Authors Note: Sorry about the delay, college has taken precedence in my life…unfortunately.
Thank you MirrorFlower and DarkWind, BlackMetalHeart and fantasmaalineal for reviewing, it means a lot.
Now I shall continue.
Curiosity DESTROYED the Spock
With as much grace as he could manage, while assisting an injured and weak James T. Kirk down the hall to the turbo lift, and down deck five to his quarters, Spock did his best to keep his mask of uncaring stoicism in place, not wishing the embarrassment of permitting any of the crew they may run into to see any emotions he may have been feeling while having his captain so close to him. Now that he'd admitted to himself that he had fallen in love with his captain, he found that his reactions towards the captain had heightened one hundred fold. He could not seem to control the rate of his heart beat or the labor upon which his lungs functioned. He could feel heat fill his face and burn his ears as blood rushed upwards. He was blushing! He inwardly scolded himself as he paused near the captains door, wrapping an arm firmly around the humans middle in order to punch in the access code. As he inserted the code, he willed the blush to leave his face before the captain noticed. After all, the noticeable darker shade of green darkening the crown of his ears would be rather noticeable to anyone with eyes.
Once inside Spock helped the captain around the room divider and helped ease him down onto the bed. Jim groaned in obvious discomfort causing Spock's heart to skip a beat in worry. "Captain?" The hazel brown eyes flashed up towards him before a weak smile appeared on the sweat glistening skin of the mans face.
"Call me Jim, Spock. I'm not on duty right now remember?"
Spock nodded before assisting the human remove his shirt and ease down onto the square mattress. Jim groaned again before sighing. "You'd think these beds could be a little more comfortable." He grumbled.
Spock ignored the complaint, instead busied himself with removing the captains shoes and socks, folding the socks neatly and tucking them away in the boots which he set aside neatly.
"Captain would you like to change into something more comfortable?"
Jim looked momentarily thoughtful before he made a face.
"Nah, I'm down, I'd hate to get up again." He said shifting slightly. It was apparent to Spock that the drugs were beginning to wear off. He would need to speak to Dr. McCoy about that. Spock stood up straighter, clasping his hands behind his back as he gazed down at his friend. His emotions of worry and affection hidden carefully behind his mask.
"If there is nothing else I can do for you cap-Jim,"
"Very well, than I will report to Doctor McCoy before returning to the Bridge." He said with a curt nod of his head.
He turned, fully prepared to drag himself away from his injured captain when a hand weakling snagged at his elbow. He paused and turned partially around looking down at the hand that had snagged onto his uniform before looking at the man on the bed.
"Spock…I," He paused, releasing his light hold on the material before looking down, the faintest hint of a blush forming on his cheeks. Spock was mildly surprised he was still capable of blushing seeing as he had lost so much blood, and the tablets McCoy had given him would take at least twenty-four hours to help restore the lost blood. "Back in Med bay, when I woke you up you, you were going to say something."
Spock tilted his head, not giving away anything. Jim licked his lips. "When I told you I wasn't going to forgive you…, you were going to say something."
Spock felt the faintest hint of worry before resolving to be fully honest.
"Jim, I was unprepared for a response." He said simply, calmly. Jim blinked and frowned slightly.
"What do you mean?"
"When I asked to be forgiven Jim, you were unconscious and recovering from your surgery. There was no possible way for you to have known what I had said."
Jim's frown grew more pronounced and he sat up slightly, wincing causing Spock to unlock his hands from behind his back and inch closer to assist him in sitting up.
"But, that can't be right." Jim groaned as Spock stood up straighter once more. "I heard you ask me to forgive you."
"Spock I heard you." He said, a worried edge to his voice. His eyes were pleading, pleading for Spock to believe him. "I'm not crazy Spock, I heard you. Clear as day. I…,I couldn't have been unconscious, I…, I must have been coming around. I mean…I heard your voice and what you said."
Spock remained silent for a moment, thinking about the events before realization dawned on him. He nodded to himself before turning his eyes to the captain fully prepared to explain.
