A/N: This is not only the very first J/B Twilight fic I've ever written – it is the very first thing I've ever written. Period. I posted it here at FFnet a long, long time ago in its entirety. Recently, I pulled it out and looked it over, and… was appalled! LOL Not only was it badly written, it was kinda slow and lagging in spots. But, everyone has a soft spot for their first, and being that this was my first in every way, instead of deleting it in complete horror, I decided to go through and edit it a little. That being said – it's still not my best. But for sentimental reasons, and a fresh take on virgin sex, I'll just replace the original version with this slightly edited version.
Making the Right Decision
"What should I wear?" It was such a foreign question to her. Something nice; but not obvious. Sexy, but not slutty. Tight, but not low.
Jeans, a black stretchy turtleneck sweater (it was cold outside), and some black boots.
Make-up? She wasn't very good at it.
Just a little black eyeliner and mascara with some pink lip gloss. Just enough to accentuate, not look ridiculous.
Hair down and loose; she looked in the mirror and fluffed it with her hands.
"I can't believe I'm doing this…..but I am."
It was now or never. He didn't know she was coming. Hopefully he was still home and she hadn't missed him.
"Hey Bella!" He was definitely happy to see her when she pulled up in her truck. Andhe was on his way out the door. She had almost missed him. "We're headed to a council meeting."
There were six of them: Jacob, Sam, Billy, Embry, Leah and her mom, Sue. Jacob put his hand on her arm.
"Come with us. These things only take about an hour, and then we're all going to Emily's afterward."
"Okay." She nodded. "Then I need to talk to you later," she whispered to him.
"Sure." He looked curious.
They all started to pile into Sam's van, but it was a tight fit, with Billy's wheelchair and the immense bulk of the boys. Bella watched them all trying to cram into the back and she knew she was gonna end up either on the floor or on Jacob's lap. She was tense enough tonight - a bumpy, tight ride sitting on top of Jake would do her in. Or make her chicken out. She shook her head slightly; she'd worry about that later.
"Why don't we take my truck and meet them there?" she asked Jacob.
"Good idea," he agreed.
Bella ducked her head and hid a smile. It was a chance for him to be alone with her, and she knew he'd take advantage of it.
He took the keys from her and climbed into the driver's side. The heater in the old truck took forever to kick in.
"It's freezing." She moved closer to the heat that emanated from Jacob. He looked surprised, but slid his big arm around her. Usually when she complained of being cold and he put an arm around her, she gave him a patronizing look.
But tonight was different.
"This is going to be a little boring," he apologized. "But it shouldn't take too long. Sam and Billy are on the council, so they have to go. Then we can go to Emily's."
He looked over at her. "You look really nice tonight. Special occasion?"
She smiled tightly. "Kind of."
"What did you want to talk to me about?"
She looked down and toyed with the button on her jacket. She couldn't look at him. Her stomach started fluttered with nervous tension every time she did. "I'll tell you later. But I did want to ask you a favor first."
"Sure. Anything. What's up?"
"Well, Charlie is gone this weekend. He went fishing with his partner… " she hesitated.
"Yeah?" Jacob prompted.
"I don't want to be home alone. Do you think you could ask Billy if I could stay at your house tonight and tomorrow night?"
"Of course you can," he assured her.
"Well, just ask Billy to be sure, okay?"
"Sure, sure. You can sleep in the twin's old room."
"Thanks, Jake. But don't forget to ask Billy."
Jake pulled into the parking lot where everyone else was getting out of Sam's van. He opened Bella's door and told her, "I'll be right back. I need to help my dad."
He strode over to the van and pulled out the wheelchair one-handed. He helped his dad out of the van and got him into the chair with minimal effort.
It was technically the beginning of spring, but it was still cold out. Bella, Sue and Billy wore heavy jackets, while the boys were clad in t-shirts that strained against the muscles of their chests, their biceps bulging under the bottom of their short sleeves.
