A/N: All the credit goes to my pre-reader, Layathomemom, my beta birthday girl, MariahajilE, and my other half, Charity, whom I'll be seeing in only 3 DAYS!
"I mean, it's not like I can blame him for feeling that way. And even though it caught me off guard, I can't even say I'm surprised by it," I told Kate, shifting Lucas in my arms. "It's just really sucked, you know? Hearing him say out loud that he doesn't think I'd be a good mother."
The sympathy in her eyes didn't make me feel any better.
"So what did you say?"
"Nothing." I shrugged. "I said nothing."
"What? Bella." Her tone admonished me in a motherly way that felt uncomfortably foreign to me. "Why didn't you tell him how you felt about what he'd said?"
"Because… What am I supposed to say, Kate? That he's wrong? He has every reason to feel that way. I've fu—" I looked down at Lucas blinking up at me and chose my words a little more carefully. "I've messed up a lot. I've been the cause of ninety percent of our problems."
"That's not true. But even if it were, so what? It doesn't matter if you think he has reason to believe you wouldn't be a good mom. He's your husband. He needs to know if he said something hurtful to you."
"I don't know." I sighed, feeling like this topic was all I could think about lately. "Part of me wishes I'd just never brought up the baby thing at all. Everything was perfectly blissful before I had to go and open my big mouth."
Lucas squirmed and fussed, wanting to be put down to crawl around, so Kate took him from me.
"But how long would it have stayed that way, Bella?" She looked at me sharply, and I knew she was about to make a very good point. "You want to be a mother. That's a big deal. If you'd kept something like that inside and hadn't told Edward, you know it would've started to eat away at you."
She was right. It was too much to keep inside, and doing so would've been impossible. Even when I'd tried to keep it in as long as I did, it'd come bursting out.
"I know you're right. I just wish this didn't have to be such a… thing."
"What do you mean?"
"It's become the elephant in the room lately. I know that was probably to be expected, but the way Edward is…" Even at a time like that, my heart warmed when I thought of my husband. "Edward overanalyzes everything. I know this has been a constant on his mind. I see it when I look at him, and there's nothing I can say to take that weight off of him." I touched my wedding ring, a symbol of the non-negotiable. "Now it's just a waiting game until he figures out what he wants… or doesn't want."
She looked at me sheepishly, and I could tell she was hesitant to say what she did next.
"So…" she hedged, bouncing Lucas on her knee. "What happens if he decides he doesn't want any kids?"
I swallowed. This was something I'd already considered many times, but it didn't lessen the weight I felt on my chest when the question was posed to me out loud.
"Then we don't have kids."
"And you'd be okay with that?"
I looked down, touching my wedding ring again.
"Kate, the only thing I wouldn't be okay without is Edward."
And I meant every word.
I was an emotional wreck the rest of the day. I couldn't seem to figure out why my conversation with Kate had upset me so much, until I woke up to the culprit the next morning.
My period, with impeccable timing.
But figuring out the cause of my hormonal turmoil didn't help. My heart was still heavy, and as I drove to Dr. Hunt's office to meet Edward that morning, my eyes were filled with unshed tears of frustration.
I stopped at Starbucks, hoping caffeine would make a suitable substitute for the nicotine I so badly wanted. I could've easily stopped for the cigarettes I craved, but I'd been trying to cut back as I made strides toward being healthier. It just didn't make sense to work out every morning and then fill my lungs with smoke all day. But quitting was easier said than done, and I doubted my latte would've given me my fix anyway. I'd never know, because after only one sip, I dropped my cup in the parking lot and spilled the whole thing.
I don't know if my breaking point was the loss of coffee, the fact that it spilled on my new shoes, or my hormones. Whatever the case, I cried the rest of the way to Dr. Hunt's, dabbing at my tears frantically so I wouldn't show up with streaks of mascara down my face. I preferred to keep my breakdowns post-arrival at my therapy appointments, not before.