"Captain, when I arrived in sick bay, I was highly emotionally compromised, which should be quite apparent seeing as you know that I asked to be forgiven for my poor judgment. Upon taking up post at your bedside, I took your hand captain." The faintest hints of a blush darkened the tips of Spock's ears and his cheekbones. He did his best to keep it concealed. "Being emotionally compromised I must have unintentionally lowered my shields."
Jim frowned at the explanation.
"I, I don't understand Spock. Elaborate."
"Captain, as you are aware Vulcan's are touch-telepaths. When we touch creatures and people we get brief glimpses of the thoughts at the forefront of their minds and their emotions at that moment. For a logical race, it is quite bothersome to have to deal with another persons emotions, which is why we do not enjoy physical contact with others. But despite being a logical race, we do, in fact have emotions. We are just capable of keeping them under control, filing them and processing them in a way that would be impossible for humans."
Jim, who was still a little confused cut in briefly.
"But your mother is human."
"My mother is indeed, and she is quite emotional."
"But if Vulcan's can't stand sharing emotions with others how can your father handle it?"
"My father and mother, being bonded have a special relationship Jim. They can share each others emotions in he privacy of the bond and their own home. It is not proper to discuss ones private lives Jim."
Spock nodded before continuing with his explanation.
"When I asked to be forgiven, I was still holding your hand Jim. With my shields down, I no doubt let my emotions and thoughts slip over to you and into your subconscious. That would explain how you would have heard me so to speak Jim."
Jim thought it over before nodding, easing back down onto the bed.
"I see…well, at least I'm not crazy." he smiled. "I'll just blame it on my emotionally compromised First Officer." He chuckled lazily. "You must really not want to be Captain Spock."
Spock kept his mask in place. How he wished he could just tell his friend why he was emotionally compromised. He wished to explain, and apologize for taking his hand so inappropriately. He inwardly sighed, which was just the slight involuntary relaxing of muscles.
"Jim. I have a confession to make, and I must apologize."
"Oh?" Jim asked with a rise of an eyebrow. Spock had a feeling he was being mocked, but chose to ignore it.
"Captain, in sick bay, when I took your hand it was highly inappropriate, and I apologize. To elaborate captain, for me to do so, to take your hand in such a way, would be the human equivalent of a kiss." He paused. Jim said nothing. His expression didn't even change. "I apologize captain, and once I am sure you are in better health, and can once again take command of the Enterprise I will report to the brig until we can dock at a Star Base."
"Spock what are you talking about?"
"Sexual harassment is cause for court martial captain." He stated mild air of annoyance peppering his tone, after all the Captain should know regulations. Jim smiled, which baffled Spock slightly. The smile grew and before it could be stifled a chuckle escaped the human, the chuckle turning into what appeared to be light laughter.
"Well in that case," Jim chuckled. Spock rose one of his brows and tilted his head slightly.
"Captain, I am highly confused."
Jim beamed up at him.
"Spock, for the last time, call me Jim when I'm not on duty. Please don't make me make that an order."
Spock had the urge to point out that Jim was in no condition to actually give out orders but decided that was not the wisest course of action.
"I know that, that was a kiss Spock."
Spock's other eyebrow rose in the Vulcan equivalent of surprise. Jim chuckled again. "I spent time around your parents Spock, I picked up on the finger touch thing. I'm not stupid."
Spock blushed slightly, he'd actually forgotten how often his parents had done that while aboard the Enterprise, he had thought nothing of it, he'd seen them do it so often growing up that it was just such a normal occurrence.
"Jim, I'm sorry."
"Nonsense. It was a pleasurable experience, despite the fact I was actually unconscious for the duration of it." He smiled as he closed his eyes and shifted slightly to make himself more comfortable. "Probably the best kiss of my life and I wasn't even awake to enjoy it."
