A/N: This story comes to you courtesy of Getjrjt who upped an irresistable little bunny to her Livejournal. You are an evil, evil person and I thank you for it...
Anyway - the prompt: Buffy loves Giles, but refuses to tell her friends (they all assume it's Angel anyway) who it is - just character descriptions: kind, gentle, etc. A jealous Giles sets out to find out who Buffy loves by gathering all this info from her friends, but doesn't put it together until an exasperated Buffy finally gives in and tells him. With of course a happy B/G ending.
I'm still working on the happy ending (yes, there will be one) and... umm... basically most of the story. Just bear with me and I'll get there in the end. I think.
Ps. For anyone following No retreat, no surrender - no, I haven't abandoned it, but these last months my mum's Alzheimer's has deteriorated rather quickly, forcing me to (reluctantly) focus on things outside Sunnydale. I will try to update both that and this one as often as possible, but remember that I'm a slow writer at the best of times...
Okay - on with the bloody story.
'You could at least pretend to be listening.'
The dry voice made Buffy jump and quickly drag her gaze away from the intriguing way the dark green dress shirt clung to her Watcher's torso.
'Sorry Giles, it was just… I was sorta thinking about something' she acknowledged with an apologetic shrug, not quite daring to meet his eyes.
'Well, unprecedented as that may be maybe we could get back to the X'nor demon at hand?' the Englishman enquired mildly, shooting the preoccupied blonde a part amused, part exasperated glance. The Slayer nodded and obediently looked down at the page he was tapping with his finger.
'Jinkies! Okay, that thing? In serious need of a good moisturizer' she muttered with a slight shudder. Tilting her head she added thoughtfully 'Probably a family sized bag of breath mints as well.'
'Quite' the Watcher agreed with a long-suffering eye roll. 'And then there's of course that small, almost insignificant, detail of it being a homicidal demon from one of the Hell dimensions.'
'Yeah. And that' the still unimpressed Slayer nodded, giving the picture another critical look. 'What does big, blue and scaly do anyway, ugly you to death?'
Giles shook his head in defeat.
'Fine. What you need to know about X'nor demons, the abridged version. Scales, poisonous. Claws, sharp. Needs beheading. Now please go do something that doesn't include annoying your Watcher.'
The mocking glance at the end of the harangue told her he wasn't as irritated as he let on and Buffy smirked as she watched him sit down and, without removing his eyes from his book, reach for, and effortlessly find, a previously forgotten cup of now lukewarm tea. Her grin faded and she started to absently rub her suddenly clammy hands against her short skirt.
'Mm?' came the indistinct response.
'I… kinda need to ask you something' she mumbled hesitantly, her eyes not leaving his face.
'Would you mind dating me for a couple of weeks?'
'Of course not, Bu…' She squinted nervously as the Watcher frowned and moved his lips, re-examining the question for clues. 'What?'
'Would you mind dating me for a couple of weeks?' she repeated, looking up at him with a hopeful pout. The tall Brit stared back at her, thoughts of straightjackets and padded walls evident in his face.
'What?' he tried again weakly, hoping the conversation would make more sense the second time around.
'Please, Giles? It would only be for a couple of weeks, and we wouldn't have to go anywhere much, and it wouldn't really be dates anyway because, you know, the whole eew factor, but… would you? Mind, I mean?' Buffy asked, stumbling over the words as she hurriedly rushed through them.
'Oh, of course not, who could say no to such a wonderful proposition?' the Watcher retorted sarcastically. Letting out a frustrated sigh he crossed his arms and glared at her. 'What's this really in aid of, Buffy?' he finally continued in a slightly calmer tone. The Slayer looked down, chewing her lower lip apprehensively.
'It's just… There's this guy, okay.' Giles winced. Wasn't it always? 'I just want to make sure he realizes I'm dating material.'
'And you think I'm the solution?' The Watcher gave her an unconvinced look. 'Do the words "old" and "gross" mean anything to you?'
'But that's just it' Buffy exclaimed, looking at him earnestly. 'This guy's slightly older. Not that he's old, he's just… you know… not young. And I thought dating you might make him realize that I'm okay with that.'
Giles sighed again. Ah. Buffy logic.
'Believe me, no male, no matter what age, would find you anything but dating materiel, Buffy' he assured her awkwardly. The Slayer brightened.
'So does that mean you find me dateable, Watcher Guy?'
'I… that is… I… um…' Damn. He'd walked straight into that one. Skilfully removing his glasses he squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. 'What about telling me more about this older man, hm?' he deflected impassively. Buffy shot him a long look, reluctant to let the subject go.
'Oh, he's just the sweetest guy ever' she finally assented. 'And you don't think of him as being older, because… he kinda isn't, you know? And his eyes are amazing. And he's got this gorgeous body...' she pouted sadly at Giles '…even if he tends to hide it under layers of clothes. And he's got really nice hands. And a killer butt. And he's kind and gentle and so smart and he…' She blushed and gave her Watcher a sheepish look. 'I'm babbling, aren't I?'
'Maybe a little' Giles nodded with a forced smile, trying to ignore the ice-cold lump of jealousy shooting tentacles through his body. Whoever this undeserving old sod was, his Slayer was head over heels for him. The wanker. 'So have you known this man long?' he continued glumly, not sure he really wanted to know the answer.
'I guess. Long enough to know he's the most wonderful man on earth, anyway' Buffy replied with an embarrassed grin. Giles's brow furrowed. A not so old older man. Someone she'd apparently known for quite some time. And who made her squirm uncomfortably when questioned about him. There was something very…
'It's not Spike, is it?' he asked, his tone slightly squeakier than he would have liked. It was the Slayer's turn to roll her eyes.
'Nuh-uh! Buffy and the undead? Totally unmixy things.' The small blonde smirked at the Watcher. 'Don't worry, Giles. This guy has a heartbeat. I've checked. Anyway, will you?'
The nonplussed Englishman gave her a blank look.
'Will I what?'
'Will you go on a date with me tonight?' she asked, her voice elaborately casual. Giles swallowed.
'Yup. You know. Boy. Girl. Pretty clothes. Food.' Buffy looked up at him with a much too innocent grin. 'Kissage.'
'I'm familiar with the concept' the Watcher quickly interrupted, not wanting to give his subconscious time to dwell on the prospect of kissing Buffy. Not that it ever needed an incentive to do so... He shook his head and, exhaling deeply, gave in to the inevitable. 'So where am I taking you?' he asked with a resigned glance at the eager blonde.
'You'll do it?' she squealed, launching herself at him in an enthusiastic hug. 'Thanks, Giles. You're just the bestest Watcher ever!' She peeked up at him. 'And don't look like that. It will be fun. I promise.'
'Buffy? Ribs' he wheezed, giving the ceiling a gloomy look. Helping the woman he loved in her pursuits of another man? Oh, yes. Definitely fun. 'And you still haven't revealed the location of tonight's… ah… performance' he continued when the imminent risk of suffocation by overexcited Slayer had been averted.
'I'll make all the arrangements, Watcher Guy' the exhilarated blonde called over her shoulder, already on her way to the door. 'Just get that adorable butt into your Sunday bests and be at my dorm by seven.' She turned around and grinned. 'And if you'd wear the silver hoop I wouldn't hate that' she added encouragingly.
Giles stared after her as she walked out the door, his left hand frozen on its way to his earlobe. Had Buffy just called his butt adorable?