~Written for Spikeface's Mirrorverse remix challenge on LJ
~This is a remix of 'Mine' by Ejectingthecore, see her original fic in my favorites, just great!
~My first remix, but I think I've followed the requisite rules…
~Many thanks to AtanaM who beta'd this for me, her suggestions added much to the content of this fic…Thank you sooo much! 8-)
It's a good word.
She liked the way if came off her tongue like syrup.
The first time she said it to Spock they were making love. She was grasping his back so he wouldn't stop pressing his delicious weight into the length of her body. She couldn't bear for him to move a centimeter. His breath was in her ear, his entire self blending into her. She didn't think about it. It came out, basic and new. Mine.
He halted, just for a second. She thought she'd scared him off, and she was hit with a slice of fear that she'd ruined everything. But he began kissing her hard and with a kind of fervor that topped even the considerable passion they'd known before. She decided she liked what mine did.
She sighed in her sleep, a small smile forming on her lips at the memory…or was it a dream? She was in that place, the one between sleep and wakefulness. The one where she could still believe everything was as it should be, that she would turn over and see her lover, her mate. Pushing back the awareness of reality, she forced herself back to sleep.
The Vulcan turned to look at her in the dim light. She was dreaming of, 'him' again. The Spock she loved. The Spock that loved her. But now, in this universe, she belonged to him. He gently placed his fingers on her psi points and waited.
'Mine.' Her inner voice whispered. 'Mine.' With the word, with the possessiveness came a flood of emotions. Desire, lust, admiration, devotion, respect…love. So much love. He held his breath and pulled back from her. At that moment he hated the Vulcan that lived in the universe this woman came from. He hated this woman for the feelings she had for that one, the one she called k'diwa. He hated himself for the feelings she aroused in him and the knowledge that she would never feel for him what she felt for the other.
He swung himself out of bed and grabbed his robe before making his way into the sitting area. Looking out his window, he watched as the stars swept past and remembered the first time he saw her. Saw this Uhura...
Six months earlier...
The planet the Lieutenant and her team had beamed down to was in a flux of some sort. Ionic readings were off the charts and it had been decided to abort the mission. The captain, the doctor and an injured crewman had been the first to beam aboard. Captain Kirk had turned to the Scotsman at the controls and ordered him to beam up the rest of the team before nodding to his first officer and heading up to the bridge.
"Uhura was in the process of completing her negotiations, she'll be up next. Have her report to the bridge as soon as you are done debriefing her. If she was unsuccessful, we'll have to wait out this storm and take the dilithium by force." Spock nodded back to his captain and waited for his sometime lover to beam up.
Scotty had began the process of beaming up their linguist when a large ionic displacement hit, the engineer frantically worked the controls before stepping away and shaking his head. He looked over at Spock. "I think I've lost her, sir."
He pushed Scotty aside and worked the controls until the familiar electrical current began to swirl and the sound of the transporter told them Uhura was beaming up. Spock looked up and noted the confused look upon the young communications officer's face. This woman, although she looked like their Lieutenant was not. Of this, Spock was sure. He went to her and stood at the base of the pad, his head slightly tilted to one side.
"Lieutenant?" He questioned her. She looked down at him and once again, confusion clouded her features.
"I…I…Spock? Is it you?" She knew this wasn't her husband, the beard, the cold eyes, however she reached out to him but Spock stepped back.
"Who are you?" He asked, now certain this woman was not Nyota Uhura.
She blinked several times and shook her head once. "I am Lieutenant Uhura, senior communications officer aboard the United Federation star ship Enterprise."
"No, I do not believe you are." Spock voice was cold, not one she recognized. Even before she had become his lover and then his bondmate.
"And you, you are not my husband?" She asked, fighting the panic that threatened to swallow her whole.
"I am not your husband." He nodded to the bemused engineer. "Mr. Scott. I will take charge of this woman. I require that you keep this exchange in complete confidence until I am prepared to divulge this information to the captain."
"Aye, Commander. And what do I get if I do?" His face held a smirk Nyota had never seen before. She recognized these people…but she did not know them.
"I will be indebted, Mr. Scott, at least for the moment. I think you know what that may entail." He stoically answered.
"Aye, Commander, I do. Consider this forgotten. All but your favor, sir." He laughed.
