For the Sake of OJward
Title: Taste Test
Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight. Don't own Ke$ha lyrics. Bla bla bla. Beta'd by americnxidiot, any mistakes left over are my own.
It was 2:13am, and I was hungry.
For pizza rolls.
Edward and I had met after class and rode the bus downtown to meet his older brother Emmett at a bar for drinks. We had only planned on one, but after an awkward first meeting with his new girlfriend Rosalie, it had soon turned into two... then three and four, until it was last call and we were wondering how we'd get home.
Luckily, Edward's roommate Jasper owed us a favor. After we'd caught him earlier that week with his bare ass on the couch (in the no nudity communal area) as he was getting 'serviced' by some sorority girl, Edward had forced him into bathroom cleaning duty for a month. Needless to say, neither of us revealed that Edward and I had already sexed up that couch twice earlier in the week. Soon after promising Jasper he'd be off cleaning duty if he'd just come pick us up, we were piling into the back seat of his beat-up gold Trans-Am.
"Jazz!" Edward boisterous voice carried throughout the night as he wrapped his arms around Jasper's shoulders. "I told you he'd show, Bell."
After listening to Jasper mutter under his breathe about not puking on the upholstery, I slammed the door shut and buckled my seat belt. The car was older than we were, and with Jasper behind the wheel I was seriously worried about our safety.
I glanced over at Edward, watching his head lull back and forth as he struggled with the buckle of the seat belt. I hadn't realized it until then, but Edward was halfway to trashed.
I loved drunk Edward. It meant my normally restrained boyfriend got loud and smiley and horny. I was pretty sure we'd be in for a long night, that is, if he didn't pass out before we got home.
"Jazz! Jazz!" Edward called out, way louder than necessary in the small car. "You should have seen Emmett's new girl. Her boobs are like...massive." He emphasized this point by cupping his hands in front of his chest. "Like watermelons."
The wide eyed expression on his face had me bent over, my stomach contracting with each laugh.
"They weren't that big," I said once I could control my laughter.
"They were big," he mumbled as he leaned in, planting a quick kiss on my lips. "And fake... not like yours." He murmured the last phrase softly, his warm breath fanning against my neck.
He placed his hands on my chest tentatively, and although I should have stopped him since Jasper was in the car and I wasn't big on PDA, I moaned. He took this as encouragement and pushed one warm palm up my shirt, groping my breast through the lace of my bra.
"We should stop," I muttered hesitantly. My eyes were screwed shut and my head was thrown back as my hips attempted to create friction against his body.
"Yeah, you should stop," Jasper groaned. "You're gonna make me vomit."
Edward groaned in frustration as he pulled away and sat back in his seat.
I looked around the back of the car and couldn't help but laugh. "Edward, we were not going to have sex in here... Jasper, is there glitter on the floor?"
"What?" he asked, slowing the car as he glanced back over his shoulder.
I gave him a grin before busting out in my best sing-song voice, "And now we lookin' like pimps...In my gold Trans-Am...Got a water bottle full of whiskey-"
He flipped me off—causing Edward and I to burst into laughter again—and turned the radio up, before turning his attention back to the road.
Bright beckoning lights ahead caused me to squeal and hit the seat in front of me.
"Pull in, Jasper!"
"Walmart! Let's go get some food."
"Can't we just stop at a drive-thru?"
"No, we need pizza rolls," I stated. When Jasper looked back, I gave him my best puppy dog face and pleaded, "Please?"
"Fine," he grumbled. "But no more of that Kesha shit, okay?"
"I don't know if I can promise that."
I heard his exasperated sigh even as he turned into the parking lot.
Jasper idled the car right next to the entrance, allowing Edward and I to climb out.
"I'll wait out here."
"You need anything?" Edward asked, patting his pockets—down no doubt keeping tabs on his phone and wallet.
We slammed the car door and watched him drive into a parking space a few hundred feet away before walking into the deserted super center.
I furrowed my brow in confusion as Edward walked over and started pushing a shopping cart.
