DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto or Akatsuki or anything else used in here.
I made this awhile a go and was confused on why I hadn't posted it yet. But yes, because SOS has tripped and fallen, and I have to figure out how to write Hidan without him sounding too gay, corny, or out-of-character, I'll put this up. So that anybody paying attention to me isn't- um... bored?
This is yet another one of those stories that there are fifteen million of. But, hey-... Uh, I don't have a pun for that... Just read the story...
Okay- because Sakura is reading this off it DOES INFACT follow Fanfiction Guidelines.
"Hello, Sakura Haruno here. I've been hired to read off these ways-to-annoy-Akatsuki for you all. I don't know why it was me- but I seem to be in every other Akatsuki fanfic!
1 Join Akatsuki.
2 Buy Yaoi Doujins and leave them where the 'main characters' will find them.
3 Drug Deidara's drink and put him in Sasori's bed. When he wakes up ask him how it was.
4 Paint Hidan's room glittery pink.
5 Burn Kakuzu's money.
6 Run into the room during a meeting and exclaim that you know they're true idenity is actually the Vultori.*
7 Continuously ask Sasori if he has a penis.
8 Ask Konan if Fanfictions stories about her being the Akatsuki's sex doll are true.
9 Ask Pain to show you the rest of his piercings.
10 Sing 'theme songs' whenever a certain member enters the room (Kisame-I'm Blue. Sasori-I've got no Strings. Deidara-Dude looks like a Lady.)
11 Follow Tobi around and copy everything he says.
12 Before anyone wakes up- throw out all the coffee.
13 Tell Kakuzu that Deidara's hands have been eating money and watch him chase Deidara around trying to shut them.
14 After doing the above, ask Sasori if he'll keep dating Deidara now.
15 Whenever Pain calls everyone to a meeting, show up late and ask him to repeat the announcement.
16 Accidentally spill water all over Konan's origami paper
17 Whenever Pain says "I am god," Ask Konan what he ment, if she replies with "Pain is god," Start laughing histaricly**
18 Tell Deidara that Sasori likes the Sharingan and videotape if he starts crying.
19 Cut off Hidan's middle fingers in his sleep and feed them to Zetsu.
20 While Kakuzu's sewing Hidan back up tell him it's a horrible job and that you'll give him lessons For JUST 99.99$ A MONTH!
21 Lure Deidara to Konoha and get Ino to stand next to him. Then walk up to Deidara and ask who the father is.
22 Ask Itachi very nicely to go on a errand for you in Konoha. While he's leaving put a sign on his back that says 'Sasuke wuz hear' and when he gets back ask him why he's all beaten up.
23 Ask every member why Orochimaru left. Then invite Orochimaru over and start a conversation consisting of their beliefs. See which one Orochimaru mauls first.
24 Volenteer to cook and make sure you give Kisame Shark Fin Soup. Then ask Sasori if he'd like nuts or bolts with his woodchunk surprise.
25 Announce loudly that you've invited everyones relatives over 5 minutes before they arrive. Install hidden cameras so you can look back on Chiyo spanking Sasori and Itachi poking Sasuke.
26 On Movie Night yell very loudly to Itachi infront of all the others that you will NOT be watching Shippuden 2 Bonds again just because he misses his brother.
27 Walk up to Kisame sadly and ask him if he wants you to get revenge on Amanda Bynes.***
28 Pour lemon juice in the middle of the floor. Call Sasori inside and when someone else enters wack him on the head with a newspaper scream-chanting "BAD Sasori! NAUGHTY boy!"
29 Walk around singing loudly "I'M NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR TODAAAAAAAY!"
30 Chase Tobi around infront of everybody screaming "I KNOW YOUR SECRET!" And when he starts begging exclaim that it was that he's gay for Deidara.
31 Sneak up on Deidara while he's having his hands make out and then scream EEEEEWWWW!
32 Ask every member where babies come from and videotape reactions.
33 After doing the above gather everyone in the room and exclaim that now that you know about it, you want everyone to do it on the floor NOW.
