Mahou Sensei Negima and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the author of this set of short pieces has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Similarly, all non-Negima characters mentioned here are the properties of their respective copyright holders.

Any non-parodic, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events of these ministories and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. For real!

Read. Review. Please. PLEASE!

Negi, Chisame and Miki Sayaka

Looking back on it later, once the pain had waned down a bit, Chisame would realize Sayaka's death was, in the long scheme of things, a foregone conclusion. Negi, on the other hand, would never accept it.

It made things no less painful for either of them, in any case.

Negi, Chisame and Hito Nami

It was a perfect symbiotic relationship, actually. Nami made Chisame feel normal merely by close (very close) association, and Negi and Chisame made Nami feel abnormal and special in turn.

Negi just happened to be trapped in the middle, but he still wouldn't complain.

Itoshiki-sensei was only happy (as happy as he could be, anyway) to have yet another potential admirer taken away from him. Now, if only someone would take Kitsu-san as well...

Negi, Chisame and Mizuhara 'Yomi' Koyomi

"Ahhh," he breathed out, wiping the sweat off his forehead. "So this is what they mean when they talk about a Twin Threesome Fantasy..."

"Hey, we aren't that alike..." Yomi and Chisame mumbled at the same time. Then they stared at each other.

Elswehere, Tomo smirked, laying with Fuuka under one arm and Fumika under the other. "Ahhhhhhhh, so this is what they mean when they talk about a Twin Threesome Fantasy...!"

"I want a cigarette," Fuuka asked.

Fumika sighed and pushed a Pocky stick into her sister's mouth. "This good enough, Nee-chan?"

El Kotaro del Ocho

Kotaro looked dubiously at his script. "Then, the thing is I'm this orphan who lives in this barrel and hits Negi, right? That sounds easy enough."

"Okay, and I'm a spoiled child from a ruined down family who gets in frequent fights with Kotaro-kun despite our being best friends. I think I can do it," Negi doubted. "But I'm worried, do I really come as spoiled?"

"You refuse to bathe, keep on sneaking into other people's beds, and whine whenever someone even mentions coffee in your presence, my son, " Arika said coolly, fixing her hair as best as she could under the present circumstances. She was not pleased. "So, you tell us."

Konoka sat patiently still while Setsuna lovingly painted freckles on her cheeks, then placed a pair of huge, thick glasses on her face. "I think it's very exciting! Like doing cosplay! Don't you think the same, Dad?"

Eishun looked miserable, having traded his sword and elegant robes for a drab old black shirt, worn off pants, and a raggedy cloth hat. "Somewhere, Albireo is laughing at me, I'm sure... Oh!" he lamented. "Y ahora, quien podra defenderme?"

"YO!-!-!" Rakan jumped into scene, wearing tight red and yellow spandex, with antennae on the top of his head and a giant mallet in a hand, so mightily the whole poorly built scenario quaked wildly. A spotlight fell on Chamo, who only made a pained sound.

"El Chapulín Colorado!" Negi cried out, his eyes starry. "So you are real!"

Rakan laughed in a thunderous way. "NO CONTABAN CON MI ASTUCIA!"

Eishun started to sob softly. "This is worse than the time we all got drunk and Albireo tricked us into going out in drag through Ostia... and Jack's enjoying just as much..."

Negi, Chisame and Sora

"Is there something wrong, Sora-chan?" Fujimi Chihiro, always the most perceptive club member out of them all, which meant she was the only one who spent most of her time in the real world rather than Cloud Cuckoo-Land, finally asked her, as they sat around the workshop's table having lunch.

"Huh?-! Huh?-!" the younger woman lifted her freckled face from her sandwich, her mouth dropping tiny fragments of bread and lettuce. "O-Of course not, Sempai! Wh-Why do you ask?"

"Well, you've been acting strange lately," Chihiro said. "You act the same way you used to when you were near Aoshima, but now all the time." After a brief pause for effect, she remarked, "Except when you're near Aoshima. Not that I matter, I'm glad you're over that scumbag, but I still feel like asking... Why?"

"I'm not sure what you mean, Sempai..." Sora tried to act normal. Like always when she tried to lie, she failed miserably.

The hidden Pactio card felt somewhat warmer against her chest, firmly clasped in her bra.

Chihiro frowned and looked at the other club members. "You have noticed it too, haven't you, guys?"

Keiichi scratched his chin cluelessly. "Has she? I don't know, she looks the same as always to me..."

"Huh? Yuh sayin' sumthin'?" Tamiya's huge bulk tensed up, his mouth still chewing its full load of lunch, sauce bathing his thick lips.

Aoyama Ootaki sipped his Coke nosily through a straw. "You in love with someone else now, Hasegawa-kun?"

"NO!" she jerked back violently, face red.

Now that was blatantly obvious enough to make all her clubmates, even Tamiya, look point blank at her.

Chihiro smiled deviously. "Tell us."

"Y-You're only imagining things! I'm-I'm too busy trying to reconnect with my family to g-get involved in that kind of things!"

Belldandy-sempai chose that moment to walk back from the kitchenette carrying a small tray with tea cups, smiling as warmly as ever. She commented with perfect calm, "You're also expanding your family, aren't you, Sora-san?"

"Huh?" Tamiya and Ootaki blinked at once.

"Ah, yes, you've adopted a kid, haven't you?" Chihiro remembered.

"It isn't exactly like that. He's just... spending the foreseeable future with us, since he's..."

"Distant relative?" Tamiya guessed.

"Stray orphan?" Ootaki said.

"He's Chisame's teacher, isn't he?" Keiichi asked.

"He is beloved family, of course, " Belldandy stated the fact with a gentle, benevolent smile while sitting down before her.

Sora blushed even more for a moment, before smiling back and nodding. "Yes. Yes, he is."

Someone knocked at the door. "Oh, that must be them! I'll attend!" Hasegawa rose back to her feet clumsily and ran for it.

Chihiro smiled knowingly, giving Belldandy a furtive glance off the corners of her eyes. "Wouldn't you consider this a sin?"

"Sins can be forgiven as long as there is true love, " the radiant beauty explained, taking the first sip of her drink.

The three men looked cluelessly at each other, then returned to eating in silence.

The Demons in the Details

CRACC Dating Service had done it again.

Fuuka and Fumika sat, unblinking, staring at the tall, buxom, busty, red skinned and horned girls sitting at the other end of the table.

"Well? Why so shocked?" the one named Scanty finally asked.

Fumika whimpered. "You've been sent to punish us for our decadent habits, dragging us to a pit of fire, haven't you?"