Now that Bella had made up her mind, she couldn't help but notice how tall, muscular - and yes, manly - Jake was for just 16. Although he'd told her that when the wolf transformations started, his body had turbo-charged briefly in age, which made him physically about 24. It was hard for her to remember that even though he looked so mature, he really was only 16 and as inexperienced as she was. At least she thought Jake was as inexperienced as she was.
There was a small crowd wandering into the hall where the council held meetings during the cold months. Bella took Jake's hand as they wandered in together. Jacob looked down at their entwined hands in surprise.
"Are you alright tonight?" he asked her.
"Yeah. What do you mean?"
"I don't know. You look different tonight, and you're acting a little strange. Are you sick?" He placed his sweltering hand on her forehead.
She rolled her eyes. "You couldn't tell, even if I was burning up with fever. But no," she added soberly. "There's nothing wrong with me."
"Just checking," he side-eyed her playfully. She saw the smile he tried to hide as he glanced down again at her hand in his.
They took seats in one of the front rows of folding chairs. Once the meeting started, Bella couldn't focus on what was said. Not only was it too boring, but she was nervous.
What was she going to say to Jake later?
How was she going to tell him this?
Was this what she really wanted?
She looked over at him sitting next to her. Really looked at him. She couldn't deny that he was extremely good-looking. In fact she had once embarrassed herself by blurting out that he was sort of beautiful. And he was.
His smooth copper skin, his thick, shiny, long black hair, his deep-set dark eyes, which sometimes sparkled when he smiled, and creased and darkened when he was unhappy.
His physique had changed so drastically over the last year. He'd grown at least six inches in the past few months alone. As if his height weren't enough, the sinewy muscles that bulked his upper body made him quite intimidating.
He caught her staring at him, and again glanced at her hand holding his.
"You sure you're okay tonight?" he whispered.
She looked up and noticed Sam had been scrutinizing her as she had been assessing Jacob. Sam had seen her. She smiled and looked down, embarrassed at being caught. Afraid one of them might somehow be able to read her thoughts.
Finally, after what felt like forever, it was time to leave. They slowly made their way out, as people stopped to talk and chat. Billy was especially popular, and he and Sue stopped to talk to another senior elder.
Bella stood shuffling her feet, holding onto Jacob's hand, waiting. She kept catching Sam watching her. Did he suspect something? Could he possibly know what she had planned? No, she was being paranoid. She had been Jacob's friend for a long time. They all knew that.
"Jacob?" Billy's voice interrupted her thoughts. "Sue and I are going to go over to Tommy's with Herman and Alison. I'll be home later."
"Sure, Dad. Hey, Charlie is gone for the weekend, can Bella stay in Rachel and Rebecca's room? She doesn't want to be at her house alone."
"Of course," Billy said as they were pushing him out the door.
"See?" Jacob smiled matter-of-factly.
Something did flip-flops in Bella's belly.
"So Jake just looks at this guy and I swear to God, he about peed in his pants!"
Embry and Paul were laughing, telling us a story about someone at school.
"The guy gets all nervous, and he's telling Jake, "I wasn't gonna do anything, I wasn't gonna do anything.""
Jake had a smug smile.
"Are you picking on your little schoolmates and intimidating them with your size and massitude?" Bella teased him.
"Just keeping the peace," he answered, reaching for a large handful of potato chips. "Massitude?" He grinned. "Is that even a word?"
"I don't know. But it sounded good, didn't it?" Bella bluffed.
There were nine of us at Emily's house. There was music playing in the next room, and and Embry and his new girlfriend Tina, were messing around, rapping along with Usher and dancing. Bella finished her soda. "I'm gonna use the restroom. I'll be right back."
She checked her make-up in the bathroom mirror, adding a little lip-gloss to her mouth. She headed back toward the kitchen, but as she rounded the corner, she came to a halt. She suddenly felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach.
Jacob was talking to a teenage girl that must have just arrived; she hadn't been there before Bella left for the bathroom. She was a petite little thing, with long black hair that cascaded down her back. She was wearing an insanely short skirt with a very low, barely there, camisole top.
