(A/N: There isn't enough male!Shep/Kaidan out there for me to feast on. Srsly you guys. Also, what's wrong with the default Shepard model? No one has seemed to use it in the stories I've read – or maybe I'm unimaginative because I thought he looked the best.)

(I'm god awful at plot. PWP is my favourite to write. And I'm concerned if the ending is too fluffy. Tbh I hate fluffiness. I wanted authenticity in their actions. Semi-unbeta'd, majority written at 5am, do tell me mistakes!)

Pairing: John Shepard/Kaidan. Slash.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect, I don't own.

Kaidan runs his left hand over his Commander's shoulder, muscles under tensing and merging with the seam of his hand. It's the rush of the event, the feeling being suspended over the precipice that keeps him going. Shepard moves, leans, runs his canines over the cut of Kaidan's neck.

Muscles flex. Kaidan has thrown his head back with his face shaped into a silent moan. Shepard walks Kaidan into the widest wall of his quarters, and the shuffling sounds as quiet as the twirl of bunched leaves, and Kaidan is secure against the wall, pinned with the length of the Commander's body. It's catlike-quiet and Kaidan bares his teeth in protest, wrapping his arms around the Commander's waist to grip into tight fabric. Something seethes, like a trapped rush of air.

'Commander.' He says it like an acknowledgment, after opening his eyes. John Shepard flicks his tongue on flesh with a hidden smile. Haltingly, Kaidan says, 'shouldn't we–shut the door?'

Shepard hums a pleased low note, sounding amused. 'Why don't you, Lieutenant?' He licks a haphazard road up the fleshy muscle there.

A sort of panic seeps into the pit of Kaidan's stomach. 'Anyone could see–'

'I know.'

Shepard didn't care...? 'Respectfully–'

The other man growls in a playful disparage. 'We're standing in the sensor's path, Alenko. Or are you afraid of an audience?'

Kaidan blinks maybe more than twice. Shepard feels the embarrassment and passive shock emanate from Kaidan, and he begins chuckling. Half-baked excuses fill Kaidan's mind.

Nothing is said when John guides him to the bed using both his hands and mouth, Kaidan being utterly docile. Their rhythm is thrown off somewhat when Kaidan's back hits the sheets, the soft bounce pauses their kiss. The door hisses shut behind them.

It's appeasing when the Commander straddles Kaidan, running hands up and along his Lieutenant's arms and shoulders in a calming, sensual manner. John lifts Kaidan's chin with a crooked index finger, and Kaidan lifts his head off the mattress, meeting halfway for a heated kiss. Kaidan revels in this contact with a long moan, several weeks of fermenting confusion and omission coming to a close. He's ever-happy to be under his Commander's control; excitement, like electricity, thrums through him. Shepard urges Kaidan into the mattress, to lessen the strain of holding his head up.

Shepard starts thrusting his hips curtly, to which Kaidan immediately responds by tightly hugging his waist with his legs, letting out one short gasp into the other's mouth. A tongue slides into Kaidan's mouth, hot, teeth latching to his lower lip. Daring. 'Mm-ah.' He hadn't anticipated Shepard being so bold.

In truth, he didn't anticipate anything at all. He was in the dark for weeks about Shepard's real feelings. Kaidan thinks, in bliss, that he likes this audacity. Fuck, he'd take anything Shepard could give.

Easy, maybe. Kaidan prefers the word 'gratifying'.

Kaidan begins groping around for the other, under influence of a strong impulse, and within seconds they are wrestling, joined at the forearms, both knowing that Shepard would guarantee the win. Kaidan briefly topples Shepard over at the edge of the bed. Then he's turned and lying on his back once more. It's not surprising.

The Lieutenant wasn't readily disobedient. It was in his nature to obey, but not without questions of course. As Shepard ceremoniously pins him down they are panting in tandem, identical grins plastered over their faces.

'Kaidan,' Shepard says, 'I like this in you.' Kaidan surges at this simple statement. Stirring.