"Fine." Spock turned to Nyota. "You, come with me. We have much to discuss." He turned but she remained on the transporter pad. "I said come with me. You do not wish to familiarize yourself with this ship without my protection."
Nyota looked over at the man who had Scotty's face, his expression was distorted, a mixture of resentment and lust that her friend would never hold. She swallowed and nodded shakily as the Vulcan allowed her to pass before following her. Her heart was racing and she felt the rivulets of sweat run down her back. Was she injured? Was this some mad hallucination? All she could do was go with this man who looked like her Spock. But wasn't.
Spock walked to his rooms and placed his palm upon the plate next to the door before turning to Nyota. "Come in."
She nodded and entered. Looking around, she didn't recognize anything in the room. She and Spock shared quarters and their rooms were warm and filled with things they had collected together as well as a few items from before they were bonded. But this place. On one wall were traditional weapons from ancient Vulcan. A few books on one shelf and on another an old-fashioned photograph of Amanda. But this Amanda didn't have the same light to her eyes that her Amanda did, this one looked cold and remote, almost angry. Nyota took a cautious step towards the sofa centered in the room. If she didn't sit down soon she was afraid she would fall down.
Spock studied her under half lidded eyes. She seemed to recognize the photo of his mother, but the rest was a mystery to her. "Who are you?"
Nyota jumped at his words. "I…Lieutenant Nyota Uhura from the…."
"Yes, yes. The United Federation star ship Enterprise." He took a seat and motioned for her to sit as well. "But we do not have a United Federation. We have the Empire. The planet we were exploring was having an ion storm. Did you experience the same anomaly?"
Nodding, she sat across from him. "Yes, the commander," she looked up at him, "my husband aborted the mission and we were all set to beam up. We did beam up. But something happened…for a moment I was on the pad on my ship when suddenly I wasn't. And then…then I was here."
Spock's eyes narrowed. "I see. The woman we call Lt. Uhura was beaming up when you were. It would appear the ion storm caused a malfunction and you and she were…interchanged. You are now in a parallel universe."
"A divergent timeline…" Nyota thought of Spock Prime and the destruction of Vulcan before looking back at this timeline's Spock.
"Well…well," Nyota stood and sputtered. "You have to send me back to mine. I have people, I need…" She sat back down again, feeling as if she was about to black out.
"You must calm yourself. I will need to speak to the captain regarding this. In the meantime, you will stay here." He turned to leave.
"Spock…I mean Commander. Will you be able to send me back?" Her eyes were glittering with unshed tears.
"Only time will tell, Lieutenant. If it is advantageous, perhaps I shall, if not…it really depends on you. In the meantime, do as I say and we may revisit this." He lifted his brow and allowed a small smirk to play at the corner of his mouth before he turned and left his quarters. The doors shut with a swoosh and Nyota shuddered, finally allowing her tears to flow.
After her shift ended she went to his quarters and waited for him. She showered and went to his bed, attempting to finish her reports before tomorrow's senior staff meeting. When will he come? She couldn't seem to concentrate and dropped her PADD on the covers and snuggled into a pillow, taking in his scent. She had learned to overcome any form of modesty with this Spock. Once he had taken her as his woman, once she stopped fighting him, he forbad her from wearing clothing in his bedroom. In their bedroom. As soon as she entered this room she would remove her uniform and either hang it up or drop it into the refresher. She would then shower and wait for him. Naked. Open. Vulnerable. As he preferred it.
It had not been an easy transition for her. At first she had expected him to have her husband's honor, his basic foundation of rightness. She soon found out that nothing and no one was like their counterparts. And when he told her to join him in his bed, she laughed in his face. An action she would never repeat after an hour in the agonizer booth. And he watched. And waited. When she had fully recovered he had repeated his request, no, not request she corrected. His demand. And she acquiesced. She had to survive if she were to ever get back home. Back to her Spock.
So she became his woman, went to his bed, allowed him to touch her…to fuck her. And she lived.
