If Only

Disclaimer: Bleach is owned by Kubo Tite. I'm just a fan.

A/N: I'm on the side of the people wanting Gin to live. He's the coolest character that ever lived.

I failed.

I did all these things for her. I joined Aizen for her. I killed shinigamis and innocent civilians for her. I let all the people who looked up to me down. I left her for a reason. And that reason is to change this fucking world we live in right now. I wanted to change the world full of evil, greed and pride. I wanted to change it so that i can show her that her existence is not made for her to experience sadness and despair. I wanted to make a world she won't ever have to frown nor cry on.

I wanted her to never cry.

I wanted to make her so happy.

I failed.

I failed not because I didn't succeed in eliminating Aizen from the face of the universe. I failed because I had all the chance to fulfill the promise i gave her but i failed.

I failed to make her stop crying.

I failed to make her happy.

Just now, I realized something essential...

I wasted all those years for less important and irrelevant things. The world would never be perfect even if I succeeded. I should not have worn those blood-stained shinigami robes. I should have looked her in the eye and seen the desire for me not to go but stay. I should have just stayed with her in that lonely shack and spent all those years with her instead of gradually losing her because of my foolish ambitions. I should have just moved on and worried more about making her happy at the moment even with simplest things instead of worrying about bringing the past some justice.

Revenge only resulted to epic failure.

We could have had a family, children running around the house while we helped each other lovingly. She would have been happy with that.

I would have been...

If only i have realized it earlier...

If only I thought of her more than revenge...

If only...

But it's too late now...

I can feel the tears of grief touching my bare skin. I can hear her disturbed voice. I can hear my name in wails. I can feel her heart breaking, tearing apart.


I hate myself for giving her the reason to cry for eternity.

I KNOW AN APOLOGY IS NOT A BIT ENOUGH TO EASE THE PAIN SHE WILL FOREVER BE ENDURING. But it's the least I can do. But with a heavy heart...

I am glad to say sorry.

Rangiku... please don't cry...

I'm not worthy of your tears...

I am really in bad vibes "BV" when i realized Gin is dying. So, I give a tribute to him.

Thanks to my classmates for making me laugh

Tomorrow, let's laugh again so that i can ease the pain this f*cking manga chapter is causing me


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