A/N: There is no Lucas or Rachel in this story. Enjoy! :)
It was a dark and stormy night in Princeton, the clouds were and black and raging and lightening kept streaking the sky every few minutes. It had been going all day, since the first pitter patter of rain early that morning. Thunder rumbled though and the now pouring rain was creating a rhythmic drumming on the roof.
Cuddy sat at her desk, signing file after file, trying to get as much done before she braved the rain to get to her car. Not only was she wearing open-toed shoes but they were also suede, and she had managed to forget an umbrella this morning, due to it only being a drop of two of rain and how many malpractice suits she was trying to settle simultaneously. Four, by the way - one for the head of the surgical staff, and three for House. No surprise there.
She sighed as she glanced at the clock. It was half past nine, and the storm was still raging. She grimaced at the thought of running through the car park to get to her car... Especially as her space was in the E lot today. Usually, she had the best space in the parking lot - being the Dean had some perks - but today there was flooding in some of the other prime spots, which naturally meant that Cuddy would end up giving up her space.
House's space was flooded, therefore he took Cuddy's, and she couldn't be bothered to argue before her morning coffee had been ingested.
Speaking of House... She hadn't had a call from any member of his team or another staff member to complain about House's antics in a few days, which in itself was suspicious. And anyway, she'd been working for four hours straight with no break, she could use a quick meander up to the diagnostic department.
Striding with purpose she left her office and made her way up to the personnel floors. The lack of complaints about him were definitely odd, and she couldn't help but find the possibility of him being hard at work deeply suspicious. Heels clicking across the linoleum floor, she swung around the doorframe, ready to deliver a witty remark about House's oddly "good" behaviour.
But, no such thing was possible, as his office was empty. Both the inner and outer offices. She frowned and walked to his desk, sifting through the assorted papers. TV bills - including inordinate amounts for "adult entertainment" - and a weird note saying "It's not Lupus!" and...another subpoena? She sighed. That was another three hours work right there. And it would really help if he actually told her about them, rather than her having to find out by getting an angry phone call from a lawyer, complaining about how House was late for court, when the diagnostician in question was napping peacefully in his office, or the clinic, or the ER... Or just about anywhere to get out of doing his job.
She made a mental note to reprimand him later about hiding the subpoena...but that of course hinged on her actually being able to find him. Something which didn't seem probable since nowhere had mentioned being annoyed by him, which obviously meant that no one had seen him, as the two were mutually exclusive.
She prepared to page House, then almost laughed at herself. Of course there was no way that House would answer. Instead, she paged Foreman, knowing that he would answer no matter what.
Almost immediately, she got a reply. On the roof.
She furrowed her eyebrows. She knew that House would often make his team conduct their differentials in random places - MRI suites, boardrooms, the clinic, outside occasionally - but the roof? That was odd even for House. The only reason to go up there was to get to the helipad and House never needed the helipad and unless you had a gurney you had to walk up twenty stairs to get there, something House wouldn't do for fun.
Nevertheless, this was just another strike on the chart of why something he was up to something suspicious.
She made her way to the roof elevator - as she was the Dean, she got to use it without a gurney or a dying patient - and could hear the thunder still rumbling. It had been raining for eons and it was still thundering like a herd of elephants were trampling across the sky. God knows what possible reason House could come up with for being on the roof.
The elevator dinged and the doors slid open, revealing a sight that reminded Cuddy of the apocalypse. Black clouds raged, rain shot down and in the midst of the chaos Cuddy could see a small group of people who looked distinctly like a diagnostician and his abused fellows huddling together, with one of them shouting something.
"House!" She shouted, braving the wind to stumble over to them. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Diagnosing!" He shouted back, sodden to the skin. All of them looked frightful, dripping wet with their hair plastered to their heads... And they all looked thoroughly miserable. By the shivers they were eliciting, Cuddy assumed they'd been out there for quite sometime, explaining the odd absence of annoyed staff.
