Seven one hundred word drabbles, and the list that inspired them. Last one is slashy... sort of spoilers for "The Great Game" and quotes "A Study in Pink". Mentions adultery. It's... 00.56. Almost 1 AM. Gimme a break.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Sherlock. (Dammit.)

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Help themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

John thought that, maybe, they were friends. He knew they were best friends when he went to the fridge and found that the only thing it contained was a jar filled with eyeballs.

"SHERLOCK!"

"Hmm?"

"... Never mind. I probably don't want to know anyway, do I?"

"If this is about the head in the freezer..."

"There's a HEAD in the FREEZER?"

"No... Don't open the freezer."

John sighed, and walked to the door to glare at his flatmate. Sherlock pointed to the skull he'd rescued from Mrs Hudson and said simply "It was him."

John just rolled his eyes.

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "DAMN!"

"Damn."

"Remind me, why exactly are we sitting in a jail cell?" John asked. Sherlock frowned.

"It's one of two options."

"Which are?"

"Either breaking in to that flat..."

"Or?"

"Or when you punched Anderson in the face after he refused to let us in via the door."

"... So it's my fault?" John replied, amused.

"Of course it's your fault. Not your problem though... you aren't me." He grinned disarmingly, then rummaged in his pocket for the key he'd pick-pocketed from Anderson as they were shoved in.

John smiled. Now he knew that Sherlock really was his best friend.

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you're not down anymore.

"Sherlock?" John asked quietly, moving to stand next to the self-proclaimed sociopath. Sherlock half turned, and John was startled to see he was crying.

"Are you okay?"

"No."

"Why? We're fine, Moriarty's dead..."

"WHY? WHY? I nearly killed you!"

Two days later, Sherlock is yelling at the skull, because he hasn't slept in about seventy hours and is exhausted. John watches, then says mildly "I though you didn't 'do' emotions."

"I don't."

"So why were you crying?"

"... If you tell anyone-"

"I won't."

"Really? Why?"

"Dunno... because best friends look after each other, maybe."

Then they both started laughing.

FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Lose your shit and tell you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

"Sherlock?" John yelled, hunting through the drawers.

"Yes?"

"Where's my phone?"

"Ah."

"Ah?"

"I might have borrowed it..."

"Can I have it back?"

"We-ll..."

"What do you mean, well?"

"Could be difficult."

"Why?"

"It's at the bottom of the Thames."

"It's where!"

"The Thames."

"Sherlock. My SISTER gave me that phone. My DEAD sister."

"Umm... sorry?"

He's about to snap at the (slightly) younger man when said man comes into the room carrying a brand-new iPhone, which he hands John silently.

And a tissue, which he hands over with the words "My bad" and an anxious smile.

Stupid best friend.

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

"I know you're an army doctor and you've been invalided home from Afghanistan. You've got a brother who's worried about you, but you won't go to him for help because you don't approve of him, possibly because he's an alcoholic, more likely because he recently walked out on his wife. And I know that your therapist thinks your limp is psychosomatic, quite correctly, I'm afraid. That's enough to be going on with, don't you?"

"Was I right?"

"Harry left Clara because of Harry's drinking...

Sherlock smirked.

"Harry is short for Harriet."

The smirk slides off his face.

"Sister!"

Best friends.

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' ass that left you.

Beep. Beep.

"Go... way..." Sherlock mumbles.

"What, no 'thanks'?"

Sherlock opens his eyes. John is sitting in a chair, looking at him with a mixture of relief and concern.

"What... what happened? Can't really..."

"You called that teenager a 'stupid drunken adulteress who deserves what she gets'. Her friends weren't happy."

Sherlock thinks this over. Well, it would explain the ache in most of his body... then he frowns.

"Why are you covered in bruises?"

John flushes. "I sort of got a bit cross with them."

"...You're an idiot."

"I know, but that's what best friends do."

They both smile.

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

John is so drunk he can hardly stand up. So when he kisses Sherlock the detective isn't quite sure how to react. It isn't until the following morning, when John says 'sorry' that he knows.

"You don't have to be."

"It wasn't appropriate."

"Nice though."

John blinks.

"Really?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Oh." Then he steps forward, hesitating slightly. So it's Sherlock who initiates their second kiss. When they have to break apart for air, gasping, they look at each other and say simultaneously "I won't".

Because best friends already know that sometimes, some things are best kept a secret.

So do boyfriends.