She had one hand on Jake's arm and was telling him something that must have been very amusing, judging from the giggles emanating from scary thing was, Jake looked amused too.
As Bella stood there, frozen, unable to move, she noticed Sam on the other side of the room, looking right at her. Did this guy miss nothing? She was sure the shock was written on her face.
Before Jake saw her, she turned around, went back through the kitchen, grabbed her coat off the back of the chair, and went out the back door.
Oh god! This had never occurred to her! Jacob was interested in someone else?
Bella was unprepared for the emotions that overtook her. She had been so sure she was in control of tonight. That Jacob would respond to her exactly the way she had imagined. That all would go according to plan.
But she didn't plan this!
She was horrified to realize that she was stifling sobs. She still felt like someone had punched her.
Damn makeup! It was going to run all over her face now!
She stumbled farther away from Emily's house when she heard the back door open and someone come outside. It was Embry and his girlfriend, Tina, and Sam with them.
"Man, it's hot in that house!" Embry was saying. "It's nice and cool out here."
"Hey, I think someone's out here," Tina said. "I saw something move over there."
Bella tried to duck behind her truck in the driveway. How embarrassing. She didn't want anyone to know she was upset. Maybe she should just tell Jacob she was going to go to home, she didn't need to stay at his house after all? Or maybe she could just sneak away like a coward as soon as everyone went back inside?
"Bella? Is that you?"
"Yeah. Um, I forgot something in my truck. I just came out here to get it. I'll be right in."
Shoot. Now she couldn't sneak away. She opened her truck door and continued with the charade that she was looking for something in there. She slowly shuffled through the glove box until she saw that they had all gone back in the house.
Okay. Just go back in and tell Jake you're going home. You've been pushing him away for a long time, what did you expect? That he'd wait forever, she asked herself?
She swiped underneath her eyes one more time to make sure her mascara wasn't raccooning underneath.
"Where are you going?" Bella yelped as Jake's voice came at her next to the open truck door. "Sam said you were crying out here. Are you alright?"
"Shoot Jake. You scared me to death."
"Sorry." He drew in closer to her in the dark. "Hey, you have been crying. What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she lied. "I'm just gonna go home. You go back in and have a good time."
"No," he shook his head, confused. "What's going on? You said you were gonna stay at my house. I thought we were having a good time. What happened?"
Jake leaned down, trying to get at eye level with her. "Bells?"
She couldn't answer. She kept her head down, so he couldn't see that she had been crying.
"Hey." He touched her cheek softly. His voice was quiet. "Sam said you were crying out here. He said you got a funny look on your face when you saw me and Connie talking, and you left the house. He said it looked like you were crying." He chuckled. "I told him he was crazy. Something must have happened. You wouldn't be upset about Connie."
Suddenly Bella was crying again.
Jacob took hold of her legs and swung her around, so she was facing him. He reached in and held her while she sobbed on his shoulder.
"Hey, hey, what happened? Shhh. It's alright, Bella, it's alright."
"I'm a terrible person, Jake. I planned something for tonight, and now I've screwed it all up. And I didn't even think that maybe you were interested in someone else."
"Okay. I'm sure this makes sense in some parallel universe, but you've lost me."
"Just go on back inside Jake. I'm gonna go home. That girl is probably wondering where you went."
"I don't care about her!" He retorted, before the light bulb went off over his head. "Wait a minute. You didn't think… ?"
He looked at her, his eyes wide with surprise. "Were you upset because you thought me and Connie… ?"
She answered him with a loud sniff and a brief, ashamed nod.
"And that's why you're crying? Wow. I would have invited Connie over a long time ago if I'd known you would have this reaction!"
He laughed shortly and then took her hand in his warm ones, all traces of humor gone.
"Seriously, Bella. What's going on?"
She thought for a long moment. "Can we leave, Jake? Can we just go back to your house?"
"Sure. Let me tell everyone we're leaving."
She started the truck and waited for him to come back. He got behind the wheel and started driving without saying a word.