"Fuck." I cursed under my breath when I pulled into the parking lot and spotted Edward lingering outside the modern-style office building.
I was always happy to see him, and although I could appreciate the business attire and shades that made him look like he just walked off the cover of GQ, I'd been hoping I could steal a couple minutes to get myself together. Alas, ever the gentleman, I should've known he'd be waiting to walk me upstairs.
He noticed me immediately. Grinning around the cigarette perched between lips meant for me, my man pushed himself off the wall he'd been leaning against, strutting toward my car in long strides that attested to the way he commanded the space around him.
"Hey, pretty girl," he crooned to me, yanking my door open.
But his smile was short-lived. One glance at me and he knew something was wrong, his face falling as he stretched into the car.
"Hi." I sniffled.
"You're not fine. You're crying." Finding my hand, he yanked and urged until I complied and stepped out of the Audi. "Tell me what's wrong."
Now exposed in the cold air, I leaned into him for more than warmth.
"I'm just having a bad day."
His hand on my lower back urged me closer, and my chest met his at the same time I looked up to his face. I pulled his shades off to get a look into his eyes but caught only a glimpse of emerald before he pressed his lips to mine. Love burned too bright to keep mine open.
"What's going on?" he muttered against my lips as he pulled back.
Having gotten a taste of his cigarette from his kiss, my craving swelled until it was too much and told myself just one puff wouldn't hurt. I felt no remorse when I snatched his smoke and took a deep pull from it.
"Well," I began after filtering smoke through my nose a couple times. "I started my period, and I spilled coffee on my new shoes."
And you don't think I'd be a good mother.
"Oh, baby." He kissed my temple and stroked my hair while I took comfort in the familiar scent of his cologne. "Don't cry. I'll buy you more shoes. All the shoes you want."
Annoyed and hurt because I felt he was mocking me, I pushed him away and then did it again when he tried to grab me.
"Stop," I cried as my eyes welled up again.
We did this three more times until I finally gave up and let him pull me tight against his chest.
"I really liked those shoes."
I didn't care about the shoes at all.
Somewhere between standing in Edward's arms in the parking lot and stepping off the elevator hand in hand with him, I decided to go into our session with complete honesty. I knew in my heart I couldn't attribute my manic behavior to hormones or spilled coffee. This was a storm that'd been brewing since our last session, and Kate was right; it was only going to get worse until I put my cards on the table.
"Edward really hurt my feelings last time we were here."
And it felt so good to say it.
A weight was immediately lifted from my shoulders, and somehow, I could see a little clearer. I wasn't holding the weight of his words in anymore, and I felt stupid for ever doing so in the first place.
"Okay. Tell me more about that, Bella," Dr. Hunt encouraged. "Better yet, tell Edward more about that."
I bit my lip as I turned toward my husband, digging deep for the confidence I needed to say my piece.
"Last time, you said you didn't think we'd be good parents." I studied his long lashes as he blinked slowly, understanding dawning on him. "That was hurtful to me. It made me really sad to hear you say you don't think I'd make a good mother." He opened his mouth to respond, but Dr. Hunt held up her hand to stop him and then gestured for me to continue. "I didn't say anything then, because, well, I guess I didn't feel like there was anything I could say." He breathed in deep as his jaw tensed.
"What do you mean by that, Bella?" Dr. Hunt prodded.
"I understand why Edward would feel that way," I answered, turning back to her. "After all the dumb mistakes I've made, it's understandable."
"But understanding doesn't mean it didn't hurt to hear," she offered, summing up my point for me.
"Edward?" she asked, inviting him to respond.
He didn't do so right away. He stared at his hands for a minute, rubbed them over his face before he licked his bottom lip, and then finally spoke.
"I think maybe that was a poor choice of words."
"So that's not how you feel?" I asked, hearing the doubt in my own voice.
"I don't know. I mean, I didn't mean them as harshly as it sounds like you took them. I just…" With his eyebrows pulled together and his hair in his fist, I could tell he was thinking deeply. "No." His tone was resolved now, decided. "It's not what I meant."