Spock blinked in surprise, gazing down at the humans face. Pink lips turned upwards slightly, breathing growing deeper as he steadily slipped into sleep, which, would logically be the best thing for him. Spock turned, but kept his eyes locked on his Captain a moment longer before turning and leaving the room.
He steadily made his way towards sick bay where he found Doctor McCoy working on something on a PADD. He glanced up and scowled. Spock was really in no mood for McCoy's prodding, still being slightly emotionally compromised. "Don't tell me he's already in trouble." The doctor grumbled in irritation. Spock shook his head.
"He is quite well for the moment Doctor, he is asleep. But before sleeping it was obvious he was in some discomfort. I came to talk about pain killers for him."
McCoy nodded eyeing the Vulcan suspiciously before turning and walking to his desk.
"I meant to give these to you before you left but must have slipped my mind." He said tossing a bottle of red and blue pills over his shoulder, which Spock easily caught. McCoy turned towards him, rubbing at his left eye. "Lack of sleep, not enough caffeine all that."
Spock nodded before thanking the doctor and heading out.
He returned to Jim's room and set the bottle of pain killers as well as a glass of water down near the captains bed. He quickly scrawled a hand written note setting it near the pain killers before leaving his sleeping captain behind. He had duties to fulfill.
Spock sat in the captains chair, his weight shifted towards the right slightly, resting his elbow on the arm of the chair, finger tips grazing his bottom lip as he starred blankly at the view screen, but didn't see it. He was to preoccupied with his chaotic thoughts. He had yet to meditate, thus they swirled freely and chaotically through his mind. He was a little surprised by his conversation with his captain. Jim had seemingly forgotten about Spock being a touch-telepath, which had been one of the first Vulcan facts Spock had been sure to relay to the human. Was Jim affected by the drugs? His mind hazy and unreliable? Was he playing coy? Or had he truly forgotten. Spock felt his heart sink slightly at the idea that the captain had forgotten that little tidbit of information. As illogical as it was, Spock wanted Jim to remember everything about Vulcan's, or at least everything that Spock had shared with him. The thought of being forgotten made Spock feel sad, an emotion he felt quite often in reality. He was either sad, or lonely. Those were the two emotions he spent most of his time meditating over. Also the two he had failed to concur completely. "Sir?" Spock blinked and shifted his gaze towards Chekov, who had swiveled around in his seat and was facing him with a curiously innocent look upon his youthful face.
"I vas just vondering sir…is da Captane alvrite? Vill he be coming back to us soon?"
As the question was worded Spock noticed, without having to really look, that the bridge grew silent. He could sense all eyes on him. It made him feel very proud of the humans he worked with on the Enterprise, they were all so loyal to his Captain…he paused in his train of thought. His?
"Yes, the captain will be fine. He will need some time to heal and rest before retuning to the bridge, but he will in fact be returning to us."
An air of absolute relief washed over the bridge, smiles brightening many of the faces at the answer. Chekov swiveled back around and continued with his work. Spock sat back in the chair and continued to eye the open vastness of space via the view screen.
When Spock returned to the captains quarters after shift he was mildly surprised to find the Captain awake and sitting up in bed book in hand. He rounded the divider and was met with a smile. The other man set the book down upon his lap and looked up at him. "I was good." he stated. Spock, if he were human would have snorted. He was not stupid, he was well aware that the specific book resting upon his captains lap was stored on a shelf on the opposite side of the divider, and that the captain would have had to have gotten up and out of bed, made his way around the divider and fetched the book. He merely shook his head and pulled up a chair from the near by desk, sitting by his captains bedside table.
"Captain, I believe we need to talk."
The human sighed and rolled his eyes, lolling his head back just slightly.
"What do you want to talk about now Spock? And no more of that court martial business. It is not sexual harassment if I wanted it."
"Captain I do not intend on bringing up that subject again, I wanted to discus the fact of me being a touch telepath…." He paused a moment. "You wanted it?"
Kirk did not respond to his question.
"Yeah, I am aware that you area touch telepath, why do you bring it up?"