He pulled into the driveway of his house and turned off the ignition. Neither of them spoke. She could tell he was confused. Finally he turned and looked at her, waiting for her to begin.
She sighed. "I've been thinking about this a lot lately Jake. I know we try not to mention," her voice dropped and the last word came out in a whisper, "Edward. And my eventual plans to… " The air in the truck grew tense as Jake's hand clenched into fists. "Become like him. And I can't stop thinking that…I don't want to be a vampire," she whispered. "I'm scared."
She shook her head in frustration; everything was so black and white to him. So simple.
"I'm scared, and I'm starting to panic, and I'm not sure," She was babbling now. "But if I do decide to, I know one thing."
Jacob waited for her to continue, but she couldn't go on. She couldn't find the right words.
"What, Bella, what?"
"I can't," she murmured. She looked away, embarrassed and ashamed. "I just know it has to be you, Jake."
"What has to be me Bella?"
She closed her eyes and whispered it. "I don't want to die a virgin, Jacob."
"What?" His voice sounded strangled.
"I know it's asking a lot. But I don't want to die without ever having made love. And it has to be you, Jacob. I trust you. I love you. And I'm so embarrassed."
"What are you asking me, Bella?"
It became very quiet in the truck. She leaned over slowly and crossed the gap between them. She touched his lips with hers very softly, gently brushing them across his. She heard him inhale a tight breath. Her mouth pressed more determinedly against his, and she parted her lips allowing her tongue to brush against his.
She pulled back slightly, her mouth still barely against his.
"Make love to me Jacob?" she whispered.
His body tensed, and he grabbed her, pulling her tight against him. His coppery hands were strong as they gripped her shoulders. Then his mouth was on hers again, desperate and harsh. She found herself suddenly on his lap and his arms slid down her back, pulling her against him even closer. Her palms felt the width of his broad shoulders before letting them trail down across his chest and back up and around his neck.
He pulled his face away from hers and she felt his breath on her neck as he kissed her throat, then back up toward her mouth, pausing at her ears.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" She felt his breath tickling her ear.
"Yes Jake, yes."
His mouth was back on hers again. He just kept kissing her and kissing her. Forcing her mouth open with his, his tongue dancing with hers and back out again.
The heat swirled all around her, making her dizzy. His hands on her back were hot - his mouth, his tongue, his breath emanating heat all around her.
She pulled away for just a moment to catch her breath.
"God Jake, where did you learn to kiss like that?" Her voice was husky.
He looked pleased, and then shrugged. "Connie," he deadpanned.
He grinned and ducked as Bella swatted him upside the head. "Just kidding Bells."
His eyes hardened and the cool mask she disliked so much slid into place before he added, "You've been sucking on cold, hard marble for too long, that's all."
She tensed. "Please Jacob. The last thing I want to do right now is discuss Ed- him with you."
The mention of Edward brought her back to reality and broke the spell a little. "Let's go inside."
Bella grabbed a bag of her things before the two of them got out of the truck and started up the walk to the house.
"Hey, what's a blonde's definition of safe sex?"
"Really Jake? Blonde jokes?" She rolled her eyes, "I don't know. What's a blonde's definition of safe sex?"
"Locking the car doors!"
Bella shook her head and walked up the front steps to Jacob's house.
They walked into the empty house silently.
Now what? She was afraid to ask him when he thought Billy would be home. She didn't want him to think she was hinting for them to do anything immediately. But Jacob being Jacob, he usually knew what she was thinking anyway.
"Billy won't be home till late. He's probably going to get a ride home with Herman. And Herman doesn't like to like to leave till they THROW him out."
There was an awkward silence, which Bella could never remember occurring between the two of them before.
He wasn't making any move toward her. Were they going to do this tonight? She hadn't said it had to be tonight. Maybe she should have suggested her house since no one was home? But no, she'd be too paranoid that Edward or Alice would pop in through her window. They were always doing that. Wouldn't they be surprised? She smiled to herself, but it was more like a grimace. No, better here. No worries of unexpected guests, of the vampire variety.