"Look, Edward. I know I've changed from the girl you married, but I also know I still have to prove that to you."
His face scrunched up in obvious distaste of what I'd said.
"You don't have to prove anything to me." He stretched his arm out across the back of the small couch so his hand was behind my head. "I'm not your father or your damn parole officer, and I hate that you feel so… so indebted to me for the mistakes you've made." That was nice to hear, but I wasn't sure that would ever change. "That's all in the past. It's behind us."
"It doesn't feel like it."
"Bella." His voice was gentler now, a perfect complement to his fingers softly touching the ends of my hair. "I know you've changed. I tell you all the time how much you've grown and how proud of you I am. How can you doubt I know that?"
"Well, I would hate to think that there are other reasons you don't think I'd be a good parent."
He cringed, regret evident all over his stunning face.
"Like I said, poor wording."
"Tell Bella what you meant, Edward."
I watched him, waiting patiently as he seemed to carefully choose his words this time.
"I know you could be a good mother. I don't think I was even questioning that." With his eyes on me and his fingertips in my hair, my heart waited eagerly for words to take away the hurt it had suffered on this same couch the last time we'd had this conversation. "When I said I didn't know if we'd be good parents, I think what I meant was that I wasn't sure we were suited to be parents."
"I'd like to hear more about what you mean by that," Dr. Hunt said when he didn't continue.
"One of my favorite things about Bella is her spontaneity. As much as I may put up a front of annoyance, I love that she'll wake me up at 2:00 in the morning because she wants to go swimming." His lips spread into a soft smile, one I found contagious. "I love that she wakes up on a Sunday and wants to get in the car and drive to Forks for milkshakes at her favorite diner and take me to her dad's house to drink them in the treehouse in the backyard. I love that we travel, and I love that she wants me to take her on dates. I love that we have sex in the middle of the day and go to movies at midnight." Melting, I almost forgot of any and all tension in that room. "She's made me spontaneous, too, and I love that aspect of our relationship."
"Are you're worried that would change if you choose to have children?" Dr. Hunt asked while my brain told my heart to be steady.
"Of course it would change."
I took a deep breath, already knowing the microphone would be turned on me next.
"What are your thoughts on that, Bella?"
"Well, a small part of me wants to sit here and say Edward's wrong, that nothing has to change, but I know that's not true." I avoided looking at my husband. "Of course having a baby changes things. It has to. But, I mean, change doesn't scare me, not after the last few years."
"Since you've been with Edward."
"Yes." I nodded.
"Would you describe what you've experienced since being married as change or growth? And would you attribute that to Edward or simply getting older? Maturing?"
"Both," I answered quickly. "I may have matured, but Edward's changed me. Being with Edward has changed me. Before him, I had nothing." I thought back to my shit apartment and my shit job at the bar. "All I cared about was getting food on my table and scraping up enough money to pay the electric bill. Happiness to me was being able to make ends meet for the month.
"Now, I'm married to a multi-millionaire. I have a fancy car and a closet full of fancy clothes, and I drink fancy wine, and none of it matters." Edward shifted beside me, pulling his fingers from my hair to comb them through his own. "That isn't happiness. I took the leap in marrying Edward, thinking it would solve all my problems, that I'd be set. And for a while, I was." I thought back to Belize, to the exact moment I knew I loved the man next to me. "But then I fell in love, and now this man's money can't give me the things I crave out of life. Everything I thought I wanted is just… turned upside down. I could be back in that shitty apartment, with roaches and an empty fridge, and be fine. Even without a penny to my name, I could be content—happy, even—if I had this man by my side."
"Your priorities changed."
I shook my head.
"Not my priorities, but everything that makes up who I am or who I thought I was. It took being handed everything in the world to realize the only thing I didn't want is all I really needed in the first place."
"And what's that?"
"Love," Edward answered for me, all too knowing of how I felt.
