Title: Romance and Sam Winchester
Author: Ani
Beta: none
Pairings/Characters: Sam/Jess, Sam/Madison, Sam/Ruby
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: general series spoilers up to the end of season four
Word Count: 906
Author's Notes: Written for spn_las for challenge 1: Write a fic based on your feelings, vibes, etc of this song (Lady Gaga - Bad Romance).


A Good Romance.

Sam saw Jessica before he met her, shaking her hips and moving to some nameless techno beat pounding out over the loud speakers. She didn't stick out exactly, or do anything in particular to catch his eye, but Sam liked her hair and the way she moved like she was actually trying to dance instead of flirting or grinding or drawing attention to herself. Sam liked her, but forgot all about her until Brady introduced them in study group a week later. Suddenly he could recall the appealing way light reflected off her hair with perfect clarity.

Sam learned a lot of things about Jessica in that first day, like her love of physics, hatred of Shakespeare, the insane amount of pop trivia in her head, and that it's Jess, not Jessica. Within a month they were having not-dates over mochas and lattes. In three months they had study dates that were really date-dates.

Jess gave secrets to Sam; secrets hidden twenty minute study breaks and homemade cookies, late-night movie marathons and worry-wart parents. Taught him mathematical shortcuts and silly songs for equations, how five more minutes always means ten more minutes and a kiss, that tears can mean you're happy, not just sad or hurt, and can be a good thing sometimes.

Sam gave Jess lies and half-truths, stories instead of memories. He gave out scraps of information, carefully examined beforehand for discrepancies, holes, and opportunities for uncomfortable questions. It was unfair; it was all Sam knew how to do: cut up and handover bits of himself at a time and avoid the black pit of secrets at his root.

But somehow Jess reorganized the mangled pieces in to a picture frighteningly close to the real Sam Winchester. She found secrets inside not dirtied by monsters or guns and brought them to life in the Palo Alto sun and made Sam feel whole.

In a year, Sam fell in love.

In six months, he was ready to propose.

By November, Jess was dead.

Sam was greedy and selfish, and it cost him everything. He spoiled their good love with coincidence, destiny, and his own rotten luck.

Sam dragged regret behind him with every step. He didn't bother to reclaim the puzzle pieces making up Jess's Sam, instead burying them in her empty grave. He wouldn't need them.

*~*

A Sad Romance.

Madison came out of nowhere, a surprise left for him in the crossroads of America and Sam's twisted life; a beauty hidden behind a case number. He almost missed her completely, but found her wedged between guard duty and soap operas.

Madison felt like good intentions and second chances. In an embarrassingly short amount of time, Sam daydreamed up happily ever afters and white picket fences. She was good, smart, funny, and worth ending all this madness. And best part of all? She knew; knew about the dark things Sam secreted away from sight and sun. Madison was grateful for Sam's secrets because they were her secrets too. She could take them without looking away in disgust.

Sam fell in love in less than a day.

Madison was dead in less than a week.

Sam looked her straight in the eye when he killed her, blurred as she was through tears. With a single shot he killed a girl and a monster; another shot could have killed a boy and a freak. He walked away though, because his brother was standing outside, and other things waited out there to die, even more monsters to kill before they consumed even more girls.

How many more woman would he get killed trying to hunt the monsters down?

*~*

A Bad Romance.

To Jess he gave stories. To Madison he gave his secrets.

Ruby somehow got everything.

Ruby snuck into Sam's life with smirks and promises and knowledge. She was danger disguised as hope. Sam wanted to hate her—-should have hated her—-but the parts of Sam that knew better had already been given away to other, better girls.

Ruby ate up all his loathing and self-doubt and gave him blood, sex, and confidence. She rearranged his insides so the empty spaces shaped like Jess and Madison looked just like her. Sam violently shoved everything over to her, dared her to look into the deep, dark well of Sam Winchester.

She looked in the well, and understood. Then she made it deeper.

For the first time, Sam gave over everything. Mourning and the drive for revenge made it easy. Ruby not only knew his secrets, understood his secrets—-she became a secret herself. They had a private world where nothing hurt and doubt couldn't touch him.

It took three months for Ruby to find out everything about him.

A year later, Sam freed the Devil.

A few minutes after that, Ruby was dead.

The knife slammed into Ruby's chest as he held her still, and all Sam could feel at her betrayal was acceptance. Could he really be surprised at laying another girl's body to rest, or that he caused her death? Nothing new, Sam Winchester, get over it Sam Winchester.

Sam didn't cry for Ruby, but that was mostly because he couldn't-—she'd taken his sympathy.

*~*

No Romance.

Sam met a girl a few months into the Apocalypse.

She smiled and gave her name. Sam gave nothing and she left.

Nothing much was left for Sam Winchester to give. He was all out of romance.