A/N: I was trying to write the second chapter for another story when I had a nasty block in the way. This fic took over my head a few days ago, and so… Here it is. (smirks sheepishly)
First off, I have no opinion over whether Reid is bi or not – all I know is that he's totally swept me off my feet and I wouldn't care even if he was a eunuch. (grins) I just… felt like playing around this idea, a little bit.
WARNING: VERY mild slash, mentions of abuse, mature themes… Eh, I'm stopping right here before I scare you all away.
Awkay, I think I've been stalling long enough. (inhales deeply) I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that you'll enjoy the ride.
Fallacies of Normalcy
All the emotions twirling inside Dr. Spencer Reid were locked into his eyes as they examined the man standing by the bathroom's doorway. With his eidetic memory it was easy – all too easy – to imprint a picture of the other man, including that expression of utter remorse and sadness in those eyes.
Judging by any standard whatsoever, Lucas Reichton was a very attractive man. At the age of thiry-five the other man looked at least five years younger. Lucas was tall, at least four inches taller than Spencer, and had a body any other man would've been jealous of. Perfectly messy, short dark hair and almost black eyes made the picture perfect. As ashamed as admitting such made him, Spencer had to confess that Lucas' appearance was what first caught his eye. After all he was only human. What truly got under his skin, however, was the other man's smile. It'd seeped through his system faster and with more power than any drug ever could.
Was it love? Lust? Obsession? Him being needy? Spencer didn't know anymore. And at the moment he didn't really manage to care.
He was too tired to care about anything, to feel anything. It was a bliss, really.
"Spencer, I…" Lucas' voice was soft, earnest. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Every word most definitely came from the man's heart. "I wasn't supposed to…" The words faded away. Not that they would've been necessary, anyway.
Spencer closed his eyes and took a deep breath, feeling a bit like he'd been held underwater. "I'm fine", he murmured mechanically, his voice far from convincing.
Lucas was silent for the longest time. "You shouldn't be."
Spencer knew that. Of course he understood that much, especially considering his IQ – just like he'd known much too clearly from the age of twelve that both genders appealed to him. Flashes popped into his mind like photographs, making him shiver.
Lucas' hand held against his throat, the look in those dark eyes making Spencer sure that he was going to die.
The punch that sent his head spinning.
His body flying across the room, finally hitting the corner of a cupboard so that he unleashed a cry of pain.
The worst part, however, was what Spencer couldn't remember.
No matter how hard he tried Spencer couldn't remember what he'd said or done this time to unleash the powers of hell on himself. What had he done to deserve this?
Slowly, as though it'd been the hardest task in the world, Spencer opened his eyes halfway and looked at his hands. They were balled in his lap as he sat on a toilet seat. His knuckles had turned white as he fought with himself, fought so very hard against something he couldn't even name. Statistics flew through Spencer's head.
In the United States roughly 835 000 men are victims of physical violence by an intimate per year.
Every 20,6 minutes another man in Washington is battered.
In 2000, 440 men were killed by an intimate partner. In recent years an intimate partner killed approximately 4% of male murder victims.
Spencer didn't want to be or become a part of those statistics. But wanting was far from actually doing something about it.
Spencer's whole body jolted when Lucas touched his shoulder. "You're shivering." There was genuine concern, which made the whole scene all the more twisted, sickening. The hand was pulled away. "Are you cold?"
Spencer shook his head, not finding it from him to speak.
Lucas gave a slightly shuddering, long sigh. "Maybe I should take you to a doctor. What if…?"
Spencer shook his head again, this time forcefully. The night before and this morning had already been pure hell. Seeing a doctor was the last thing he wanted. "I'm fine", he assured, this time a bit more convincingly. He coaxed himself into meeting Lucas' eyes. "I just need a moment to breathe, that's all. Just one moment."
