last chapter. thanks for sticking with this so long! also...i can't wrte anything remotely smutty. so i don't know why i did. oops.

Finn doesn't know why he thought this was a good idea.

Well, ok, at first it had seemed like a good idea. Rachel had tied his hands to the bed with one of her scarves and whispered "So you can't touch" in his ear. Her breath had tickled against the sensitive skin there and the feeling made him whimper. It had seemed like a good idea then. And when she had been kissing every inch of his skin, starting at his collar bone and moving down, it had seemed like an excellent idea, especially when she had lingered a little longer on his nipples and he felt the burn of arousal in his stomach, and especially when she had palmed his hard-on through his jeans and he hadn't been able to suppress a small moan in response. But when she had tugged at his zipper and pulled off his jeans and boxers in one movement, he'd started to wish that his hands weren't tied to the bed. Mostly because he wanted to be able to reach out and touch the bare skin of Rachel's shoulder. And when she had wrapped her soft hand around him, he had forgotten all about his desire to touch her, because he was too focused on the sensation.

But now that Rachel has taken him into her mouth, Finn really doesn't know if this is a good idea. They've done this dozens of times before, but his hands have never been immobilized and now that they are, he feels his throat clenching up, panic building in his gut alongside pleasure. If he could just reach out and tuck Rachel's hair behind her ear, it would all be ok. But he can't, he can't move. Get a grip he scolds himself, just breathe. But the panic has completely overtaken the pleasure now and Finn feels like he can't get enough air into his lungs. He knows that all he has to do is get Rachel's attention, just whisper her name, but his mouth won't cooperate, his tongue weighs heavy in his mouth, and Rachel is completely focused on what she's doing.

It takes a minute, but Finn vaguely remembers that his hands are only being held in place by a scarf. He fumbles with the knot for a minute, his fingers are too big and awkward, but he eventually frees his hands. He reaches down with one of them and rests his fingertips on Rachel's cheek. She looks up at him without stopping, but Finn's tongue still feels like lead in his mouth. He can barely breathe, let alone ask her to stop. He just hopes that she remembers the talk they'd had weeks ago, about how this might happen.

OK, so they hadn't really talked about it. But they had been making out on the couch and Finn had, like always, asked Rachel's permission before slipping his hand under her shirt to unhook her bra. Rachel looked at him, amused.

"You know, you don't have to keep asking. It's always ok for you do to that."

"Yeah but…I don't know. I sometimes get freaked out about this stuff now and I just figured, after all that stuff with Jesse, maybe you do too."

Rachel had pulled away from him and looked at him seriously, eyes wide with sympathy. "That's sweet. But Jesse didn't…"

"I know," Finn had whispered, cutting her off. He really hadn't wanted to let the conversation continue where it was headed, he didn't know how much more of Rachel's sympathy he could take. "There are other reasons to be freaked out though. Come back here, let's just kiss."

And that was the extent of the talking. But Finn really hoped Rachel remembered.

After studying Finn's face for a moment, Rachel gasps and practically jumps off the bed.

"I'msosorry, I didn't mean…"

Finn groans and finds his voice again. "Don't stop, please. Just…can you just use your hand?"

Rachel nods, but makes no move towards the bed. Finn holds out his arms to her, "C'mere, I didn't mean to scare you."

Rachel slides into Finn's arms, lying against his side. He presses a kiss on the top of her head. She reaches out and tentatively wraps her hand around him again.

"This ok?"

Finn closes his eyes and gasps, nodding. She begins moving her hand and Finn's hips buck up involuntarily.

Kurt is pressed against Puck's chest on the living room couch, his hand snaked up and underneath Puck's t-shirt. One of Puck's thumbs is hooked into Kurt's belt loop and the fingers of the other hand are tangled in Kurt's hair. Puck's mouth is currently sucking on the soft skin in the place where Kurt's neck meets his collar bone and Kurt is letting out desperate little whimpers.