"What time is it?" she asked.
"It's just past 11."
"I didn't know it was that late. Can I use the bathroom to wash my face and change my clothes?" She started toward the lone bathroom in the Black's small home. She washed her face and took out the long white cotton nightgown with white satin trim she'd brought with her. It screamed virgin. How embarrassing. She put her thick white terrycloth robe on over it. She opened the bathroom door and walked into the small hallway.
"Hey Jake? You wanna watch a movie or something?"
They didn't have to do anything tonight. She still had a few weeks before… She couldn't even finish the thought in her own head.
Jacob peeked around the doorway of his room. "In here. I'm looking at DVD's. Comedy? Action? Horror? Or Girls Gone Wild?"
"Oh, Girls Gone Wild definitely," she laughed. "Why don't the boys ever go wild?"
Jacob made a disgusted face. "Cause no one wants to watch Boys Gone Wild."
"I might," she argued.
"Then I'll take you to the next bonfire we have at First Beach. You'll see some boys gone wild. The call of the wild! Ooowwwwoooo!" he howled and chuckled.
Bella stood in front of the shelves full of Jacob's DVD collection and studied the titles. Lots of action. And she was glad to note there wasn't really any Girls Gone Wild.
While she was trying to narrow down a couple of movies, she felt Jacob come up behind her, very close. She felt his hands softly grip her upper arms. She didn't say anything, just kept looking.
"Hey Bells," he whispered. "What you said in the car earlier. Did you really mean that? And did you mean tonight?"
"I, uh… I-I didn't mean… I mean, we don't have to… uh… " Suddenly she was flustered. Jacob felt her tense up.
"Ssshhh. It's alright."
He slowly turned her around. She kept her eyes downcast, focused on his midsection. He put both his hands on either side of her face and lifted it up to his. She closed her eyes and felt his warm mouth on hers.
"Mmmm," she was shocked to hear a quiet moan from deep within her own chest.
Kissing Edward was almost invigorating, like too much caffeine. His cool skin kept her alert and aware of her senses. But kissing Jacob was warm and made her knees weak and her head fuzzy and dizzy. Like she was melting.
He tugged at the belt around her robe and push the fabric back over her shoulders till it fell to the floor. His upper body bent down and scooped her knees up till her feet left the floor and he was carrying her. She opened her eyes briefly and realized the lights were off. He took a few steps to the edge of his bed and laid her down on it.
He started to get onto the bed with her when she pulled herself up on her knees. She took hold of the t-shirt he was wearing. She could see his quizzical look in the scant amount of light from the moon shining in the room.
"I want to see you," she told him quietly as she pulled his shirt off over his head.
She put her hands on either side of his shoulders and feasted on the sheer size of him. She felt him shiver slightly as she ran her hands over his chiseled chest and lightly danced her fingers over his six-pack abdominals. She ran them back up to his broad shoulders. That was her favorite part. They were so big and looked so strong. Were so strong, she knew for a fact. She hadn't realized how much his strength excited her.
He pulled her to him and lowered her back down on the bed.
More kissing. God, she couldn't stand it. Mouths, tongues, heavy breath. His, hers. It went on and on.
She wanted more. She was beginning to writhe on the bed underneath him.
She picked up his hand in hers and held it open against her own. Her hand was dwarfed by the size of his. His fingers were long and thick, his palm so wide and masculine. She brought his palm up to her mouth and kissed it, before nibbling with her teeth across the mounds underneath his fingers. She used her teeth to nip gently up the length of his middle finger. Then his ring finger. She wanted to put each of them in her mouth all the way, but she was afraid she would be implying something she wasn't sure she was ready for.
But she did know one thing. She wanted them on her.
"Put your hands on me Jake," she breathed.
She took his other hand and placed it just below her breast. She heard him groan and move his hand up over her breast to cup it. He squeezed it softly and moved his body over hers. She could feel his erection against her. Suddenly she felt very powerful. And brave.
Edward had never allowed things to go this far, so she'd always only felt rejection after being affectionate with him.