"What? No! We honestly only answered to your announcement in the site, because we wanted to spice things up a bit! Just like you!" the other one, named Kneesocks, argued, blushing as she did so. Oddly, the blush only turned her red skin a faint shade of pink.

"Really?" Fuuka pouted, still unconvinced.

"Really!" Scanty nodded, dragging the 'R's around, like they always did. "We demons have a code of honor. It's against the rrrrrrules to lie when approaching a mortal."

Kneesocks looked worried. "But, isn't against the rrrrrules to fraternize with humans, too, Onee-sama?"

Scanty shook her head. "The rrrrrules only forbid to fraternize with enemies. These lovely girlies couldn't possibly be enemies, could they?" she asked, pinching Fuuka's cheeks.

"I guess not..." Kneesocks pushed her glasses up her face and took another sip of her iced tea.

A few hours later, all four of them lied together in a naked heap in a room of the Nabe-Nabe Love Motel.

"Predictable outcome, huh?" Kneesocks snorted.

"Nothing wrong with a classic end..." Scanty shrugged, nestling a sleeping Fumika against her bosom.

"I know all the rooms in this motel by heart by now..." Fuuka yawned, cuddled between them. "I bet you gals do this all the time, huh?"

"Actually, we have to keep our relationship a secret, " Kneesocks confessed. "Even between the demons, Twincest is seen as an act against the rrrrrrules..."

"Only rrrrrule we dare to break..." Scanty added. "Although we aren't the only ones, either..."

In the next room, Zazie and Poyo hugged each other. "I could swear I hear Scanty-chan's voice in the next room..." the 3-A student whispered.

Poyo hushed her while planting soft kisses up her neck. "Forget them. This night is all ours..."

Negimaru Abridged

"Negi, I'm hom—!" Asuna happily announced, then froze in place.

He was there on his knees, on her bed, doing another Asuna.

He went horribly pale, just as the girl under him twitched uncomfortably. Her orange wig fell a bit aside, revealing a lot of light brown strands.

"Um, hello, Asuna..." Chisame began, uneasily. "We... we can explain..."

Asuna trembled a few times, smiled mechanically, and turned back for the door.

"I haven't seen or heard anything..." she said aloud, mostly to keep her own sanity, while closing behind herself and quickly walking away.

Maybe she'd spend the night with Setsuna and Konoka. She was fairly sure they'd keep it low if she asked nicely.

Chisame and Negi shared a worried look, then shrugged and went back to doing it.

Elsewhere, Chamo tensed. "My Someone-Should-Be-Covering-A-Stabbing-Quota Senses are tingling!"

Chachazero jumped on him from behind, knife in hand. "SURPRISE OPENING-YOU-A-NEW-BUTT SEXXX!"

"KYAAAA!"

Bubblegum Mahou

"Curses!" A.D. Police Officer Kotaro Mc Nichol tightened a fist while watching the four armored figures disappearing down into Mega Mahora. "I'll catch you yet, Karakuri Sabers!"

Sitting in the police car in a slightly effeminate pose, his partner Daley Averruncus said, "Are you playing Leon now, or Inspector Zenigata, Kotaro-kun?"

"SHUT UP! I'LL PLAY THE CHARACTER THE WAY I WANT IT!"

Meanwhile, at the Hakase garage, Negi Stingray frowned and blushed, his eye on the wall's peephole, watching how Ayaka Stingray, Chisame Romanova, Asuna Asagiri and Akira Yamazaki took their Karakuri hardsuits off. "I still don't know..." he whispered. "Even after all of Chamo-kun's training, I still think I'm not ready for this facet of my role. I mean, Ayaka-san's my SISTER!"

Standing behind him, Dr. Hakase hummed angrily. "If you don't want to keep on looking, just give me a chance already!"

"... Only one minute more, please..."

Dirty Pairs

"We're 3-A Delegation of the Worlds Welfare Work Association!" the metal bikini-clad Asuna saluted, standing next to a similarly metal bikini-clad Konoka. "Codenamed the Lovely Angels, Sir!"

Governor Godel cringed back on his chair, rolling away from his desk. "Th-Th-The DIRTY PAIRS?-!"

"Don't call us like that!" the metal bikini-clad Evangeline began to rattle him around, eventually being restrained by a metal bikini-clad Chachamaru. "You imbecile!"

Metal bikini-clad Setsuna rasped, while metal bikini-clad Mana smiled faintly amused at her right. "Regardless, Governor, we have been sent to take over the Cosmo Entelecheia case. You have just been overruled in your jurisdiction over this affair."

"I know," Godel scowled. "However, the Association and our Senate have agreed on allowing one member of our forces to accompany you, both as support and as damage control. I want you to meet Negi Springfield-kun..."

Despite everything, despite their best efforts, Mundus Magicus still ended up exploding, naturally. But it never was officially found to be Negi or the Lovely Angels' fault.

Top Ten Things you Never should Say in Class 3-A

10. "For the class play, what if we stage one of Haruna's doujinshi?"

9. "You know what this school needs? More stripping robots."

8. "Hey, Chubbo, your food sucks."

7. "Guess what I've just found out? You all are Negi's half sisters!"

6. "By the way, Negi's screwing his cousin. Who is also his sister and his mom. Long story."

5. "I've just called Chris Hansen on all of you freaks."

4. "I called Social Services and got the kid removed from office. Seriously, a boy his age shouldn't be working yet! Also, it seems his papers weren't in order, so he was deported to Wales. I think he's in the plane right now..."

3. "This is the key to Permanent Pactios! ENEMAS!"

2. "I was the one who killed Aisaka Sayo!"

1. "Fuck you, Eva."

Insolent Habits

"Hey there, everyone! I'm Negi Springfield, and I'll be your English teacher, guys! Let's see if I can stuff some knowledge of an actual human language into ya Japs!"

"Let's see, this class roster... 1940? You still have a pic of a dead chick here? What did she do, kick Hirohito in the balls? How lazy is the staff here, keeping this relic here after all this time? Off with it!"

"Now, let's see... Akashi, right? Daughter of that old fart teacher? Well, here's another teacher you can call Daddy, hon. Here it says you're a basketball player. That's good and all, but you really don't have to keep your basketballs under your shirt, sweet cheeks."

"Now you... Asakura? Love that hairdo. I'm sure I'll never have a sad day with you here; I'll never be able to see it without laughing. You in the basketball club too? Nah, those are too big. You sure you're really fourteen? I want you in my office after classes for a checkup."

"Number Four... Ayase, right? Is that your forehead, girl, or are you the forehead's girl? Not smiling, huh? I can tell you're the soul of the party. Yep, you have 'barrel of laughs' written all over your face. Well, except the forehead. They ran out of ink when they started there."