This had started with a chaste kiss in the kitchen that had deepened and continued. Kurt had had to stand on his tip toes in order to reach up and latch his arms around Puck's neck. Puck had laughed and scooped him up, still kissing. They ended up on the couch, Kurt on top, and hadn't moved since.

But when Puck's lips move away from Kurt's neck and back up to meet his own, Kurt becomes hyper aware of the hard line of Puck's arousal pressing against his upper thigh. At first he tries to ignore it and just sink back into the kiss but he can't focus; his stomach is fluttering and his heart is beating too fast.

He tries to reason with himself; just because Puck is hard, doesn't mean…but it would be so easy to do what he knows Puck wants, just unzip his fly and…Kurt's stomach rolls and he quickly disentangles himself and jumps off of the couch, tripping over the low table as he flies backwards. Puck, almost as fast, stands up and starts moving towards Kurt.

"Princess, what's wrong, did I…"

"D-Don't," Kurt stammers, moving backwards away from Puck, "just, stay over there."

Puck halts.

Kurt can hardly breathe well enough to speak audibly, so he just flicks his eyes downward to Puck's crotch for a moment before he looks back up, searching his eyes for understanding. Puck follows his line of sight, but Kurt doesn't wait to see what happens next. He hurries to the basement, not stopping until he has made it to his bathroom and locked the door behind him.

Using the doorknob for support, he slides down the wall until he's seated, knees tucked up into his chest, head leaning back into the wall. Finally, he focuses on breathing, taking deep shuddering breaths until he feels his pulse begin to slow down.

Kurt opens his eyes and glances around the room. Everything is calm, clean. His pill bottles are sitting on the sink, just within reach, and Kurt contemplates taking a Xanax, climbing into bed, and waiting for the drugs to start working. But those pills make him loopy and tired and on the off chance that Puck is still upstairs, he wants to be functional. So, instead, he uses the edge of the sink to pull himself up. His legs are shaky, but are sturdy enough to stand on. That's a good sign. Then, avoiding his reflection in the mirror, he discards his clothing, turns on the shower, and hops in. He stays there, eyes closed and face tilted up to meet the stream, until the vague feeling of panic dissipates from his gut, until the water runs cold.

When he gets out, he dries himself off and just throws on a t-shirt and a pair of boxer briefs. It's hot in the house and he figures that Puck will have shown himself out…it's been over an hour after all. But when he gets upstairs and turns into the kitchen, he's greeted by the sight of Puck, stirring something on the stove and grinning at him sheepishly.

"I only know how to make spaghetti, but I cut up some vegetables and put them in the sauce."

"You're still here. I thought…I was sure I'd scared you away."

Puck shrugs and abandons his spoon in the saucepot. "Like I said, I've held you while you were bleeding. Besides, nothing scares Puckzilla."

Kurt giggles. "So now you're a dragon and a knight? That's confusing. What kind of fairytale is this anyway?"

Puck smiles at him for a moment, but then his smile drops and he moves cautiously towards Kurt. "Are you feeling better?" Kurt nods. "Can I touch you, is that ok?"

Instead of answering, Kurt pulls him in close, wrapping his arms around Puck's waist. "Thank you Noah," he mumbles, face pressed against Puck's chest. After a minute Puck pulls away a little, "Kurt, look at me." Kurt looks up. "I'm sorry."

"Noah, you didn't do anything…"

"That was too fast though. Let's start again, ok?"

Kurt starts to nod, but Puck curls his fingers underneath Kurt's chin to keep him from looking down again and kisses him gently. Kurt lifts himself up onto his toes, leaning into the kiss. After a beat Puck pulls away, smiling, and presses another soft kiss to Kurt's forehead. Kurt grins.

The pair moves back over to the stove and Puck cuts up a few chicken sausages and throws them into the pan with the onions, garlic, and broccoli. Kurt stands behind him and wraps his arms around Puck's waist, resting his head against Puck's back, face turned towards the kitchen door. "Comfortable Princess?" Kurt just nods and closes his eyes.

