Another Series Of Unfortunate Events
Book, the First
The Ostentatious Opening
For my Beloved Beatrice, our love was like an eternal flame; as was the one that took you from me
The phrase, "second time around" commonly refers to the practice of trying again at something you have failed to accomplish during the first try, such as riding a bike or harvesting tomatoes. In this life however, there are many activities in which we get but one opportunity, should we fail we cannot be given a second chance. These include bungee jumping, concocting rare anti venom, cooking a world-renowned soup dish and falling in love.
For the Baudelaires, I'm sad to say; their second chance turned out just as miserably as the first. So if you were hoping for a happy ending, or perhaps even a marginally bittersweet one; read no further. Instead you will find within the pages of this first volume, among other things: a mysterious identification card, an annoying allergy, an evil twin and shower drapes.
It is my dismal duty to record these events as they occurred in the Baudelaires' lives and present the facts in chronological order. You however, can attend to much more pleasant activities, such as burning this manuscript or fencing,
With All Due Respect,