Negi died as soon as he reached Student 8, Kagurazaka Asuna. It was a blessing for him, actually, since Evangeline already had planned several things to do to him when he took his turn with her...

Divine Design

The girls knew something was horribly wrong as soon as Chao showed up for the urgent secret meeting Negi had called them for. Well, the girls and Fate.

The large, shit eating grin Chao had on didn't ease their concerns. Or the way she kept on avoiding their questions on exactly why she was back.

Then Negi himself showed up. "First of all, I'd like to announce our plan has been a complete success, and thanks to the help of Belldandy-sama and her relatives, the elevator is complete long before our expectations. Mundus Magicus is all but saved now."

"Minor event!" everyone shouted. "Go to the point!"

Negi sweatdropped. "Ah... Well, yes, I... I would also like to announce... Through these last few months of intense work, I... Well, I have met... someone who... I felt complemented myself so much... N-Not like I won't always value our friensdhips a lot, but...! But...!"

3-A, Anya and Fate stared at him, wide eyed. Chao only grinned. Natsumi and Kotaro began to quietly creep for the door together, ready to run away from Ground Zero...

Negi rasped. "I'd, well, like you to meet my fiancee. Skuld-chan."

The young goddess of science skipped into sight happily, with a large proud smile on. "Hello!"

3-A, Anya and Fate grew ghastly pale.

Yue turned to Chao almost mechanically, poking a finger on Lingshen's blush stickers. Her voice came stiff and terrified. "Oh my goodness. These are... These are facial markings!"

And Chao nodded energetically.

3-A, Anya and Fate rose as a single scorned being, ready for a thunderstorm of raging unholy retributon, in a truly Biblical scale...

Then Belldandy showed up behind Skuld and Negi and looked at the crowd. It was not a particularly warning look, or even a nasty one. Not even one like Chizuru's patented glares.

It still was more than enough to make even Evangeline sit back down immediately.

Of all people, Zazie was the one to finally break the tense silence.

"So, how's Sister Urd doing?"

Negi, Chisame and Mama Bear

Ako turned around in the bed. "I know all three of them are good people, and I sure hope they all can make each other happy. But, still—"

Her new husband shrugged, with his head well nested in the pillow. "I've seen worse."

Ako sighed. Yeah, well, Akira still thinks WE are a worse match, she thought, but it remained unsaid.

Next day, while lunching together, Tosaka would only smile as Negi and Chisame ocasionally would try to be discreet while coughing thick chunks of brown fur. Ako only rolled her eyes, mortified.

Mama Bear would simply continue humming happily while serving the desserts.

I liked you Better when you were me- Tsukuyomi Edition.

Thirty One Clown Princesses in Amber Tsukuyomi vs. Decadent Habits Tsukuyomi- Round 1, FIGHT!

Batgirl stared down at the coffin. "... Is this someone's concept of a joke? Oh, I know, it was staged by one of Setsuna-sempai's sisters, right? The one in the nun cosplay?"

"Go, Mommy, go...!" Amaterasu cried from the sidelines.

Batgirl sighed and sliced the coffin in four sections.

Thirty One Clown Princesses in Amber Tsukuyomi WINS! FLAWLESS VICTORY!

"My sword skills... have just been wasted on a worthless object."

...

Unequally Evangeline blinked, staring at the screen, her hands barely holding the control pad anymore.

"I still don't know if this is the greatest fighting game ever, or the lamest," she finally confessed.

2814 Evangeline smirked. "Hey, you haven't seen nothing yet! Look at this! T*m*h*wk vs. Oscar from Artemis' Lover! Cool, huh?"

"I think I need some fresh air..."

The Virtue of Patience

"Haruna-san, what are you doing?" Negi peeked over her shoulder.

"Well, obviously, I'm watching TV, Negi-sensei."

"But you can't see or hear anything! The whole screen is blank, and the dialogue is garbled and distorted!"

"Ah, that's because this is Fanservice-heavy anime. So they censor the naughty bits until they release the series in DVD."

"... What is 'Fanservice'?"

"Basically, what happens every time we try to bathe you, or when we hit the beach."

"Oh. That."

"Yeah."

"But the TV has been like that for the whole half hour, excluding publicity cuts."

"It's a very fanservice heavy show."

"Then why not to wait for the DVD? You can't understand anything this way!"

"Silly Sensei! That doesn't matter! No one watches these shows for the absurd, ridiculous plot! We watch them for the Fanservice!"

"... But you can't watch anything of it yet."

"..."

"Haruna-san?"

"I just realized I've wasted a whole season of my life."

High Octane Nigthmare Fuel

"Haruna, you have gone too far..." Yue began.

"Why do you say that? I only wanted to spread the popularity of perfectly non-hentai anime across the academy! I had no idea it would turn out that badly!"

"You showed Keroro Gunso to Kaede!"

"I forgot she had such a silly phobia!"

"And the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles OVA to Setsuna's Kendo sempai!"

"She was just lucky Gamera has no anime!"

"And Eiken to Anya-chan!"

"She's gotta overcome that dumb complex someday!"

"And Elfen Lied to Ako!-!-!"

"I swear that was a honest mistake! I mixed it up with someone else's anime!"

"And Misora is still—"

"Okay, okay, give me a break! No one, and I mean NO ONE normal should ever get scared by watching Highschool of the Dead!"

It Happens Once a Week

It was a quiet, peaceful day at the Chao Bao Zi.

Then a naked huge man with short white hair, one metal arm, and a glowing left eye appeared out of nowhere. "Chao Lingshen! I've come to stop you!"

"Oh, hi, Cable!" Chao greeted him.

Then an almost as big black nude man shaved bald, with a large 'M' tattooed over an eye appeared out of nowhere as well. "Chao Lingshen! I know you're the Traitor in Class 3-A!" he accused.

"How are you doing, Bishop?" Chao smiled.

A naked big breasted girl with long brown hair appeared out of nowhere. Again. "Aaaaaahhh, not this way! Not this way! Chao, hand me some clothing over!" she whined.

Chao sighed. "You know nothing of what I have fits you, Mikuru!"

A rotund, bald yellow man holding a toaster tumbled out of thin air, hitting his head against a table appeared out of nowhere this time. Naked. Brrrrr. "D'OH!-!-! Oooo, are these meat buns?-! Mmmmm, meat buns...!"

A strong, lean young man with short purple hair, with nothing on him but a sword appeared next. "FRIEZA! I've come to—! Uhhh, hey, hi, Chao. I took a wrong turn again, didn't I?"