"Not just love," I countered. "There's a reason you don't like using that word, Edward." He looked at me with a softened gaze. "I wasn't just missing love. I was missing the other part of me." His nostrils flared, and he swallowed, concentrating on what I was saying. "I was empty inside because I needed to find the heart that mine was meant to be with. You said you don't think a baby would fit into our lifestyle, but you didn't fit into mine, either, and I didn't fit into yours. Maybe the way we live our lives will shift and adjust as things change. Maybe it's supposed to." I glanced at Dr. Hunt to find her watching me with a smile. "Maybe just because we don't think we need or want something doesn't mean we don't. Because I didn't know I wanted you, and now you're everything."
Dr. Hunt and I both looked at Edward, who stared down at his hands, twisting his fingers together in a nervous gesture. When he finally did clear his throat and looked up at me, it was with an intensity that took my breath away—a look that lasted just a brief second before he stood up.
"I'm sorry. I need a minute..."
I blinked at him, not understanding at first. Was he going to walk out of our session? That had never happened before.
"Edward, wait." Dr. Hunt looked back and forth between us, seeming hesitant about what she wanted to say, which I wasn't used to. "I'd really like to talk through what you're feeling right now." He looked at her, and she looked at me. "Perhaps we can ask Bella to step out for a minute, if you'd prefer."
I looked at him, but he wouldn't look at me. When he didn't say anything else, my heart sunk a little.
"Um… Okay." I reached for my purse and shuffled toward the door, feeling like the naughty kid in class who got kicked out to sit in the hallway. "I guess I'll just… be in the waiting room."
I caught a glimpse of Edward sitting back down before the door closed behind me.
Sitting in the waiting room was torture. There was one other woman in there with me, probably Dr. Hunt's next patient, and she stared at me with judgmental eyes as I bounced my knee and tapped my fingers on the armrest of my chair.
I didn't understand what had just happened.
Edward took up the rest of our time by himself. When he finally emerged, he looked worn out, with tired eyes and messy hair I knew he'd been pulling at.
"Everything okay?" I asked when he passed by.
We didn't speak at all as we left the office, on the way down the elevator, or even as he walked me to my car. I was sure he'd let me get in and drive off without a word, but he surprised me when he grabbed me and pulled me into his arms.
"I wasn't ready for you," he whispered in my ear before he kissed my head. "You know that?"
He put his forehead to my neck, and I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him closer against me.
"Come home with me."
"I can't." He kissed the side of my neck. "I have to go back to work."
"Edward, I need to say something." He pulled back just enough to look down at me, waiting. "We've talked a lot about you being unsure with all this—unsure about what you want, unsure about us being good parents, unsure about how this would change our relationship." His shoulders slumped as he sighed. We were both tired of talking about this, but there were things I still needed to say. "But we haven't talked about what happens if you are sure."
His cell rang, and he reached into his pocket to silence it.
"What do you mean?"
"If you're sure that kids are something you don't want in life, then none of this matters." I looked straight into his eyes. "I don't want you to feel backed into a corner, and I want to make it clear that this isn't some sort of ultimatum." Reaching up, I took his face in my hands. "I can live without a baby, Edward, but I can't live without you."
He swallowed and nodded, kicking at a rock at our feet.
"I have to get back to work."
Leaving the house was the last thing I wanted to do that night. A long bath and a giant bowl of ice cream were all I really wanted, but Edward and I had already made dinner plans with co-investors in the casino deal. Again, duty called for me to tag along at Edward's side.
We were supposed to leave the apartment at 6:00. Procrastinating getting ready until the very last possible second, I was still curled up on the couch when Edward came in at 5:40.
"Hey." He came straight over to me, and I looked up from my textbook, tilting my head up for him to place a kiss on my lips. "Getting in some studying?"
"I know I should be getting ready for dinner, but I couldn't disturb Bud's nap." I stroked Bud's head. He was sprawled out across my lap, pretty much pinning me down.
"I cancelled dinner."
