Part VII

Brain walked around the Grand Throne Room, smiling benevolently at the Ewok minions as they busily replaced the human-sized throne with a rodent-sized throne. He looked over at Threepio and Artoo busily setting up a holo-imaging cam.

"This portrait will be magnificent! Make sure the camera is focused on my good side," Brain ordered, turning his face to the right. "I want my Subjects to know incredibly how handsome their new Emperor is. Oh yes, and make sure you print up a million large posters. We will need at least that many on hand for the street vendors to sell during my big parade. If they run out, it might cause a riot."

"Yes, Emperor Brain," Threepio said.

Brain looked toward the entrance. "Where is Pinky? After he fed the prisoners, he was supposed to bring me my golden crown, scepter and velvet robe. This poster of me requires proper props." He gave a galaxy-weary sigh. "Why can't a Sith Lord Emperor find good help these days?"

"I do believe that Artoo and I have been very helpful," Threepio pointed out. "Are you unhappy with my work, Emperor Brain? Or perhaps Artoo has been causing trouble? He's been known to do that."

Artoo let out a raspberry, and swiveled his dome away from the protocol droid.

"You don't have to get snippy," Threepio informed his partner. "I am just pointing out the obvious."

"Threepio, why don't you go retrieve my necessary embellishments?" Brain requested, feeling the need to have a break from the prissy declarations of the golden droid.

"Of course, Emperor Brain. I will be most honored," Threepio said. "May I ask where they are located?"

"In my laboratory, on the shelve above the purple vials," Brain said, waving his hand to hurry the droid along. "Don't take all day, either."

Threepio entered the lab, and looked around at the rows of tables holding various scientific experiments. Then his golden eyes located the shelf with the tiny crown, staff and robe. "Ah… there they are …" He reached up, knocking over the vial and spilling most of the purple contents into a tray filled with a pinkish meat-like substance.

"Oh, dear." Threepio hurriedly placed the tube back in the upright position, grateful that about a third of the liquid still remained in the vial. "I hope that wasn't important." He picked up the empty food can, and read the side of the can aloud, "'One high-calorie serving of 'Smashed Meat And Castoffs' provides for all your nutritional needs for an entire standard day!'" He turned the can over, and checked out the price. "Two and a half credits is quite inexpensive. I am certain that Emperor Brain can afford to replace this item."

With that, he picked up the requested items and shuffled back to the throne room, deciding his little 'accident' wasn't worth mentioning. After all, he'd heard that Sith Emperors could display short tempers if they were bothered with unnecessary, minor details, like spoiled SMAC.

Since Brain was busy elsewhere, Pinky decided he could handle doling out additional food for Brain's prisoners. He quickly put down four more blobs of SMAC onto the colorful plates, then located the purple potion. With the eyedropper, Pinky carefully placed one drop of the purple liquid on one portion of the remaining SMAC. He stared at the four plates and scratched his head, recalling how he'd had such a hard time remembering which color plate Skywalker was supposed to have eaten from, and Pinky knew it wouldn't be easier the second time around. He placed a single drop of the potion onto each plate of SMAC, reasoning that since the potion hadn't affected Chewbacca, it probably wouldn't affect Captain Solo or the Princess, either. Right? Pinky thought, nodding and pleased with his own deductive reasoning skills. Then he wheeled the cart back to the prisoners.

Back in the cell…

Luke chewed the gelatinous meat, wrinkling up his nose in disgust. "Sometimes Aunt Beru made us eat SMAC for dinner, but I don't recall that it ever had this off-taste."

"You can tell this has an 'off-taste'?" Leia questioned, forcing herself to swallow the processed substance. "I'm impressed."

Han poked at the sticky purple film on the remaining portion of his food. "What's this gluey stuff coating the meat?"

"Uh," Pinky said, frowning at the question, then his face perked up. "Syrup?"

"Syrup? Who puts syrup on SMAC?"

Luke raised his hand sheepishly. "I do."

"You're joking, right?" Leia asked her brother.

"No," Luke said defensively. "I happen to like syrup on my SMAC."

"Me, too!" Pinky piped up. "Syrup and Cracker Jaks! Yummy!" Then he recalled the potion, and asked Luke, "How are you feeling? Any deformities? Are you delirious? Demented?"

"No," Luke said. "Why?"

"Just curious."

Then Luke blinked, his eyes suddenly feeling heavy. "I could sure use a …a "

"A what, Kid?" Han questioned.

"Naaaap…" Luke drawled out.

