During the sequence where Lingeeky and Colette are about to kiss…
"Holy mouse hole!" Remi stalks before the author. "How dare you skip ahead like this?"
"Uh, yeah rat boy. Whose the author here?"
"Author!.? You stole this from an original movie!"
"Sure, watch this!"
Remi steered his newfound friend so that his big nose went directly into Colette's mouth.
(Remi: What!.? Author: Stay with me now…)
The equally big-nosed woman with the queasy and grating faux-French accent swallowed his snorter whole. Once she got a good taste of his boogers, Colette allowed LinFreaky to suck on her nose for a while. Remi watched with a satisfied look, obviously very pleased.
( Remi: Whoa, whoa, whoa, that did not happen! Author: Well, it's better then the film's disgusting kiss between Snooty and the Schnoz . The rat ponders this a moment: Go on.)
Colette sighed dramatically. "Isn't it wonderful that at the very beginning of this movie I hated your guts and was actually holding you down with an array of kitchen knives but in the next twenty minutes started to like you and here we are now and for some insane and totally unrealistic reason I actually enjoyed your kiss and-," she gasped loudly. "Linnie."
"Yes, poopsy?" He took her hand and smeared his snot on it in a sign of affection.
"Will you let me help choreograph your moves?"
"Well, see me and Remi were kind of-,"
"Let me help you or I reveal the rat!" Colette shrieked and stuck her nose in his face.
"Whatever you say, dumpling." Lingeeky cowered before her.
Remi, passed out from consuming too much from his miniature flask, fell over sideways.
Lingeeky collected his toque and - for reasons still unknown to logic and understanding - caught a ride home on Colette's kick-butt motorcycle. This left Remi alone… and drunk.
(Remi: Oh yeah… I remember that. Seriously, I made that loser what he was in the movie and that's the thanks I get. If only I'd been taller and human, I would have taken a stand.)
(Author: For real! What's up with your ugly boy counterpart getting the girl?)
(Remi: The geek gets the girl, what can I say? What Linguini lacks in any sufficient hand - and - eye coordination and competent willpower he makes up for in being a good puppet.)
To be continued…