"We're getting pizza bites. Why are you getting a cart?"
He just shrugged at me before planting one foot on the lower bar and pushing off to ride down the aisle.
As we walk by the refrigerated juice display, Edward came to a halt and if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed he would actually fist pump over juice.
"What are you doing?" I asked, shocked to see him filling our cart with different brands and types of orange juice.
"We..uh, we don't need this many," I stammered.
He continued to fill the cart: first Tropicana, with pulp and without, then Simply Orange, Florida's Natural, Minute Maid, even Sunny Delight.
"We've got time to kill. I'm gonna test them," he told me, a serious expression taking over his face. Then he plucked the Tropicana carton out of the cart and opened it.
I watched in shock as he drained half the carton in one long gulp. He let out a refreshed sigh as he recapped the carton and dropped it back into the shopping cart.
"Seriously, Edward? Put some of these back!"
"Bella, we just drank our weight in booze. You wanted pizza rolls... I want orange juice."
"Fine," I huffed. "Let's go find the freezer stuff."
Edward continued to push the cart, stopping every few seconds to open a new orange juice and test it while I walked the aisles looking for the elusive pizza rolls.
I stopped in front of the glass door, pondering which type I should get. I'd spent most of my food allowance on vodka at the bar, but I didn't feel like skimping on my special treat.
"You found them?" Edward asked as he came up behind me, holding a Sunny D container in one hand as his arm wrapped around my waist.
"Yeah... which one do you want?"
"Whichever," he replied in a tone of indifference. He took a long sip from the bottle. Then he pulled away, his face becoming pensive before returning it to the cart with the others.
I pulled the freezer door open, grabbed the first bag I saw, and tossed it into the cart.
"Okay, let's go." I held onto the push bar of the cart and started leading it toward the front checkout.
"What's the rush?" he asked, stepping on the rack on the bottom of the cart and halting my progress.
"I'm hungry," I whined. "I want to make the pizza rolls."
"I'm about 99% sure that Jasper is out there hot-boxing the Animalmobile right now, so unless you want Stonersper—who by the way is probably as high as a kite—to drive us home, we'll have to wait it out."
"Fine," I huffed in exasperation. Since I valued my safety, and Jasper's driving was already precarious while he was sober, I decided it was best to hang out until one of us was able to drive. "What are we going to do while we wait?"
Edward hopped off the cart and walked toward me, pushing me out of the way by bumping me with his hip and turning the cart around.
"I don't know, Bella," he said with a shrug. Suddenly his eyes lit up in amusement, and his face broke out into a grin. "You know it's a good thing we stopped, because I'm pretty sure we were out of condoms anyway."
"Thank you for announcing it to the entire store, Edward!" I glanced around furtively, hoping that nobody was close enough to hear him.
I followed, scowling in annoyance, while he laughed as he rode the cart. He turned down an aisle and stopped in front of the large display of condoms.
"Which ones?" he asked, gesturing with his head toward the shelves. I responded by crossing my arms over my chest and glaring at him.
I rolled my eyes at him and pushed him in the chest. He knew how silly it sounded whenever he tried to use cheesy nicknames. He also knew that it made me swoon, just a little.
"How about this?" he asked, pointing to a colorful box.
"Fire and Ice condoms? No, that sounds ridiculous."
I felt my face heating up in embarrassment, the alcohol having worn off long before, and continued to scowl as Edward laughed at me.
He tossed a couple Magnum boxes into the cart then wrapped his arm around me, squeezing my shoulder. "I love teasing you. You get all embarrassed... it's cute."
I melted into his embrace and we began leisurely strolling the aisles, stopping randomly to toss things we needed into the cart. I planted my foot on the bar at the bottom of the cart as Edward wrapped his arms around me, pushing us through the store. Occasionally he'd lean around me and continue with his taste test and commentary.
"This one is too sweet."
"Not strong enough."
Our trek eventually lead us into the electronics area, where Edward decided it was time to include me in his taste test.
"Try this one," he suggested as he held out the plastic container. "I think it's my favorite."