But this was totally different. Jacob didn't want to stop her. She could never break Edward's resolve. It was like a battle with him, and she always lost. He could never lose himself in her like this.
She wanted to give Jacob the same visual gratification he'd allowed her. She delicately pushed him off her and rose up to her knees again. Jacob again got the same puzzled look on his face, as he curiously watched her to see what she would do next.
She reached down and pulled the nightgown up over her head and dropped that to the floor. She almost giggled when she saw the expression on his face and his eyes open wide. She was naked except for the panties she had kept on underneath her nightgown. Jacob reached out for her.
"God Bella, you're beautiful."
He pulled her back onto the bed and with one hand cupping her breast, he bent his head and put his mouth over the top. She felt him place her nipple between his teeth and lightly flick his tongue over it. She felt the sensation all through her body and tingling between her legs.
This was potent stuff.
Jacob maneuvered himself over her and his erection nudged stiffly against her pubic bone. She automatically lifted her hips up against him. He returned the gentle thrust till they found a steady, natural rhythm.
Was this really happening?
Jacob pulled his face away, and breathing heavily, moved his body away from hers. Bella didn't have much experience, but she knew what was happening. He was getting too close.
He swept her hair back away from her throat and lowered his lips to her neck. With his hand on her leg, just behind her knee, he lightly stroked his way slowly up her thigh. He cupped her pubis hesitantly with his palm.
Ohhh. His hand was so hot!
Again, she instinctively raised her hips against his hand. He gently stroked over her panties a few times and then pushed his hand under the elastic, so he could feel her, skin against skin, and inserted one of his fingers inside her. It slid right in. They both moaned at the same time.
"You're so wet," he said with shock and what could only be described as awed reverence.
Bella was surprised that she wasn't embarrassed. This seemed as natural as helping Jacob in his garage when he was rebuilding their motorcycles. Although the things Jacob was doing to her right now definitely felt a little naughtier than keeping secrets of motorcycles from Charlie.
Jake's fingers were delicately sliding in slippery circular motions, then diving deeply into places that had never been touched before. She didn't know who was breathing heavier, her or him. It shocked her to realize he was enjoying this almost as much as she was.
Suddenly she was acutely aware of every centimeter of flesh that was being touched. What felt good before was intensifying and building. She unknowingly took a deep breath and held it.
"Don't stop what you're doing," she finally exhaled desperately. "Please don't stop."
Her hips started gyrating as the intensity peaked throughout her. Jake could feel her interior muscles contracting around his fingers. She moaned as the waves escalated and then slowly ebbed.
Without thinking she reached over and undid the button and unzipped the zipper on Jacob's jeans. He helped her slide them down his legs in one fell swoop. Before removing his underwear Bella reached over and gripped his length through the fabric.
Oh dear GOD! Everything on this boy was gargantuan!
Bella gasped and pulled her hand away, fear sliding through her.
Maybe this was not a good idea?
Jacob peeled his boxers off and took Bella's hand and placed it on skin that was fascinatingly soft as satin. So hard and yet so soft.
She had to be honest with him. "I'm scared, Jacob. You're really big."
"I'll go really slow, Bella. I'll try not to hurt you."
"I think that's going to be inevitable, Jake."
"It'll be okay. I'll try to stop if you want me to."
She noted that he said "try".
She gripped him firmly and stroked him a few times. She felt a few drops of liquid on the tip. He moaned as she continued to move her hand up and down.
"Bella, I can't wait."
He positioned himself over her, and she held her breath and clenched her teeth in anticipation of the pain that was coming. She felt the tip of his shaft against her. He rubbed it against her slippery parts before she felt him push. She laid still while she felt the tip penetrate and the nerve endings - still sharp from the earlier stimulation tingled pleasantly.
A little slid more in.
Hey, this was okay. She was so wet from climaxing earlier that it was gliding right in. She even braved a few slight thrusts of encouragement. This was feeling really goo –
Her body automatically repelled from the thrusting intruder and she pulled away and smacked her head on the headboard.
