"UZUMAKI NARUTO. GET IN HERE NOW."
The first two words to come to his mind, and for excellent reason. Full name usage at any time of the day meant he was in trouble, and trouble with his roommate/best friend, Haruno Sakura, usually meant he was in for some sort of beating. Or ass chewing. Either one was equally possible, depending on what he had done.
Not that he minded or anything. It was part of the normal routine, and one that he had grown to almost like. What could he say? She gave life to his inner masochist. Pulling up the tab on his laptop that said Facebook, he quickly informed the world that, since he was entering the beast's territory once more, this might be his last status update ever. The message got two insta-'Like's in the first ten seconds, leaving him grinning before he set the computer aside.
"NAH. RUE. TOE." Each syllable annunciated, the blonde flinched. Shuffling his sock covered feet across the hardwood floor of their two-bedroom apartment, he drew closer and closer to the kitchen… His mind was sorting through the various things he could have done this time. Did he leave one of the Icha Icha books out again? Left another ramen cup empty on the counter? Didn't take out the trash when she asked him to? Forgot to get new milk since they hardly touched it anyway and it was spoiled?
Peeping his head around the corner of the kitchen, his wary blue eyes locked on to the bright pink-haired woman standing at the far end of the culinary room. Her arms were crossed over her chest (never a good sign) and one hip was cocked, the opposite foot tapping lightly in that 'you are so fucked' way that women had. His chances of living dropped ten percent.
"H-hey, Sakura-chan!" he said, his attempt at being cheery massacred by the glare she shot at him. CHIC CHIC BANG, headshot. One hit KO. GRENAAAAAAADE TAKE COVE- never mind, too late.
"Naruto, what the hell is wrong with this picture?" she asked him expectantly while he moved so he was standing just inside of the kitchen. Looking around, his hand rose to scratch the back of his head.
"Umm… I didn't put away the cornflakes this morning?" Answering her question with another question probably wasn't the best choice, but other than that, he couldn't really spot anything out of place. Maybe it was just because he was a part of the species called 'men'.
He watched as her eyes darted to the cereal left on the counter, and stuck there for a good ten seconds before slow dragging their burning gaze to him. Apparently, she hadn't noticed the open box until he brought it up. Which deducted another fifteen percent to his chance of survival. He was settling at about sixty-five percent by this point…
"Fix that. Now." she ordered him, and, head ducked, Naruto stuffed the plastic bag part into the cardboard box part, and put it away in the cabinet it belonged in. Moving back to his spot at the head of the kitchen, he resumed looking like a scolded puppy in his best attempt at softening her temper. Sometimes it was effective… And others, it only succeeded in her yelling at him to stop trying to 'cute' his way out of the situation.
"No, that's not what's wrong," she continued pointedly. Grabbing the handle of the Swiffer Wet Jet mop thing they had bought just a few months back, she narrowed her eyes at him. "This is what's wrong. It's broken, and it was fine the last time I used it. Which was last week."
Gulping, a memory of the previous day struck him like he'd just run into a brick wall. It… Hadn't really been his fault. Sort of… Kind of… Okay, it was! But it had been accident!
"Well, you see Sakura… I was mopping up some of the orange juice that spilled yesterday, while you were out with Ino, and some guy knocked at the door! It kinda scared me, and I tripped over the mop and kinda stepped on the squirting thing…" And had, of course, a mini spaz-attack before answering the door to tell the guy there that he had the wrong address. Which resulted in him panicking… And not thinking enough to go and buy a new mop. So instead he put it back in the utility closet thing, not realizing that she would eventually notice he'd gone and broke it.
"You didn't tell me this why?" she asked him, still scowling.
"Umm… I didn't want you to get angry?" he tried, offering a weak grin. Which was instantly denied.
"I think you failed." Leaning the Swiffer back against the cabinet, her arms resumed their crossage across her chest.
"Aaah, but I know I failed."
