AN: I saw this really awesome Eli/Fitz youtube vid (the only one) and decided that this MUST be done. So I did it…It is slash, which means there will be gayness. Not your cup of tea? Walk away.
Warnings: Slash, abuse, Gay!Fitz, Non-con/dub-con (is there a difference? I don't even know...)
Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi…it's probably for the best….
It's a Love/Hate Thing
Fitz fists his hands in Eli's collar, fingers clawing at flesh through fabric for just a second before they clench the material. The wall is suddenly hard against his back, his head making a sickening thunk against the brick.
"Ouch." The word slips out because he knows Fitz hates it when he says it. Well, when he says it like that at least...
"Shut up." He growls angrily, pull-pushing Eli back into the rough brick. "I fucking hate you."
Then, the way he always does, Fitz crashes his lips to Eli's with a burning passion that's confusion and love and hate all rolled into one. With a slightly heavier dose of the latter. Because Fitz hates being confused and he cannot even begin to understand the concept of love without hate. A hand relinquishes its hold on his collar and begins its descent to the place Eli really wishes it wouldn't go. Fitz stumbles over the skull and crossbones buckle for a moment before reaching his destination.
Eli gasps out as the calloused hand wraps around him. His movements are rough bordering just this side of painful. Fitz draws away from his lips and leaves a smoldering trail of biting kisses across his neck that sting and burn in all the worst ways.
Eli hates this. Hates Fitz and the way he makes him feel. Dirty and used and worthless. He doesn't want to be here. He wants to push Fitz away and storm back into the school. He wants to go find Adam and Clare in the caf and smile at him and flirt with her. Maybe, if he ever ended this farce with Fitz, he'd tell Clare that he really liked her and that they should get coffee or something like, you know, a date. Assuming Fitz doesn't kill him first.
Fitz forces their lips together again and shoves his tongue into his mouth. Eli is half choking on the slender pink muscle when he brings his teeth down. Fitz jerks away, eyes dilated with want and lust and need, half pissed beyond words, half impressed. Their kisses are never battles. Fitz comes, Fitz takes, Fitz leaves, Eli wonders what the hell just happened and why he keeps letting it. The end. And, Eli sees now, the idea of him doing more than standing there and having this done to him intrigues Fitz. Fuck.
His rough hand loosens from his collar and moves to his face, traces over the delicate gothic features of his toy and Eli feels sick again. Sees something like compassion in his tormentor's eyes and that means that the pain is about to start again because Fitz can't stand the way he feels. The soft emotion swimming in the larger boy's eyes dies and hardens into hate and disgust again; his hands still, then retreat.
When Fitz punches him harshly in the stomach, Eli isn't surprised. But knowing it's coming doesn't make it hurt any less. He doubles over and seriously considers dropping face first onto the dirty pavement. He manages to remain on two feet, which is a good thing since Fitz probably would have kicked him while he was down just for good measure. Said boy turns and walks away, shaking his head with disgust over this...whatever it is he tells himself he has with Eli.
Eli takes a second to remind his body that yes, he really does need to breathe. After a moment, he straightens up and forces himself to walk stiffly back into the cafeteria for the last few minutes of lunch. Adam shoots him a questioning glance but lets it drop when Eli shakes his head in refusal, replacing it with one of silent worry. Clare, of course, as to actually ask questions.
"Hey, Eli. Where were you? Lunch is almost over..." Her beautiful and innocent blue eyes look up at him and he wonders would happen to that innocence if he told her the truth. If he said, "Oh, sorry, I was out in the alley behind the school making out with Fitz while he violated me and beat me. Again." She'd probably want him to tell someone. Probably the police. She doesn't really get that the world isn't just black and white. She wouldn't understand that he never said no to Fitz. Might have even encouraged him today in some twisted perverse way. And, honestly, when it all comes down, he doesn't want to tell because he doesn't want anyone to know.
"Morty broke down again." He shrugs. "Had to fix him up right quick or I'd be here forever after school." It's a simple lie, and a believable one. That's the secret to lying: keep it simple, keep it realistic. She doesn't believe it anyway, Eli can see the doubt in her eyes. But she doesn't have any reason to call him out because his answer is perfectly logical, if wholly dishonest. The subject shifts but Eli's barely listening. He can still feel Fitz's hands on him, can still taste his tongue against his own, can still see curiosity and affection battling in those monterous eyes. "I'mma be sick!" He manages to cry out, before bolting from the lunchroom.
The hand clamped firmly over his mouth and his mad rush to the bathroom paint a clear picture and the people in the hall part like the red sea, least he toss his cookies on them. He makes it into the stall in time, not bothering to close the damned thing as he bends over the toilet and violently empties his stomach into the bowl. Even when he has nothing left to lose, he stays hunched over in the stall, dry heaving. Trying to physically expel the sickness that Fitz has forced in him.
Adam stumbles in after a minute, eyes darting wildly. He's either afraid to back in the men's room after the whole "thrown through a window" thing or the pained groaning coming from Eli's mouth isn't enough of a hint for the kid.
"Uh, you want me to get the nurse?" He tries, standing awkwerdly just outside the stall.
"Nah, man." Eli gasps, rolling away from the white porcealin. "I'm good now," Eli doesn't think he's ever uttered a more deceitful statement in his life. He climbs to his feet and brushes past his friend on the way to the sink. He washes his mouth out over and over again, but it doesn't help. Fitz is still the only thing he can taste and he knows that's fucked up because, seriously, he just upchucked and that should override all previous occupants of his taste buds.
"Let get out of here." Adam says, eyes still jumping and hands fidgeting. The first option then. Not that Eli blames him. He'll never be able to walk through that alley again without memories of Fitz haunting him.
Eli and Adam head out and He's not the least bit surprised to find Clare just outside the door waiting for them. Waiting for him?
"Eli! Are you okay?" She's running her eyes up and down his body, as if the reason for his illness will suddenly jump out with a bright neon sign. It doesn't.
"Yeah, whatever." Eli says, swiping his bangs out of his face. "Let's just go." He doesn't want to talk about this. He doesn't want to have to come up with another lie to salvage the innocence of those fascinating blue eyes. He doesn't want to acknowledge that he has something to lie about.
He just wants it all to stop, to go away. To be some twisted nightmare that he's about to wake up from.
"Are you sure?" Why does she has to sound so concerned, be so concerned? Can't she just let it drop and pretend everything's okay?
"I'm fine." There's more bite in the word than he wants and Clare gets that silently hurt look about her and Eli just wants to lie down and die right there in the hall. "I'm sorry...Can we just go to class now?"
Clare and Adam just nod because, really, what else can they do? He's made it perfectly clear that he's not going to talk about this. And pressing him just makes things worse. So they have no choice but to let him do has he pleases, which is to try and forget this didn't happen. And to pray that it never happens again.
Even though he knows with sickening certainty that it will.
AN2: What do you guys think? Should I leave it has a one-shot or continue it?