Back at the homestead
Where the air makes you choke
And people don't know you
And trust is a joke
Did you ever have one of those days that you wished you could live over again? Had the feeling of wanting to live the same day over and over again? To never want it to end? When you are enjoying your time too much, but dreading the moment it is time for another day? That is how I feel.
"We can't do this," she tells me, but her body betrays her as she continues to pull me closer. My lips only left her mouth for a moment. Only so I can taste the spot under her jaw that makes her body tremble with desire.
"Tell me to stop, and I'll stop, really, just say it," I smirk into her lips, continuing to feel her body against mine, her curves, I can feel her moans and her heart beating against her rib cage. "Tell me you don't want me, and I'll leave, all you have to do is say the words," I dare her. The speed of her heart accelerates and I swear it might explode.
"We gotta tell him, Edward," she pushes away from me. "The longer we wait the worse it gets."
"I know," I say, not wanting my lips to lose contact with her skin.
"I tried to tell him...every time I talked to him, but I can't," she tells me. "I mean how the hell am I supposed to tell him, that while he wasn't looking, I developed this bizarre, gravitational pull towards his brother, his best friend. How am I supposed to tell him that I can't stop thinking about his brother or wanting to be near him or wanting to kiss him all the time?" she rambles quickly before I capture her lips with mine, silencing her with a needy kiss.
"I'll do it," I offer, when she pulls away from me.
"No, I can't let you do that, this is my responsibility," she argues. She always argues, pushes me, and tests me. It's the thing I hate about her the most, and yet it is what I love the most about her.
"Bella, it is not you to be blamed. I'm the one who started this, remember? I'm the one who got you into this situation. The pull I have towards you, the way you make me feel is undeniable, we can't control it Bella. And frankly, the only way I can save my relationship with Emmett is to be completely honest with him. So I gotta do this. All I need is one day. Just one day." I assure her with a kiss on her freckled nose.
I saw him walk towards me, his smile lights up his entire face and those dimples that always melt me and turn my insides to goo. I smile back at him and rush over to be with him, I can't control my feet, as much as I know that I don't deserve his smile or his embrace, I crave it. I run towards it.
I run to him as fast as my legs can take me. He lifts me off the ground in a tight embrace. That's when I remember how awful I have treated him while he was away. While he was always honest and faithful, he never broke his promises, he never did.
Green eyes ablaze with jealousy meet mine. Instantly I feel sick to my stomach.
"B, I missed you so much," he tells me with strong emotion in his voice while cradling my face, when he leans in to kiss me, I don't do the honorable thing. I kiss him back. When the kiss ends, and I push away the disgust I feel for myself, all I see is the boy who pushed my buttons and opened my eyes and made me feel...alive.
"I missed you too, Em," I smile at him. And I chicken out. I can't break his heart not like this, I know I have to tell him, I really do, but I cannot bare the look of disgust that will surely be on his face.
He holds me close. He never lets go of my hand, he is never the one to let go. He whispers sweet things in my ear like, "Beautiful Bella."
His hair is buzzed short now, requirement of the Marines. His arms are thicker, chiseled. His stomach is rock solid, and I can feel the outline of his muscles as he holds me near.
Edward stares at me, his usually loving eyes are filled with jealousy, anger and guilt, he isn't happy. He tells me he needs one day, one day and he will tell him, but I don't want him to. I don't want him to break Emmett's heart.
"Edward seems just as moody as ever," Emmett snickers in my ear.
"You know, it is just Edward being Edward," I smile back at him. I know whats really going on with Edward, and I cannot begin to imagine what will happen when Emmett knows, it will be crushing.
Esme, is cooking a huge dinner to welcome Emmett home. Happiness fills the house with his return. Emmett excuses himself to shower and freshen up while I help his mom with dinner, and from the corner of my eye I see Edward going after him with determination in his eyes.
My heart jumps to my throat and my stomach drops to my knees. We can't do this, not now, not like this. I drop the knife I was using to slice the loaf of bread, and run after Edward.
I grab his arm, turning him towards me. "I don't want to do this Edward. I can't break his heart," I tell him pushing back the tears.
"This isn't a choice anymore, Bella. We can't change what's happening between us. Be fair," he pleads with me.
I know that I am not being fair to him, and I know this is not my choice alone to make. I know that he wants to be the one holding me and kissing me, earning my smiles and blushes but I don't want to do it now, at least not with his mom in the next room.
"Not now. He's so happy to be home. Please, we don't have to ruin his first day home in months, we can wait one more day," I plead.
Out of nowhere Emmett's there, staring at us. "What's going on?" He looks back and forth between Edward and I, before his eyes finally settle on my guilty face and sees the unshed tears I am trying to hold back.
"I'm really sorry, man. We didn't want you to find out this way," Edward tells him. I look down, because I can't face Emmett when he is sad. It breaks me. His smile is too infectious, his demeanor too caring to have his features downcast.
I peek up, and I break at the sight of him.
"So, were you ever planning on telling me, or were you planning on keeping it a secret until I found out from someone else?" he asks us, his features contorted in pain. Betrayed. By his brother, and the girl he loves.
"It's not like that." I try to tell him.
"Then how was it, Bella? I had to be pretty freaking stupid not to know, right? That the two people I trusted most in the world were lying to me?" I can hear the pain and accusation in his voice, and it makes me sob. Edward reaches to comfort me, but I step away.
"Hey, look, I started this thing, okay? If you're gonna get angry at somebody, you get angry at me." Edward tells him diverting his anger from me.
Emmett turns to his brother, "So are you bored, confused or just malicious?" he spits out, his face inches from Edwards. Edward raises his arms, letting him know he doesn't want to fight, it might not be an option at this point.
"You were my brother! My best friend!" Emmett bellows.
"I still am," Edward remains calm.
"I find that a little hard to process right now," Emmett chuckles darkly, and I want to melt away, disappear. I pushed two brothers apart with these feelings I have for Edward. I know I should've waited but the pull was mutual; I hate myself now, I really do.
"So, I guess it's safe to assume that family doesn't come above sex to you as a personal priority." Emmett accuses his brother. It stings.
"This has nothing to do with sex." Edward shakes his head, at his brother's harsh words.
"Oh, what are you, in love, is that what this is?"
Edward looks at me, and I close my eyes. I can't do this. I don't want to do this.
"Don't look at her, alright? You don't get to look at her like that!" Emmett seethes. I never imagined it would be like this, he still cares for me and this is what is breaking me the most.
"Boys?" Esme comes to the bottom of the steps and looks up expectantly, "What's going on?"
"Why don't you ask Edward? Ask him how long he and Bella have been sneaking around behind my back. Or better yet, ask Bella how long she's been lying to me. Go ahead, ask them, cause I can't stand to look at them." Emmett says, storming down the steps and out the front door. He slams it with such force it flies back open.
I can't tear my eyes from my beat up chucks, and I don't bother to wipe away the tears of my betrayal.
I finally look up at Edward, full of regret I try to tell him how sorry I am with my eyes, and I run after Emmett.
And that's how these games play us.