"That's funny," Leia said, yawning. "I'm a bit sleepy, myself."

Then both Luke and Leia dropped to the floor, and started snoring loudly.

"Hey," Han said, startled. He bent over, shaking Luke's arm. "Wake up!"

Pinky smacked his forehead. "Drugged! That was the right 'D' word."

"You drugged my friends?" Han snapped. "Why I oughta…"

"It's a bit surprising it hasn't affected either you or Chewbacca," Pinky continued. "Perhaps since you didn't eat very much of your food, and Chewbacca is so large, it would take more than one drop?"

"How would I know?" Han yelled at the rodent.

"I'm Darth Pinky!" Pinky said, backing nervously toward the exit. "You'll need to learn to fear and respect me!"

"Oh yeah? In which lifetime?" Han asked, while Chewie roared his agreement.

"Hey!" Pinky said, pointing past Han's leg. "They're already waking up."

Han twisted his head and gazed down, quickly seeing Pinky was correct. Both Luke and Leia were getting to their feet. "That sure was a short snooze."

"Take me to my leader…" Luke started out in a monotone voice, his eyes glassy and unfocused.

"Hoe," Leia added, in the same emotionless voice.

"Sin," Luke finished.

"What are they babbling about?" Han demanded, looking down at Pinky.

"Honestly, I don't have a clue," Pinky admitted.

Han waved his hand in front of Leia's face. "Sweetheart? Can you hear me?"

"Need leader," Leia said.

"Hoe," Luke said.

"Sin," Leia said.

Han glared back down at the mouse. "What did you do this time?"

"I'm not sure," Pinky admitted. "The potion was only supposed to work on Luke, 'cuz he's Force-sensitive. I think that's what Brain said, anyway."

"Luke and Leia are twins," Han snarled. "She's Force-sensitive, too!"

"Are you really, really, really sure about that? They don't look anything alike."

"I'm sure," Han ground out.

Suddenly, Luke and Leia walked forward, and the cell door opened with a wave of Luke's hand. The Ewok guards outside the door raised their blasters, but Leia simply flicked her fingers and the blasters went flying from their paws and clattered down the hallway. Startled, the Ewoks chittered in astonishment, and ran away. The two siblings continued walking, ignoring Han's questions as he hurried after them. Han, Chewie and Pinky followed Luke and Leia until they arrived at the turbo-lift. Once there, Luke and Leia entered then turned to face the door. The three 'non-Force' users ran up against an invisible barrier as they attempted to enter the lift.

"Wait a second…" Han protested as the door slid shut in front of his face.

Han desperately looked around. "I don't see another turbo-lift. How do we get out of here?"

Chewie gave a roar, and pointed down at a dura-steel grate on the floor.

"No way!" Han argued. "I am not jumping down into another garbage chute ever again!"

"I have an actual idea!" Pinky cried out happily. He pointed to a small, square door, two feet by two feet in size, located about three feet off the floor. "We can use the little elevator that I ride in."

Han looked skeptically at the door, and pressed the 'open' button. "It's a dumbwaiter."

"Just because I brought you food, doesn't give you the right to call me a dumb waiter," Pinky said, annoyed.

Han stuck his head inside, checking out the space. "Chewie'll never fit inside here. I'm not sure I can."

"Well, it's just my size," Pinky declared, leaping into the small unit. "Are you coming, or not?"

With a great deal of effort, Han managed to fold his body into the tight space. "Wait for me to send the regular lift back down," Han gasped to his partner as the little door shut, leaving him and Pinky in blackness.

Han listened worriedly as the small elevator creaked and groaned as it tried to make its way up the tube. He looked down at Pinky, who was perched on his knee, as it was the only space available to sit. "I sure hope this has enough juice to get us …"

The tiny dumbwaiter gave a jolt, and ground to a halt.

"Sithspit," Han muttered. "This is about as bad as it can get." No sooner did the words leave his mouth when a loud snapping noise echoed through the wall, and the dumbwaiter plummeted straight down. "AHHHHHHH!" both Han and Pinky screamed into the darkness.

"I'm too young to die!" Han yelled. "STOP!"

To both Pinky's and Han's utter surprise, the dumbwaiter immediately stopped, mere inches from the bottom of the shaft.

"How'd you do that?" Pinky asked in awe.

"I…I'm not sure," Han said shakily. "It probably was a coincidence."

"You think?"

Han shrugged. "Well, it's not like I have the Force or anything. If I did, I'd have it take us back up." The dumbwaiter trembled, then shot upward at a high rate of speed. "AHHHHH!"