This Spock, this Vulcan, he was a product of his environment. And this environment was harsh, violent, devious. And this Kirk respected him, deferred to him, almost as her Captain did. This Kirk was almost a friend. And as captain, he could've taken her as his once he learned she wasn't from this timeline. But he allowed Spock to keep her. For this…favor, she worked hard on the bridge, did all that was required of her and more. She did this for the captain, to show her appreciation of not being taken by him or farmed out to whatever male desired her, but she also did it for Spock. Her success is his success and he is even more respected for it. And if he feels more secure in his position and if she submits to his will, he treats her with a modicum of respect as well.
She still thinks of her universe almost every minute of everyday. Of her Spock, her adun. She misses his warmth, his humor. Although no one else could see it, she could and she reveled in it. He had spoken to her of 'his time'. Before they bonded, he had told her his most intimate secrets. Before they took their relationship to the next level, he felt she should know and have a choice in taking him as her mate. There was no choice, she was already his, but she loved him even more because of it.
She prayed that he hadn't entered his time, that he hadn't needed to find someone to feed his fever. She was his mate, it was her duty. Somehow, somehow she would find her way back to him.
These thoughts were useless, she knew that. But they were what kept her going. And what kept her from going hopelessly crazy. Because this place, this universe, it was insane. But she had to accept what was. And hopefully, if she could stay alive, someday she would be back with her love. Her soul. Her life.
But this was her life now. She didn't love this Spock, but she was his, never-the-less. Mine, he would rasp that word in her ear as he pounded into her and she accepted it. He was not hers, no; he would never hear that word from her lips if she could help it. If it had to come from her lips, so be it, but it would never come from her heart. She could allow him to claim her body as his, but he would never have her mind, her heart…her soul. And she would live the lie; allow the rest of the ship to believe that he was hers. She had enough survival instinct to make sure the other woman and a few men knew that this Spock was 'hers'. Not that she really cared if he had another sex partner. Actually, if he did find someone else to fuck than perhaps he would leave her alone. But no, her survival instinct would kick in and she'd put that bitch down, hand her her ass because that would be what was expected of her. If she didn't the others on the ship would doubt her loyalty to 'her man'. And those who were not loyal died quickly in this universe. He kept her safe. As for the others, the men who desired her, they knew their place with Spock's woman.
And she could deal with it. After all, she knows this Spock. He doesn't know it, but she sees him. Not so different from her Spock, no not so different at all in his depths.
What she sees isn't the stereotype or the expectation, but the actual being. People on this ship see him as stoic, unemotional, but he isn't. In this way, he's like her husband. She sees the little boy who lived his whole life without a friend, a companion. So alone, so raw. But her Spock, he saw hope for belonging. A hesitant reaching out that never got returned until her. And for that, he would forever be hers. Her Spock from her universe. And she would forever be his.
This Spock, he didn't want friends, not in a world that was rift with betrayal. But he saw in her what she offered to her Spock. Belonging, acceptance. He knew she would never love him, but he knew she saw him. The real him.
He stood at the doorway and looked at her. She was naked on his bed, her PADD abandoned next to her. Her knees drawn up to her chest, her cheek set against her knee, her long braid hanging down her back. She was sad. Again. He walked to the closet and removed his uniform, hanging it up before turning to Nyota. She looked up at him and nodded.
"Do you wish a bath or shower?" She asked as she rose from the bed.
"You choose." He turned from her to remove his underwear. She nodded again and went into the bathroom. Looking in the mirror she sighed. A shower, she decided, it was less intimate. He'd take her against the wall, hard and it would be over sooner. The bath was always slower, languid. It made her realize just how much she missed her Spock. When he fucked her slow, she felt the absence of her k'diwa even more. Nyota waved her hand under the shower head. It was hot, he liked his shower hot and she learned to deal with it. As she had learned to deal with just about everything here. She waited for him before going into the shower.
Spock looked down at her as he entered the bathroom; reaching behind her he pulled her braid over her shoulder. Removing the band he ran his fingers through her hair letting it fall loose before leading her into the shower stall. He preferred her hair this way this way, but only when they were alone. Taking shower gel, he lathered it in his palms and began to apply it to her body beginning at her shoulders and making his way down. Nyota closed her eyes and let him cleanse her, trying to forget who was touching her she focused on the sensations his undeniably skilled hands invoked in her body. He would take her regardless of whether she was willing or not so she'd learned early on that if she wanted to avoid pain, it was better to just go with it. It took awhile but she learned. He reached her center and with his long fingers, playing her until she was dripping her completion down his hand. When he was done she mirrored his actions, ending with her hand grasping his engorged lok. She worked the lather from the base up to the tip, she then lifted it and cupped his sakals, lathering and rinsing the heavy globes. Groaning, he lifted her, pushing her against the tiled wall, wrapping her legs around his waist as he plunged into her. Again and again, he pushed in and out, his mouth poised at the junction where her neck met her shoulder. As he burst deep within her, he released a long, loud growl before biting down.