"What?" I titled my head back to look at him as he stood behind me, brushing his fingers through my hair and gently scratching my scalp. "Why?"
"I have other priorities to take care of," he explained with his signature smirk. "But we're still going somewhere, so I need to go change."
He leaned over to kiss my forehead, and before I could string two thoughts together, he was gone, gallivanting down the hall.
I slid my body out from under Bud, who grunted and moved to the other side of the couch to resume his slumber.
"Hey," I called out as I followed Edward into our bedroom. "Where are we going?"
He slid his belt out of his pants as I followed him into the closet.
"Seriously? Again with the surprise destinations?"
Laughing, he made quick work of stripping down to boxer briefs that made his ass look so good that I curled my toes.
"Just put some shoes on."
I sighed, leaning against the door jamb and experiencing major déjà vu.
"What do I wear?"
"What you have on is fine," he answered as I watched him pull on some jeans.
I looked down at my ensemble of leggings and ratty t-shirt.
"Edward, I don't even have a bra on."
"I noticed." He grinned like a horny teenager as he slid my favorite sweater of his over his head. "Just grab a jacket.
Half an hour later, with a six-pack of beer and a brown bag of greasy burgers and fries in my lap, I was feeling unsettled. I was glad that Babygate hadn't taken over our whole lives and that we were still able to have fun together, but I was starting to get whiplash. One second, we were glum and serious, and the next, we were bright and blissful. I never knew what to expect, and my heart could only be bounced back and forth so many times before it broke.
But it was hard to care when there was a smiling Edward next to me, crooning a love song to me softly as he sang along to the radio.
It didn't take me long to figure out where we were going. We'd gone out to the site of our new home enough times now that the drive was becoming pretty familiar to me. I didn't even bother asking Edward why he wanted to go out there. I was happy to avoid a stuffy business dinner, and I didn't need an explanation.
There was a slight bite in the air that night that made me thankful he'd told me to grab a jacket, but as I was also wrapped up in layers and fuzzy socks, the crisp night actually became enjoyable. We laid out a blanket and gorged ourselves on greasy food until I was uncomfortably full and flush-faced from fat and beer. I had to ward off advances from a handsy Edward, and after I told him I couldn't make out with him until my food digested, we compromised with cuddling while we lay back to gaze at the stars.
Once my food-fever wore off, I curled up tightly into Edward's side and relaxed so much at him scratching my scalp that I almost fell asleep. The rumbling in his chest when he spoke roused me, though.
"Remember when you flew across the country to tell me you loved me?" he asked quietly into the heavy, love-filled night air.
I smiled against his sweater, hitching my leg over his hip to slide it between his.
"Of course I remember."
I remember every moment with you.
"Remember when I told you that all of this—everything I've worked for, everything I've built—was all for you?"
"I remember it like it was yesterday," I answered. "You said your heart knew I was coming, and you had to have the best life you possibly could ready for me." I rubbed my hand down his stomach. "And then you fucked me so good that I saw stars." I twisted to look up at him, expecting to find him grinning, but his expression was serious and thoughtful. "What made you think of that?"
"I was thinking of therapy today and when you said that this—us—changed everything for you, that all the money and nice things didn't matter as long as we're together."
"Edward, I didn't mean… Baby, I'm so grateful for the life you've given me…"
"No, that's…" He shook his head. "That's not what I'm getting at."
"I'm just trying to say that I feel the same way. Before you, my happiness was disgustingly material. My self-worth was gauged by my monetary value, and my pride was derived from this… this lifestyle I've grown so accustomed to." I shivered, and he held me tighter. "And while I may still have a taste for the finer luxuries in life, none of it means a damn thing to me anymore if I don't have you to share it with." He turned his head and looked at me like I'd made, lit, and hung every damn star above us. "Everything I have, Bella, everything I am, right down to the bones in my body, is all yours." I stretched up to kiss the corner of his mouth, and he paused just briefly before continuing. "I'm sorry for freaking out in the middle of our session earlier. I just…"
I watched him struggle to find words he didn't need. He didn't have to spell it out for me. I already knew.