Despite herself, Sakura's mouth tweaked upward a bit before settling back into a scowl. Ah ha! He had her to the point where she was over it enough to want to laugh with him. Right path, yeeees… What else could he do to make her accept his most sincere and heartfelt apology for stepping on their mop which had only cost twenty bucks in the first place?
Falling to his knees, Naruto clasped his hands in front of him before gliding across the floor (thankfully, they didn't have much carpet except a few throw rugs) until he was situated right in front of her. Being the ever awesome actor he was, forcing his eyes to water was easy as he looked up at her, playing the part of remorseful beggar of forgiveness to an exact point.
"Oh, could thou find mercy in thine heart? Pray you now, forgive and forget! I am young and foolish!" Blinking so that one sole tear ran down his face, he waited as a moment of silence stretched between them, only interrupted by the sound of ice being made in their freezer.
Sighing, the roseate rolled her eyes and swatted his head hard enough to make him teeter to the side. A smile on her face, she shook her head. "Way to go and misquote Shakespeare, Sunshine. It's 'forget and forgive'. King Lear, right?" she asked him, picking a piece of lint off of her black tank top.
Eyes twinkling with laughter and success, the blonde stood up. "Yessum. Am I forgiven now?" he bounced, looking very much like the kid he was accused of being often. His bouncing, however, was halted mid-bounce at the stern look he was given.
Naruto frowned at the reply; he had thought he was out of the woods, good to go, in the clear. He'd made her laugh, and that was key… Hell, he'd even gotten on his hands and knees, and recited (badly) Shakespeare to her! She was the only woman alive who could say they'd ever have him, amazing Uzumaki Naruto, on his knees begging for her acceptance, and it still wasn't good enough? Damn, what the hell did she want this time?
"But Sakura-chaaaaaaaan…" he drawled, sticking out his lower lip in a pout, while fixing puppy dog eyes on her. And she was the only female or person period ever who could say she'd seen him pout. Because pouting wasn't manly and amazing, and she was very privileged to ever see him do it ever. "What do I gotta do, now?" The whine was another thing she'd only ever bear witness to, for sure.
"Go shopping with me."
Well, that wasn't… So bad. He'd gone grocery shopping with her a few times.
And yeah, he would have kept thinking like that… If it hadn't been for that look. The look that she gave him meant she was going to do something awful and embarrassing, like do girly things to his hair, or force him into a skirt 'just to see how it looked'. The former had been a favorite activity of hers, since his hair was 'so gravity-defying that it was impossible to believe he didn't gel it' and when she straightened it she liked it, though he thought he looked like a bishie boy. And the skirt? Only once, but it had been horrible and awful and he could never live that down ever.
So, since he knew he wouldn't be able to get out of going with her, he readied the battlements of his ego and masculinity, preparing for a full frontal attack. "Where will we go shopping, exactly?" he asked cautiously, resigning himself to the inevitable.
"Ikea." Already she was moving towards her room; apparently, they would be going today. It was only like noon, yeah, but…
"Why Ikea?" Following her, he was stopped when she raised a brow before closing the door to her room in his face. Not moving, he waited for the answer while he listened to the closet open, and the laundry hamper open and close.
"Because," she called to him, doing something else that was in that procedure of 'getting ready', "it has those spiffy steam mops, and I want one. And the Swedish meatballs. Those are great." Opening the door, she moved past the blonde while adjusting her pink-decorated black shirt, running a hand through shoulder-length hair before tying it back into a loose, messy ponytail. Her sharp gaze scoured the living room, looking for her purse.
"Do I really have a choice, anyway?" he asked with a laugh, grabbing his shoes from inside of his room before sitting on the couch to put them on. She rolled her eyes and snatched her bag off of the coffee table, slinging it over her shoulder as she made her way to the door without him.
Which, as he hurried after her to the car Naruto was not allowed to drive due to the fact he was 'male and therefore reckless', he decided was not problem at all.
