SM Owns. Not me.
I had little help with this, Mo'Reading helped catch some mistakes. Nicole and Khristen over on FB pre-readers. It's only Bella POV, hence the part one. I just don't want to make you guys wait forever
I hope to have more for you soon. This is my top priority, I promise you I will finish. I keep the document open on my laptop always...it just sits there taunting me to write.
Sorry if it's not up to par. I am missing My2GalsPal and HippieStarr to RL issues.
PrettyKittyFF – Is around, I just fail and didn't send it to her in time. Forgive me bb?
Chapter 25 Part One: No Air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be without me?
If you ain't here I just can't breathe
There's no air, no air
I make Edward drive back to the houseboat with Emmett. I am livid. Emmett
silently holds the door open for Edward as he wheels himself in. Then awkwardly
says goodbye. It's no secret that I am pissed as I pace the length of the living
Edward comes closer to me, he looks like a teenager who misbehaved. "Bella..."
he starts. His voice is weak, I hold my hand up to silence him.
"No. No." I stop and shake my head. I point my finger at him, "You don't get to
speak right now." I turn my finger to myself, "ME. I get to speak, and you," my
finger travels back to him. "YOU, get to listen." I take a breath and he nods.
"Would you like to think for me? Speak for me? Tell me what's best for me? Or do
you think I am capable of doing those things for myself?" I give him second to
answer, he remains quiet.
"Good. So I should pack my shit and leave. I really should. What you just did to
me at the hospital...Fuck...I don't even know what to think. You want to protect
me? From what? Helping the man I love and want to spend my life with raise his
son? Is that such a horrible thing? Cause I don't think it is."
"I know you aren't ready to be a mother at twenty-two..."
"I said you get to listen!" I yell at him in frustration. "Stop fucking telling
me what I'm ready for. You aren't ready either! We are suppose to be a couple!
Stick together! If Julian scared me so much...I would have been gone months ago.
Why in the world you won't hear the words...you know what really pisses me off?
That you don't SEE it. I shouldn't even have to say I am here for you...you
should see it EVERYDAY, that I am here. That I haven't left. That I always,
always support you."
I start to walk away. Then I stop. "If you don't want that support tell me to
leave. But question it one more time Edward...one more..." I don't finish the
threat but he knows. I know it's time for him to take medicine but he can do it
I slowly climb the stairs, and shut the bedroom door behind me.
As I sit on the bed my phone chirps with a text. I pull it out, "Do I get a turn
to speak?" Edward's text reads.
"Depends" I send back.
"On?" he questions me back immediately.
"What you have to say..."
"Guess you won't know if you stay holed up in that bedroom."
I sigh, and stand up. When I start making my way back down the steps, I try to
keep up the tough girl act. Seeing Edward weakens me and makes me overlook all
the times he has acted shitty since this started.
He can't keep doing and saying stupid things and I can't keep letting him. I
cross my arms, and look at him. With my eyes I let him know he should speak.
"I feel bad. It's my fault your in this situation with me, and if you want to be
the great supportive girlfriend that you are and do this with me, I'm a fool to
push you away. I push you away because I feel guilty. Like it's too much to ask
from you..." he looks down, then looks back at me. "You are right. I am an
ass...you are more than capable of making decisions about the direction you want your life to go, and if it's with me and my son, well...we must be the luckiest
men in the world."
I relax my stance. I walk over to him and kneel in front of him. He takes my
head in his hands, "Forgive me?" he smiles.
"Always." I smile back. He pulls my face closer and kisses my lips. One soft
kiss. Two. Three. Until he overtakes my mouth and moves his tongue against mine.
He pulls back and stares at me.
"I love you."
"I love you."
Time passes in a blur. Christmas comes and goes. I can't even tell you what we
did or how we spent the time. New Years is just another day. We spent the night
inside with his family, sober with Emmett.
Edward gets stronger and stronger as the weeks go by physically. One day he is
in his wheelchair the next he is on his feet with the aid of a walker. I almost
want to laugh, but I contain myself. Until Edward laughs at himself. I call him
my old man.
Before we know it, it's February. Letters start coming in the mail from all the
schools Edward applied to. None of them are good news. All of them are
rejections. Edward is taking it all in stride. Holding on to hope. "There is
still Stanford," he sighs opening the ninth rejection.
"They'd be idiots not to accept you." I tell him with a kiss. "Plus, it would be perfect for us there I think. With Monterrey Bay Aquarium, I would love to work there."
"Don't get your hopes up..." Edward is down and out. His legs are working. But
his dreams of becoming a doctor seem to slowly be evaporating, along with the
hope he had that Audrina's parents would come to their senses regarding Julian
and what is best for him.
Carlisle hired a lawyer for Edward, and right now, after I handed him the
rejection from University of Pennsylvania, I have to hand him this letter
that the lawyer Mr. Jenks dropped off earlier.
Edward takes it, and peels it open. His eyes move along quickly, and then I jump
because of how loud he yells over whatever the letter says.
"This is fucking bullshit!" Edward yells, shoving a paper across the counter. I
pick it up and begin to read. The paternity test isn't safe to perform with
Audrina clinging to life, and the judge will not force Audrina's parents to
consent. "I'm not fucking mad that we can't do the test until he is born,
because, fine I don't want to risk anything...but the Saunders aren't playing
"Edward calm down, please," I urge him. I know why he is so upset. Once the baby
is delivered, they get to take him. "They won't have him long."