He lay next to her, running his hand over her throat, down to her breasts, lightly pinching her nipples. "You have…adapted." He observed.
"Umm, I have." She replied with a small shrug, her eyes closed.
"Have you reconciled yourself to this life?" He bent his head and took one nipple between his teeth and gently bit down. Her back arched into him.
"Reconciled? I suppose I have. What was the alternative?" She breathlessly asked, not really expecting an answer.
Spock stopped and looked up at her. "Death."
Nyota opened her eyes and released a wry laugh. "Not an option. I still have hope."
"Hope?" He was now leaning on one elbow as he studied her. "Hope is an illogical emotion."
"Hope is all I have." She shrugged. His eyes narrowed and he pulled her to him.
"I am all you have. You are mine, Nyota. And I am yours. The only hope you will have is to please me." His eyes bore into hers. She shivered and nodded. "What am I, Nyota?"
She hesitated before replying. "Mine, you are mine." The words were hollow; he knew this just as she did. But his need to hear them never seemed to falter.
Nyota's hope was not futile. Marlena, the Captain's woman, didn't like her. In fact, she hated her. This Nyota was smart, she was efficient. She seemed to take pleasure in her work. And Kirk took notice of this. He also took notice in her beauty and grace, she had an openness, an almost innocence that was lost to all in this universe. He had allowed the Vulcan to have her. But how long his generosity would last…she was unsure. He would use that machine in his quarters to watch them together. Talking, fucking. Afterwards he would come to her filled with lust, he would take her from behind and she knew he was thinking of Uhura. And she knew that her days as the Kirk's woman were numbered.
But she also knew that Uhura didn't want to be in this universe she was stuck in. She had considered killing the communications officer, but was afraid that if she did, the powers that be would find out and she would be killed as well or worse. She would suffer endlessly at the hands of the first officer or Kirk would give her to his men to do with her what they wanted.
So, she went to Scotty. He owed her a favor. Several, actually, since she had kept him from the agonizer booth. Between the two of them and a physicist that hated Spock, they worked in secret to find a way to get Lt. Uhura back to her own universe. And once the communications officer was gone, the status quo would be set right. And if anyone found out about it, she could blame it on the physicist.
Nyota was shocked when Marlena approached her and even more shocked that the captain's woman would want to help her. She'd been here, in this hell universe, for almost seven months and her hope was diminishing daily. Every time Spock had sex with her, every time Kirk's eyes undressed her, every time Sulu offered to 'show her what a real man was like', her hope flickered. She would take a breath, think of Spock…her Spock. Of her parents. Of Captain Kirk, the one she'd gone to school with. Of Gaila. And for a while, she would feel hopeful again.
Now Marlena had a plan. The time would be right in three days. She could do this. She could hold it together. She would not let on that she was almost free, she could treat this Vulcan the same as she had been doing these past months, she could fuck Spock for three more days if she had to. She could, she could, she could. She would. To return to her world, to return to her Spock, she could do anything.
Six months, two weeks, three days, fourteen hours and seventeen minutes. That's how long Nyota had been gone. His Nyota had been gone. He'd spent every spare moment working on this conundrum. Working and reworking the equations. If she were to ever return, it would be soon. He looked over at this imitation of the woman he loved. Her world, as she spoke of it, was harsh, violent. And he only hoped his Nyota was still alive. He couldn't feel her, their link severed by the spatial differential. But he felt in his heart, the heart that was filled with his mate, that she lived. She was strong, adaptable, ingenious. And he had complete faith that she would do what she had to do to survive.
"Are you ready?" He asked the false Nyota.
"So ready, Mister Spock. If I have to live in this cotton candy nightmare a day longer I'll slit my wrists." She replied.
