Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.
A/N: Thanks to unsigned reviewer Mary Lou for a question that sparked this chapter!
They had managed to go an entire day without fighting, screaming at, beating, infuriating, or otherwise maiming each other. Needless to say, there was little chance of them remaining in this state, and they both knew it.
Which is why neither of them was particularly surprised when it all went to shit.
"He's so beautiful," L said reverently, stroking a crease in Hatori's bag with the tips of his fingers. "Isn't he, Light-kun."
"He is," Light agreed softly, also looking adoringly at the stained, dented, and dirty bag of flour where it was placed between them on the bed.
"Can you believe we made him? You and me, Ryuuzaki."
"We're pretty good parents, for Hatori to turn out like this."
"Light-kun... I..." L hesitated. "I very much enjoy sleeping as a family like this."
Light smiled gently. "As do I, Ryuuzaki."
"But... he has to grow up sometime."
"He'll go to school... fall in love... meet a girl and have a family of his own..."
"Then he won't need us anymore."
They looked at each other sadly for a moment.
"Should we... have another one?" L asked quietly.
"What? Seriously? You wanna go through this all again?"
"But we were just saying how nice it was to-"
"No, we were saying how nice it was now that Hatori has turned out so well! He's been dropped, held inappropriately, traumatized by his father eating cake in front of him... it's a wonder he's still alive, Ryuuzaki. For all I know, you'd bake the next one into a pastry and eat him! And quite frankly, I wouldn't have another child with you if it was the only way to save the world!"
"Is that because you are Kira?" L accused loudly.
"No! Dammit, Ryuuzaki, I'm not Kira! We've been together for Hatori's whole life and you have yet to figure that out! What's the damn point of these godforsaken handcuffs if they never actually lead you to draw a single conclusion?"
"Don't swear in front of Hatori!"
"You did it first!"
"No, I didn't, you did it first! You're trying to corrupt our child! You know how brilliant the offspring of Light and L would be, and you're afraid that I will try to make him L's heir, so you're trying to turn him to the Kira side by slowly infiltrating his mind with your vulgarity!"
"How did you even come up with that?"
"Because I am L and I am always right!" L shrieked.
"Stop screeching, you're making Hatori cry!"
"I assure you that your voice is significantly more piercing!"
"My voice? I'll show you, you infuriating little-"
Belatedly, Watari realized that giving Light and L a bag of flour and telling them to take care of it for one week to prove that they could handle a puppy, might not have been the best idea the genius inventor had ever conceived.
As Watari surveyed the carnage in L's bedroom, he sighed. Whiteness ground into the sheets. Whiteness all over the carpet. Whiteness, stained red in some areas with a little blood, probably from scratches and a bloody nose. Handprints and marks where shoes and bare feet had slid. He was almost sure he could even detect chain marks.
As it turned out, flour was surprisingly difficult to clean up, especially out of fabric.
No puppy for them.