34 Everytime a member dies yell TERMINATED!
35 Ask Konan if she's a natural blue or just spent too many nights with Kisame.
36 When Deidara walks into the room scream "ZOMG ITACHI UR SO AWSOME!"
37 Put makeup on all of Sasori's puppets.
38 Ask Kisame what gender Samehada is. And no matter what he answers ask him what he does with 'it' alone.
39 Walk up to Pain, giggle and then point at him saying "Tobi is ur surperior."
40 Start talking to Zetsu and ask if he's ever been in a romantic relationship with himself.
41 Get everyone drunk and videotape and record the happenings. Don't tell anyone what happened untill they buy a computer and you introduce them to Youtube.
42 After buying the computer fill the Favorites box with Yaoi Hentai websites dedicated to their group.
43 After doing the above turn off the monitor and tell Deidara he can use the computer now. And stay standing behind him untill he turns it on to the ItaDei video you paused.
44 After doing the above introduce Konan to the smut fictions and see what happens.
45 Make sure you clog the toilet everytime you enter the bathroom and whenever you exit scream a random members name.
46 Pick your nose and wipe it on the telephone. Then tell Deidara that someone wanted him to call back.
47 Depending on what day it is. Walk up to a selected member and ask them if they sparkle in the sunlight.****
48 Every Sunday. Make it a tradition to throw a Bible at Hidan. Then see if he sizzles.
49 Ask Kakuzu very loudly infront of Tobi, that Tobi'll just LOVE what he got him. And that he really shouldn't have spent so much.
50 Put a document on the computer that reads 'Biju Locations' and have it filled with graphic Akatsuki Yaoi Hentai. Save for later.
51 On Valentines day, put forged Valentines from the Uke's in the Seme's rooms.
52 After doing the above. Address the Seme's and ask them what they'll do in return. When they begin attacking the Uke's explain that it was you and that was only done cause you honestly did believe the Fanfictions saying that they were all gay. And then state that the computer is evil and throw it out the window. Videotape Kakuzu's reaction.
53 After doing the above, state nervously that all the Biju's locations were on the computer. After Kakuzu and Kisame feverishly put the computer back together. Point out the 'Biju Locations' file from earlier.
54 Buy a bigscreen TV. And then play Care Bears and Tellitubbies re-runs and have Tobi sing all the songs with you.
55 Get the idea in Tobi's head that they must now buy all the Disney movies ever made. Then unleash him on Kakuzu.
56 While Hidan is gelling his hair back ask him where Kuzi-Kun's taking him.
57 Jump on Itachi with a napkin and try to rub off his ridges
58 While Pain is asleep paint all of his piercings a diffrent color.
59 Whenever Kakuzu walks past you, scream "RAPE!" and start crieing.
60 Do the above whenever Deidara holds up a hand.
61 Lock Deidara in a room with Tobi. Make sure a teaset is present in the room also.
62 When you finally let Deidara out. Tell him it's okay and that Sasori will still love him as long as he gets an abortion.
63 Everytime Hidan starts preaching Jashin, wait for him to finish and then start singing "What if Jashin was one of us~" extreamly loudly
64 Drug everyone the night before Halloween. While they're passed out dress them up as their partners.
65 After doing the above, don't say anything and wait for them to figure it out themselves. When they do finally say "We gunna Trick-er-Treat now?"
66 Make all the Akatsuki play strip poker. Run to Orochimaru's and grab a bunch of Sasuke's stuff. Lead a trail from Konoha to Akatsuki and then tell Naruto to try and sniff out the trail. Videotape everything and send it to TV Tokyo as a filler episode.
67 Get plushies of all the biju. Throw them on Pain's desk and ask if they can have a Sexy Party to celebrate.
68 On Christmas, buy Zetsu weedkiller.
69 When everyone is in a serious moment. Ask loudly what 69 means.
70 Buy Akatsuki mini-figures and smack them together making kissy noises.
71 Walk up to Itachi and Kisame and tell them that Pain said they needed to go on a mission overnight, and that they can't tell the others. After they leave and everyone goes to bed. Go into Kisame's room and start making loud moaning noises.
72 When Kisame and Itachi have returned, wait till' Deidara and Hidan are in the room and then nudge their shoulders. Shout over to Itachi and Kisame "Have fun last night?"