"I know, baby…" I kissed across his jaw, feeling much warmer now. "It's been a lot."
"After I left you today, I felt guilty all afternoon." I pulled back to look at him questioningly. "I felt bad you'd poured out your emotions and received no response from me. Even though I was able to talk through my feelings with Dr. Hunt, I shut you out, and I'm sorry for that."
"It's okay, Edward. I'm happy you were able to get the alone time you needed with her."
He nodded but still looked troubled.
"But still… What you said in there was meaningful, more than you know. I mean, shit, that was the whole reason I did need that time with her." I rolled over and propped myself up on my elbows so I could look at him better. "It hit me hard."
I chewed at my lip, wondering if that was a good or a bad thing.
"I'm sorry I made you panic."
He shook his head at me.
"That wasn't panic." I watched him carefully, waiting for more.
"What was it, then?"
"That was…" He sat up slowly. "That was clarity."
My heart jolted. Clarity? What did that mean? Was he saying he'd found clarity about what he wanted? Did we finally have a ruling for Babygate?
I hated myself in that moment for allowing myself to be hopeful. I could very well only be setting myself up for the biggest disappointment of my life. I could only pray that my face didn't give away my franticness on the inside as I tried to keep my composure.
Licking my lips, I willed my voice to come out normal and even.
"Clarity?" I squeaked.
He nodded, breaking our eye contact to look out over the expanse of our new property.
"This relationship has changed us both, Bella." His pause was long, but I didn't have it in me to speak. "I used to think I was happy. I mistook happiness for complacence. Everything in my life was so trivial." The look in his eye was so far away that I'd have given anything to read his mind. "Sometimes I feel like being in love with you makes everything so much more damn complicated, and sometimes it does, but in the big picture, it's simple."
I sighed, growing frustrated. In moments like these, Edward could be hard to follow. Sometimes I felt like he was rattling of a verbal journal entry rather than talking to me.
"Edward, I'm not sure what you're trying to say."
He turned back to me with a look I hadn't seen from him in a long time: a look of certainty.
"I'm sorry. You want to know why I brought you out here, baby?"
Unaware he had any motives outside of fattening me up, I was confused.
He sprung up onto his feet and walked back and forth in front of me, appearing jumpy and anxious.
"I brought you out here because I'm feeling conflicted."
I gaped at him blankly while fire roared in my chest, because he'd just taken the game of pong he'd been playing with my heart to new levels. Whiplash? More like broken neck. In seconds, we'd gone from clarity to confliction, and I now wanted to punch the love of my life so hard in the balls that he'd never be able to get me pregnant anyway.
What are you doing to me?! I wanted to scream at him.
Who do you think you are?! I wanted to cry.
This can't even be real life, I wanted to laugh.
Too close to physical assault and right on the verge of breaking down sobbing, I chose not to say anything at all. I just stared down at the blanket, not even confident my mouth would open if I tried anyway.
Fuck me, most of all, for allowing that sliver of hope.
"See, I'm pretty sure where we are now is going to be our bedroom." What? "And that would mean that the hall would be that way." I looked at my husband as I sucked in a sharp lungful of air and considered pinching myself. He couldn't actually be discussing our floorplan at a time like this, could he? "And I'm thinking maybe we should flip the rest of the first floor the opposite way to add an additional downstairs bedroom."
I blinked at him twice before I stood up, somehow balancing myself on legs that felt like lead. Spotting the car keys across the blanket, I walked calmly to them and reached to pick them up, fully prepared to get in the car and leave Edward there without a single word. Clearly, this was some sick joke.
"…because I just think it'll make much more sense to have the baby in a downstairs room."
I dropped the keys.
Silence stretched on for what felt like forever as I tried to reconnect my brain to my feet and figure out how to turn around.
"I mean, at least for the first year."
"Don't you think?"
Think? No. My brain was out of order. It took me a solid two minutes to remember how to use my tongue. But he just stood there, waiting patiently with a satisfied grin.
