A/N: This is the last chapter to the story, many thanks to PrettyPinkOrchard for the help and support. I was also inspired to write this chapter by a playlist that I composed on my ipod when I was piecing this all together and the playlist consisted of the songs: 'Haven't met you Yet' by Michael Buble, 'I'm With You' by Avril Lavigne, 'If Only Tears could Bring You Back' by The Midnight Sons, 'Stay Together' by Nini Camps, 'Rule the World' by Take That, 'Happy Ending' by MIKA, 'Love it when You Call' by The Feeling, 'Crazy Love' by Michael Buble, 'Angels' by Robbie Williams, 'Piece of my Heart' by Beverley Knight, 'You are not Alone' by Michael Jackson, 'Somewhere, Someday' by NSYNC, 'With All Your Heart' by PLUS One, 'Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now' by Starship, 'Don't say you Love Me' by M2M, 'I'll Always Remember You' by Kristen Price and 'I'd Wait for Life' by Take That. I hope you agree when I say that these songs all in their own way make me think of the Doctor and River's relationship, and enjoy the ending!
Chapter 4: The Truth Hurts
As they released their hold on each other, the Doctor was growing nervous. He didn't want to tell River what he needed to, but it's the only way to make things right, to make it stop hurting.
River stepped aside to let the Doctor in. His shoes squeaking on the floor with each step and River couldn't help but giggle immaturely for a short moment. The Doctor smiled, he loved making her happy.
He turned on his heels to face River, his expression sad and guilty. River knew this was serious; she closed the door gently and approached him as he sat down on the sofa. She pulled the sleeves of her cardigan over her hands and folded her arms across her chest. She wasn't going to let her problems swamp over the Doctor as well, so she kept them to herself.
The Doctor patted the sofa cushion next to him and River cautiously made her way over to sit next to him. As she sat, the Doctor extended his arm around her and pulled her close to him. She fell into his chest and lifted her feet on the sofa to get comfortable. His arm rested on hers and he kept her close, never wanting her to leave.
"... River..." the Doctor began, although he was unsure how to continue. She placed her hand on the Doctor's thigh and squeezed gently as she looked up into his dark, wise brown eyes. "... I needed to see you again; I can't live without you... River, it hurts... So much..." He continued meaning every word and hanging onto that meaning until the end of time.
River looked at him. She didn't know why he was saying all of this now, what had brought it on? "Sweetie, what hurts? Is there something you're not telling me?" she asked still looking in his apologetic eyes- he just couldn't lie to her anymore.
The Doctor sighed; he really couldn't lie to this amazing woman who sacrificed her life to save him, the one who has always stuck by him no matter what. He closed his eyes as he nodded, he didn't want to see her reaction when he admitted he was hiding something.
River moved away from his chest but, still sitting next to him. She dreaded to think what secret he was keeping from her. The Doctor moved uneasily and exhaled heavily.
"... I don't know how to say this, I've kept it a secret for so long... but I can't stand the pain I feel anymore..." he began. He looked into her curious, yet sad eyes. He was mentally kicking himself and he will be for years after this. "... I shouldn't say it, I couldn't... It will only hurt you River and I don't want to hurt you again."
"Tell me, Sweetie, I want to know." River pleaded. "I'm not letting it hurt you, whatever one of us goes through; the other must go through too."
The Doctor sighed, she was so loyal and loving that maybe he should tell her. "...You know how we always meet in the wrong order?" he began. She nodded, unsure where this was leading. "Well... the first time I met you, was the last time you'd meet me. You died, River, you sacrificed yourself instead of me; you stopped me so I could see you in the future... " he started to weep again as he pulled River closer to him.
"...What?" her voice was trembling and she began weeping too. She leaned into the Doctor's chest and never wanted to leave.
"I'm so sorry, River... I feel the guilt loom over me every time I see you, wondering how I could have let you do that. Every time I see you, it kills me. Knowing your fate, knowing that we won't be together forever... I want to, River; I want to be with you forever... Please forgive me, I didn't want to keep it from you for this long, I didn't want to hurt you."
"Oh, Doctor... You don't need forgiving and... I'm not leaving you ever again." River whispered through the tears. She sighed with a tremble and clenched her fists, finding this out was a shock to her.
"It's okay, I know it is a shock, but you're fine now. I can save you River, I won't let you leave my life." The Doctor said comfortingly. He knew she was uneasy, and he wanted to calm her down.
Her eyes were blood-shot and she was shaking. The thought of the man she loves watching her die, when he doesn't even know her it made her sick.
The Doctor just simply cradled her in his arms and saying comforting and romantic things to her. She began to feel better, safe and loved.
The pair just sat on the sofa, safe in each other's hold as the rain wept for them outside. The Doctor kissed River on the forehead and just looked at her, his hearts ached as she cried. He made her cry, and he never wants to make her cry again.
The Doctor looked out of the window from the sofa and he gazed at the stars. "Why is it so difficult... to be in love?" he accused as he thought.
"I love you, River. I always will, no matter how complicated it is to be with you." He kept saying her beautiful name, treasuring it whilst he can.
River has always been there for the Doctor when he needed her, and he'll not leave her now when she is at her weakest. He hadn't released his hold on her for quite some time now, he loved her company. Her beating heart thumping against the Doctor's chest felt like nothing he'd felt before, the most soothing feeling that calmed him down. He stopped weeping and she stopped worrying.
They hadn't said anything for a while then the Doctor sighed. "It's complicated... to be in love and when it's such a strong passion, the more it hurts..."
River looked up at him and she slipped her hands behind his head and pulled him into a kiss of passion. "Love is just a complex wonder and people do crazy things out of it... and I'm no exception." River smiled for the first time this evening.
The Doctor returned the smile, he had a smudge of River's lipstick on his lips and she giggled. This woman makes him feel alive, complete. How could he ever keep a secret from her? She'd already forgiven him and gotten over the shock, she was just simply amazing.
As he listened to the radio and cradles River in his arms, the Doctor realised something: Everyone has a special song and everyone has a special someone.
The Doctor has them both right here curled up next to him.
River Song is his love, his everything, his world.