"It just...pisses me off. He's my son! I want him here with us!"
"Edward, they are in a really hard place right now...they lost their daughter
and now they are afraid they will lose their grandson."
"I never told them they couldn't be in his life! I would never take that from
them. It's pissing me off that they are trying to do it to me!"
"The courts want the child with their parents Edward, once the paternity test
comes out with the truth, the Saunders won't have a choice, and they will have
to hand Julian back to you."
"You think? You think they are going to hand him over to a single father who
is a pre-med student?"
"Over his aging grandparents? Yeah I know they will. Just calm down. You heard
what the lawyer said, they have to prove you unfit, and you are not unfit." I
try so hard to calm him. I know he is worrying. Two months ago, he didn't even
want Julian, and well now, he spends most of his time stressing over the entire
He runs his hands over his scruffy face, and sighs. "I know." I rest my forehead
against his. My fingers slide down his jaw, he pushes his mouth onto mine gently
and pecks my lips with his. I smile. He smiles. He presses his mouth harder to
mine then nibbles on my bottom lip as his hands travel over my ass.
"Be good." I warn him. "I have class." I back away.
When I get home from class, Edward is nagging me. Help me do this. Grab that.
Move this. Can you go get something for dinner?
I sigh and finish helping him with everything. I am about to walk away when his
words stop me.
"One more thing..." he is trying to hide a smile and I find it irresistible.
"Yes?" I question, letting him pull me. He pulls open the drawer to the end
table in the living room and pulls out a thick white envelope.
"This came today...from Stanford..."
I feel my eyes go wide. "Thick is good right?" I can't help the smile spreading
across my face.
"So they say."
"Are you going to open it?"
"Yeah...I just...I didn't want to do it without you."
I want to tell him how much I love him. How much it means to me that he wants to
share these important moments with me.
We fight, way too much sometimes, and I won't lie and say it makes me wonder if
I made the right choice, being with him. My relationship with Emmett was so
easy. We hardly ever argued. I was content.
But I never felt the need to share things with him. I never felt ignited inside.
It feels amazing to share Edward's joy...even his pain.
"Why are you still waiting?" I ask anxiously, placing a peck to his lips.
He laughs, looks down at the envelope and shakes his head. "I don't know," he
begins to open the package, and read the words on the paper that sits atop the
pile. "Dear Mr, Cullen..." he begins. As soon as he says the part about being
pleased to announce his acceptance into the program, he drops the papers and he
pulls me into his strong arms. His legs strong enough to hold himself up, my
feet leave the floor.
"God, I missed this," I whisper against his neck. His arms tighten around me.
"I needed this," he states, placing me down.
"We. We needed this." I clarify. What's his is mine. His pain is my pain. His
happiness is my happiness. We are intertwined, we are one.
That's how I know I made the right choice.
My life has been...a rollercoaster. For as long as I can remember, I've always
carried some imperfection or problem on my shoulders. The last time I truly felt
carefree, I must have been like ten. When I didn't realize the burden I was on
my mother. When my father wasn't sick. When I wasn't left orphaned when he died.
My mother never disowned me, but it was never in her to nurture.
When I moved to Seattle for college to explore the ocean, I felt some sense
Alice asked me why the ocean. Why I loved something I hardly ever saw growing
up. I always chalked it up to the few summers we vacationed in the gulf and I
spent hours with my father on big fishing boats in the sea. I always thought we
were so far out. In the middle of nowhere. I never understood the vastness the
ocean held. The depths. The warmth. The ice.
The life that exists without the need of breathing...I think Edward's become my
air. The bright colors of the coral and plant life. It's like another world,
amongst us that I don't think many people truly take the time to appreciate.
I can't for the life of me, figure out why the world continues to pollute as if
it isn't vital to our own survival.
I have this huge paper due about the pollution, and I can't focus with the way
Edward keeps glancing at me with his undeniable smirk. Being like my own
personal ocean that I want to explore. I want to know everything in the depths
of his soul.
"Stop," I tell him, not looking up from my book. "I need to finish this, before
Alice gets here."
"What am I doing?" he asks all innocent.
"You know what you are doing." I shoot him a knowing look.
"You and Alice haven't talked much since..." I know. He doesn't have to say it.
Since we put on the shoes of cheaters.
Jasper can't even talk to Edward. Even though Emmett is. Alice explains that
Jasper doesn't want to invest time into friendships with anyone that could be so
selfish. It's not that he hates Edward or me. It's not like he even has anything
to forgive us for. We lied. We cheated. We were selfish.
I won't argue that point, and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to
make anyone else feel comfortable around us, if they feel that much negativity
being around us...
Is he judging us? Maybe. I can't make him respect Edward, or me.
It strains things with Alice and I though. My best friend. She helped me when I
needed it. Something my life had been lacking since my father passed. She was a
shoulder, always there.
I know that things shifted when I met Emmett. They shifted even more once I gave
into my feelings for Edward.
I miss her though. Edward isn't the only fish in my ocean, and if I don't stop
acting like that. I will be one lonely girl.
There is already the impending arrival of a little fish that is going to take a
lot of time, patience, and energy to raise.
I need more than one other fish for my survival. Even if Edward is essentially
When he smiles at me again, I see the brightness.
I'm so screwed.
I could never forget he is also my sun.
Thanks again for all the patience, and hope I don't keep you waiting forever for the next part of EPOV.