Spock, being slightly bothered by the fact that his question was being over looked decided not to worry to much about it.
"Captain, it seems you had forgotten that fact earlier."
The two talked for hours, revisiting the scenario that took place in sick bay, Spock trying to explain his folly and Jim trying to stop him from overreacting. Despite there continual volleying of banter the two shared several enjoyable games of 3D chess.
"Your move Jim." Spock stated. The conversation had begun to die down, and a slightly thick awkward silence had began to envelope them. Jim, of course, would have none of it.
He moved his piece, not even caring where to, which irritated Spock slightly.
"Spock, listen. Don't let what happened in Med bay bother you. I am totally okay with it, I don't mind that you touched me, got a glimpse of my emotions and thoughts, and I do not mind at all, by the fact that you kissed me."
Spock just looked at him, the closets thing to sorrow reflecting upon his features, or as close as a Vulcan could show.
The human smiled.
"I am actually sad that I missed it. I bet it was one hell of a kiss Spock."
"Kiss me Spock."
He did not reply. "Please, kiss me so I can remember. It really bothers me that I can't remember it."
Spock did not reply, did not move, he didn't even breath. He saw the captains hand resting on the tray where the chess set was set up, palm up, open, inviting. He eyed the lovely appendage for a moment before leaning forward in his seat, going over the chess set and pressing his lips to his captains.
Even though the briefest touch of their lips Spock could pick up on his captains emotions. He was confused, slightly surprised and there was a flicker of wonder. He broke the kiss and sat back down. Jim was looking blankly at him, eyes wide, lips slightly parted and slightly puckered. That was obviously not the kind of kiss he had been expecting. The blond licked his lips and hummed slightly as his brows furrowed. "Not exactly what I was expecting."
Spock felt himself grow slightly panicky, until he saw his captains expression soften. "But I will not be forgetting that for a long time."
"You know Spock, I think I ought to tell you something." The human grew serious, lifting the tray and pushing it towards Spock, who took it and set it on the floor. "This has been bothering me for some time now and I think it is time, under the circumstances, that I tell you. Spock, I think I like you."
Spock tilted his head slightly. "Sure, I like you, we've been friends for along time, best friends even. But Spock, I think I like you more than that. When I got injured down on that planet, the only thing I could think of was you. I just wanted to see you Spock, I wanted to see your face, I wanted to be assured by your presences."
Spock remained silent as he listened to his captain. He was to shocked to speak. "I thought I was going to die Spock…and that scared me. I was so afraid that I would never be able to tell you how thankful I am that you are in my life. I don't just see you as a first officer, or best friend. I see you as a life long companion, I believe you will always be here, by my side." He paused. "Do you understand what I am trying to say?"
"T'hy'la." Spock whispered, his eyes averting from the man on the bed as he let all the new information sink in.
He returned his gaze towards his captain.
"T'hy'la. It is an ancient Vulcan word meaning, Friend. Brother." He paused, his voice lowering slightly. "And lover." He felt his cheeks heat up slightly but not enough to show a visible blush, though he did notice a pink blush begin to shine upon the human's cheeks.
The word did not role off of Jim's tongue quite as eloquently, but Spock thought it was perhaps the most beautiful word the human could utter. The other nodded before the smallest of smiles adorned his lips. "I think it's perfect." He out held his hand. "Spock, please?"
"Jim…you don't know what you are asking."
"I'm asking you to accept me. I want to be more than your friend…I want to be your T'hy'la. I love you Spock, and I've loved you for a long time."
Spock felt his heart fill and seemingly overflow with affection and love for the man on the bed, it was quite overwhelming. He scooted closer, taking the humans cooler hand in his own. "I want you to be mine, and I want to be yours."
"Jim, this is not something you can take lightly, this would be eternal."
"I know…I want that."