"Are you really saying what I think you're saying?"
"About changing the floor plan? I mean, I know it's last minute, but—"
"Edward, stop." My harsh tone surprised both of us. "This isn't a joke. This is serious."
His smile faded as he slipped his hands on his pockets and sauntered over to me with smoldering eyes.
"Bella, the single most important thing to me in this life is your happiness. That's all I want—whatever it means, whatever it takes."
His words were swoony, but they felt so wrong. Realizing what I might have to do here felt like swallowing fire.
"Edward, we… I…" I shook my head, walking away from him into nothingness. "No." I walked to nowhere, bitter and angry. "No."
"No?" Clearly puzzled, Edward wasted no time following after me. "What do you mean no?"
I didn't make it far before I stopped and whirled around to face him.
"You can't have a baby with me because you want to make me happy! That's… You can't do that. I can't do that. I won't. I won't have kids you don't want just so you can end up bitter and resentful down the road."
His eyes went wild with bewilderment.
"When did I ever once say I don't want kids?"
"You didn't have to, Edward. That's what we've been wrestling with this whole time!"
"Don't do that," he snapped sternly. "Do not make assumptions like that. That's unfair."
"Well, this unfair to me!" The tears came fast and hard. "You can't just tell me everything I want to hear just to placate me!"
He calmed at my crazy, speaking softly now.
"That's not what this is."
"You said yourself you want this because it'll make me happy."
"And that's wrong how? What you want is what I want." I wasn't buying it. "It's one and the same. That's what I've been trying to tell you."
"Then why all the indecision?" I demanded.
"Because I'm fucking scared, Bella!" I jumped, startled. "I told you in New York, and every day since then, that all I want is to give you the world, anything you could ever want. But then what you want is to raise a goddamn person with me, and yeah, I fucking hesitated." I ate it up, soaking in his yelling and anger. It felt good to finally get an unfiltered reaction from him. "And if you want me to be honest, when you told me you wanted to have a baby, I had a lot of the same feelings I did when I was a teenager and was told I was gonna have a kid. I don't know how to be somebody's dad."
"But you know what I have now that I didn't have then?"
"Me," I breathed.
Nodding, he walked to me slowly. Chest to chest, he took my face in his hands and spoke a thousand words with just the way he looked at me.
"The thought of being a parent is scary as hell."
"But I know I can figure it out if I'm in it with you. I didn't know how to be a husband, and you didn't know how to be a wife, but we figured that out together."
I smiled, wrapping my hands around his wrists.
"We did." I stared up at him as his thumbs brushed away my tears. "But I need you to be sure about this, Edward."
"How do you know you won't get scared and change your mind?"
He flashed me a smile so bright that it dimmed the stars above.
"Because when I look at you, Bella, I'm not afraid of anything."
And then he kissed me right there where our baby's room would stand.
Only one more chapter to go!
A lot of exciting things going on this week! First, happy birthday to my incredible Beta MariahajilE. I hoped to have this up yesterday in celebration, but she deserves a whole month of celebration anyway!
My Life as a Trophy Wife has been nominated for favorite WIP and All time favorite Twilight Fanfic in the fanatic fandom awards. Voting starts today, so head on over and make sure you vote for all your favs! There are a ton of categories with some incredible writers.
This weekend, I'll be heading to RT booklover's convention with some amazing fandom peeps! If you're going to be there, let me know!
At the end of the month, I'll be in Boston for the Twi-fic meet-up. I'll be speaking on the author panel (yikes, that makes me nervous). Let me know if you're coming! Any question you may have for me or the other panelists can be submitted to Angel Weber Cheney.
Thank you all for your patience and support. This is all for you.
P.S. I co-wrote a contest entry for the Control. Possess. Seduce contest with my writer-crush, KrazyK85. It's called Cherry, and if you haven't checked it out, it's posted on my fanfic profile now! (Psst…help me to convince K to continue this story with me!)