I glanced at the label, and my nose crinkled in distaste.
"No thanks," I said, shaking my head and then pushing it away when he tried to force it on me.
"I don't like pulp."
His eyes widened and his mouth gaped in shock. "You. Don't. Like. Pulp?"
"No!" I cringed in disgust. "It's so gross."
Edward placed the carton of juice on the shelf next to him and took a deep breath. He waved his hands emphatically as he started to rant.
"I don't know if we can date anymore, Bella. I mean pulp is just... Pulp is the only reason to drink orange juice. I mean, it's fruit juice, right?" He didn't wait for me to respond before he continued. "The pulp is part of the orange. If it has no pulp, it's just like... orange flavored water."
"Who wants chunks of shit in their juice?" I questioned. He responded by giving me a blank stare.
"Don't call it shit. It's part of the orange." His eyes narrowed, and he reached down to grab different plastic bottle, taking a quick swig before cringing and wiping his mouth with his sleeve.
"Why did I put this in the cart?" he muttered as he stuck out his tongue and gagged. I assumed it was rhetorical as I had already questioned him over it. "Sunny-D is not orange juice. It shouldn't even be in the same section."
Grabbing the Simply Orange plastic jug, he unscrewed the lid and took a long gulp. "That's better," he said with a sigh. His face screwed up in thought as he asked, "Do you eat oranges?"
"Of course!" I rolled my eyes at him as we walked toward the rack of discount DVDs. "I just don't want to eat things in my juice. I'd rather have my drink in liquid form."
"But it's healthier for you. You know the pulp contains flavonoids, and you get more nutrients from it."
"Flavonoids? Is that on your word of the day calendar or something?"
"I saw it on the side of the label once."
"You can remember that, but you can't remember to put the toilet seat down?"
He gave me a sheepish grin and shrugged.
Suddenly, his eyes widened and he patted down himself down until he pulled out his phone from his back pants pocket. He glanced at the screen and hit a few buttons before laughing and returning the phone to his pocket.
"Jasper. He says we have five minutes to get our asses in the car before he leaves us here."
I nodded. We turned the cart and started back toward the check out.
"Wait," he called, grabbing my arm and pulling me to face him.
"You know... I still think you're crazy for not liking pulp..."
I sighed in annoyance but gestured with my hands for him to continue. "But?"
"But... we can agree to disagree, since that means more pulp for me."
I rolled my eyes, and he responded by gracing me with his adorably crooked smile.
I bit down on my bottom lip and couldn't help the smile that formed when I noticed him pouting.
"Come here," he repeated, his words coming out in a growl. With one hand he pulled on my sleeve to bring me close to him. His other arm wrapped around my waist and he leaned down, his lips puckered in exaggeration.
I gave in quickly, raising myself onto my toes so I could press my lips to his. The sweet taste of juice was faint on his lips, and I couldn't help the small moan that escaped as we parted.
When we reached the checkout counter, I noticed a large wet spot of condensation where my pizza rolls had been sitting.
"Gross. I need to go back and get a different one."
I raced back to the freezer section, hastily exchanging the Totino's bag for the soggy one before running back to the front of the store. Edward was waiting at the register, lazily swinging a plastic grocery bag from his hand.
"All set," he told me, gesturing me to follow. I took one handle from his grip and slipped the pizza rolls in before giving him back the bag.
We quickly found Jasper's eyesore of a car in the parking lot, the passenger side hastily parked right up against some shrubs. Jasper climbed out and MacGyver'd the trunk open for us using a screwdriver and a paperclip.
Slamming the trunk shut, we walked over to the drivers side and climbed in, the car only faintly smelling of pot.
When Edward reached into his pocket and tossed Jasper a new bottle of Visine, I gasped. Stupidly, I glanced around the car for the grocery bag that we had just placed in the trunk. The one small bag only large enough to hold our new condom stash and my precious late night snack.
"Did you pay for the orange juice?"
I could only shake my head as Jasper's car roared to life. Besides being a orange juice aficionado, my boyfriend was apparently a klepto.