Chao smiled widely, as Satsuki blushed behind her. "Your presence here is always welcomed, Trunks-kun..."

A shapely nude woman with very long hair holding a long, long staff appeared was the next one to appear. "Oh, for the love of Serenity! I'm supposed to be the master of this!"

"No power may ever stand against gratuitous fanservice, Meioh-san. Some tea?"

A man in golden and blue armor appeared this time. "Hey, good news, guys! I just fixed the timeline so we don't have the Terminator rules of traveling anymore!"

"TOO LATE FOR THAT, BOOSTER!" was the collective cry.

And then Asuna and Negi walked in. "Hey, Chao!" Asuna called out. "We're just going to buy some takeout for—" She and Negi stopped dead on their tracks. "Are you having another casual night?"

Chao sighed. "You can keep your clothes on if you want, Asuna-chan."

This Gotta Stop!

"So, as you see, Takahata-sensei, from now on, I will be enforcing a stricter moral regulation upon this Academy, and I count on your help for it, " Dean Konoemon said from behind his desk. "So far, I have turned a blind eye to all the threesomes, inadequate family relationships, pony debauchery, student-teacher affairs, and extraneous after classes activities in the classrooms, but from now on, we will stop that!"

Takahata, after a long pensive silence, stood from his chair and pushed the desk aside. The soft suckling sounds stopped just as abruptly. He cringed.

The Dean's pants were down, and Shizuna and Sister Shakti were kneeling between his legs.

"Ah..." both women said.

Konoemon rasped. "On the other hand, perhaps I have been a bit hasty in my decisions. Maybe our students should be allowed a continued leeway of their decisive experimenting, lest they don't grow up repressed and unhappy..."

"That's it, I'm taking that job offer from Principal Kuno in Furinkan, " Takamichi deadpanned.

A Wretched Hive of Culture and Illustration

"— and so, here in Ariadne Academy, anyone is welcomed as long as they want to learn and study, " Headmaster Seras continued her welcome speech passionately. "As long as you intend to run your studies here, we will protect you, no matter if you are a demon, an outlaw, a fugitive, a Twilight fan or a war criminal."

Mao yawned. "Yes, sure, sure. Can I go back to my test subjects now?" Then he remembered, as a honor student, he didn't really have to ask, and just left.

"BAH!" another new student crossed his powerful armored arms. "Insipid woman! Your pathetic school can possibly offer no haven to Doctor Doom! And there is no knowledge you can offer that Doom hasn't mastered and surpassed decades ago! Rest assured, if Doom remains here, it's only because Doom is vaguely amused by the simple follies of your puerile but energetic academic life! Plus, Doom likes your skirts. So speaks DOOM!"

"HAH!" the caped chimp sitting at his left laughed. "You're just envious of my superior, and hence better, intellect that gives you cause to envy my person, Doom! Because it is ME, MOOOOOJOOO JOOOJOOOO, who will claim the title of Best Student of the Year, proving my superiority and how much better I am than the whole of you! Yes, because MOOOOOJOOOO JOOOOOJOOOOO, who is me, is the smartest student who has ever set foot and stepped into this Academy!"

Mayuri rubbed his chin. "Curiouser and curiouser..."

"Ku ku ku ku!" Kururu laughed. "Indeed, my dear friend! Indeed!"

"Egads, Brain, this pantyhose is very itchy, " a tiny student with an odly furry face told her very short friend. "And I don't like the way that Von Katz girl is looking at us! Zort!"

"Silence, Pinkiette!" her friend whispered, sinking an elbow in her stomach. "We must cause a good impression if we want to become Valkyrie cadets, and then to take over Mundus Magicus!"

Washu raised a hand. "Headmaster, we are allowed weapons of galactic destruction in classes, aren't we?"

Pre-Crisis Lex Luthor raised a hand as well. "And about my proposal to ban the access to superpowered aliens, I would like to add—"

Then a tomato jumped onto his face. Luthor snarled, turning to the far too old student sitting next to him. "Gangrene! This is my last warning! Control your brainless pests, or else—!"

Dr. Putrid T. Gangrene shrugged. "What can I say, Lex? They feel attracted to you! Tomatoes and ham go together, after all!"

The teacher standing next to Seras looked at her and said, "Madame, I still believe we should reconsider changing some of our policies..."

An explosion ensued, and Zim ran into the hall, waving his arms. "Everyone flee for your worthless lives! The Tizarocoj is alive! IT IS ALIVEEEEEEE!"

Agatha Clay blinked. "Huh? What the blazes is a—"

"Don't ask, chere, just RUN!" the Brain urged as Monsieur Mallah jumped off their seat, carrying him out as fast as he could. "RUN!"

Cheer as Folk

Negi-sensei and Iincho had warned them to take it easy. They had reminded the three girls that, even if they were now in a magical land where age limits for drinking didn't really apply to the extent they did in Japan, it still was unwise to go overboard with the post-dinner refreshments.

But Misa, Sakurako and even Madoka were too awed by the idea of being in an actual to goodness fantasy land and having just helped to rescue Magical Princess Asuna to care about petty earthly limitations.

It had been a wild celebration party for everyone, after all.

Now, however, the only thing Misa felt wild were the aches all over her body. Especially her headache. A ringing, nasty one.

"How... How did we survive that?" she asked.

Lying next to her with a huge stupid smile, Sakurako cooed, "Well, at least in my case, I suppose I was just—"

"Lucky, we know! Lucky!" Madoka was hiding her head under a pillow. "I freakin' know you'll be the only one of us lucky enough to avoid getting pregnant!"

Rakan chuckled and patted her in the bare butt, fondly. "Come on, keep a positive spirit, Kugimin!"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

"But you liked it last night!" he argued.

Then the door slammed open from the outside, and in stepped that blond horned girl Negi had introduced to them during the party... Theofrasta? Theoranta? Misa was so tired she couldn't remember.

Her eyes glowed crimson. "Oh, so you're here!"

The big lug grinned stupidly and waved a hand. "Oh, good morning, Theo—!"

Sakurako's luck was pushed to its limits to keep her alive after that. Misa and Madoka had to cling to her so it influenced them too...

Card Captor Sakurako

The Clow Cards kept on appearing right on her doorstep by coincidence so often, she usually would just stumble on her way out to catch them, and hit them with her staff accidentally, capturing them before even realizing she had just done it. She had the whole set before a month and a half.

Also, Yue, Yue, Li, Eriol, Ruby Moon, Mizuki-sensei and Meiling all fell in love with her. Lucky girl indeed...

The Right Decision

Seeing them all there, standing tall and proud around their Master, cheering for him after his greatest victory (or only nodding with a pleased little smirk, in Evangeline's case), Natsumi couldn't help but feeling bad for Kotaro-kun.