"Are you okay?'
"I'm sorry. That hurt."
"Do you want me to stop?"
"No. It's okay. We might as well just get through it now."
"You know, I know this is a bad time to ask this, but shouldn't we be using some kind of protection?"
"Well, I know I don't have any diseases, and I'm assuming you've never done this before either, which would mean you don't have any diseases. And I'm due to get my period in about 2 days, so as far as getting pregnant goes, we're safe." She hesitated, "You have never done this before, right? I mean, I just assumed….."
"Well, I'm flattered that you can't tell, but yeah, I never have. It's not obvious, hah?"
"No Jake," she grinned in the dark. "You're doing a really great job."
"Thanks. You too." She felt him grin back.
"But then again," she couldn't help adding, "What the hell do I know?"
"Do you WANT me to try to not hurt you?"
They both giggled.
"Okay. Ready?" He asked her.
She got her bearings. "Uh-huh."
She waited for the plunge, but nothing happened. She looked up at Jacob's face and could see him debating over something in his head. She waited.
"Do you want me to do this quick? Or do you want me to ease myself in?"
"Just do it quick. Get it over with."
Again she scrunched up her face and clenched her teeth, waiting. Jacob readjusted himself into position.
"Nnnnnn-aaahhhh," she tried to muffle the sounds of her discomfort. It hurt! Hurry, hurry, hurry, she thought silently.
"Bella. You've got to try to relax."
"I'm sorry Jake. It hurts!" she whined.
"I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you." He pushed again.
"Aaaahhhh! You're too big!" Tears of pain were stinging her eyes.
"No. It's almost there. Hold on."
She felt something give inside her and he was all the way in.
Whew! Now she felt the whole length of him filling her to capacity and then some.
He was going very slowly, trying to be careful with her. Now that the hard part was over, she relaxed and was actually able to rock her hips in motion with his. She felt him so deep inside her; it was unlike anything she had ever experienced.
She knew that the first time was difficult and painful, but she was happily surprised to find it was not bad at all. Quite a bit better than she'd expected, actually. Once the initial pain was over, and taking his size into consideration.
Jake's breath was coming faster and then he was moaning. She didn't stop. His movements became jerky and his moaning got strangled and Bella tried to keep up a constant rhythm. Then with a final exhalation, he stopped and his body dropped onto hers in exhaustion.
They lay there for awhile, his breathing slowly coming back to normal. He lifted his torso up from hers and looked into her face. Before he could say anything, she smiled.
"Can we do it again? Can we do it again?"
He started laughing and kissed her. "Give me a few minutes, okay?"
"A few minutes? How old are you? I thought you were at your sexual peak?"
"Wow. What happened to "you're too big, it hurts, you're not going to fit?" He playfully mimicked her.
"I never said it wasn't going to fit! Don't flatter yourself!"
"You did too!"
"I did not!"
Bella suddenly stopped laughing. "I wonder if I'm bleeding? I don't want to bleed on your sheets."
Jacob jumped up and turned on the light. Bella covered herself with the thin comforter and scooted over to the opposite side of the bed, peeking at the bottom sheet. There was just a little smudge of blood there.
"No worries," Jake assured her. "We'll throw it in the wash before Billy gets home."
Was it just her imagination, or did he have a proud smirk on his face?
She slipped her underwear back on and threw Jake's t-shirt on, before helping Jake strip the bottom sheet off the bed. She ran to the bathroom while he was throwing the sheet in the washer, and checked the damage.
Just a little blood. Not bad though. For a piston rod ramming into the eye of a needle. The comparison made her grin and wince at the same time.
Jake came back in with a multi-colored towel. "Let's lay this on the bed for you to rest on for now."
They spread the towel out on the bed and turned the light back off and got under the covers. Bella snuggled up against Jacob's side with his arms wound around her. He kissed her forehead.
"Are you okay?" he whispered.
"Yeah, I am," she whispered back. "What time is it?"