After a minute, Kurt hears the front door open and a pair of feet making their way towards the kitchen. He cracks open one eye just in time to see Finn appear in the doorway, smiling and humming some tune that Kurt doesn't recognize.

"Good date I assume?"

Finn nods and grins even wider.

"Something else?"

Finn nods again.


"Rachel tied me to the bed and tried to give me a blow job. I freaked out so bad that she practically flew to the other side of the room."

At the same time that Puck turns and exclaims "Dude, too much information," Kurt shrugs and lets go of Puck's waist, turning towards Finn.

Lazily, he sits down at the table and says, "Well, Puck and I were making out, fully clothed, on the couch. He got a hard-on and I freaked out so bad that I practically flew across the room…en route to locking myself in the bathroom."

Finn's face falls and he mutters "Damn!" under his breath.

"Wait," says Puck, turning around to face the two, "is this some kind of twisted sibling rivalry? Are you two boneheads trying to compete for the title of most-fucked-up or something?"

Finn shrugs, making his way over to the stove. "Yeah, I guess. But it's not fair. Kurt always wins."


"Yeah, well," Finn says, reaching into the saucepot and pulling out a piece of marinara covered sausage, "I think it's kind of disturbing that my little brother was just spooning you wearing only his underwear, but I didn't say anything about that."

Puck rolls his eyes, "That's not even close to being the same thing."

Finn just shrugs again and pops the sausage into his mouth.

"He's gone soft," Kurt explains, once again on his feet, reaching up to pull three plates out of the cabinet. "Earlier today he was trying to defend me from Liz."

Finn nods knowingly and reaches into a drawer, producing three forks. "It's a losing battle you know."

Puck ignores both of them, staying quiet as he pours the sauce over the spaghetti and puts it all in a big bowl in the center of the table. The three boys dig in and are munching quietly until Finn looks warily over at Kurt and Puck, "If you hurt him…"

"He got the memo Finn," Kurt exclaims, "he knows. Somebody will kill him."

Finn nods, satisfied, and goes back to eating. Once the food is gone and all of the dishes are washed and put away, Finn heads downstairs.

"I'm going to set up the game…wanna join me?" P

uck nods and moves to follow but Kurt holds him back. "We'll be there in a sec, ok Finn?"

Finn shrugs and disappears into the basement. Kurt turns to Puck pulls him into a tight hug before pulling back and looking up at him.

"What's up Princess?"

"I just…if you break me Noah, I swear…"

"I know, I know. I'll die."

"No," Kurt sighs and shakes his head and whispers, "I will." Almost instantly he rolls his eyes and scrunches up his face in disgust. "Sorry, that came out all wrong. Too dramatic. But it's true you know. Or…at least it feels that way." Kurt lets go of Puck and gestures outward again, a movement reminiscent of earlier that day. "This, everything, feels like it's being held together with Scotch tape and balancing on two bottles of little white pills. I don't know what will happen if something tips."

"Relax Kurt, have you seen my guns?"

Kurt scowls up at Puck, "Noah, I'm being serious."

Puck sighs and runs his hand over his head. "So am I. What I meant was…I got you. I won't let you fall."

Kurt smiles sadly and reaches up, pulling Puck into another kiss. A second later, Finn's voice can be heard coming from downstairs, "You guys better not be making out again! I'm not covering for Puck if Burt comes home and finds you locked in the bathroom Kurt!"

Puck grimaces and Kurt pulls away, yelling back. "We're coming Finn. And…go easy on Noah. He's soft, remember?" and then, as an afterthought, "Besides, he's being perfectly sweet."

Kurt turns to Puck and grabs his hand, pulling him in the direction of the stairs. "Don't worry. Nobody would blame you if I locked myself in the bathroom. Now, come on Noah, let's go shoot some zombies."

Puck shrugs, grinning. "Sure Princess, whatever you want."