Back in the throne room, Brain proudly posed with his accouterments, ordering Threepio to take holo-shot after holo-shot so he could pick the best one for the parade poster. He was somewhat surprised when a bedraggled General Solo limped into the room, followed closely by a fully clothed Chewbacca, and Pinky.

"Master Chewbacca!" Threepio piped up, surprised. "Why are you wearing clothes?"

"Where have you been?" Brain questioned Pinky. "Why did you bring these two back with you instead of my Jedi slave?"

"Chewie seems to have developed a mysterious streak of modesty," Han replied before Pinky could speak. "We've spent the last hour looking for clothes big enough for him to wear."

"Did my potion work?"

"Not quite sure about that, Brain," Pinky said. "After Chewbacca ate the entire first order, I had to go back to the lab and get some more SMAC, and I was very careful to put just one drop on each of the pieces, because, quite honestly, I had a very hard time recalling which color plate Luke was supposed to get, and since Chewbacca didn't seem to be affected by the potion, I figured it wouldn't hurt him to get another dose, but I had no idea Princess Leia was Force sensitive, too, so when she got a dose she and Luke both took off babbling something about leaders and hoes and sin, which I have to admit doesn't make much sense, even to me."

"It seems your potion had a bigger effect on Luke and Leia than what you thought it would," Han groused out. "They've lost their minds and took off."

"Maybe the potion caused Chewbacca to want to wear clothing? And why did the dumbwaiter listen to General Solo?" Pinky asked.

"Dumbwaiter?" Brain rubbed his forehead. "I have no clue what you are talking about, Pinky."

"You aren't going to get rid of me, are you Brain?" Pinky asked worriedly. "I mean, you, working as a single? Look happened to Jerry Lewis!"

"I should get rid of you!" Brain muttered. "I can't trust you to do one little thing correctly. One drop! Just ONE drop!"

"But I did put on one drop," Pinky sniffed.

"Obviously not," Brain said. "I TOLD you more than one drop would cause a reaction on the molecular level that is completely unpredictable."

Just at that moment, Luke and Leia burst into the throne room, dressed in the strangest clothing Han had ever seen in his life, and he'd been from one side of the galaxy to the other and seen a lot of weird get-ups. Luke was dressed in short green pants, with green tights under his pants, and a white shirt with suspenders, and wore a cap with a feather, and Leia was dressed in a green, knee-length skirt also with green tights, and a white blouse, with her long hair twisted in two long braids.

"YODA!" Luke yelled.

"LADY!" Leia added loudly.

"WHO!" Luke screamed, grabbing Leia's hand and swinging her around. "YODA!"

"LADY!" Leia shouted as she kicked up her heels.

"WHO!" Luke finished, taking a bow.

"They've turned into Swiss lederhosen-clad dancing yodelers!" Brain cried in surprise.

"Talk about unpredictable!" Pinky exclaimed.

"Uhm, Emperor Brain?" Threepio spoke up nervously. "Was that potion located in a tube, right next to the SMAC?"


"And was that same tube right next to your crown and robe?"


"Well," Threepio said, shifting back and forth on his feet. "I might have spilled that liquid into the SMAC."


"Ha," Pinky said, nodding. "See, Brain? It wasn't my fault, after all."

Han walked over to the window, and gazed at the scene below. "Brain? You might want to get a load at what's happening outside."

Brain and Pinky hurried to Han's side, and they looked down at the street. Ewoks, dressed in green tights and green clothes, danced in the streets, and they were joined in their frantic dancing by many varied species.

Han pointed up at the incoming and outgoing space-ships. "The blockade has been lifted, too."

"Not yet!" Brain cried in despair. "I haven't given the order to lift the blockade!"

"The Ewoks aren't listening to you anymore," Han said, unable to keep the smugness out of his voice. "They're listening to Luke and Leia."

Brain dropped to his knees and sobbed.


Back in their laboratory cages, Pinky watched the holo-set as a giant wheel spun around and around. "I just love game shows, don't you, Brain? What I don't understand is why they need Vannah since they upgraded the set to electronic letters, do you? It's not like she actually turns the letters anymore. They just go 'ping' and light up all by themselves. Even I could do that job, huh, Brain?"

"It is a job made for you," Brain agreed sullenly.

"It sure was lucky that your purple potion wore off so quickly, huh?" Pinky asked. "I'm not sure how long the galaxy could stand yodeling Ewoks."

"Not long at all," Brain concurred.

"What are we going to do tomorrow night, Brain?"

"The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the galaxy."