A hand runs through Kaidan's hair, tugging lightly, encouraging him to throw back his head, because Shepard's leaving nips along the column of his neck. Marking him. Kaidan lies there and bunches his fists to the covers, effectively trapped. He presses his heels into Shepard's back, creating friction between their legs.

After a curt gasp, the Commander pauses suddenly. Shepard half-mutters into Kaidan's collarbone, 'I don't really know what I'm doing, here.'

It's a shy admission. Did either of them know what they were doing? Kaidan almost laughs – but he doesn't, because that would be humbling. He chuckles instead, saying through joking tones, 'And I look up to someone like you.' Shepard looks up and blinks at him, caught between looking perplexed and dignified, handsome face easy to read like a child's.

Kaidan knows his Commander is not lying, but it feels as if he were doing everything to a tee. Kaidan runs his tongue over his top lip, sucking it a little, apprehensive at Shepard's gaze. Kaidan takes one bold step, lowering his voice to something sultry. 'There's no wrong way to deal with me, Commander.' He digs his heels into the small of Shepard's back a little more to punctuate his assertion. John seems to grasp his reins a bit at this.

'Damn, Kaidan. Nothing you've done is wrong either. So quit talking like you've done something wrong.'

The response is out of habit. 'I wasn't–'

Shepard speaks lightly. 'There you go again.' Before Kaidan says more, lips are over his. Fingers roam over the bulge of his pants – goddammit, it's real and John can feel it. He reddens, unable to fight the simultaneous rush of blood.

Shepard eases out between Kaidan's legs. He grips the hem of the Lieutenant's pants to take off, but then stops, opting to roam hands underneath the tight shirt instead. Kaidan's eyes shoots down at this, responding by helping to tug off his own shirt as well. Their shirts were regulation, so mundane, that it was barely a discomfort anymore.

Discarded shirt now on the floor, Kaidan breathes easier. And Shepard is granted full view of Kaidan's naked torso.

No words were said, but Kaidan could feel enthusiastic eyes admiring him. Instead of lying there he fumbles for John's shirt as well. Shepard plies, removing it orderly-like, though subsequently tossing over his head without care.

Kaidan had seen his Commander shirtless maybe half a dozen times – chaste encounters, so to speak. It ceased to be less hot this time around.

Within a second they are on each other, groping blindly, kissing wildly, grunting every time or two that fingernails managed to imprint skin, until Kaidan's pants are finally shed, and Shepard's halfway down to his knees.

Fortunately, Shepard knew enough about men (and Kaidan) to know what to do at this stage.

'Nnf—shit,' Kaidan pants when a hand delves past his boxers. Shepard grips, jerking him off slowly at first. He moves his hand like he would service himself, but more carefully. His thumb runs over the head, twice. He doesn't comment on the fact Kaidan's hard, and had been for a while. Kaidan doesn't make much effort to be quiet, breathing restlessly.

'Shepard–ngh.' The darker-haired man reaches with blurry vision toward his superior, somehow managing to make their mouths meet, albeit clumsily. The hand on his cock halts, or at least slows exponentially. Kaidan's jaw drops when fingers trace down his shaft about as light as rain.

'What is it,' Shepard murmurs, sounding not annoyed but curious.

Kaidan's voice is the equivalent of ducking one's head in shame. 'I can't... won't last long enough for you if you keep on going.'

The reply is cocky, scoffing. 'Yeah, you will.' Shepard yanks off Kaidan's boxers thus exposing him. He presses down on Kaidan's hips to restrict him for no reason in particular. Using his free hand, he traces the corner of Kaidan's mouth with his thumb. Lips close around the pad. John then dips two fingers inside Kaidan's mouth, swallowing tightly.

Kaidan is hesitant. He wasn't about to question what this was for, but he'd a vague idea. A thought surfaces to mind Kaidan has heard somewhere before, that sucking stimulates the brain. He shuts his eyes in defiance to not think about that again, concentrating on the fingers offered to him, and with ease he's coated his Commander's fingers with a thick sheen of saliva. He can feel heavy, though quiet, breathing on the side of his face, Shepard watching him very close.