"Stacy's moooom! Has gooooot it going ooooon! She's alllllll I want! And I've waited for so lo-oooooong! Stacy, can't you- Ow!"
"We're in public now. You're not allowed to torture other people like you torture me, kay thanks bye." Sakura dropped the hand she had used to swat the back of his head to the shopping cart, and resumed their forward progression into the overly blue building. Naruto stood indignant for a moment, trailing behind without her care. Rolling his orange headphones around the similarly colored iPod, he grumbled under his breath about bossy women before snatching a package of Double Stuffed Oreos that were being flaunted for their 'on sale' status in front of the store. Tossing them into the cart when he drew close enough, he poked her side.
"What exactly are we here to get?" he asked, taking a moment to stare at the huge sign that presented where exactly the different shopping departments were. The sounds of bickering couples, whining teens, screaming babies, and the dinging of the checkouts were almost overwhelming, and his yelp when she pinched the underside of his upper arm only added to the chaos.
"Steam mop. Fat foods, apparently. Meatballs. I wanted to look at paints for my room since it bores me, and we need new towels," she listed off absently, narrowing her eyes at the direction board. With a small 'hn' she set off to the right, in a direction that Naruto had no idea what the hell was over there.
"But our towels are perfectly fine, I think."
"Don't think, Sunshine. We don't want you hurting your head, and that is why I'm the one who's in charge of the house," she retorted with a laugh, much to the insta-glare action from her blonde roommate. Although he already known this (after five years in the same place since the age of eighteen, it was hard to get around), and had long ago accepted the fact that he would never be the one to make any sort of decision involving the outward appearance of the apartment, it did still bruise his ego for that to be said so blatantly. And the thinking thing. Yeah. Their relationship was sooooooo healthy.
"Why do you even take me along, then?" he muttered darkly, looking like quite the dejected child as he walked alongside the cart.
"A'cause you ward off any potential creeps, since they never bother a couple even though they don't know we're not." In the mention of creepers, her hand went to his pants and slipped into his pocket. Naruto, having no idea what the hell she was doing, jumped away after he realized her hand was in his jeans, the hell. At his expression she rolled her eyes, and dangled his phone in front of him. "I was just checking the time, duh," she told him lazily, but the blonde could have sworn she messed with the buttons on the side before shoving it back where she had found it, much to his discomfiture.
"Anyway, I also dragged you along because we're gonna play a game, to see if you've won my forgiveness or not."
"What kind of game?" His attention perked a bit, but not really in a good way. Because her idea of a game usually entailed some sort of humiliation on his part, and plenty of laughs on hers. Her games were rigged and he couldn't ever get out of them.
"The fun kind," she said cheerfully, hanging a left into the cleaning area place. There was a word for it, but he couldn't remember.
"I don't trust you," was his reply, but he said it with a laugh. As much as no, he really didn't, no choice plus best friend status meant he'd suck it up.
"Yeeeees you do. You love me!"
"Love does not equate trust, though."
"Shhh. You do trust me, so there. Now shut up and get that box. I can't reach it," she stated simply, pointing up at the last steam mop of its kind, which of course had to be positioned at the very top shelf, scooted towards the back. Groaning, he used the lowest shelf as a step up as he reached for the mop, and pulled it towards him until it fell, and he caught it.
"Yeah, yeah. Why this one?" he asked as he put it in the cart.
"Because of your face."
"I hate you."
"Lies and slander!"
"Truths and truffles."
"I AM MAKING A HEART WITH MY HANDS."
"I can see that, but I still hate you so no."
"NARUTO RETURN MY HEART PLEASE."
"Sunshine, I'mma cry if you don't return my heart."
"No you won't! Your eyeliner'll run."
"Haha no. Waterproof, bitch. Now return my heart or else I will cry and leave you here to walk home since your wallet's in the car so no bus or cab and then I will lock you out until you return the heart through a window."