There was Negi-sensei, surrounded by so many powerful, gorgeous Ministra, ranging from Iincho's flawless elegance to Asuna's vital exhuberance. While Kotaro-kun stood behind, with only her at his side. The stupid, bland, un-glamorous her.

He deserved better, she told herself. He had struggled as much as Negi-sensei.

But then, he only smiled, hands crossed lazily behind his neck. And when he finally looked back at her, he poked a thumb towards the chattering, demanding Ministra struggling for their Magister's attention, and said, "You know, I'll bet I'm far better with my one Ministra than he's with his thirty one."

Then she knew she had made the right decision.

Tales from Chamo's Harem

Chamo waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And kept on waiting.

Then, finally, he screamed his rage to the Heavens. "ARRRGHHHH! WHY WON'T ANYONE COME HERE?-!-?-!"

Delirious

"After that, we burned everything in Happosai's secret stash, " Nabiki finished sadly, "But the damage had been done. She already had found it, and Haruna would never be the same ever since..."

Negi hadn't understood all of it, but still nodded sympathetically.

Refined

"Maybe," Chizuru started suggesting, "If you really feel you need continue fighting Asuna-san, Ayaka, you still should at least try to adhere to some guidelines fitting your status, since after all, you are—"

Ayaka growled viciously while she and Asuna strangled each other. "Shut up and just pass me the baseball bat!" she managed to yell.

Derivative

Chisame woke up between Negi and Hakase again. "So predictable..." she mumbled.

Hakase was humping her leg, but it barely registered. "Typical..."

Chisame noticed Matoi videotaping them at the window, and just closed the curtains on her face. "As usual..."

It was all getting so boring, she actually began considering Hakase's offer of starting bringing Sakurako over...

Retcon

"You mean I have HOW MANY sisters now?-!" Negi asked with a strangled voice.

Mating Ritual

Shirabe stared sternly at Koyomi and Tamaki. "No, I don't believe your claims of being moved by an irresistible heat season. For starters, you're both of different species."

Kindness

"Meow, meow, meow!" Chamo said.

It was a horrible imitation, and the fake cat ears on top of his own were awful, but Chachamaru was kind enough to pretend she had bought it, and petted his head anyway.

Tango

"And that's how I learned 'Horizontal Tango' wasn't really a dance, but I still enjoyed my lessons a lot!" Tsukyomi chirped.

Chigusa backed away very quickly. Again.

Chocolate

"Ah-hah!" Haruna pointed out, laughing triumphally. "So that's why you have so many pimples!"

"I don't have a problem!" Chisame cried, hugging her Jumbo box of bomboms and trying to wipe the incriminating brown stains off her mouth. "I-I could quit whenever I wanted!"

Crystal

"— and that's how Crystal Tokyo fell, " Chao finished her tale, somewhat moodily. "But really, only Usagi was dumb enough to build a city of crystal in such a highly seismic zone!"

Calculus

"I owe it all to Count von Count!" Makie held her Math test up proudly. "Thanks, Count! Wherever you are, I'll never forget your valuable lessons!"

"Makie, you only got a 65, he's only a puppet, and you can watch Sesame Street again tomorrow!" Ako grew exasperated.

The Last Virgin

Negi walked in after a long day of fighting Magical Evil, tired and sweaty. "Asuna, Konoka, I'm home! I just ran into a few—"

He gasped, seeing Asuna lying under Takahata on the lower bunk, while Konoka and Setsuna kissed Asuna's mouth and Eishun caressed Konoka's face from behind.

They all stared at him in shock.

"Oh, g-good evening, Negi... Y-You were late, so we t-thought you were spending the night at your parents' again..." Asuna stammered with a nervous chuckle.

Negi nodded, eyes as wide as saucers. "I... I think I'll go do just that..."

He turned around and ran.

When he arrived to the small apartment at campus Konoemon had given his newly recovered parents, however, his disgust only grew.

"Father! I thought you had promised stop leading Cosmo Entelecheia!"

Nagi shrugged from where he was, sandwiched between Arika and Dynamis. "We're just trying to establish a lasting agreement of sorts here..."

"Negi, you should not be here!" Arika gestured firmly for the door. "Not until you're 18!"

"Yes, Mother!" Negi silently thanked his mother wasn't such a decadent person, turning around and leaving, almost stumbling onto the absent and rolling on the floor Quintum, Quartum and Sextum.

He tried to ask for a futon at Chisame's instead, but she was busy with Hakase, Rakan and Matoi-san. "For the last time, learn to knock before walking in!" Chisame yelled at him.

He ran all the way to the librarians', but sure enough, they were busy with each other. None of the three had any objections at all on allowing him stay for the night, but Negi's mind flashed to his mother's stern warnings, and he excused himself off, much to their disappointment.

He tried the Master's cottage next.

An annoyed Eva, wearing Nekomimi with a school swimsuit, glasses, a fake tail and a white sports blouse, opened the door for him, wearing Chachamaru's panties as a hat. "What? This better be very good, Boya..."

Negi yelped and ran away again, despite Albireo's insistent pleas for him to stay from the inside.

He stopped at Kaede's door, but just as soon, turned back and left before even knocking. The moans of Nagase and the twins told him everything he needed to know.

He was smarter for the next one and called beforehand. "Kotaro-kun?" he asked through his cellphone.

Kotaro's voice came in raspy pants. "Yeah, yeah? What?"

"Um... are those Natsumi-san and Chizuru-san moaning near you?"

"... Yeah. We're, uhh, watching a movie. And it... scares them. Y-You know girls..."

A raspy, panting Ayaka snatched the phone away from the dog boy over her. "Oh! Oh, oh! Is that you, Negi-sensei? We... We'd be pleased... ah... to have you in here!"

Sweatdrop. "Ah, no, sorry, I was just calling to see if everyone was okay...!"

The morning after, he was rubbing his eyes at the Dean's office. "Everywhere I went it was the same, so I ended up sleeping on a park bench at 2:00 A.M. And that's why I fell asleep this morning at classes..."

Konoe nodded sagely. "I see. Well, has been having similar problems, as well, and he isn't even supposed to sleep at all. I'll see what can I do to help you—" A pause, and then an outraged, "YOU SAID KONOKA WAS WITH WHO?-!"

After All

By the time she finally made it back to the Academy, she found Evangeline and Chachamaru, looking just the same as always, sitting around a small table with tea and cake under the World Tree.

Eva smiled softly. "Ah. I knew you'd remember, after all."

Asuna nodded grimly. "Yes. Yes, I did."