"Out here?" She yelled, frowning.
"Yeah," it looked like he mouthed, when really he probably was just speaking normally.
she shook her head exasperatedly, feeling her clothes dampen and begin to stick to her slick skin. "Go inside," she instructed Taub, Thirteen and Foreman, who didn't need to be told twice. Within two seconds they'd leapt up and were running for the doors, probably the only time they didn't question her authority over House's.
"What are you doing?" House shouted, "my patient might die if we don't diagnose him in the next few hours!"
"Then go and diagnose him," she replied, "inside."
"But - " He started, no doubt about to supply her with a pointless and convoluted answer.
"No buts!" She interrupted, "go inside now unless you can give me one good reason why you should be out here."
He paused, the wind and rain whipping at his skin and clothes. "Lightening is cool." He said lamely.
She gave him an unamused look. "Lightening is cool? That's the best you can come up with."
"Trust me," he warned, "it's better for the hospital's liability if you don't know the real reason."
"I assumed as much," she replied, watching as House went to unhook his cane from the metal pipe he'd hooked it over. But, thanks to the rain, the floor was slippery, even more so for a cripple. And so Cuddy watched as House toppled over, heading straight for the giant electricity pylon that was erected on the roof.
"House!" She shrieked, knowing that the pylon was a huge target for lightening strike during storms, and not liking how close and often the flashes were becoming. That, and, if he hit the pylon, he could be electrocuted. There was also that small problem.
She leapt forward to try and steady him, but the pool of water caught her too, the shiny bottom of her new heels skidding into him, so they that crashed together into the gate protecting the pylon - which had never been that secure, Cuddy assumed - and then continued to crash, right on through. Then, an amazing coincidence, as their two bodies collided with the hunk of electrified metal a fork lightening jumped out of the sky and locked onto the pylon, blinding the both of them.
From the moment they hit the buzzing pylon neither of them could remember anything, except the white light blinding their retinas and knocking them unconscious... Though it might have been the electricity that did that.
House opened his eyes, his retinas having to adjust to the bright lights of what he recognised as the ICU - a place he was only too well acquainted with - but doing so quickly, thankfully. He blinked a few times, trying to gauge some notion of what happened. He remembered the roof, the storm and then being hit by lightening...or crashing into a pylon that was being hit by lightening, either way ends up with unconscious on the floor.
Swallowing and pushing himself up, feeling better already - who said that lightening could be fatal? - he glanced down at his hospital gown swathed body. And the first thing he thought was: Nice rack.
Woah, hold up a minute. He had a rack?
Pulling the gown further down, he caught a glimpse of his pair. There they were, in all the pink, squishy, breast-y glory. He blinked. He must be dreaming. Must be. Otherwise...
He noticed Wilson standing on the other side of the room, back to him. "Wilson!" He called out, "what the hell did you do to me?"
Wait. Why did he sound so feminine?
Wilson frowned, "I didn't do anything. You did this all to yourself."
"Did what?" He asked, a little panicked. Leaning over he grabbed a bedpan and stared at his reflection.
Cuddy stared back.
What the fuck...? Eyes widening, he glanced at the adjacent ICU bed. There, un-fucking-believably, was himself, sleeping peacefully.
He was...in Cuddy's body?
He was in Cuddy's body.
He was in Cuddy's body!
"Oh my God," he breathed, running a hand down his new acquired body. "This is impossible."
"What is?" Wilson asked. "It's not uncommon to survive a lightening strike. Grabbing a pylon on the other hand... That's rarer, but you two both seem to be fine. Stupid, but fine." He broke off when he saw House's expression. "Lisa? Are you okay?"
No. He was most certainly not okay. Looking over at...himself? Cuddy? Who knew? He wondered if this was maybe a beautiful drug-induced hallucination... Or whether something impossible had happened to the two of them.
Something even he could not explain.
A/N2: I know, I know, but the idea grabbed me :) If you want me to continue, review! x