Summary: In a tight spot, Bonnie reluctantly leaves Damon in charge of a baby, but she doesn't hide the fact that she has no faith in his child-care abilities.
A/N: This was written for luna mari at the Bamon Dabble Party on livejournal. Also, I will be writing a sequel to The Wall of Separation. I'm flattered that you guys want one!
The Prompt: Her eyes widen at the sight before her. There was Damon with a baby...a baby..and he was holding him wrong. "Damon! You don't carry a baby by the clothes, you'll drop him!" She couldn't believe it, he was holding the small child like a grocery bag!
Disclaimer: None of the characters, except for Alec, belong to me.
Damon's Babysitting Services
"OH MY GOD!" Bonnie screamed when she and Elena walked into the Salvatore sitting room. There, in front of her, stood Damon with a baby. And he was holding him wrong.
Damon stopped walking back and forth and looked at the two young women. He was calm, cool, and collected.
Bonnie rushes on him and grabs the baby. She checked him for injuries as Elena said, "Damon, you don't hold a baby by the clothes, you'll drop him."
"He was fine," Damon said, unruffled.
"Fine?" Bonnie asked incredulously. "You were holding him like…a grocery bag!" she said as she held the baby protectively. Her heart was still in her throat. "Where's Stefan?" she asked, looking wildly around the room. She walked away with the baby to check the hallway.
"He got hungry, so he left me in charge."
She'd entrusted the little boy, Alec, to Stefan because there was a warlock after him. He was a witch, and his family had racked up quite a bit of bad karma. As a result, they had lost their powers for generations. Alec was supposed to be the one to bring them back. He's supposed to develop powers and get the magical line going again. The warlock, Bront, wants to capture the baby and keep him until his powers manifest so that he can take them. Bonnie has been trying to figure out a way to either suspend or take Bront's powers away completely in order to keep the child safe. It was looking more and more like she was going to have to kill him. She did not want to keep the baby with her in case she was attacked. It's the same reason Alec was not with his parents. Bonnie had constructed a protective circle around the Salvatore boarding house and asked Stefan to keep the baby safe. And now she'd found him with Damon. He hadn't been there when she'd left Alec with Stefan; otherwise she would've given the younger Salvatore explicit instructions to not let Damon anywhere near the baby.
"Why would Stefan leave you in charge of him?" she asked as she bounced the quiet baby up and down. She was mostly trying to calm herself.
"Because I promised him I wouldn't eat it," Damon said, unable to resist goading her.
Bonnie's eyes widened.
Elena quickly said, "He's just joking. He doesn't eat babies." She gave Damon an annoyed look. She doesn't understand why he loves to provoke her friend. Does he have a death wish?
"I don't care," Bonnie told Elena. "Did you see how he was holding him? What was Stefan thinking?"
"Look, the thing was crying, so I did something to calm him down," he shrugged.
"He could've fallen on his head," Bonnie said.
"Riiiggghht," Damon said. "I'm a fast ass vampire, but a falling baby would be too much for me."
Bonnie felt her upper lip twitching. "He probably had head rush," she said as she rubbed the little boy's head. Elena was rubbing her back.
"Not at the angle I was holding it. It was perfectly balanced," Damon proudly informed her.
Bonnie stopped dead in her tracks. The maniac had actually calculated how to safely dangle the baby. "What is wrong with you?" she whispered as she cocked her head to study him in innocent wonder.
Damon gave her his most charming smile, and Bonnie used her go-to defense weapon against his charms. She frowned at him.
"Bonnie, we have to go," Elena said. "We only came here because Bront attacked us at Bonnie's house," she explained to Damon. "He knows she's protecting Alec, and he knows where he is. He said he'd figured out a way to get in. We wanted to make sure Alec and Stefan were okay," she said as she slipped her hands in the back pockets of her jeans.
"There's no way I'm leaving him with the baby," Bonnie said as she looked at Damon warily.
"What are you gonna do? Take him with you? I'll take good care of it," he said as he reached for the baby.
"Him," Bonnie highlighted. How is she supposed to trust him to take better care of the child if he can't even be bothered to address him by the proper pronoun?
"Whatever," Damon said.
"Bonnie," Elena pressed.
"We'll," Bonnie stuttered, feeling like she's in a tight spot. "We'll wait for Stefan," she decided.
"Uh, it kind of sounds like you don't have time to waste from what Elena just said. Besides, I'm better at protecting i-"
Bonnie inhaled primly.