Sad thing was, she would do it, too. So, giving in to the blackmail and the pout and threat of tears, he, as dignified and manly as possible, make a heart with his hands to mimic the one she still held up to him. Grinning ear to ear, she laughed.
"See? That wasn't too hard, was it? Now. Onto the towels."
"I love you, too."
After about an hour's worth of the same kind of bickering and teasing and whatever else the hell could be used to describe their bonding time, they stood together in front of a mostly full cart at the head of the furniture department.
"We don't need anything here, though," Naruto said to the roseate bluntly, looking around the huge room with a confused look.
"Correct, dumbass. Now we're gonna play that game I was talking about earlier," she told him, smirking lightly. Pushing the cart off the side since no one would really take any of their crap anyway, she took a seat on one of the display couches that looked comfortable, and was nearby. Motioning for him to sit beside her, he did as he was gestured to, but fixed his curious gaze on her intently.
"What's the game?" he asked warily, obviously a bit on edge.
… He was crossed between laughing and attempting to take her seriously. "For serious?" Attempt to take serious initiated… After finding out if she was being for real. As much as it had always been like…A childhood fantasy to play hide-and-seek in Ikea because it was everybody's childhood fantasy, doing it as a twenty-three year old just didn't seem so… In place.
"For serious," she affirmed, nodding. "But we'll have certain rules because I want those Swedish meatballs tonight and need to get them cooking soon." So.. A special game of hide-and-seek. Modified to be fast. Which meant, therefore, that it was rigged doubly so she would be able to win really fast. Rolling his eyes, he groaned, and ignored the puzzled look she gave him before shaking it off. "It'll be timed."
"Timed?" Well… That wasn't such a bad kind of twist. If she had made up some rule like it was hide-and-seek-tag, then that would suck. Because Sakura was a fast little ninja short person, and Naruto was too big and bulky to be able to catch her.
"Timed. Only in this room. I'll hide first. One minute for me to hide, then five minutes for you to find me. It'll be the same for you. If you can't find me, but I find you, I win. Vice versa. We can't find each other, we keep going until someone wins."
"What exactly am I going to be winning?" he inquired with a smirk. This would be easy. Hide-and-seek, in only one room of Ikea… Yeah. Now, if it had been five minutes for the whole store, that would have been a rip-off and he would have thrown a bitch fit to the bitchiest degree of bitch.
"My forgiveness. And then we don't have to go to Victoria's Secret so you can try on womanly lingerie and me take pictures and then put them on Facewhore. So! Timer starts now, and you have to close your eyes for the next full minute. The clock over there's the master time, and when it gets to two-ten you have until two-fifteen. Kay, bye!" Double punch, ready set go! He gaped after her as she took off, still not closing his eyes. She looked over his shoulder, stopped, and scowled with her hands on her hips. "I SAID EYES CLOSED NARUTO," she yelled back at him with a smirk, running off again after the command registered in his head.
Well… The want to win just tripled. After being shoved to the power of twenty thousand. Yeaaah. It wasn't his ideal plan, to be forced into lacey, exotic underwear and have pictures taken of him. He never really understood the appeal of fancy underwear, but he did know that Sakura loved shopping for it. More than anybody ever should. If they could have added up and split the difference, they would have been good to go! But nooo. Now she was going to force her weird shopping love onto him. And publicize it. On the Facebook. And no doubt tag him so everybody would be able to see it, on both of their profiles. Oh yaay.
Already he was sorting through the various places where she could have hidden. Behind couches. Under a table. Under a couch. Under a blanket on a couch. In a group of people. Mostly, it'd be the issue of looking through the whole place in the time limit. All she had to do was evade him for five minutes, and she'd be home free. But then again, if she could do it, so could he when it was his turn!