When Kaidan opens his eyes he's forced to widen them straightaway as one digit thrusts inside him.

'Fuck,' Kaidan curses with a disapproving hiss. Kaidan calls out his Commander's name low in his throat.

Shepard presses his cheek to Kaidan's, hot whisper making out a single word, 'Relax.' John doesn't know it at the time, but this is what reassures Kaidan. Despite feeling like a soup of anxiety on the inside, Shepard sounds cool and poised.

Another finger thrusts to join the first and Kaidan is reeling. His spine bends a degree, nails of one hand digging into Shepard's back. The pain pays off however; Kaidan is moaning as a finger scrapes against something sensitive. He blinks rapidly, seeing only glowing circles. Icy fear and heat rush over his core, causing a pleasurable shudder as those fingers thrust inside him.

As soon as pleasure arrives it leaves, the fingers were leaving him. Kaidan doesn't even know his thoughts are taking flight to words until his spine draws taut, and it's all out in a rush, 'Shepard, god–please, fuck.' Kaidan brings one leg up, which Shepard secures with his arm, not altogether certain of the course of events, but he was definitely not going to allow Kaidan leave his quarters unsatisfied.

Shepard bites his tongue at hearing the man beg. He hisses as he discards his boxers, and then he's pressing against Kaidan, one thrust and he's in, perfectly halfway. Shepard moans into the other's ear – god he didn't think he'd ever get sick of this, the crushing wait, the sheer need and Kaidan – and Kaidan's ragged breathing rushes in his ear, he can't string words together. Nothing realistic he'd not come to regret later anyway.

Kaidan throws his other arm around Shepard's neck, kind of locking him in place while his other arm dug into muscle on his Commander's back with his nails. His breath hitches as Shepard initiates movement, thrusting into him experimentally. At first, it hurts, but then it becomes un-fucking-bearably weak.

'Fucking move,' Kaidan hisses after a moment, and his superior does so.

It's apparent to both men that they relish their positions. Kaidan tosses his head to the side as teeth clamp down on his shoulder. Control. A hand braces next to Kaidan's head while the other lifts his hips for a fuller angle. Groan. Kaidan feels himself being rhythmically driven into the mattress, being fucked – hard. Shepard can tell he wants it, prefers it. Need. The thin sheet underneath them is mussed, forced out from underneath the bed, evidence, of the energy spent.

Kaidan can't think, his nails digging into the side of Shepard's throat and a shoulder blade, but it doesn't help ground him. He moves his legs until his heels are digging into John's back again, resulting in Shepard's cock filling him to the hilt.

'Shit–' Shepard says, looking down to where their bodies met. He almost came then, almost, shutting his eyes. 'Kaidan,' he groans in a way that Kaidan won't forget. Shepard slinks one hand down around his Lieutenant's neglected cock, his hand runs in two motions, using his precum to slick easier. Parallel to this he swiftly renders Kaidan incapable of sentences with two thrusts, hitting his prostate in successions, the choked gasps following were melodies. Kaidan knows his vision is a perfect score, but he sees only blurs and inky black as he blinks, hard.

'Fuck!' Kaidan says, and Shepard lunges his hips deliberately hitting that spot inside, so that Kaidan's breath hitches at once. It's not enough, somehow – Kaidan reaches up and yanks Shepard down to a careless kiss. It gets rough, demanding on both parts; Shepard bites hungrily at Kaidan's lips, denying him nothing. Like an appetite that would never sate. Kaidan fights to best his Commander, and he fights honourably even though every couple of seconds he would shudder as a finger would run over the wet slit of his cock, or pump hard enough to coerce moans.

Eventually Kaidan casts his head back, losing the fight, letting out a quick stream of curses. He was getting closer, grasping at any means to stay afloat, now.

Shepard groans, biting his own lip. 'So angry.' Kaidan is about to respond, but it's seconds too late.