"I am sure you would have an abundance of help, if needed." Spock answered, the slight flare of his nostrils the only indicator of his emotional state.
Nyota laughed out loud. "Why, Mister Spock, I didn't know you cared."
"Please, take your place on the transporter pad." He indicated her place with a nod of his head.
"I will be so glad to never see your blank face again." She sneered.
"I return the sentiment." He replied.
"Okay, you two. Let's just get this…lady back to her world and get our Lieutenant back." Kirk went to stand next to his first officer.
"Indeed, sir." Spock agreed and nodded to Scott to proceed.
Nyota looked over at Marlena as she stood on the transporter pad, her heart beating a fast staccato. "I can never thank you enough…"
"Save it, I'm not doing this for you. Kirk would be killing Spock soon so he could have you and then I'd be up for grabs. I will never let that happen." She answered. "Okay, Mister Scott, do you magic."
"Aye, lass. Here she goes." And there she went, before their eyes Nyota was gone and replaced with the bitch they were familiar with. Marlena laughed in satisfaction. Kirk would never want this one and Spock, Spock would more than likely kill her.
Opening her eyes, Nyota looked about her. "Am I back?" Her voice was barely a whisper. Spock went to her and held his hand out.
"Yes, k'diwa, you are where you should be." He answered. Nyota looked at his hand before taking it. Her lips trembled as she fought to maintain control. She looked over at Kirk, so different than the man she had worked with the past months. Scott gave her a warm smile.
"Ah, Uhura, we are so glad to have you back, lass." He assured her.
"I…I…" She looked up at Spock. "I've done so much, to stay alive, I've done so much." She sobbed. Spock looked over at the captain.
"I will take her to medical…" Nyota cut him off.
"No, please. Not yet. I need to talk to you. Please?" She begged.
"Spock, take your wife to your quarters. Consider yourself off duty for as long as you need." Kirk laid his hand on her arm and frowned as he felt her cringe. He quickly pulled his arm back. "Glad to have you back, Uhura. Just sorry it took so long. Your husband here and Scott and even Chekov, have been working endlessly to make it so."
"Thank you, Captain." She turned to the Scotsman. "Scotty, thank you." Her voice was shaky and she was starting to feel lightheaded. She looked up at Spock, her Spock.
"Your being here is thanks enough." Scotty gave her a sad smile. The girl, the woman he knew was changed. How could she not be, he asked himself. But with her husband's devotion and the love of her crew, perhaps she could be set back to rights. In time.
Spock set a pair of her boxer shorts and a tee shirt in the bathroom and hung her robe on the back of the door. "I'll wait for you inside." Nyota nodded and headed for the bathroom door.
"Thank you, Spock." She said. "Wait." He turned to her as she went to him. She lifted her hand to his face as she ran her fingers over his eyebrows, down his cheekbones to his lips. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again."
He took her finger between his lips. "I never gave up…hope."
She sighed and gave him a sad smile. "I fought everyday to maintain it. Thank you for finding me."
"Thank you for coming back to me." He kissed the top of her hand. "Please, shower so we may talk and then I will take you to sickbay." She nodded.
"I'm not sure you'll like what I have to tell you…but I can't go on until I do." She whispered.
"Do not despair. The past is the past, Nyota. We can move on…" She cut him off.
"No, I can't move on until we talk about the past seven months." He nodded.
"I will wait here for you." He turned and went into his sitting area. Nyota bit her lower lip and went into his shower. She waved her hand under the nozzle. It was hot, so hot.
"Nyota." Spock called through the door. "The water is set to a very high temperature; you must lower it as I am sure it is too hot for your skin."
"Thank you, I will." She set the hot water down and entered the shower. Grabbing the gel, she smiled as she realized Spock had left her soaps and shampoos in the shower. She breathed a sigh of relief. Letting the water sluice over her body, she lathered and rinsed and lathered again. Hoping she could cleanse his scent from her, trying to scrub the feel of his hands, his body out of her mind as well as off of her skin. Stepping out of the shower, she wrung her hair and tied it in a knot before drying her body. She almost walked out of the room naked before she realized she didn't have to do that any more and puton the clothes Spock had set out for her. Nyota took her hair down and braided it quickly before looking in the mirror. Was she really back, she asked herself?
