I'm a rat. My name is Remy… I think I want to be a chef, but how can I when all that I am is a smelly old rat? So one day I get into an argument with my father over it - my dad being the lead rat and me being infinitely more superior when it comes to intellect - he's all: Remy, don't go near humans. Don't go near restaurants and don't endanger your life.

Wow. I guess he says things like this to keep me safe and alive.

But do I listen?

HAHAHAHAHA! No. I'm too hip and mentally stable to take my old man's advice.

So I journey with my brother Emile (I like that name, it's like a male version of Emily in French) down to the main part of the house where this old lady is watching her flicks and getting her fix. She's too concentrated to notice us; again, I is smart, I ignore the obvious danger that I'm getting not only myself but my own brother into and start using my little grubby hands to pick up food while thinking that only one drop of water cuts the cheese.

"Rats, OMIGOD!"

"Remy, what the hell!" Emile snaps at me and waddles his overweight butt away.

Anton Ego's mother then grabs a gun and proceeds to shooting the living tar out of us. I don't understand this! My superior mind should have been enough to cloak us - like in that one wizard movie! But I haven't the time to think about this as my father curses me out. However, I am too busy saving a cook book to pay any mind to him. Because, as we all know, pipedreams and half-baked ambitions are far more important then family and friends who would probably do whatever it took to save us; so I return for that blessed book. As it turns out my genius separates me from the only living, breathing creatures who ever showed me kindness and I end up in Paris. Yep, it's inexplicable but it's true.

So I start checkin' out my new digs.

By the way, my hero chef Big-Gustso died and I'm not entirely happy about it.

So isn't it something when my worldly experience - and don't I have a ton of it from my time-consuming, TV-watching escapades - when I miraculously end up right on the front step of my now-deceased idol's restaurant. I am, of course, going to be a master chef but have no prior experience and certainly no recommendations from any culinary school of any sort. So, yeah, here I am and let my road to super-star-stardom begin. I is awesome-s!

To be continued…