Other than herself, the Tree and her two classmates, everything was different.

Eva sipped from her cup elegantly. "That stupid old book was wrong like usual. I knew you were built of stronger stuff than that... Kagurazaka Asuna."

Asuna rubbed her wet eyes off. "Was it really worth it? From everything I've watched on my way here, it looks like Chao's awful future became a reality. And everyone else's gone. Is this what we struggled so much for? We sacrificed everything for this? What was the point?"

Chachamaru put a hand on her right shoulder. "We can't know that for sure until we have tried everything. And we haven't even tried half of what we can do. Now you're back with us, those options multiply twofold."

Asuna sighed. "No. In the end, we only have one option, don't we?"

"Yes, only one. Keeping going ahead, " Evangeline agreed. "You're right, everything else is just accesories. The hows of our forging ahead."

Asuna sat down and hid her face in a hand. "I never imagined I could ever feel so tired after so much sleep."

Chachamaru, sympathetically, offered her a steaming cup. "In any case, welcome back, Asuna-san."

Asuna accepted the tea and drank. A smile came to her lips, slow and melancholic. "Ah. The way he liked it," she remembered.

Chachamaru smiled back, the same way.

Space Pilot 352

"Kagurazaka Asuna!" Chao grandly announced as she opened her laboratory's door. "Welcome to the world... OF TOMORROW!"

Asuna groaned and followed her inside, with an apathetic Evangeline closing the formation. The Futurama theme blared loudly all over the place until Chao turned it off.

"Chachamaru!" the scientist announced. "We're home!"

"Great, right what my life needed, " Chachamaru snorted from where she lied on her stomach, drinking beer and watching the latest episode of All my Magical Circuits. "Oh, and you brought the lazy-ass holier than us bitch, too. Had a happy nap, jerk? Oh, Ayaka sent her regards... FROM THE FREAKING GRAVE, SINCE YOU WEREN'T THERE FOR HER WHEN SHE DIED!"

Asuna blinked. "Chachamaru-chan? Is that really you? Wow, you've let yourself go..."

"Bite my curvy and soft, yet cold and metallic ass, Kagurazaka," Chachamaru said before taking another gulp of beer. "Ahhh! This century has taught me enough about you fleshbags to know better. I'll never trust any of you ever again..."

"She's been this depressed since Chisame died," Chao whispered in Asuna's ear as Chachamaru began sobbing.

"DAMMIT, MOM, DON'T GO AROUND SAYING THAT! I FREAKIN' HATE YOU! SCREW THIS PLACE! I'LL GO HAVE MY OWN LAB! WITH BLACKJACK! AND HOOKERS IN BIBLION ROUGE COSTUMES! AND... AND... WAHHHH, CHISAME, WHY...?-!-?"

"It's just a phase, " Chao said. "Feel free to make a place for yourself anywhere you want, Asuna."

"W-well, yeah, I think I'll... WOW!" Asuna cringed as she saw a line of twelve jars full with a strange liquid lined along a wall, each one holding the severed head of one of her classmates.

"Oh, hello, Asuna-chan!" Haruna's head greeted her happily.

"Looking fine as always, Asuna-dono!" Kaede's head added.

"Excuse us for not shaking your hand!" Yuuna's head laughed.

Asuna cringed, but managed a weak smile. "Ah, h-hello, Yuuna, Haruna, Kaede, Fuuka, Fumika, Madoka, Sakurako, Misa, Akira, Kazumi, Satsuki, Misora. Good to see you haven't lost your heads even after all what happened..."

Chao walked back in bringing a young Chinese woman in a pink belly button showing jacket and matching pants. "Good news, everyone! With Asuna back with us, Cassiopeia Express finally can start operating! Asuna, I want you to meet Ami, Ku-chan's descendant and heiress to one of Mars' richest families. She's our newest intern. I'll also introduce you to the tentacle monster who attacked Chisame way back; since then, he studied Medicine and became our doctor. Looks like that encounter influenced his whole life..."

"WAHHHH! CHI-CHISAME...!" Chachamaru wailed. "You should have saved her head too...! I'll never stop hating you...!"

Asuna made a truly distraught face. "Eva-chan?"

"I'm right here. What do you want?"

"Is there any way to seal me back?"

"I've been trying to do that to myself ever since Boya died, don't you think I'd have succeeded by now if there was a way?"

CSI Mahora.

"What's the situation, Mr. Wolfe?" Horatio asked as he slowly walked into the crime scene, his sunglasses in a hand.

"Well, Horatio, it looks like, whowever it was, they made a really rushed job, " Wolfe pointed at the corpse of Mahou Sensei Negima!, lying on a pool of its own ink, its whole body covered by bleeding plot holes. "Funny thing, until four chapters ago, the series was looking healthy, although it wasn't making much sense anymore when it spoke. Three chapters ago, looks like it was threatened with death, but the department doesn't read ANN, so they thought it was only another prank call from 4-Chan. And now here we are."

"Suspects so far?" Horatio asked.

"The author's the main suspect right now. Made all the more suspicious since he was seen recently flirting with the possibility of a new series. We haven't learned which series yet, though. Delko thinks it may be a complot between him and Love Hina to murder Negima and return Hina to the spotlight, since there were rumors about a sequel... But we haven't fully discarded the editors yet. Or it might be Akamatsu's wife, since apparently she was angry he wasn't taking enough breaks to be with her..."

"Passional crime, huh?"

"Maybe. And there's also the matter of SHAFT, which made several attempts on the franchise's life before, but they have an alibi. They were seen in company of Nisemonogatari all night long."

Horatio breathed deeply. "Well, no matter the case..."

He put his sunglasses back on.

"... Negima just lost its magic."

YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Sweet Dreams, Sweet Princess

It had taken her a lot of effort to arrive there.

Panting slightly, with a foot limping slightly behind the other one, the girl made her silent way to the large, coffin-like structure where the other girl slept. With huge eyes full of fascinated reverence, she drank on the sleeping beauty's appeal.

She reached over carefully with a small hand, and touched the other girl's cheek. It was cold, almost like a corpse's, making her shiver. But she could see the prone female was breathing, soft and slowly. Ah, so it was a hibernation of sorts. It made sense.

"I'm glad you're okay, " she whispered, with a tender voice full of respect. "When I heard you were here, doing this, for us, for all of us, I knew I had to come here and pay my respects. It wasn't easy at all, and it was a very long and difficult trip, but now I see you, I must say it was worth each pain I encountered on my way. I used to think I loved the most beautiful and noble girl in the world, but now I see I was wrong. She can't even compare to you."

She grabbed one of those cold hands tightly, biting her lower lip.