"Nyota? Are you well?" Spock asked through the door. She opened the door and nodded.
"Yes." Her clothes were in a bundle. "Spock? Could you put these in the waste receptacle? I never want to see them again."
"Of course, k'diwa." He turned and dropped them down the chute. "Come, my love." Spock led her to the living room.
She sat opposite her husband on their couch and bit her lower lip. "I…I don't know where to begin…" Spock laid his hand upon her.
"K'diwa, I know of much already. Your counterpart from this parallel universe, she told us what her world was like. The life she led. I only hoped you could survive in such a harsh reality." His voice was calm, but she felt his helplessness, his angst at not being able to reach out to her.
"Spock. Your…counterpart, he…he was not like you. None of them were like the people I called friends. I wish…" She looked up at him. "Can you see for yourself? Will you meld with me?"
Spock swallowed. "Of course, ashayam. I would have suggested this but I did not wish to intrude further…are you sure you are ready to share your trauma? I can wait…" She cut him off before he could finish.
"Oh, baby, you could never intrude. You are half of my soul. I need you to know that even though I did what I did, I never let him touch my soul. He never touched my love." She was crying now.
"K'diwa, please." He took her into this arms and rocked her, smoothing her hair, whispering words of love. She hiccupped and looked up at him again.
"Now, Spock. Now, before I lose my courage." She begged.
"You are sure, Nyota? I do not care what has passed. I only care that you are here. We can wait. Take as much time as you need…." She only shook her head.
"I can't go on until this is past. And it won't be past for me until you know everything."
"As you wish, my love." Nyota placed her hands upon her husband's face and Spock mirrored her movements. "Say as I say." Nyota nodded.
"My mind to your mind, my thought to your thoughts…"
Spock was overcome with images and emotions. Fear, confusion, anger, hate. The face is his but he is not the one I love. He is not mine. Sex, lust, fear…Spock, my Spock…love, hope, desire…my life, my soul, my love…fear…he will not forgive me…he will reject my love…I will die…
By the time Spock pulled away from Nyota his face and shirt were soaked mostly with her tears, but a few had been drawn from him as he experienced her anguish. He pulled back and took her chin in his hand.
"Nyota, look at me. Feel me. I will love you until the day I die. What you had to do to stay alive was necessary until I could get you back. There is nothing to forgive and I will never reject you, my love." He softly kissed her and strengthened his heart, his soul for her. For her pain, for her fragility…for her strength. It would take time, much time, of this he was sure. But he was also sure that they would overcome.
"Mine, Spock, you are mine until the day I die." Her voice cracked with emotion.
Six months had past and Nyota felt that she and her husband were finally back on course. Spock had been fine with her the moment she stepped off that transporter pad. But it took her awhile to fit back in. To feel as if she belonged back in her skin. She had likened herself to a cloudy glass vase. Cracked and murky. And little by little, she was mending and she was becoming more focused. She was able to see beyond one minute at a time. Then 10 minutes. Then an hour, until she could see a full day.
Spock had taken her to New Vulcan for a month's leave of absence. And it had been good for the both of them. Sarek had welcomed them and had actually coddled her. She felt loved, pampered, secure. It had been a month after that until she could use the transporter. And only when she was able to check the readings before she went out on assignment. For the first few months her off ship assignments were few but she insisted she do the work her position merited. She needed to find her courage again, but Spock always went with her.
Almost four months had past before she was able to make love to her husband. Spock had shook his head when she had approached him feeling it was still too soon. But she had merely smiled and pushed him over on his back before straddling his hips.
"I need you. I need to know you again. And I need you to know me, want me." She whispered. He nodded and allowed her to take the lead. Allowed her to be in control. Allowed her to know him, to see him as her adun. And he savored every moment of their joining. It had been so long, almost a year, but her taste, her smell, her heat. It was so familiar, so welcomed.
She was afraid she might not be able to go through it. Afraid he would reject her…afraid he would accept her. But she fought through her fear. She needed him, needed his closeness, his body. She needed to be one with him again. And he laid back and let her make love to him. His moans and groans, his body tensing, his tentative touch…it was her Spock, not the other. She cried as she felt the difference, the love, the tenderness, the bond.