Opening his eyes to look at the clock, he was pleased to see he'd timed it perfectly. Two seconds till the end time, and now it was time to do the seeking half of the game. Lurching forward, he jog/walked down the same pathway he had initially seen her go down. Out of impulse, he went to the left, dashing through the couples and groups of people while scouring the room for a shock of bright pink hair, much to the 'HEY BUDDY's' and "GTFO's" of those he accidentally hit. Oh, internet speak in the real world…
Okay, the room might have been bigger than he thought… By the end of the first two minutes, he'd only sprinted through one quadrant of the department. Moving onto the next, he couldn't help but look up at the clock repeatedly. Two-thirteen… Two-thirteen and fifteen seconds. Two-thirteen and forty-five seconds…Oh shit, this was getting close. Where the hell could the little imp have hidden?
Grumbling profanities beneath his breath (much to the horror of a mother of three small children he ran by) Naruto hurried to the third quadrant with only one minute left. "Sakuraaaa-chaaaaaan," he called out, the franticness he felt easy to hear in his voice. Darting between couches, around tables, through chair sets, and down small pathways, he felt dread as the last ten seconds ticked away.
The voice came from back where they had started. Grimacing, he turned around to see the shape of the winner of the round behind the very couch they had been sitting on exactly five minutes before. Well… Of course he hadn't expected her to loop back to the starting place. Because that was just cheap!
But, she had, and no he'd lost the chance at instant-forgiveness without humiliating himself.
Looking quite smug, she sat on the back of the couch as he trudged his way over to her. Scowling, he crossed his arms over his chest. "That's so cheating," he announced grumpily, glaring at he.
"'s not. I never said you couldn't do that. I'm just smart," she retorted happily. Sitting down on the same cushion he had used to wait for the first minute, she watched the hand on the large clock across the room. "In ten seconds, you'll have a minute. Make it a good minute. I'm so going to find you." Why did she have to seem so confident? It made him wonder if she was planning on cheating or something.
Sighing, he pulled out his iPod and pushed the ear buds into his ear, the last bit of Stacy's Mom blaring in his brain before he took off. He already knew where he wanted to hide. There had been this perfect little couch that had looked like there was no space beneath it because of the way it was designed. He wouldn't have looked at it twice, except he had been looking underneath the one next to it and his foot had slid through the draping, heavy cloth. Looking over his shoulder to see that her eyes were closed, he got down on his stomach and slid into the darkness of the couch's hollow.
There was no way she'd find him. For serious. Grinning smugly, he clicked the 'Next' button on his iPod. Bad Girlfriend by Theory of a Deadman, hmm… Oh yeah, he was on his English playlist… Oh well. It was a good song. Turning the music just to the right volume (because even though it was securely in his ear, he still felt like she'd be able to hear the music though it was impossible) and he rested his chin on his hands, waiting for the end of the song plus half the next to go by before he made his surprise appearance.
The time seem impossibly long, this time. Like it dragged. But Naruto held confidence in his hiding spot, and after the first three minutes and twenty-eight seconds of the rather dirty and amusing song, it switched.
"The words are comin', I feel terrible! Is It typica-aaaal! For us to end like this! Am I just another scene from a movie that you've seen one-hundreeeeeeed tiiii—"
Light directly in front of his face blinded him, and he yelped loudly, though the volume of his music made it muted. The bright light from the outside world faded after a moment, revealing the smug face of one Miss. Haruno Sakura looking at him sideways, flaunting a triumphant grin. Naruto's jaw grew slack, clacking against the hard floor in his surprise. Raising a hand to tear the headphones from his ear, he felt shock and anger mix in his chest.
"How the hell!" he exclaimed, pulling himself forward towards her, clawing his way out from underneath the couch. Springing up to a standing position, he stared down at the pink-haired woman who had taken a seat on the former hiding spot with a look that was accusing, angry, and full of all of the other things sore losers felt when they lost. "You opened your eyes, didn't you!" he screeched at her, gaining him the odd looks of their fellow Ikea-customers.
"Noooooo~" she sing-songed back to him, laughing at his frustration.