"This sacrifice... It has to be the most horrible thing a person can undergo. You're throwing your life away, when you have no real reason for it. When no one could or should force you to do it. For people you don't even know and never will meet. Even for me, in a way. Why? I'd really, really like to know. Only thinking about it touches my heart in a way not even her has managed to ever equal."

She rubbed the hand and nuzzled it against her own cheek, smiling sadly.

"You're the hope of two worlds. We all rely on you now. Without you, we all will collapse into each other, and that'll be the most horrible thing ever seen. Endless pain and suffering for everyone. And you're all that stands between us and it."

Carefully, she set the hand down on the sleeping girl's chest.

"Thank you, in everyone's name. It's a real shame I can't stay, since I feel I could sit here watching you all these years. But I really need to go now."

And she placed a gentle kiss on her cold forehead.

"But first, I'd like to pay my ultimate respects, " the visitor whispered again.

She drew her blade out, and with a single, swift motion, sank it down into the other girl's heart.

Mismatched eyes flew open. A hoarse single sound escaped that throat before the blade came down again, splattering red all over the visitor's ripped off, battle worn dress.

"I have always believed we mustn't half do things," Tsukuyomi giggled musically. stabbing a third time. "If you're going to take a very long sleep, why not the longest sleep of them all? Sweet dreams, my sweet princess."

What If? Negi had Told Arika 'No' in the First Chapter of Decadent Habits?

He and Haruna shook their heads sadly at the collective decadent and depraved lunacy happening all around them, walked out of Mahota together, eventually married and had two children.

Everyone else managed to screw their lives up even more, somehow.

Top Ten Fetish Archetypes Akamatsu Discarded for 3-A

10. Arm Amputee Girl.

9. Arabian Lap Dancer Girl.

8. Boy in Drag.

7. 30-something Mother of Three Trying to Earn her Diploma after all this Time.

6. Girl with Eyepatch.

5. Invisible Girl. No, wait, she's actually already there, you just haven't seen her yet.

4. Nudist Girl.

3. Girl who Cuts Herself.

2. 14-Year Old Commander-in-Chief of the JSSDF.

1. Bollywood Girl who Breaks into Random Musical Number once a Volume.

Happiness

After I leave Kagurazaka with Boya, I take my leave, leaving Chao behind. I say I'll be travelling around, seeing the sights, going from world to world doing whatever I want.

The years pass to the point time becomes irrelevant and pointless, even for me. I see and do everything, from timeline to timeline, from real to realm. I see them all growing old and dying time and time again, they and their descendants, and I'll keep doing it. I am so above them now it isn't even funny anymore.

Sometimes I marry the Boya. Sometimes I marry his father. Every time, I end up outliving them. They are too damn stubborn for their own good, never listening to my ultimate wisdom. They always, eventually, find ways to get themselves killed even when it's fully impossible. I couldn't even if I wanted to. Which I don't.

I will live truly forever now. Nothing can kill me. I don't even have to fear the death of the universe anymore, since I can just switch to another universe whenever I want to.

So I should be happy.

I really should.

I don't want to ever end my trip, but I don't find solace on it anymore. I keep doing it... because. Isn't that enough of a reason? I don't need motivations. I'm not a person of happiness either. I just do things because I want to. I don't owe explanations to anyone, not even myself, on what are my reasons for wanting it.

Until the day I have a change of mind, leave the Cassiopeia aside, and just sit down to wait at the end of time itself. I could just jump ship again, but I won't, not this time. I just chose it.

I don't need a reason for this either.

I do it because I want to, and nothing else. I'm not even actually bored or tired. I can't even feel that anymore.

And then, in the final moment, I understand.

The Hint

Luffy, Sanji, Zoro, Nami, Usopp, Chopper, Brooke, Robin and Frankie, all walking down a street.

They pass near Asuna, who is carrying a large sign reading THE END IS HERE

They pass near Naruto, who is carrying a large sign reading THE END IS NEAR

They pass near Ichigo, who is carrying a large sign reading THE END IS ALMOST KINDA SORTA NEAR, UNLESS WE'RE TROLLING YOU

Nami scratches her chin, looking slightly troubled. "I think there's something we maybe should be doing, but I can't put my finger on what it is..."

"I KNOW! GOING FOR DINNER!" Luffy has a flash of inspiration, tossing his arms up.

And so they do.

Spice and Wolf

"Hello there," the wolf boy lazily waved a hand up. "I'm Kotaro, a wolf god of the crops. How you doin'?"

Natsumi shrieked, reached for the nearest available piece of cloth in the barnyard, and tossed it on the boy's bare chest. "PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"

Unfortunately, unlike Horo, Kotaro was horrible at finances, so he promptly drove Natsumi into bankruptcy. From then on, they stuck to Inu Yasha parodies only.

Twincestous Anonymous

"Friends, I want you to welcome our newest members, Narutaki Fuuka-chan and Fumika-chan from Mahora Academy, " Doctor Kabuchi announced.

"Hello, Fuuka and Fumika!" the rest of the patients said. Fuuka and Fumika bowed, the former smiling widely, the later fidgeting nervously.

"Please tell Fuuka-chan and Fumika-chan all what Twincestous Anonymous has done for you, " the Doctor asked them.

"Before Twincestous Anonymous came into our lives, we were the shame of COBRA...!" Xamot said.

"... and that's saying something, considering the people we worked with!" his brother Tomax completed. "Even the Dreadlocks laughed at us behind our backs...!"

"... but with Twincestous Anonymous' help, we're respectable terrorists again!" Xamot finished.

"We've finally stopped being the anime fandom's biggest Twincest joke!" Hikaru from Ouran High said peppily.

"Yeah! Now we finally are starting to get serious roles in fanfics!" his twin Kaoru nodded.

"I've learned all I had to do was coping with my sexual frustrations in a healthier way!" Nana said.

"Yeah, well, what my sister here said..." Momo didn't sound that convinced yet.

"We've discovered we have a full range of acting possibilities beyond bonking each other!" Fred and George Weasley chorused.

"The Avengers don't have to look elsewhere when we stand together!" Pietro Maximoff, aka Quicksilver, proclaimed grandly, while the Scarlet Witch smiled and nodded.

Shifty and Lifty paused briefly in their sneaky attempt to steal Fumika's wallet to grin and nod for the Narutakis, giving them a thumbs up. Fumika still shrieked and pushed them away.

The Doctor laughed good naturedly. "Well, when we're done here, you'll be able to stay together without resorting to unnatural activities with each other, girls! In TA, we believe on results through effort! Families shouldn't have to split apart when all we need is a little self control and continued discipline! Now, what do you say if we start by sharing how did you get started?"

