A/N: HELLO, HELLO LOVELY READERS! Welcome to my first ever Black Books writing extravaganza! I hope you enjoy yourself! Know that this is Bernard/Manny, because I think that they're cute :3

Black Books belongs to Graham Lineman and the incredibly, incredibly lovely Dylan Moran.

"You're proposing? How lovely! Oh, good on you, Manny!" Fran exclaimed excitedly, and ran to hug Manny.

Bernard's cigarette had fallen out of his mouth. He sat there, gaping at the other man in the room.

"Isn't that great news, Bernard?" Fran asked with a large grin.

He said nothing. He did not take his eyes off Manny.

"Bernard? Are you alright?" Fran asked a bit more concerned.

Suddenly, Bernard appeared angry.

"What are you doing marrying a human female? As Bigfoot, you should be in some woodland area scaring children and the like. It's preposterous!"

"Oh Bernard, stop it, they've been going out for months!"

"Exactly, months!" Bernard poured himself another glass of wine. "You need to know someone for years to marry them! Besides, the entire thought of someone marrying you makes me sick to my stomach."

"We're in love, Bernard! You could never see that, you heartless, Irish, horrible... man! I'm glad I'm getting married, so I can get away from you! And your abuse!"

Manny stormed out of the shop.

"Now look what you've done! You should be happy for him!"

Bernard threw his hands in the air, "Why should I be happy for him? He does nothing here! He's a disgusting excuse for an organism!"

"You stop that! He's a good man, and he does loads for you!" Fran took his glass away.

Bernard grabbed another one from under his desk almost instantly.

"Why would he expect me to be happy for him?" He asked whilst pouring himself more wine. "The only time I see him is in the morning while I'm puking up my biscuits! He stays out all night with his friends, or or or that girl, Roweeeeeeeeeeena." Bernard scowled.

"Oh, ho, ho." Fran started to laugh and sat down opposite him. "Why didn't I see this before?"

"What, see what before?"

"Bernard," Fran smiled and evil little smile "you like him."

"No, I hate him, what are you talking about?"

"No, no, no. You like him."

Bernard pushed himself back, eyes growing wide.

"No! No! That's horrible, how could you say such a thing?"

Fran's grin grew. "How do you feel when he's with Rowena?"

"Well..." Bernard looked down, messing with his nails. "I feel used and unappreciated." He looked back up, shaking his head slightly.

"Right, because you're jealous."

"I am jealous of nothing!" Bernard stood up and entered the kitchen, bringing his wine with him.

Fran followed.

"Just admit it, Bernard! You have feelings for Manny!"

"I would never have feelings for something as disgusting as him!"

"Right, well I need to go now. I'm supposed to have a date tonight, and I'm not staying here with you. Have fun with your denial party."

"Fine! Go! I don't need your nonsense!" He retorted, but she was already gone.

"Feelings for Manny. Manny! She's insane."

But the more Bernard thought about it, the more he knew it was true.

With a cigarette in one hand and a wine glass in the other, he sat alone in the kitchen and muttered "shit."