Jacob glanced at the lit digital clock way across the room. "It's 1:30. Billy will be home soon. Did you want to go to sleep? Or do you want to get dressed and act like we were watching a movie in my room?"
The last thing Bella wanted to do was get up. She was so comfortable. But she felt that maybe she and Jacob should talk about what had just happened and what it meant.
"Let's get dressed," she begrudgingly told him.
She reached over and turned the light back on and pretended to take her time getting out of bed so she could watch Jacob put his clothes back on. She discreetly snuggled back against the pillows and watched him unselfconsciously throw back the covers and sit on the side of the bed as he fished his boxers up off the floor where they had been so recently tossed.
He stood up and pulled them up over his well-defined rear end. He looked around the room for a minute, hunting for his jeans, when he turned around and noticed her staring at him appreciatively.
"Are you watching me?"
She blushed and pulled the covers up over her head, giggling.
"What? Now you're shy?" He teased her as he sat back on the bed and tugged the covers off the top of her head. She tried to hold them tight up over her head, but she was no match for Jake. He pulled the covers down and pounced on top of her, holding his weight on his hands so she didn't take the brunt of it.
He bent his face to her throat and growled playfully while rubbing his face back and forth and nibbling on her neck. She screamed with laughter.
"That tickles! Stop!"
He stopped and bent down to kiss her. As he pulled away, his expression turned serious.
"Am I dreaming? What was that?"
She sat up and pulled off his t-shirt that she had put on earlier and handed it to him.
"No, you're awake."
She leaned back on her hands so he had a good view of her upper body. She knew she was being a tease, but she couldn't help it. He reacted so eagerly to all her advances.
She watched as he reached out and his hand encompassed her. His mouth immediately followed. She grabbed a hold of his hair in both hands to pull him even closer to her when they heard voices and people coming up the stairs.
Jake pulled his head back with a panicked look.
"My dad!" He grabbed his t-shirt off the bed and pulled his jeans on as he started out of the room.
"Quick!" he told her over his shoulder. "Jump into my sisters' bed. Don't even attempt to get dressed and act natural."
She grabbed her nightgown off the floor, and ran for the twins' room, diving under the covers quickly. She heard Jake's bedroom door close softly and his TV turn on before the key had unlocked the front door and Billy and Herman came in.
She lay in the dark and listened to Billy say goodnight to Herman before shutting the front door. She heard Jacob open his bedroom door.
"You're still awake?"
"Yeah. Bella crashed awhile ago, but I'm watching a movie. You need any help? How drunk are you?" she could hear the smile in Jacob's voice.
"Not too drunk to smack your smart-aleck head," Billy chuckled. "I'm going to bed. Go back and watch your movie."
Billy's wheelchair rolled quietly across the carpeted front entrance toward the hallway, when she heard him stop.
"Hey. Is that the washing machine I hear going? Are you doing laundry at this hour?"
Bella held her breath for a moment.
"Oh. Yeah. I spilled soda all over my bed while I was watching the movie earlier. I threw the wet sheets in the washer." Whew. That was quick thinking.
Bella heard Billy muttering good-naturedly on his way down the hall. "How drunk are you?" She could practically see him rolling his eyes.
Bella listened to both the Black's go into their respective rooms and from under the door, she saw the hallway lights go out.
It was dark and quiet.
She wasn't going to be able to spend anymore time with Jake tonight. Too risky.
She lay in the dark and went over the events of the night. She was glad she had gone through with her plan. She was happy to note she did not feel one ounce of regret. She also realized with some sadness that she was not ready to give up a life of friends and family. Or sex. Not yet.
She'd made promises that she was not going to be able to keep now.
Maybe one day.
But not yet.
Bella rolled onto her side and for the first time in a long time, she thought of her future with anticipation instead of dread. The decision was bittersweet, but it felt right. And who knew what the future held?
For now, all she wanted to do was sleep. Something, sadly, Edward could never do.
She thought of tomorrow and what she and Jake would get up to. And all the nights like tonight that they would share in the future.
She smiled before sleep took hold of her.