"Well, " Fuuka rasped, "It began five years ago, when we were left without a babysitter for the first time ever..."

"Kaede, why do the twins look so tired all the time now?" Asuna asked.

"Ah, they have enrolled themselves into a Twins Club, or something like that. They have sessions every night after our Walking Club meetings-de gozaru..."

"Twins Club? What the heck do they do in a 'Twins Club'?"

"Twin things, I guess."

"What kind of things are those?"

"Okay, Asuna-dono. Truth is, they corrupted a whole therapy group their parents forced them to attend, and now they're milking it for all it's worth. Satisfied?"

Asuna cringed. "Not really."

"Knowledge," Kaede sagely lectured, "is often too much of a burden for our lesser minds. Then, when do you think Negi will return? I came to ask him to wipe my memory of that..."

Myth Conceptions

"Yes, Negi, you're, as a matter of fact, Zeus' reincarnation. That's why your element is lightning, why you're so broken, and why everyone is straight/shota/gay for you."

"Well, that's a surprise. I suppose whoever I marry will be the next Hera, then, and she'll inflict horrible curses upon my children with others and those others as well, right?"

"All signs point to that, yes."

—-

"And that's why I can't marry you, sorry..."

"You'll have to come up with a better excuse than that."

"I swear I'm not—"

"OR I'LL THROW A CURSE UPON YOU AND ALL YOUR DESCENDANTS!"

How Mana got her Pactio with Negi

"I'll bet you couldn't kiss Negi as well as I did!" Kaede said.

That decided it.

The House Down the Street

Growing up in a ravaged post-Independence War Ostia was hard, of course. Dad's war hero actions mostly happened out of public sight, and Mom was busy enough faking her death and making a new identity for herself to retain any of her power, influences or connections. So we had to move to a small and modest neighborhood in the outskirts of Ostia.

My best friends were Kotaro, the son of the next door neighbors, and Anya, the daughter of the family right across the street. Mom used to say Kotaro was a bad influence on me, but she never tried separating us, and I was thankful to her for that. We had a lot of stupid little adventures together, the kind kids use to have. Back then we thought the world was simple and easy to handle if you just applied enough pressure, and even more foolishly, we thought we were able to apply that kind of pressure, so we basically went around screwing things up often enough to drive our mothers mad, although our fathers only used to laugh it out.

Then there were the girls living down the street.

Most of them had been brought from Mundus Vetus as war spoils, then discarded and left to fend for themselves; but there were a few beast girls who had originally been at Ariadne too, including the daughter of a very powerful family who lost everything in the war. And most of them were around fourteen, many of them from Japan. I remember there was Ayaka, who had been raised in the lap of luxury, and had a real thing for me. Mom detested her, because she said she only wanted to corrupt me. At the end I guess Mom was right, since Ayaka was the one who ultimately took my virginity, when I still was only thirteen. The same afternoon when her friend Chizuru did the same thing to Kotaro, and he came out of that walking so funny Anya couldn't stop laughing for days. I think another one of the girls, a busty one with glasses named Haruna, actually got Anya that afternoon too, but even now, Anya refuses to talk about it.

Other than Ayaka, Mom hated Evangeline, who was only a year older than me but had a serious crush on Dad, trying to flirt up with him at any chance, which to be fair, creeped Dad out to no end. But Mom knew Evangeline would grow up tall and gorgeous (Miss Shizuna, after all, treated her girls well, saying the more beautiful and well fed they were, the more business they would make. For someone in her line of work, she seemed a nice person), and she dreaded the day when Dad would start feeling attracted back.

So after a lot of hard saving, we moved all the way to Mundus Vetus, to Wales, with cousin Nekane. I ended up marrying a wonderful girl named Sextum, whose only real flaw is having five awful brothers, and I never saw the girls down the street ever again.

Sometimes, I wonder what are they doing right now.

But it has no use, to think about that, not anymore.

The Wrong Path

"Before you take the test," the examiner said, "I'm required to ask you: What's your ultimate goal in life?"

"I want to be a Magister Magi!" Luffy said.

"I want to be a Pokemon Master!" Negi said.

"I want to be the next Hokage!" Ash said.

"I want to be the King of Pirates!" Naruto said.

Ichigo groaned. "I haven't thought of that yet..."

"Okay, that's cute. You can start your tests now..."

Later...

"Well, " the examiner said. "It would seem your results show you should shuffle your priorities around a bit."

"Do the Hokages get enough chicks?" Naruto doubted. "Because I wanted a girlfriend at each port...!"

"B-But I hate animals!" Ash was gasping.

"... It's because I look like Harry Potter, right?" Negi deadpanned.

"What do you mean with 'You'd be a danger to everyone around you if you learned magic'?-!" an enraged Luffy waved his sheets around.

"Soul Reaper?" Ichigo snorted. "Yeah, fine, whatever..."

¡Siganme los Buenos!

Negi sighed pathetically as he crouched down, trying to hide from the crowd chasing him.

Then he remembered the ultimate protection spell the Merdiana Dean had taught him before sending him to Japan. He had warned Negi it was a desperate last measure, the absolute last resource, and it had been stressed so much Negi hadn't dared to use it even when facing Kosmo Entelekhia. But now, things definitely made it necessary!

He really, really really didn't want that leek up his butt again! At least Fate had left his ass alone (although Negi still had the impression Fate-kun had to hold himself back there)!

"¡Oh!" Negi said, reciting the spell. "¿Y ahora, quien podrá defenderme?"

"¡YO!" a mighty voice said, making the sky crackle, and the girls stop dead on their tracks, with fear in their hearts.

Negi looked up with huge adoring eyes at the figure now standing before him, even more majestic than the Thousand Master... "¡El Chapulín Colorado!"

"¡No contaban con mi astucia!"

Chamo scratched his head. "I have the impression something just isn't right with this whole scenario!"

The Greatest Gift of Life

"Negi, this is our son!" Asuna showed Negi their black haired, dog eared baby.

"Kotaro-kun, t-this is our daughter!" Natsumi showed Kotaro their baby, who had dark red hair and mismatched eyes.

Negi and Kotaro only looked at each other, wide eyed, for a moment, before Negi broke into a nervous, shaky and weak laughter.

"W-Well, no need for hard feelings, right...?" he asked, passing the baby boy to Kotaro.

"Ah ha ha, not at all..." Kotaro handed him the baby girl in return. "We already were like family anyway, right? At least we aren't in Fate's position..."

From the nearby bed where she was holding her silver haired baby, Haruna shouted "I HEARD THAT!"