"…and I'm tryin' not to smile…" The words flowed smoothly, just in time with the beat of the song. I take a break to inhale sharply, the end of the cig still burning in my mouth bringing cancerous smoke into my lungs.
"…Like the night my girl went away…" I exhale, tendrils of smoke billowing from my lips and spinning into the air until they disappeared. I tap my foot, eyes closed as I move to the beat. Just me and the music.
I bring my hand to my mouth, taking the cig from my lips I tap the tip of it into an empty scotch glass. The ash tumbles into what's left of the liquor, flecking the amber with a sickly grey. I move back, tapping my foot again, nodding my head. Keeping with the rhythm.
"…girl has left me…not coming back again…" In my other hand I hold the bottle of liquor I once drank with dignity. Now, now I just bring the bottle to my lips and take a sip. Then finish the shot with a long drag, once again filling my body with the dirty air.
Somehow I find myself in front of the mirror, my eyes open and taking in my image. Pathetic, I want to spit out. But the words just weren't coming. Those weren't the words that left my parched lips that night. No, instead I stay with the song. It's words. It's feelings. The ones I was feeling that dark, desperate night.
"…gone off in a world fill with stuff…" My lips curl into a wicked smile, tossing the empty bottle to the floor. It clinked against the hard tile of the bathroom. I chuckle to myself, 'So that's where my feet took me…' I hear in the depths of my mind.
"…I got a real indication…ahahaha…of a laugh comin' on…" My now free hand reaches up to pull open the cabinet door. Inside lays what I need. I watch it with intensity, bringing the cig to my lips for another puff. Its nothing but a dying stub now. I flick it into the sink, turning the faucet on to drown the smoldering stick.
Then my attention is back on it, the razor sitting there. Shining in the dim light. I take it into my hand, its heavy. Solid silver, a beautiful instrument. I flick it open and close the cabinet, my eyes once again glued to the mirrored image of my face.
"I see myself…I see myself…" I place the sharp blade into my mouth, bringing it to the corner of my lips. The water was still running, the music still beating.
Its quick. Just a jerk of my wrist. It was easy. Like a hot knife through butter. Blood dribbles down my chin, mixing with the water still flowing down the drain. To the other side, the corner of my lips. Another jerk and its done…
I drop the blade into the sink, the water quickly washing away the blood that once stained the shining silver. My eyes are on my image again. I'm grinning…
"I see myself start to smile…" I wipe the blood from my face and turn to leave. On my way out, I grab another cigarette. Flick the lighter open, light the stick up and breath.
"…I got a real indication…hehehee…of a laugh comin' on…ahaha…"