note: this is old. I still want to write some nejiten, but it's not working out so far.

Kakuzu is the sneakiest character in Naruto.

Hidan was entirely too close for comfort, but the inn room was so tiny, it could hardly be helped. They sat across from each other on the bed, sharing a bottle of liquor between them—paid for by Hidan naturally, that's how these nights worked—and Kakuzu listened as Hidan prattled on. "You know... I wonder—you heretics, if I never join—"

They've had this conversation before. Hidan tended to reflect (brood) when he drank. Kakuzu raised an eyebrow, deciding it was best to stop Hidan before he began sulking. "You would be dead and rotting in the ground. I would be blissfully unaware."

"Liar," he muttered, grabbing the bottle from him, and took a large gulp before wincing at the taste. "You would be fucking miserable. I'm probably the most exciting thing that's happened to you in the last fuckin' century. You should be on your knees, thanking me, bastard."

He gave Hidan a long, pointed look and shook his head as the bottle was passed again. "No, not with you."

His reaction was difficult to classify, Kakuzu noticed, some delicate blend of self-righteous anger and embarrassment. "Oh, gross, man, not even."


"Ugh, ugh, I am not drunk enough for this. Fuck, no," he shuddered, just a little, at the corresponding mental image, stealing the liquor and consuming an impressive amount. "Holy shit, warn me next time you decide to make some dumbass perverted comment, so I can get good and smashed first, yeah?"

"You're overreacting." The half-empty bottle was forced out Hidan's fingers and screwed shut. "And I think you've had enough. I am not tolerating your hangover tomorrow morning, Hidan."

"I don't get hangovers, asshole, I'm not even buzzed—"

"Last month, weren't you mo—"

"That does not fucking count, and you know it, I had a cold—"

"And several weeks before that, the morning after you made a complete fool out of yourself at the pub and harassed a few potenti—"

"What the fuck, that never happened, I never fucking harass anyone, you lying sack of shi—"

It was easy to distract Hidan.