"I mean him," Damon said accommodatingly, tilting towards Bonnie. "I'm stronger."
Bonnie hugged the little boy to her tighter as she realized she was going to have to relent. She could feel Elena's impatience. "Do you even know how to hold a baby? Properly?" she asked.
"Of course," he said. "Stefan taught me before he left. Look, don't even worry. I'm sure he'll be back soon, and then he can take over. Then your precious baby will be safe, because, just to remind everyone," he said, kicking up the dramatics, "Stefan is good at everything."
Elena rolled her eyes. "No, he isn't," she said in a weird defense of her boyfriend.
"Sit," Bonnie told him. "I'm going to place the baby in your lap, and you will sit there until Stefan comes back."
Damon chuckled, but he followed the pretty witch's orders. They both knew he wouldn't stay put, but right now she needed to be pacified more than the baby did. Damon sat down and held out his arms, never taking his eyes off of Bonnie. She gently placed the baby in his arms. She straightened and looked him in the eye, her stomach dancing with anxiety. "Okay," she said as she let out a breath.
"See you soon, honey," he said affectionately.
Bonnie narrowed her eyes at him and reluctantly left, Elena dragging her.
"OH MY GOD," Bonnie said a while later as Elena drove them to the herb store. Bonnie was going to make a potion to give her spell a boost.
Elena slammed her foot on the breaks from shock. "What is it?" she asked in a panic. "Did you have a vision? Is it Alec? Oh my God," she said as her panic rose. She continued driving, looking for the nearest U-turn.
"No!" Bonnie said as she dug through her bag for her phone. "I forgot to tell Damon not to compel the baby!"
"What?" Elena said, confused. Bonnie had sent her heart careening up her throat.
She punched in Damon's number, and waited as the phone rang.
Elena thought Bonnie was overreacting. They'd spoken to Damon, so she didn't think he'd be doing anything wrong anymore. But she wasn't going to tell Bonnie that, because she knew it would be pointless. No one seems able to mess up this dynamic she and Damon have struck up. It's like they refuse to see each other in a better light. She sighed and rested her elbow on the window as she stopped at a red light.
"Damon's Babysitting Services," Damon answered the phone.
"Where's Alec?" Bonnie asked.
"Sleeping," Damon answered.
Bonnie looked at Elena as if to say, 'see?" Elena lifted her brows, because she didn't get it.
"Sleeping how? Did you compel him?"
"I'm not gonna dignify that with a response," Damon said lazily.
Bonnie licked her lips and said, "Okay, but listen. When he wakes up, if he starts crying, just let him cry, okay? Do not compel him to stop. If he's annoying you, then just put him in his little chair and walk away. He'll stop on his own."
Damon was breathing loudly through his nose.
"Are you listening to me?" Bonnie asked.
"Yes, dear," he said placidly.
She hates it when he takes on that tone, like he agrees with her and doesn't have a problem with what she's saying. It annoys her.
"Okay, I'll be back soon."
"Can't wait," he said. His voice was like molasses.
Bonnie slammed her phone shut.
Later on, as she sat at her dining table writing the vanquishing spell for Bront, she threw her pen down and lunged for her phone as another possible horrid situation occurred to her.
"Bront attacked," Damon said as he picked up the phone, sounding breathless and pissed. "Alec's a little hurt."
"What?" Bonnie said, her chair falling as she stood up, her heart dropping. She could not fail that baby, the family.
"A shard of glass got lodged on the side of his head. I sent Stefan to the kitchen. Got to keep the baby safe, you know?"
Bonnie closed her eyes in anger as realization hit her. She grinded her teeth.
"I'm trying to get it out," Damon continued. She could hear the sick smile in his voice.
"That is not funny, you creep!" Bonnie said with restrained anger. She put her hand to her forehead as she tried to calm down.
"Hey, you seem dead set on worrying. I'm just trying to help you out," he said.
"If Bront really does attack," Bonnie said, her jaw tensing with every word, "don't focus on retaliating. Get Alec to safety."
"Right. Hey, you know what I think?"
Bonnie squeezed her bottom lip. She wanted to hurt him so bad, but she needed him at his full strength in case Bront made it through the barrier.
"I think we're ready for one of our own," Damon told her.
Bonnie hung up and let her phone drop on the table. She got back to her spell with renewed vigor. The sooner she got rid of Bront, the sooner this yo-yo of her blood pressure would stop.