The cry is blissful, needy, cathartic all at once. 'Shepard!' Kaidan's eyes squeezed shut and his body went rigid as he came. White smuts around Shepard's hand, which was coiled around his cock, pumping him dry.

It's abrupt when Shepard follows right behind him, his muscles tensed as hell, a strong moan ripped through his senses for several seconds, and he finally gasps with the remainder of his breath, 'Kaidan, fuck,' and the sound resonates off the walls.

His name has a foggy aftertaste, and Shepard doesn't recognize his Lieutenant's name for a moment, so possessed by pleasure. He slides out of Kaidan with a shaky exhale, wiping Kaidan's cum on the far end of the bed. They remain panting a minute afterward, Kaidan letting his head loll back, Shepard's head tucked into the crook of his neck, still holding each other tightly, both spent.

It was after a dozen unperturbed breaths that Kaidan began to second-guess, a personality trait he couldn't quite ever shake off. He stiffens under Shepard, just a touch. The other man doesn't indicate to have felt it.

Words were not freely strewn around now. Shepard wasn't the type, Kaidan reasons, to openly debate about their... well, this thing they had begun. He didn't want to know the nature of this fling, if it was the one fling. Shepard might deny him, pretend this never happened. It made him afraid.

Sex-highs could only last for so long.

Kaidan turns his head to the side, mind made up. It causes Shepard to regard him, which Kaidan blatantly ignores, but peripherally he can see Shepard's inquisitive look.

For whatever reason, Shepard doesn't speak. Maybe it would break the mood. Kaidan isn't certain. He begins to roll over on his side, out of Shepard's reach, little resistance on the other's part. Kaidan feels awkward, lumbering. He wants to reach up and run his hand through his dark hair, a gesture he feels appropriate. But he refrains.

Because effectively, he has turned his back on the Commander.

He wants to speak, and even opens his mouth to articulate, before something warm finds his neck, trailing down languidly. Kisses. Kaidan tenses, even flinching as a hand ran down his flank. And the barely-there kisses –Shepard seemed to know what he liked without asking.

'Don't turn your back on me, Lieutenant,' Shepard says quietly to the back concavity of his neck.

Kaidan shuts his eyes. His voice goes unsure, unsteady, senses so absorbed in the steady breathing against his neck. 'We're not an item, Commander.' Shepard rumbles in his throat disapprovingly.

'Did you want us to be?'

Kaidan's mouth goes dry. He had no way of knowing if that was a trick question. Under such close scrutiny he doesn't answer. Suddenly, a warm hand is over the curve of his ass, and his breath hitches. Then it's gone, rather, north at the bone of his hip.

'I know you've been doubtful for a while.'

Kaidan wants to agree, yes he was doubtful, and this would come to an end. The words fall apart before they become noises. He wants to turn over, look Shepard in the eye, and almost does until he speaks again.

'I can't let that line of thinking go further.' Alenko's hopes sink. He swallows hard. Of course his expectations were folly.

'Understood,' Kaidan says without emotion.

Shepard brushes his lips against Kaidan's ear. 'No you don't. We're not finished, Kaidan.'

Nothing predicts the quick movement. Kaidan is on his stomach now, a surprised gasp leaving him. Shepard traps him down under his weight. 'Shepard–!'

Though Kaidan can't see him, Shepard is smiling through his words; it's unmistakable in his voice. 'I've taken you into consideration for everything. Tonight was for you.' With that, Shepard leant down and kissed the base of his neck, just below the bone, so sensually and heavy with meaning that Kaidan moans a little.

He knew.

Kaidan feels himself be guided on his back again, facing Commander Shepard. Shepard presses their lips together, with finality. Yeah, there was definitely a reason why Kaidan looked up to this man.

'Commander,' Kaidan groans after the moment's passed. A sigh of pure relief escapes him, the burdens on his mind alleviated. With the little energy he had left, there was no use for thinking. He closes his eyes and gives in to the restful dark. Perhaps for now, this was all he needed.