp tone. Without another word, he fled, running outside into the cold night with tears still streaking down his cheeks.

"Naruto!" Sakura reprimanded.

Naruto gave out a sigh. "Fine, I'll talk to him again," the blond finally agreed, knowing, if only partially, he was to blame for making the kid cry. He followed after Inari's little footsteps until he eventually found the boy sitting by the dock outside the house.

"Kid," Naruto began, but the boy only looked away. "Look kid, I didn't mean any harm. I know what you're feeling. I grew up alone myself as well. I was an orphan without my parent, and the kids hated me in the village," Naruto confessed softly.

Inari didn't react for a second, but in the end, he finally looked up, confusion in his eyes. They were both in the same boat, but yet Naruto didn't look it. "But you never stop laughing or smiling," Inari said in disbelief.

"No," Naruto agreed, "Never. Once, when I was a kid like you, I felt like giving up, but then, I found out about it."

"It?" the boy parroted back.

"Yes, it," Naruto leaned in, whispering, "The Ramen God. Ramen will always love you."

After a few hours of converting, the boy finally smiled. "Yes, you're right, Naruto. Why didn't anyone tell me about the Ramen God sooner? How could I live a life without it for so long?" He stood up. "Thank you, Naruto!" Then, he ran back into the house spouting about ramen the whole way.

Kakashi, who had been sitting on the roof, ready for damage control, sighed out loud as he made out Inari's words. "We lost another one to the noodles."