Afterwards, she lay spent in his arms. Her tears dry, a smile playing at her face. "K'diwa, I love you. It is us again."
"It has always been us, k'hat'n'dlawa." He kissed her sweat laden brow and allowed a small smile to grace his face. "Always."
She sighed and burrowed deeper into his arms. "Always…t'nash-veh…" Her voice was heavy with sleep.
"Yes, k'diwa, I am yours." He kissed the top of her head and let sleep overcome him as well.
The feeling of belonging on the Enterprise finally hit her when she was in the mess and Chekov and Sulu came to her table. She still had gut reaction every time she saw them off of the bridge.
"Lieutenant? Do you mind if we join you?" Sulu smiled down at her. Her breath caught in her chest, but she nodded. "Thanks!"
They both sat across from her. "I know it's been months, but we didn't want to intrude…anyway, we just wanted to let you know how glad we are to have you back. That woman, the one who looked like you, we couldn't call her by your name, anyway, we were plenty scared that you were in a place where she came from." Sulu was eating as he spoke to her, his eyes wide, his face open and clearly filled with concern.
"Yes, Lt. I was so worried. I told the Commander that we must do all we could to get you back. We worked for hours every day to figure this out. I am so glad it worked." Chekov gave her the grin she had missed when she had been on that other side.
"Yes, the Commander told me of all the time you both gave. Thank you so much. And I can't tell you how happy I am to see you. The real you." She smiled.
"So, what were we like over there?" Sulu leaned in.
Nyota shook her head, the smile fading. "Like no one you would ever want to meet." She looked over at the door, knowing her husband would be coming through at any second. "I have to go now, Spock is looking for me. Thank you for stopping by. We'll talk soon."
Spock held Nyota in his arms and sighed. She was no longer shy about making love to him. He felt his wife was back. It had taken months, almost a year, just as he knew it would. Just as McCoy had told him it might. But he never feared he would have his Nyota back. Even if it had taken years he would have waited. Although she would never be the same Nyota that he married, she was still his strong, loving wife. Her trust, her innocence, might be marred, but her love. Her love was still there.
"What is it, k'diwa?" She nuzzled his neck.
"Nothing, really. I am merely gratified to have you back. Everyday more of you returns to me and tonight I feel as if I have all of you." He whispered.
His eyes were tired and she felt his pain.
Suddenly she was filled with anger at the universe for dealing him this. For dealing them this. Then she was flooded with love. She threw her arms around his body and held him tight. And she finally began to cry, for him, for them. They are a, "them" and she needed him to know it with dead certainty. She was thankful for whatever aligned to bring her back to him. Her body shaking with rage and joy mixed in a bewildering emotion she couldn't name or endure.
She put it all into two words. "My Spock," she whispered. He tightened his hold around her and did not make a statement about human emotions, inexact words or vague meanings. He actually got it. He felt a lifetime of sadness in her and realized it was for him. Not for herself, not for all she had gone through, but for him. And once he felt it run through her, he began to let it go. He did not think it would ever happen. He had resigned himself. But he began to crack and to give in to the remarkable reality that he now had a companion, the most extraordinary companion.
He could not look at her. But he whispered in her ear. He told her a story he had been wanting to tell since before he lost her. He regretted everyday that he had not shared this with her and promised himself he would never keep anything from her again, his love, his life.
"Do you remember the first time you said 'mine' to me?" His voice was velvety, both whispery and deep at once. And right at that moment, it was coming out slightly broken.
"I was rigid for a moment. I remember it clearly. I knew that I had conveyed something inaccurate. I did not know how to fix it."
She was quiet so he would continue.
"I could not understand why you said that word to me. I was not accustomed… No…" he nearly stopped altogether but kept his eyes on the wall while he said what he suddenly could not go on without saying. "Outside of my mother I had never in my life experienced someone wanting me to be theirs."
He was silent for a moment, gripping her desperately and still looking over her shoulder, unable to face her eyes. Then a single sob broke out of him. His body collapsed into hers and she supported him. He finally tore his eyes from the wall and looked into her eyes. Tender and fierce, he said it.
It is a good word.
He liked the way if came off his tongue like syrup. He had lost her once but he would never lose her again. She was his and he was hers. Belonging to each other…mine.