Lucas nodded, then – very tentatively, as if he'd been made of glass – wrapped his arms around Spencer, pulling the genius tightly to his chest and burying his face into the brunet's hair. This time it was the older man's body shivering.
Closing his eyes again Spencer allowed himself to be held, and tried not to wince when the embrace irritated something damaged. With a deep, hungry inhale he filled his mind with Lucas' scent and felt a bit dizzy.
Right then Spencer found himself wondering if he was the selfish one of them for not having the strength to just cut this, to walk away. For needing this affection, these good moments, too much to throw it all away.
"It's okay", Lucas murmured into his ear, trying to convince which one of them neither knew. "Everything's going to be okay, I promise. I'll make things right this time around."
And Spencer believed, because he wanted to – needed to. He believed, although after over eighty times of being let down it was hard.
Spencer didn't know how long they spent there in each other's arms until he spoke softly. "I'm… gonna need some makeup."
Lucas nodded and disappeared. In a few moment the man appeared with a tube of foundation. Flashing the other a thin smile ('I'm okay, honestly') and starting the work of hiding the damage Spencer was surprised to discover how empty the tube was.
It was in moments like this Spencer wondered how much more of this he could take. For a couple of seconds he even wondered if this was all worth it, although he regretted it right away.
Once he was done Spencer sat there somewhat dazedly, eyeing his reflection with a blank expression. It was a miracle, really, that he'd managed to hide the quite glorious shiner that covered almost one third of the left side of his face.
Practice makes perfect, he concluded with a hint of bitterness.
Lucas gave him a pale smile of relief, appearing uncertain if it was okay to touch him. "You managed to get rid of it." The man brushed his hair tentatively with two fingers. "You're just as pretty as always."
For some reason those words made Spencer feel sick to his stomach. "Yeah." His voice had a hollow sidetone. "Everything's okay."
They didn't say anything else while Spencer got everything done, working on autopilot. There were no words or actions of affection, not even when he walked out of the door and headed to work.
And once again they were stuck on repeat.
It wasn't until he sat into his car adrenaline finally faded away, letting Spencer feel all the ache – inside and out. And there, as he was all alone, came the tears.
Spencer didn't need his praised memory to recall the time when he'd actually enjoyed going to work. His team was still important to him, of course – nothing would ever change the fact that they'd always be his second family. What made things tricky were all those things he could never let BAU find out.
They'd never understand, or accept. How could they when even he didn't sometimes? Besides, this wasn't their mess to handle.
Spencer managed a wave and a somewhat frail smile towards JJ, who was in her office, and planned on diving to the safety of his own desk until Derek Morgan was stood directly before him.
Spencer tried to smile again, but had a feeling that it didn't come out right. "Uh… Hey."
Derek frowned, clearly trying to piece things together. "What were you doing last night?"
Spencer ran a hand through his hair, much too aware of the slightest tremble. "I just didn't sleep well, that's all", he muttered, trying to maintain eye contact.
Derek grinned a bit. "I see. Did you have a hot date, Pretty Boy?"
Usually Spencer would've blushed at those words but now… He couldn't even name what crossed his face for a millisecond before he mumbled something incoherent.
He really wished everyone would stop calling him pretty.
Derek's mouth opened but the man never got the chance to utter a sound. Because just then Emily Prentiss and David Rossi showed up, and the office filled with its usual life. To Spencer the normalcy was a bliss, and he let it wrap around him like a safety blanket. His smile wasn't so stiff anymore.
Was it really so bad, he mused while catching himself blabbering statistics and random facts, to live in something else than a nightmare for a few hours?
What Reid didn't notice was the look Derek exchanged with Aaron Hotchner, who was standing by the doorway of his office. Both men had identical frowns upon their faces.
Words weren't needed to express what was being said between them.
A/N: Uh… That was a bit… different, soooo…. (takes a deep breath and gulps nervously) Was that any good, at all?
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Thank you so much for reading this! Who knows, maybe I'll see you guys later.