"You liar! That's the only way you coulda found me, you stupid-"
"Sunshine, there are children in here! And no. Check your phone, kay thank bye. I'mma go check out so we can head over to the mall and put you in some sexy underwear," she told him before practically skipping to their cart. Looking like he was ready to flail and yell and throw a fit, he listened to her command, and whipped his phone out of his pocket, and flipped it open to the menu screen, scowling at it the moment the bright orange alert went through his brain.
Three missed calls…?
But he hadn't had any alerts before he left, or when she checked the time… At that moment, a text came in. Growling random improper things under his voice, he opened it and was shocked to see that it was Sakura.
"Sunshine, your cell is turned up to 8. It's really loud and I could hear it all the way from the couch but you didn't hear it over your music. Ilu ltg kthxbai"
Sakura Haruno has added sixteen new pictures to her album Naruto Tried To Win Again
Sakura Haruno thinks that the new pictures she put up of Naruto are amazing.
Naruto Uzumaki feels violated and emasculated beyond belief.
Sakura Haruno and five friends like Naruto Uzumaki's status.
Five friends like Sakura Haruno's status.
Sasuke Uchiha wrote on Naruto Uzumaki's wall:
"What the hell did you do this time, dobe?"
Naruto Uzumaki replied to Sasuke Uchiha's wall post:
"Broke the mop."
Sakura Haruno likes Sasuke Uchiha's wall post on Naruto Uzumaki's wall.
Sakura Haruno commented on a picture of Naruto Uzumaki:
"I love the lacy trim on the thong in this one."
Naruto Uzumaki commented on a picture of him:
"I hate you. I really do."
Sakura Haruno commented on a picture of Naruto Uzumaki:
"No, you really don't. Now go make me a sammich, pin-up boy."
You perv. I bet you thought there was gonna be sex, acause of the summary! Well, no. xD Alex is a good girl, and wanted to write something lolful. –heart-
In case some of you don't get it, Sakura found him by calling his cell phone repeatedly, until she located his hiding spot. xD He couldn't hear it over his music. And then he was forced to try on skimpy underwear and have pictures taken of him. Oh, how I torture my Naru boi.
And actually, I didn't think of this one by myself! I had some major help from a certain Canadurian friend of mine. This is what inspired this one. :D I feel like giving lulz, okay? Bella Sparkly-Fag is actually Lady Kyoshoku, who you can find in my favorites list. She's a much better writer than I and so random and this was just too great and yeah! I am Sexy Scout.
Bella Sparkly-Fag: WRIIIIIIIITE. AND STOP THIS MADNESSSSSSSSS
Sexy Scout: Wut about? xD
Bella Sparkly-Fag: I can give you a prompt. And then you write something
Sexy Scout: Sure. I was gonna start Impact, but eh. Or work on ToD2, or Tobitopia, or ID. T_T Ah meh ged.
Bella Sparkly-Fag: Mm. People might break your neck for not updating Love Games
Sexy Scout:Psht. -is kinda at a stuck place anyway- It's hard trying to switch from angst shiz to a normal. Oh lol. Nevermind on Impact. I'd prolly get shot by all the people going 'MOAR HAPPEH PLZ'
Bella Sparkly-Fag: GOOD CAUSE MY PROMPT IS HAPPY. TAKE IT AS YOU WILL LOL
Sexy Scout: ORLY
Bella Sparkly-Fag: steam. No word a lie, just steam. Ramen steam, shower steam, tea steam.
Sexy Scout: Mop steam.
Bella Sparkly-Fag: Steam from an onsen... etc.
Sexy Scout: -already has idea- xD
Bella Sparkly-Fag: ;D There. now go write something
Sexy Scout: My Muffy was telling me about a new mop she got. It gives off steam.
Bella Sparkly-Fag: I have one of those
Sexy Scout: This was before she started threatening a dog that she'd stuff a stopper up its dick if it didn't stop peeing on her floor.
Bella Sparkly-Fag: H2O mop xD Wow.
And done and ltg –heart-