73 Do the above two with Deidara and Sasori. Then Hidan and Kakuzu.
74 Start crieing whenever someone says 'Akatsuki' When someone finally asks whats wrong say your cat died in a skiing accident. *****
75 Walk into Pain's office while he's talking to Konan and tell him how sexist it is that there's not any girls in Akatsuki.
76 Get a laptop and play a playlist of Lucky Star songs. Hide it somewhere in the base and watch everyone slowly go crazy.
77 When 'Delusion Machine' starts playing, walk up to Sasori and Deidara explaining proudly that this one was written for them. ******
78 Lure all the Akatsuki to stay the night at a hotel. Make all the rooms in the hotel stifleing hot. Then take their robes and dye the clouds pink. And in the middle of the night exclaim that one of the Jinchuriki is outside. Then watch to see which members jump out in their robes or in their underwear.
79 Return home before the Akatsuki return from the above. Fill their rooms with sex toys and when they get back stand infront of one the rooms with your mouth open and say "Tobi is NOT a good boy!"
80 During dinner point to Konan and scream "BOOBS!" See which members spit up their food.
81 Tell everyone you have a twin sister named 'Ballina' *******
82 Put on cat ears and a sailor suit and chase your favorite members around screaming "YAOIYAOIYAOIAKATSUKIYAOI!" ********
83 After doing the above return to normal and ask everyone what happened while you were gone. Then pick up the phone and start talking to 'Ballina'
84 Sneak into Itachi's room and grab all of his secret pictures of Sasuke and put them in Deidara's room. When Itachi starts looking for them, infront of him ask Deidara what he was doing in Itachi's room and if Sasori knows.
85 Exclaim loudly that if Konan and Hidan like pain so much why arn't there more threesomes of them.
86 Invite Sasuke over without telling him you live with Akatsuki.
87 Buy a new computer with Kakuzu's money.
88 After doing the above sit infront of the computer all day. Then start unleashing old fan rumors like Tobi being Obito, Pain being the Forth Hokage, Konan being Kurenai, Deidara being Ino's mom and Itachi being a douchebag.
89 Buy all the volumes where an Akatsuki dies and give them to their respective members crieing softly.
90 After doing the above invite their killers over and see what happens.
91 On Halloween, Suggest they all dress up as Lucky Star characters. If they refuse. Do 76 again.
92 Feed all the food in the fridge to Zetsu. And when Kakuzu opens the fridge start screaming "THE GNOMES AGAIN!"
93 Join a fangirl group and invite them over.
94 Get into a pointless argument with Konan, when she starts getting mad threaten her with scissors
95 Get Tobi and Hidan together and start filming another filler episode: 'Gotta See Gotta Know! Kakuzu-Teme's True Face!'
96 Pick up the phone. Then scream that Orochimaru's calling and he wants his virginity back.
97 After doing the above unleash a very persistant investigation of you figuring out who stole it.
98 Re-style all their outfits 'Shojo style' and sqee when Konan and Deidara come out in their matching mini-skirts. Then exclaim that they are now Sailor Akatsuki.*********
99 Capture all the Jinchuriki and put them in a big cage. Tell Pain that you'll give them to him if he asks nicely. No matter how much he begs say it's not enough and release them all.
100 After doing the above. When they're all begging for you to help get them back. Tell the Akatsuki that since they are all so mean to you, you now quit Akatsuki. Then comense in pouting, twirling, and stomping away.
And that's all of them, hope you enjoyed and go ahead and read the authors note for the challange portion!"
I congratulate you greatly if you've survived doing all of these. I will now start a challange of someone making a fanfic of your OC doing this. Face it, it's ten times better then them waking up and all the Akatsuki magicly appering in their room.
* Vultori are the Badguys from Twilight.
** Say 'Pain is god' twenty times fast and you might get it.
*** Might not have spelled her name right. She's the girl from Big Fat Liar. They dye the guys skin blue...
**** Another Twilight refference.
***** A-cat-ski... Fear my retardation.
****** Delusion Machine is about a girl who can't stop writing gay porn.
******* Rugrats refference
******** Dedicated to totally awsome ACEROTIBURON from DeviantART
********* Sailor Moon refference (Sailor KONAN! Sailor KISAME! Sailor ITACHI! Sailor DEIDARA! with swirly mask he will help them fight- he is the one called Sailor TOBI!)