Spock scooted to the edge of the bed, holding the others hand in his own. He leaned closer, and gently rubbing his hands along the others, pressed his lips against the others. They continued to kiss gently, fingers entwined, lips pressing softly together. Jim broke the kiss, gently kissing Spock's cheek. "Meld with me Spock."
"You've melded with me before…but, those times were different, they weren't, they didn't mean anything. Meld with me, I want to feel you in my mind, I want…I want to really, truly be yours."
"Jim." Spock breathed again, kissing the others cheek before sliding his free hand up to the others face. Jim copied the action. Despite the other being psy-nil, he would be able to connect with Spock's mind with assistance. Assistance Spock was all to willing to give. Spock located the proper psy-points and pressed his fingers to them. He could feel Jim's fingers fall into place on his own face, they were clumsy, like a child's. "My mind to your mind," He began, his voice low, soft and warm as he continued to speak as his mind slowly slid into Jim's, like water sliding against glass. He was careful, gentle, not trying to expand to far, but filling the other with himself slowly.
As their minds mingled, swirled and intertwined they rubbed their other hands together gently, lovingly. They could see their essences mixing, Jim's bright gold, intertwining with Spock's blue, mixing and rubbing together in swirling circles.
'I love you Spock.'
'I love you to Jim. Oh, Jim…if only you knew how much I really do care.'
'I do Spock, I do…I can see it, and feel it all here, its all laid bare before me…its beautiful Spock. You are beautiful.'
Their essence continued to swirl and mix until a tightly woven bond was formed. Neither of them could tell where one began and one ended, they were bound together forever, one and the same for all eternity.
They broke contact, their fingers leaving each others face and they looked at each other. Tears sparkled in Jim's eyes and his lips were parted slightly. Spock slid a finger up and brushed away a tear that fell. "Jim?"
The blond licked his lips and let out a sigh of air.
"That was intense."
Spock kissed the others temple before wrapping his arms around him.
"T'hy'la." He whispered in the others ear. Jim returned the hug sighing against Spock's shoulder.
"I love you."
Selek removed his fingers from his younger-self's face, breaking their connection. His younger self was slightly winded his eyes opening and blink rapidly, his pupils slightly dilated, but that was the only sign to his reaction to the emotional transference. Spock blinked and took a moment to gather himself before looking at the older Vulcan. "You truly were in love with your captain."
"Yes, and I had been for quite some time. I believe my emotions had changed from a dear and deep friendship to love for my Captain sometime during the second year of our five year mission."
Spock looked away, eyeing some unidentifiable spot on the floor. Selek eyed him closely, reading him like a book. The faintest of smiles graced the elders face, he knew what the other was thinking. "You would like to experience such an emotion would you Spock?"
"I can not deny that the experience would be…merit worthy."
"Of course, I suppose the question would be, what are your feelings towards your captain? Do you return them, or will you merely give him the cold shoulder?"
Spock remained silent for a moment, pondering the question, but once he had come to his answer he looked at the other with confidence.
"I believe I do care deeply for my captain. Perhaps it is not love, but I do believe it could develop into such an emotion. I will consider my captains feelings." He stood, as did his older counterpart. "Thank you."
"Curiosity is not a bad thing, neither are emotions. You must just learn when it is appropriate to allow emotions to rule."
Spock lifted his hands in the Vulcan salute.
"Live long and prosper Ambassadore Selek."
Selek smiled, rising his own hand.
"I have already done so."
Spock clapsed his hands behind his back as he was escorted towards the door.
"I do believe I will be returning, I am curious to know more about you and your captain, if you will permit me."
"You are always welcome."
"And I am sure I will also return with my captain, I know he would like to see you, despite the fact he still is unaware of my knowledge of your existence."
Selek froze in the open door, the other standing slightly on the front step.
"You did not tell him?"
Spock's lips tightened slightly.
"I permitted the subject to slip my mind."
Selek shook his head, lips upturned slightly. "Good day Ambassador."
"Good day Spock."
Authors Note: Yay! Finally finished this! Woot. Well that is the end of the melf. Okay! Thank you for reading.